InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What If? ❯ Love Revolution ( Chapter 8 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ShelbyGT1987 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.13.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 429 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama / Action | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.13.2011 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.4K | Visits: 429 | Status: Work In Progress
I don't know if you'll think it's worth the wait, but just know that I'm really starting to put a lot of effort into making this story the best. Any advice on how to help me out with that will always be greatly appreciated!
(Sorry for the massive wait, btw, my life has been CRAZY as of late. Hopefully it'll start winding down now.)
AND before any of you get smart with me, the name of this chapter ("Love Revolution") is based off the song, obviously. (Awesome song by the way, you should ALL go hear it now).
The "love revolution" mentioned is NOT the war that I've been talking about for the last... entire story, k? xD
I wouldn't do that to y'all.
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This is the time! This is the vibe!Don't you wanna get onto the ride?Come on inside, from the outsideThe truth'll set you free and you will find...
...that there is a loveThat won't let you downThis love will never leave youThis love will never let you go!
It is time(Baby...)For a love revolution(Oh, a love revolution...)It is time(Baby...)For a new constitution(Oh, a new constitution...)
You were a child of the most highThere's nothing you can't do and that's no lieYou were designed to use your mindTo move what you can't see, so don't be blind!'Cause there is a love that won't let you down!
"Love Revolution," Avril Lavigne, featuring Plain White T's, Lenny Krevitz, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Vanessa Carlton
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Chapter Eight: Love Revolution
The next morning was exceptionally awkward.
True to his word, Ryuujin was letting Kagome and Sesshoumaru leave. If that farewell, while sad to Kagome, wasn't awkward enough for her, there was also the tenseness involved in the fact that she would once again be journeying for a week with a man, a daiyoukai, she couldn't even look in the eye.
To make matters worse, there was Susanowo. It wasn't that he said or did anything to embarrass her—in fact, he was staunchly determined to let them progress on their own from now on—but it was the looks he gave the two of them that had Kagome near tears of humiliation.
Why did she have to be so pathetic? Why was she so upset about this?
Oh, that's right. Mr. High-and-Mighty Himself.
He didn't seem changed at all. He spoke with her just as calmly as if the previous day had never happened. He still teased her, still scolded her when she displeased him—he really acted as if nothing had changed.
And who's to say? she thought. Maybe nothing has changed. Maybe it's just me. Maybe Ryuujin got it wrong, and only I've come to terms with my feelings. Sesshoumaru did say once that three months was a 'second' to him. What difference would four make? It wouldn't be long enough for him to think he had any feelings for me.
Susanowo, with the skills his immortality had bestowed on him, got them back across the ocean in even less than half the time it had taken for Sesshoumaru and Kagome to cross it in the first place. He somehow manipulated the waves so that they always beat on the back of the boat, urging it forward at a speed even Sesshoumaru couldn't have kept up with rowing.
They reached land in about a day, and were left with a little more than five to get back to Inu no Taisho's castle before he sent out a search party. Kagome had no doubts he'd do it, too, if he didn't see them by the agreed-upon day.
"Well, now we're out of my area of expertise," Susanowo remarked as they abandoned the boat in a dock and started walking through the sea-port town. "I shall have to rely on your guidance from this point on, Sesshoumaru."
"Haven't you come to mingle with humans before, Uncle?" Kagome asked curiously. "You can't have stayed in your palace all your life. Even in the short time we've been acquainted, I've come to know you better than to believe that. You wouldn't be happy unless you were interfering in some luckless human's life."
Susanowo met her gaze more than a little condescendingly. "Of course I've left my castle before, girl. But that doesn't mean I know my way to any specific destination on land. I always just wander, and when I'm done here, I can simply... appear back in my castle."
"Appear?" she repeated, noting his slight hesitation before the word.
Her uncle nodded, pensive. "It is one of the talents common to all deities, and one of the first you'll learn, as it's the easiest. You merely focus on where you want to be, and you're there."
Kagome lifted a brow in a manner not unlike Sesshoumaru's, though she'd never see it. "Just like that?"
He leveled her a 'no shit' look and repeated, "Yes, just like that. I told you, it's quite basic. It just requires a certain degree of concentration. Though, for you, I'm not so sure that wouldn't be a trial."
Kagome had to resist the urge to sneer immaturely. She couldn't sink to his level, she reminded herself. Petty jabs and insults wouldn't make her seem any more mature to her uncle. So, instead of giving in to her desires, she merely looked back towards the road, following Sesshoumaru with the blind trust she was now used to bestowing upon him.
That night, when Susanowo finally decided to 'allow' Sesshoumaru and Kagome to stop for the night, while Sesshoumaru was building a fire and readying the meal, Susanowo began to teach Kagome to 'appear,' as he called it.
