InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Uke ❯ Take Me ( Chapter 24 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
A/N - Thanks for the reviews, guys, much appreciated! And to answer a question - no, these chapters aren't being edited from when I first wrote them (sigh, I wish I had enough energy to do that!), it just takes me a while to format them and get them up. I used to have it up here, and finally got around to getting it back up here. :-) Apologies for not putting it up faster, but I'll see what I can do in the future.
WARNING- This chapter MAY contain: angst, fluff, foul language, Male/Male, anal sex, oral sex, non-consensual sexual acts, spanking, incest, or violence.
Chapter 24- Take Me
Sesshoumaru sat in the water, leaning against the rocky edge of the springs and stroking Inuyasha's hair. His brother was seated sideways on his lap and leaning against his chest, reminding Sesshoumaru of the night Inuyasha had slept in almost the same position. Inuyasha hadn't said a word since they'd left the others, hours before. He sat, unprotesting and pliant, as he stared blankly, but Sesshoumaru knew Inuyasha was in there somewhere. He didn't know what his brother was thinking since he'd almost decapitated the miko, but it felt as though Inuyasha were being tortured within his own head. His brother twitched off and on, his muscles tensing as though he were trying to fight or run away, before collapsing in on themselves. Periodically he let out an almost inaudible moan, but so far he had yet to actively respond to anything Sesshoumaru had done.
Considering that they were both nude, this passive compliance was extremely disturbing.
They had not been far from Inuyasha's companions when Inuyasha had started shaking, his teeth chattering and his skin icy cold. Sesshoumaru had immediately searched for a quiet hot spring to try and warm them both until Inuyasha recovered. He had expected a fight when he tried to disrobe, especially considering everything that had happened, but Inuyasha merely looked at him. His arms had hung limply as Sesshoumaru removed Inuyasha's haori and placed their weapons nearby. And he'd followed docilely as Sesshoumaru led him to the springs and sat them both down in it together. Even with the heated water around them, his mate's shivering had continued for quite some time, his skin cold and pale. Sesshoumaru was glad to finally see a rosy glow to Inuyasha's cheeks now that he seemed to be maintaining a better temperature.
If only Sesshoumaru could erase the despairing, painful feeling inside of Inuyasha as easily. He rubbed his hand down Inuyasha's hair again, taking a moment to reach up and smooth a few rebellious strands away from his face. Inuyasha's body was aching from the inside out, and Sesshoumaru didn't know what to do. He couldn't make it go away… and it was all that damn miko's fault. Why hadn't she done her job? She was supposed to have made him feel better. She was supposed to be able to heal; why hadn't she healed Inuyasha? Instead, she had done nothing. She'd let Inuyasha get cold. She hadn't made him feel safe. She was so utterly useless he couldn't believe he'd thought it a good idea to leave his mate with her in the first place.
The monk was too ill to help, so he could be forgiven. The slayer wasn't as close to Inuyasha as the others, and there was no way in hell Sesshoumaru would have allowed the wolf to comfort his own mate, even if Inuyasha would want such a thing. Which meant that now Sesshoumaru had to do it. He just wished he knew what to do.
Inuyasha shivered just slightly in the cold night air and Sesshoumaru moved his hand to wrap around Inuyasha's shoulders as he sank lower in the water, immersing Inuyasha almost to his neck. He had to keep Inuyasha from beginning that bone rattling shaking again. Sesshoumaru leaned forward slightly, resting his chin on Inuyasha's head, trying to be careful of his ears, and started to hum. He could remember it, the one song of his mother's, the one she'd sing in the spring when the harsh sorrow of winter felt shapeless and vague. He no longer recalled the words, although he thought it had been about lost love and regret, but the tune remained bright. She would sing and hold Sesshoumaru in her arms and rock him. Sesshoumaru let his body move slightly, back and forth, as he hummed and held Inuyasha loosely.