"There has to be a better name for it than that," Kagome griped as they walked a few paces away from Sesshoumaru's fire.
"There is no name for it," Susanowo countered sharply. Kagome had noticed his patience with her grew especially thin at night, when he was either hungry or tired, but her own exhaustion and hunger made her less forgiving. "Gods are so far beyond these mundane abilities that we do not even think of them. They simply are."
Kagome plopped to the ground in a pose not unlike the one she adopted when meditating in the morning and said, "So I just focus, you said? Focus on what, exactly?"
"Where you would like to be. You have to picture it in your mind. It doesn't take too much detail to get it right."
"I suppose I can try."
Her stomach grumbling fiercely, Kagome closed her eyes with a deep inhale. But she couldn't concentrate on anything except her own weariness and hunger.
Come on, think, she urged herself. This is a test. You're going to look like a fool if you can't at least move two feet away!
But, try as she may, her mind just kept wandering to food and sleep. Or, she thought, better still, after I've eaten and after I've slept. I'm always at my peak then. I have the most energy and that's always when I impress Susanowo. He'd never say it, but I see the look he gives me...
"No, wai—!"
Her uncle's voice cut off, mid-word. And then all was quiet. Hadn't Sesshoumaru's fire just been crackling merrily? Hadn't her uncle been making quite loud grunts of discomfort as he squirmed around on the cold ground?
Where were those sounds now?
She peeked open her eyes and looked around, stunned.
Just off to her right, the sun was either just coming up or just coming down. But it had been the dead of night not two seconds ago! Dawn could not have come so quickly, even if they gods themselves had wished it.
She looked back for her companions and her eyes fell on the campfire, now nothing more than blackened wood that wasn't even smoking anymore. Beside it, Susanowo was snoring loudly. Sesshoumaru, ever half-awake, was leaning against a nearby tree, though he, too, looked asleep.
Kagome gasped, recognizing her own feelings and position suddenly. She stood off to the side of the makeshift camp, still fully clothed. More troubling than that, she wasn't bone-tired anymore. Nor was she hungry. No, she actually felt like she could take down the world right now with but a finger.
What did this mean?
She searched her memories, praying somehow that she had failed Susanowo's lesson, eaten dinner and fallen asleep without somehow remembering clearly. Her mind dragged up no memories of the kind.
She had simply been there, hungry and sleepy, and then here, sated and ready for action.
"Susanowo! Sesshoumaru!" she hissed, throwing a pebble at her uncle.
Even asleep, the rock bounced off some sort of invisible barrier before the god, but he heard the noise and grumbled to alertness. Sesshoumaru merely opened his eyes to her.
"What happened?" she asked, gesturing wildly to her pack, which still contained her belongings. She meant to imply that her pallet remained unused for the night, but her uncle and guide seemed not to realize this.
Susanowo sat up and glared. "And just what in all the hells took you so long?"
Sesshoumaru's brows came together in frustration, but Kagome blinked.
"What are you talking about?"
Susanowo grumbled, rolling his eyes skyward in skepticism, and said, "You left the very first try. I told you it wasn't so hard. But you didn't stick around long enough for me to tell you how to get back. I did figure, however, that you would easily realize the way to return to us. Of course, being you, I should have known it would take you all night. Well, I'm sorry, girl, but we can't wait around all day while you catch up on your sleep after being away—"
"What are you talking about?" Kagome repeated. "I didn't go anywhere! One moment I was here, sitting on the ground in front of you, and the next I'm standing here, waking you up. Of course," she added quickly, remembering, "I didn't do exactly as you'd asked me. I couldn't concentrate on 'appearing.' All I could think about was getting some food and sleep."
Susanowo's sharp eyes met hers, and she saw that he was now taking her seriously. "And how hard were you thinking about that, being full and rested?"
"Well..." Kagome hesitated, wracking her brain for the truth. "I remember picturing myself after I've eaten and slept. How I'm always at peak performance then. How that's the time I always impress you."
He didn't bother to scoff at her assumption of his 'impression.' Instead, his mind seemed to have reached a rather startling conclusion.
"By the Gods," he whispered, his face going white. Even if he was a god himself, he obviously was not prepared for whatever scenario his mind drew up for him.
"What?" Kagome begged. "What have I done? What?"
"You... It's preposterous to even think it, but I can come up with no other solution..." At Kagome's insistent urging, he finally said, "It would seem you've gone forward in time."
"I've... what?"
"Time, girl, time! Do I not speak plainly? This must be your gift. Your specific talent. I know your father's talked to you of it."
Kagome nodded, but Sesshoumaru cut in, "But Ryuujin-sama said that in half-lings it is especially rare to see a gift. And that, even if one were to be present, it wouldn't manifest itself until later. After she'd mastered the basics."
"He wasn't lying," Susanowo said. He shook his head, got to his feet and began pacing agitatedly. "It's extremely rare to see a gift before even 'appearing' has been mastered, and especially, as you say, in a half-ling. But I can think of on other solution, can you?"
"She dreamt it. She was so tired and hungry that, after she 'appeared' somewhere else, she ate and fell in asleep in a daze—and returned this morning. I can, in fact, think of multiple other answers."
Kagome leaped to her feet and glared. "I'm so glad to know your faith in my mental state is so strong!" she seethed.
"I said nothing about your state of mental health, Kagome, calm down," Sesshoumaru said, his tone authoritative and concise. He wasn't in the mood to put up with her this morning, not in light of this recent development. "But it is ludicrous to assume you've somehow gained control of your special 'gift' when you haven't even mastered 'appearing.'"
"Now there is where you're wrong," Susanowo pointed out, placing a more-restraining-than-comforting hand on Kagome's shoulder as she stared Sesshoumaru down furiously. It hurt her to know that he would rather believe her mentally incapable than to think she was somehow special. She knew she was being slightly irrational about it, but her feelings couldn't be reasoned with, and this cut her to the quick.
"I never said she had gained control of her 'gift,' only that she's found it," her uncle continued. "And, as there are no other immortals in living memory that have ever been able to warp time, I can't help her to control it. It will be something she will have to learn on her own. So, for now, we'll go back to the basics. Only this time, Kagome, when you're trying to 'appear,' think specifically of a place, not a time. Perhaps we can stave off your talents for awhile that way."
"You can practice more tonight," Sesshoumaru informed her brusquely. Kagome didn't bother commenting on bossiness. She was getting rather used to him making decisions for her as though she were his child or servant. Sometimes she was grateful for his habit of doing that, other times she wanted to claw his eyes out in irritation.
Susanowo, however, nodded his agreement. "We must be off. Already, we've lost a great portion of the morning."
Sesshoumaru was stonily silent throughout the day, leading them at a pace swifter than Kagome was used to. Of course, Susanowo looked at it as a workout, and would rap his sword's scabbard on the back of her legs whenever she started falling behind.
For the first time in her life, she was really angry.
Who the hell does Sesshoumaru think he is, dictating to me when and where I can practice? When it's appropriate for me to have learned a new trick? When I'm supposed to leave my father, even? I might have been more willing to leave with him if he'd told me why we were in such a hurry in the first place, but no! Of course he wouldn't do that! Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn't own me!
Even her love for him couldn't blind her to that fact. It only served to make the ache in her chest hurt worse, and that, in turn, made her angrier.
When they finally—finally—stopped for the night, Kagome was livid. Sesshoumaru offered her a choice of fish or whatever wild animal he could catch in the woods they were camped in for dinner, and she ignored him.
She knew it was childish but she couldn't stop the urge to be mean to him. To inflict on him some tiny measure of the pain he'd caused her in the last few days. She wanted to hate him, but of course even she couldn't get that mad.
She noticed Susanowo sending a confused, questioning glance to Sesshoumaru before nodding her way. She saw Sesshoumaru shake his head minutely in response. It only irritated her further. They didn't have to walk on eggshells around her. They could talk.
But it would seem Sesshoumaru had a limit for tempers. When Kagome rejected his offer of food, he had brushed it off. She'd had a long few days and she was half-human, after all. It was understandable. But when she practically threw her bowl at him when he offered to clean it for her, he had reached the end of his understanding.
He flung his own bowl to the ground and stood. Kagome realized that she was in trouble now and turned away as though it didn't bother her, but Sesshoumaru grabbed her upper arm and yanked her to her feet.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Turn me loose this instant!"
Ignoring her protests and her uncle's chuckles, Sesshoumaru merely dragged her into the woods, far enough away where they wouldn't be overheard. Only there he did drop her arm as though it were something disgusting. At least, that's how it seemed to her.
"How dare you drag me out here! I don't know who you think you are, but you can't just force people into your company, particularly those that can't stand you in the—!"
"Silence!" Sesshoumaru snapped, his hand coming down over her mouth roughly. Kagome glared at him over the offending appendage, but made no move to remove it. She knew he'd probably bind her hands if she even tried.
He returned her gaze coldly for a few moments and then said, "If I move my hand, will you be still?"
Seeing no other alternative, Kagome nodded her affirmation. Her glare never relaxed though. She had never felt closer to hating someone than in that moment, even if she knew most of her anger was stemming from her worries of unrequited feelings. He was still being a prize jerk to her right then.