He didn't quite understand why it hurt so badly to see Inuyasha this way, but oh Gods, it did. He truly wished that Inuyasha would simply snipe at him, growl, get up and start ranting and raving as he'd done after Sesshoumaru had made him come. This silent anguish tore at him, and he could feel how much it consumed Inuyasha, which ripped into him even deeper.
Why did this pain him? What was it about his brother that made him ache for him so? They had only been mates for a couple of weeks now, certainly not enough time for Sesshoumaru's anger and dislike to fade. He shouldn't even care what Inuyasha felt. Naraku had dared to touch what belonged to Sesshoumaru and he'd died for it. Why should Sesshoumaru care what the aftermath did to Inuyasha? Why DID Sesshoumaru care what this was doing to Inuyasha?
He continued humming as he rocked Inuyasha back and forth. He didn't understand it. Inuyasha wasn't full youkai, wasn't refined, wasn't respectful. He wasn't anything Sesshoumaru would have expressed interest or desire for, if anyone had asked. And yet, he was fascinating. He was so painfully devoted to his friends it was shocking. Sesshoumaru had a hard time understanding that much devotion to something one didn't own. Although perhaps Inuyasha was reacting as any good leader should and taking responsibility. How the others could have let him do such a thing was what didn't make sense, if that was the case. The monk and the slayer had more wisdom and were closer to adulthood than Inuyasha was; one of them should have taken up the mantle of leadership once they had joined the miko and Sesshoumaru's mate. Couldn't they see that he was too young for this? He shouldn't have to deal with this much pain yet.
Sesshoumaru almost flinched at the thought. It was true. Inuyasha was still so young; too young to be this frightened, this hurt, this used to it all. The worst part was that he had been dealing with the world on his own for quite some time, and Sesshoumaru was the only person who might have offered some shelter or comfort, and he hadn't. Not once had he made the effort to do anything but watch, because if he got to close to him…
He felt a surge of pain and he shuddered from it, refusing to let it twist into anger and fury. Guilt and self-disgust burned up from his stomach like his own poisons eating at his insides. It should be new; he should never have occasion to have felt like this, but he recognized it. Every time he'd seen Inuyasha, he'd felt so much of this, just before the rage came. How had he never noticed? This surge of gut-eating pain that the fury washed away - he'd forgotten it even existed. All he could remember was trying unsuccessfully to avoid Inuyasha and avoid acknowledging anything he felt in his presence.
Gods, he could remember seeing Inuyasha for the first time when the little whelp was just under a hundred years old. He hadn't thought of him much before then, merely sneering to himself if he caught a whiff of Inuyasha's scent during his travels. What would he care about his bastard half-brother? The puppy wasn't of any concern to him until he reached an age to take a part in Sesshoumaru's path of conquest, as an opponent.
Sesshoumaru hadn't really thought about the fact that Inuyasha would be on his own quite early with such a short-lived human mother, not until he'd caught him bathing by himself. The little one had been standing nervously in a stream, clothes and all, his hair a wild, rabid tangle around his head as he splashed and scooped up handfuls to drink. Sesshoumaru had watched him curiously before revealing himself. There'd been only a moment to see Inuyasha's pale, thin face, huge terror-stricken, golden eyes piercing Sesshoumaru before Inuyasha had sprinted away as fast as he could.
Sesshoumaru had followed and caught him easily, holding him by the scruff of the neck as he examined his younger sibling. He could still remember Inuyasha growling and screaming incoherent obscenities as he'd writhed desperately. He'd been like some wild animal and it had completely shaken Sesshoumaru's complacency as he finally released him and watched him run off to hide in the forest. Before that day, Sesshoumaru knew he'd been thinking in terms of his own life. After all, he'd seen his father with the pregnant ningen bitch. They'd had a large home furnished with expensive antiques and faithful servants. He'd naturally assumed his father's whore had remained there after the Inu no Taisho had died.