"Good." The hand was gone in an instant. "Now. You've been acting like a petulant child all day. What is the matter with you?"
"Excuse me?" Kagome laughed derisively, noting with grim cheerfulness that Sesshoumaru winced slightly at the sound. "I'm not the one with the problem, Sesshoumaru, you are!"
"How so?"
"Do you even hear yourself when you talk? Look at what you just did to me, dragging me into the woods! You don't see a problem with that?"
"No. Not if it meant getting you to cease this sudden tantrum of yours."
Kagome could have screamed in frustration. "Fine. I've only got about ten more examples. You're always doing this to me, Sesshoumaru. You never stop to ask me what I want, how I feel, you just assume and act! When we left Ryuujin, that was all your idea! We could have stayed a few more days and made it back in time, but you didn't care that I might want to do that. And yes, I realize you have some important pressing issue that's taking you back to your father—so, for the sake of all that is holy, share it with me!"
They stood in silence for a few moments, Kagome breathing heavily after her outburst, until Sesshoumaru surmised, "That's what this is really about, isn't it? What your father said about us being different together. I haven't spoken to you about it and that is really what has you so upset."
"It is not!" Kagome tried, but it was futile. The righteous anger had gone out of her voice, leaving behind a shaky uncertainty that she was not alone in her own mind. How in all the hells had he made that leap so easily, so quickly?
"Not to mention your new aptitude at immortal talents frightens you," he went on, his tone giving away nothing. It was like he was rattling off the different species of animals in the area: unimportant, but potentially of interest. "Only then, as you say, my haste to return home. Why didn't you just tell me these things? I thought we'd spoken about that, at least."
"Because...!" Humiliatingly, Kagome felt like she was about to cry. "Because all those preachings from you about communication and speaking with each other—it's all utter horse shit! It's only expected of me! Well, I have news for you, you high-and-mighty ass: I don't do double standards!"
When it was clear she was done speaking for the moment (catching her breath, it would seem, after screaming herself hoarse), Sesshoumaru responded, pensive but flat, "I see your point. You can cease the theatrics now."
Kagome's throat burned too badly to allow her to shriek at him as she would have liked, but she did glare fiercely. It was a mighty impressive glare, one which would have frightened a lesser man, but unfortunately, Sesshoumaru knew her too well to be frightened. He knew, while despising the cliche, that she was 'all bark and no bite.'
He met her glare easily, calmly searching her eyes for something she didn't know. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it, for he inhaled sharply through his nose and said tersely, "My father is having an affair."
Kagome nearly hit the ground in shock and confusion. "What?" she repeated blankly, anger forgotten in an instant.
"My father is having an affair," the daiyoukai reiterated sharply. "There's your answer to all questions. May we retire for the evening now?"
"Wait, wait, wait." Kagome shook her head, utterly bewildered. "Inu-papa is cheating on your mother? When did this happen? What else don't I know about? And how in the world does that answer all my questions?"
He gave her a withering look and, without moving, ticked off, "My haste to return home—I must try and convince my father to end this idiocy before he does something irreparable. And what your father said about our... relationship—forgive me, but I have a hard time believing I could have found my life-mate so soon. My father's ease in taking a lover has only proven to me that nothing in love is permanent, and nothing about you and I has convinced me otherwise."
Kagome felt like she'd been slapped in the face.
So because his father was bedding another woman, he didn't believe they had any long-term potential? He didn't think any couple had long-term potential? Where was the sense in that?
"So..." Embarrassingly, her voice broke on the word. She cleared her throat and tried again. "So, if you don't believe we're meant to be mates, then what do you think my father saw between us?"
Sesshoumaru shrugged carelessly, moving a step away. "It could have been any number of things. Lust, trust, a mutual respect for strength. All those things combined. However, I do not believe there is love, as he claimed."
Kagome shook her head, covering her eyes in frustration. "You're forgetting one very important thing."
"And what might that be?" came the skeptical reply from beyond her hand.
"Your father and mother have never said they were life-mates."
There stretched so long a silence after this remark that Kagome had to move her hand to make sure Sesshoumaru was still with her. He was, just standing there looking mildly surprised. That diluted emotion was soon masked too, though.
"A valid point," he finally conceded, and his tone was so detached she could have almost tricked herself into believing they were discussing the weather.
"Oh, don't do that, please," Kagome begged, impulsively grabbing his arm with both hands.
Glancing to her small hands in surprise, Sesshoumaru merely raised a brow.
"Don't cover it all up," she elaborated. "Don't hide from me. I'm your friend if nothing else, and I want to help you in whatever ways I can. But to do that, I need to see you."
"And what if I don't want your help? What if I don't need it?"
"Out of everyone I've ever known, Sesshoumaru, I think you need me the most. Maybe not even me. You just need someone to care for you—to see you for what you really are and care for you just the same."
His eyes narrowed infinitesimally, but he said nothing.
Kagome, deciding enough was enough, sighed and, in a move that surprised even her, brushed her fingertips over his face in an effort to show her true concern for him, despite all, and walked back to the camp alone. She wasn't sure if he followed after her or not; she didn't look back.
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They traveled in a near constant state of silence the next day.
Sesshoumaru, having returned to the camp late the previous night, made no move to start a conversation. In fact, watching his stiff posture as he led their group, both Kagome and Susanowo were too cowed to attempt to talk to him. The proverbial black clouds of turmoiling emotions hanging around him had them too intimidated to talk to each other.
Hence the silence.
Of a much clearer mind on that morning, Kagome was also feeling an intense humiliation and embarrassment at her actions the previous night. Had she really said those things to Sesshoumaru? Had she really screamed herself hoarse at him? Worst of all, had she really stroked his cheek?
The burning shame in her face smugly told her yes, yes she had.
She wanted to bury herself in the mud she was trekking through and never have to look at him again. She was so embarrassed she couldn't even think about looking at him, let alone actually do t.
That night, when they once again stopped for camp, Kagome was the one to pull Sesshoumaru aside. She had gathered up every last vestige of her torn courage, tattered pride, and and shredded common sense, and took him away from her uncle to apologize.
"Look, Sesshoumaru, about last night..." she started, unable to meet his gaze. She nervously played with her hair while she stared at the ground. She let out a huge gust of air and said in a rush, "I'm really sorry. I can't believe I acted like that. You were right—I was exactly like a petulant child, and I threw a tantrum just like one. I just... I'm so sorry."
She bowed at the waist, grimacing at the ground around eyes closed in dread of his response.
Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, was more surprised by this apology than anything she had said the night before, barring only that statement about his parents not being life-mates. For some reason, that possibility had never occurred to him.
"Do not apologize," he said finally, and Kagome looked up, confused. "If you do so, I would have to forgive you, and that would mean I didn't believe everything you told me last night. But I did. You were the one who was correct, Kagome. My parents are married; I simply always believed they were life-mates because of that. But, as you say, they have never said anything of the kind." In a rare moment of vulnerability, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and turned away with a rueful grimace. "It was slightly more difficult to accept your assertion that I needed help."
Kagome waited, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in complete and utter shock. When he didn't go on, she prompted, "...but you did?"
There was a long, pregnant pause before he finally nodded. His eyes blazed with frustration and anger at admitting weaknesses, but he pressed on, and Kagome felt her heart expand for him in that moment.
"I realized that I have been pointing accusations at you, pointing out flaws in your own character, and have been blind to my own. I'm not sure how to say it... When I was a child, everyone kept me at arm's length. I was the son of their Lord and general, and stronger than the rest from the beginning. Even if the other children hadn't been terrified of me, their parents knew I was not potential playmate for them. I was always being taught something or other, and there were never friendships or other such emotion-based affairs that you so thrive on. I used to blame them for it. Everyone; my parents included. Especially them. They were the reason I was treated differently. Now, of course, I am grateful for it. I am, besides my father, the strongest warrior on this side of the country. Where are they now?"
Kagome didn't want to move. She was even afraid to breathe, lest she break Sesshoumaru's sudden confidence in her and shatter this rare moment. She wanted to cry for this man's childhood. How lonely it must have been. And to hear him trying to play it off now, as though those years of being alone had meant nothing...!
Sesshoumaru hesitated, staring off into the past, at things she could never see. "Then, upon your, er, suggestion"—he shot a wry, almost teasing glance to Kagome, who blushed with frustrated embarrassment at the memory of her berating him—"I realized that they weren't shunning me because I was so very frightening or above their caliber. They weren't even excluding me. After being ignored and held at a distance for so long, I had started to distance myself. I was to blame for my ostracism. I had been so closed-off and uncaring to everyone for so long, they all stopped trying to reach me. Even my parents stopped trying."
He took a breath and looked at Kagome, who started with the sudden directness.
"But you realize, of course, this changes nothing," Sesshoumaru concluded. "There is nothing to be done for this situation I've found myself in, nor would I want to do anything to change it. I have never needed many things in my life, and excess drives me to anger. I have my health and my strength, I have my family, and I have—"
He broke off, looking momentarily confused.
"What is it?" Kagome asked, offset by his bewilderment.
She wasn't sure if he was just in the groove of being heart-breakingly honest, or if he just didn't care that she knew, but, to her complete astonishment, Sesshoumaru answered her question in almost too much honesty.