When he'd thought of Inuyasha at all, he'd imagined the whelp raised as a noble, learning human or youkai culture, swordplay and strategy: everything he himself had learned as a child. He'd thought that one day Sesshoumaru would face a slightly weaker version of father, with a similar stoic, controlled outlook on life. The terrified wild child that was Inuyasha had dumped all his complacent presuppositions on their head.
And made him feel so damn guilty. He'd thought so little of the brat this entire time; he'd never imagined he would not have a caretaker of some sort, as least. Guilt had eaten him alive. And he didn't like feeling guilty; he didn't like the thought that he, Sesshoumaru, had possibly failed at one of his responsibilities.
Sesshoumaru's voice cracked and he swallowed before he could continue humming. Had he truly been so unable to view his failure head on that he'd attacked it, instead? He could remember the anger. Gods, he'd been so furiously angry, sure that it wasn't possible. All this time, he'd forgotten what had made the fury boil up inside, but he still remembered what he'd done after it started. Once he'd known of Inuyasha's existence, he began to seek him out to prove to himself that the half-breed wasn't suffering as much as he seemed. Every new piece of evidence of Inuyasha's isolation and the challenging nature of his life made Sesshoumaru feel worse rather than better, though, and the anger had merely grown. It got to the point that he grew furious just seeing Inuyasha, and started to take it out on him at every opportunity. Once the hanyou had realized Sesshoumaru wasn't going to kill him, he'd stopped running away and simply watched him warily, which gave Sesshoumaru numerous chances to verbally destroy him whenever he couldn't contain himself any longer.
It was only a few more decades when the day came that Sesshoumaru woke up from an extremely vivid dream of Inuyasha that left him hard and aching.
He still couldn't stop himself from looking for his brother, but he'd taken one look at the slim body and exotic features of the just maturing hanyou and instantly recalled the dream. He'd been so enraged that he'd attacked him viciously. He hadn't been able to believe that he would feel anything for his brother other than irritation or disinterest. He'd been so sure it had to be Inuyasha's fault. Had to be. Now, looking down at his brother and the silent tears falling unnoticed down his brother's face, he let the guilt swamp him again.
Sesshoumaru's humming took on a more despairing edge as he used it to try and rid himself of his own sorrow and regret. The slight sparkle of wet trails on his Inuyasha's cheeks caught the moonlight, and Sesshoumaru continued rocking but stopped humming in order to pay attention to his mate. Was Sesshoumaru doing something wrong? Was he hurting him? After a moment, when Inuyasha's mind stayed tuned inward and his body began to tense, Sesshoumaru started humming again and nodded to himself as Inuyasha calmed slightly. He thought Inuyasha wouldn't want him to notice the tears. Watching more closely, he changed his mind. He didn't even think Inuyasha himself noticed the tears streaming down his face.
“It's all right. Nothing can harm you now. It wasn't your fault. It's all right…” Sesshoumaru murmured whatever phrases came to his mind. Comforting, soothing words, things he'd never said to Inuyasha throughout his life, but was now wishing that he had. No one had ever said things like this to him, Sesshoumaru thought. Inuyasha either suffered alone, or he tried to protect those around him. No one, including his own mate, had offered to take care of Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru had bullied him a few times, for his own good, but he'd never done something like this.
It felt right, however, so he'd continue. He didn't want Inuyasha to suffer all alone, again. He…wanted to make him better. He wanted it so badly it ate at his gut. He couldn't examine the reasons why anymore. It was making his whole damn head ache. Later, he'd think about this more later. For now…he'd hold Inuyasha as his mate wept and find a way to make this horrible feeling go away.
At dawn, Sesshoumaru finally brought the both of them out of the springs. Inuyasha had been growing more and more aware of his surroundings in the last hour, Sesshoumaru was fairly certain. The glazed look in his eyes had faded, and even if he still hadn't said a word, he seemed to be coming back to himself.
He had stopped weeping.