"Well, for some reason, I was going to say I had you—but why would that be of such great importance?" Kagome wanted to laugh at his legitimate confusion, but his words hurt a little.
"Well, we are friends, aren't we? I'd like to think you like having me around just a little," she joked lamely, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit.
Sesshoumaru didn't respond. He just stared at her in perplexed silence. Then, as though lightning had struck, his face cleared into utter shock.
"When did that happen?" he demanded in a stunned voice, seemingly of himself.
"What?"
"You! When did this...? When did you become the only person I can really talk to?" Kagome was taken aback by the anger in his still-surprised voice, but she felt herself become too hopeful at this turn of events to feel hurt over his tone.
Sesshoumaru stared at her again, his intense golden eyes boring into hers until she felt she had to look away. But she didn't.
His soft voice interrupted her whirling thoughts.
"When did you become the most important person in this world to me?"
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Ok, that's it for now.
Be honest (but not brutal!) and please REVIEW! :)
Converting /tmp/phpkMOAXh to /dev/stdout
(Sorry for the massive wait, btw, my life has been CRAZY as of late. Hopefully it'll start winding down now.)
AND before any of you get smart with me, the name of this chapter ("Love Revolution") is based off the song, obviously. (Awesome song by the way, you should ALL go hear it now).
The "love revolution" mentioned is NOT the war that I've been talking about for the last... entire story, k? xD
I wouldn't do that to y'all.
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This is the time! This is the vibe!Don't you wanna get onto the ride?Come on inside, from the outsideThe truth'll set you free and you will find...
...that there is a loveThat won't let you downThis love will never leave youThis love will never let you go!
It is time(Baby...)For a love revolution(Oh, a love revolution...)It is time(Baby...)For a new constitution(Oh, a new constitution...)
You were a child of the most highThere's nothing you can't do and that's no lieYou were designed to use your mindTo move what you can't see, so don't be blind!'Cause there is a love that won't let you down!
"Love Revolution," Avril Lavigne, featuring Plain White T's, Lenny Krevitz, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Vanessa Carlton
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Chapter Eight: Love Revolution
The next morning was exceptionally awkward.
True to his word, Ryuujin was letting Kagome and Sesshoumaru leave. If that farewell, while sad to Kagome, wasn't awkward enough for her, there was also the tenseness involved in the fact that she would once again be journeying for a week with a man, a daiyoukai, she couldn't even look in the eye.
To make matters worse, there was Susanowo. It wasn't that he said or did anything to embarrass her—in fact, he was staunchly determined to let them progress on their own from now on—but it was the looks he gave the two of them that had Kagome near tears of humiliation.
Why did she have to be so pathetic? Why was she so upset about this?
Oh, that's right. Mr. High-and-Mighty Himself.
He didn't seem changed at all. He spoke with her just as calmly as if the previous day had never happened. He still teased her, still scolded her when she displeased him—he really acted as if nothing had changed.
And who's to say? she thought. Maybe nothing has changed. Maybe it's just me. Maybe Ryuujin got it wrong, and only I've come to terms with my feelings. Sesshoumaru did say once that three months was a 'second' to him. What difference would four make? It wouldn't be long enough for him to think he had any feelings for me.
Susanowo, with the skills his immortality had bestowed on him, got them back across the ocean in even less than half the time it had taken for Sesshoumaru and Kagome to cross it in the first place. He somehow manipulated the waves so that they always beat on the back of the boat, urging it forward at a speed even Sesshoumaru couldn't have kept up with rowing.
They reached land in about a day, and were left with a little more than five to get back to Inu no Taisho's castle before he sent out a search party. Kagome had no doubts he'd do it, too, if he didn't see them by the agreed-upon day.
"Well, now we're out of my area of expertise," Susanowo remarked as they abandoned the boat in a dock and started walking through the sea-port town. "I shall have to rely on your guidance from this point on, Sesshoumaru."
"Haven't you come to mingle with humans before, Uncle?" Kagome asked curiously. "You can't have stayed in your palace all your life. Even in the short time we've been acquainted, I've come to know you better than to believe that. You wouldn't be happy unless you were interfering in some luckless human's life."
Susanowo met her gaze more than a little condescendingly. "Of course I've left my castle before, girl. But that doesn't mean I know my way to any specific destination on land. I always just wander, and when I'm done here, I can simply... appear back in my castle."
"Appear?" she repeated, noting his slight hesitation before the word.
Her uncle nodded, pensive. "It is one of the talents common to all deities, and one of the first you'll learn, as it's the easiest. You merely focus on where you want to be, and you're there."