Sesshoumaru used the moko moko-sama to dry Inuyasha, striving to ignore his brother's body as he did so. He put on his own hakama first, then dressed Inuyasha in Sesshoumaru's haori. Inuyasha let him touch him, let him dress them both, but his eyes tracked Sesshoumaru's movements the entire time, and when Sesshoumaru turned to get himself something to drink from the stream he got the first overt reaction from his brother since they'd left.
“What are you doing?”
“I'm getting us something to wet our throats. Do not worry, I will not…”
“You didn't take me.” Inuyasha said. He almost sounded disappointed. Was he saying that he wanted to be taken?
“No, I didn't.” Not that looking at Inuyasha's strong, nude limbs wasn't tempting him, but Inuyasha seemed so fragile.
“You can, you know. Take me, I mean,” Inuyasha said quietly, startling Sesshoumaru.
Sesshoumaru turned and raised an eyebrow in question.
“You can take me. I won't fight you.”
Sesshoumaru just continued to look at him. Take him? Were they talking about the same act? Take him? As in, TAKE him? And Inuyasha wouldn't fight?
It was like something out of one of his fantasies, but…this wasn't a fantasy. Inuyasha would never say this. What was going on? Sesshoumaru wanted him, but he didn't want him to just…offer himself. Well, he did but…not like this. Inuyasha was obviously unaroused. He wasn't offering this due to his own lust. So why in the hell…?
Inuyasha stared at him, obviously not expecting any questions. Did he simply expect me to leap on him, when he's like this?! “Does it matter? I said you could take me. You keep fucking t-touching me all the time, don't you? Well, now you can take me and I won't fight. What are you waiting for?” Inuyasha's posture was aggressive, even when his body practically screamed fear and upset inside Sesshoumaru's head.
“It's-” What was he waiting for? Inuyasha was right; he wasn't fighting him. Sesshoumaru could have his body so much more easily this way. But…well, was that enough? If he wasn't aroused, if he was simply allowing himself to be taken, then that's all it would be, wouldn't it? Sesshoumaru would have his body, but nothing else. Sesshoumaru wouldn't have that flushed, sated look on Inuyasha's face. He wouldn't have those erotic little cries of pleasure, or the feel of him inside his head as his mate came at the same time he plunged into him.
He'd just have a convenient heat to penetrate, and Inuyasha would have nothing.
And he wanted more, for both of them. It would be…better that way.
He enjoyed Inuyasha mouthing off to him, telling him how much he was going to damage Sesshoumaru even as his body writhed and pleaded for Sesshoumaru to keep touching him. He was looking forward to seeing how flustered and uncomfortable he could make the puppy when he talked about his skin and his reactions. And most of all, he wanted Inuyasha to recover from this sick, horrible feeling in his head and strut around like an idiot.
He wanted him to get angry again. Right now, even with the curses coming from his mouth, Inuyasha felt more upset than angry.
“Inuyasha, I am not going to take your body until you're telling me not to,” Sesshoumaru said, trying to say it calmly. He frowned. That hadn't come out quite the way it had sounded in his head.
“What the fuck is wrong with you? What, you can't get it up unless you force me? Look, I'm right here, and I'm saying you can have me. So why don't you just do it! Get it over with, you fucking bastard! Fucking rape me already!” Inuyasha stood rigidly, his hands clenched into tight fists as he yelled at Sesshoumaru.
“Damn you! Rape me!!” Inuyasha slashed out as Sesshoumaru's face and missed as his brother glided out of the way. “Fucking bastard! It's gonna hurt no matter what, so why won't you…”
“I will not hurt you.”
“Yes, you fucking will! You will and you need to… I don't deserve…” Inuyasha stopped, turning from Sesshoumaru abruptly.
“You don't deserve to be raped,” Sesshoumaru said, watching him closely. Inuyasha turned on him, his eyes bleak.
“What the fuck do you know?! You don't know ANYTHING!”
“I know you don't deserve to have your own mate rape you.”