Kagome lifted a brow in a manner not unlike Sesshoumaru's, though she'd never see it. "Just like that?"
He leveled her a 'no shit' look and repeated, "Yes, just like that. I told you, it's quite basic. It just requires a certain degree of concentration. Though, for you, I'm not so sure that wouldn't be a trial."
Kagome had to resist the urge to sneer immaturely. She couldn't sink to his level, she reminded herself. Petty jabs and insults wouldn't make her seem any more mature to her uncle. So, instead of giving in to her desires, she merely looked back towards the road, following Sesshoumaru with the blind trust she was now used to bestowing upon him.
That night, when Susanowo finally decided to 'allow' Sesshoumaru and Kagome to stop for the night, while Sesshoumaru was building a fire and readying the meal, Susanowo began to teach Kagome to 'appear,' as he called it.
"There has to be a better name for it than that," Kagome griped as they walked a few paces away from Sesshoumaru's fire.
"There is no name for it," Susanowo countered sharply. Kagome had noticed his patience with her grew especially thin at night, when he was either hungry or tired, but her own exhaustion and hunger made her less forgiving. "Gods are so far beyond these mundane abilities that we do not even think of them. They simply are."
Kagome plopped to the ground in a pose not unlike the one she adopted when meditating in the morning and said, "So I just focus, you said? Focus on what, exactly?"
"Where you would like to be. You have to picture it in your mind. It doesn't take too much detail to get it right."
"I suppose I can try."
Her stomach grumbling fiercely, Kagome closed her eyes with a deep inhale. But she couldn't concentrate on anything except her own weariness and hunger.
Come on, think, she urged herself. This is a test. You're going to look like a fool if you can't at least move two feet away!
But, try as she may, her mind just kept wandering to food and sleep. Or, she thought, better still, after I've eaten and after I've slept. I'm always at my peak then. I have the most energy and that's always when I impress Susanowo. He'd never say it, but I see the look he gives me...
"No, wai—!"
Her uncle's voice cut off, mid-word. And then all was quiet. Hadn't Sesshoumaru's fire just been crackling merrily? Hadn't her uncle been making quite loud grunts of discomfort as he squirmed around on the cold ground?
Where were those sounds now?
She peeked open her eyes and looked around, stunned.
Just off to her right, the sun was either just coming up or just coming down. But it had been the dead of night not two seconds ago! Dawn could not have come so quickly, even if they gods themselves had wished it.
She looked back for her companions and her eyes fell on the campfire, now nothing more than blackened wood that wasn't even smoking anymore. Beside it, Susanowo was snoring loudly. Sesshoumaru, ever half-awake, was leaning against a nearby tree, though he, too, looked asleep.
Kagome gasped, recognizing her own feelings and position suddenly. She stood off to the side of the makeshift camp, still fully clothed. More troubling than that, she wasn't bone-tired anymore. Nor was she hungry. No, she actually felt like she could take down the world right now with but a finger.
What did this mean?
She searched her memories, praying somehow that she had failed Susanowo's lesson, eaten dinner and fallen asleep without somehow remembering clearly. Her mind dragged up no memories of the kind.
She had simply been there, hungry and sleepy, and then here, sated and ready for action.
"Susanowo! Sesshoumaru!" she hissed, throwing a pebble at her uncle.
Even asleep, the rock bounced off some sort of invisible barrier before the god, but he heard the noise and grumbled to alertness. Sesshoumaru merely opened his eyes to her.
"What happened?" she asked, gesturing wildly to her pack, which still contained her belongings. She meant to imply that her pallet remained unused for the night, but her uncle and guide seemed not to realize this.
Susanowo sat up and glared. "And just what in all the hells took you so long?"
Sesshoumaru's brows came together in frustration, but Kagome blinked.
"What are you talking about?"
Susanowo grumbled, rolling his eyes skyward in skepticism, and said, "You left the very first try. I told you it wasn't so hard. But you didn't stick around long enough for me to tell you how to get back. I did figure, however, that you would easily realize the way to return to us. Of course, being you, I should have known it would take you all night. Well, I'm sorry, girl, but we can't wait around all day while you catch up on your sleep after being away—"
"What are you talking about?" Kagome repeated. "I didn't go anywhere! One moment I was here, sitting on the ground in front of you, and the next I'm standing here, waking you up. Of course," she added quickly, remembering, "I didn't do exactly as you'd asked me. I couldn't concentrate on 'appearing.' All I could think about was getting some food and sleep."
Susanowo's sharp eyes met hers, and she saw that he was now taking her seriously. "And how hard were you thinking about that, being full and rested?"