“Shut up! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about! I fucking almost killed her! Do you get that!? I fucking almost killed her, and I got exactly the kind of mate I fucking deserve! You insult me, you beat the shit out of me, so why don't you just take me now, too, you stupid pussy! What, you don't have the balls to take me now? Naraku fucking castrate your sorry ass? Stupid fucking bastard!”
Sesshoumaru stared at him, ignoring his insults as he watched his haunted, golden eyes and felt the angry pain inside him. He'd thought Inuyasha was angry at Sesshoumaru but that wasn't it. He was angry at himself, wasn't he? Inuyasha was upset that he had almost hurt that worthless bitch. “You did nothing wrong. She shouldn't have touched you.”
Inuyasha snarled. “Of course you would say that. You hate ningen. Everything they do is wrong, right? Everything I do is wrong, everything they do is-“
“I said you did nothing wrong. She did not give you adequate warning when your body was still concerned with battle. She was in the wrong.”
“Bull shit. I didn't even fight-“
“You tried. Your body still craves it. She acted without proper forethought and she would have paid for her error. You did nothing wrong. You will not punish yourself for this.”
“Punish..? I'm not punishing myself, you freakin' asshole! I'm just…” Inuyasha looked at him wildly and slashed at him again as he couldn't speak. “It doesn't matter anymore, asshole! I don't matter anymore…”
“You are wrong.” Sesshoumaru watched Inuyasha as he leapt at him, and Sesshoumaru let himself be knocked to the ground. Inuyasha knelt over his body, obviously shocked that he'd managed to take down his brother. “You are wrong, Inuyasha. You reacted. You did not try to harm the bitch knowing who she was. You did not betray her. And you should not be punished.”
“Shut up, you fucking asshole!“ As Sesshoumaru lay calmly underneath him, Inuyasha growled. He pressed his claws into Sesshoumaru's throat just enough to draw blood. “I told you to fucking take me,” he snarled. He looked at Sesshoumaru's hakama as though it were a device from Kagome's world that he couldn't quite figure out how to work. He shifted his gaze back up to glare at his brother. “Fucking take me already!”
“No.” Sesshoumaru kept his face calm, absorbing Inuyasha's pain inside his head. “I will not punish you this way. If you can calm yourself, you will realize that if you required punishment, I would see to it. I would not allow my mate to act with disloyalty without penalty.” What a lie. The bitch was ningen and Inuyasha could slice her in two for all he cared. But if it helped Inuyasha overcome the clawing ache that Sesshoumaru was fairly certain indicated guilt, then he'd lie. “I would punish you myself, Inuyasha. I will not, and would not, rape you.”
Inuyasha stared down at him, his scent a confused mixture of fear and anger. “You would. After all, I'm `nothing,' remember?”
“Naraku said that, not I.” And if he could only go back, he'd kill him again for it.
Inuyasha was motionless over Sesshoumaru's body as he continued to stare. “Naraku said it this time,” he said quietly, and he looked away. “But he was quoting you.”
Sesshoumaru sucked in his breath. It was true. As painful as it was to acknowledge, it was true. He'd said such things to Inuyasha before. Many times before. “Perhaps I was…mistaken. This Sesshoumaru would never lower himself to mark a being who was nothing.”
Inuyasha looked back at him, his eyes widened in utter shock.
Sesshoumaru gently pushed Inuyasha's clawed hands from his neck as his brother gaped. “I need to rise now, Inuyasha.” Inuyasha stared at him a moment more before he stumbled off of his brother's body. Sesshoumaru stood gracefully. “If there is anything you wish to do before we return, do it now. We will be leaving as soon as you are ready.”
He waited as Inuyasha stood up after a moment, leaving to go relieve himself in the bushes without saying a word. He came back and they stared at each other until Sesshoumaru stepped closer.
“I need to touch you while we fly.”
Inuyasha nodded, still staring at him, and stiffened as Sesshoumaru slowly put his arm around his waist. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable with the feeling.
Hopefully, that was progress.