"Well..." Kagome hesitated, wracking her brain for the truth. "I remember picturing myself after I've eaten and slept. How I'm always at peak performance then. How that's the time I always impress you."
He didn't bother to scoff at her assumption of his 'impression.' Instead, his mind seemed to have reached a rather startling conclusion.
"By the Gods," he whispered, his face going white. Even if he was a god himself, he obviously was not prepared for whatever scenario his mind drew up for him.
"What?" Kagome begged. "What have I done? What?"
"You... It's preposterous to even think it, but I can come up with no other solution..." At Kagome's insistent urging, he finally said, "It would seem you've gone forward in time."
"I've... what?"
"Time, girl, time! Do I not speak plainly? This must be your gift. Your specific talent. I know your father's talked to you of it."
Kagome nodded, but Sesshoumaru cut in, "But Ryuujin-sama said that in half-lings it is especially rare to see a gift. And that, even if one were to be present, it wouldn't manifest itself until later. After she'd mastered the basics."
"He wasn't lying," Susanowo said. He shook his head, got to his feet and began pacing agitatedly. "It's extremely rare to see a gift before even 'appearing' has been mastered, and especially, as you say, in a half-ling. But I can think of on other solution, can you?"
"She dreamt it. She was so tired and hungry that, after she 'appeared' somewhere else, she ate and fell in asleep in a daze—and returned this morning. I can, in fact, think of multiple other answers."
Kagome leaped to her feet and glared. "I'm so glad to know your faith in my mental state is so strong!" she seethed.
"I said nothing about your state of mental health, Kagome, calm down," Sesshoumaru said, his tone authoritative and concise. He wasn't in the mood to put up with her this morning, not in light of this recent development. "But it is ludicrous to assume you've somehow gained control of your special 'gift' when you haven't even mastered 'appearing.'"
"Now there is where you're wrong," Susanowo pointed out, placing a more-restraining-than-comforting hand on Kagome's shoulder as she stared Sesshoumaru down furiously. It hurt her to know that he would rather believe her mentally incapable than to think she was somehow special. She knew she was being slightly irrational about it, but her feelings couldn't be reasoned with, and this cut her to the quick.
"I never said she had gained control of her 'gift,' only that she's found it," her uncle continued. "And, as there are no other immortals in living memory that have ever been able to warp time, I can't help her to control it. It will be something she will have to learn on her own. So, for now, we'll go back to the basics. Only this time, Kagome, when you're trying to 'appear,' think specifically of a place, not a time. Perhaps we can stave off your talents for awhile that way."
"You can practice more tonight," Sesshoumaru informed her brusquely. Kagome didn't bother commenting on bossiness. She was getting rather used to him making decisions for her as though she were his child or servant. Sometimes she was grateful for his habit of doing that, other times she wanted to claw his eyes out in irritation.
Susanowo, however, nodded his agreement. "We must be off. Already, we've lost a great portion of the morning."
Sesshoumaru was stonily silent throughout the day, leading them at a pace swifter than Kagome was used to. Of course, Susanowo looked at it as a workout, and would rap his sword's scabbard on the back of her legs whenever she started falling behind.
For the first time in her life, she was really angry.
Who the hell does Sesshoumaru think he is, dictating to me when and where I can practice? When it's appropriate for me to have learned a new trick? When I'm supposed to leave my father, even? I might have been more willing to leave with him if he'd told me why we were in such a hurry in the first place, but no! Of course he wouldn't do that! Who the hell does he think he is? He doesn't own me!
Even her love for him couldn't blind her to that fact. It only served to make the ache in her chest hurt worse, and that, in turn, made her angrier.
When they finally—finally—stopped for the night, Kagome was livid. Sesshoumaru offered her a choice of fish or whatever wild animal he could catch in the woods they were camped in for dinner, and she ignored him.
She knew it was childish but she couldn't stop the urge to be mean to him. To inflict on him some tiny measure of the pain he'd caused her in the last few days. She wanted to hate him, but of course even she couldn't get that mad.
She noticed Susanowo sending a confused, questioning glance to Sesshoumaru before nodding her way. She saw Sesshoumaru shake his head minutely in response. It only irritated her further. They didn't have to walk on eggshells around her. They could talk.
But it would seem Sesshoumaru had a limit for tempers. When Kagome rejected his offer of food, he had brushed it off. She'd had a long few days and she was half-human, after all. It was understandable. But when she practically threw her bowl at him when he offered to clean it for her, he had reached the end of his understanding.
He flung his own bowl to the ground and stood. Kagome realized that she was in trouble now and turned away as though it didn't bother her, but Sesshoumaru grabbed her upper arm and yanked her to her feet.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Turn me loose this instant!"
Ignoring her protests and her uncle's chuckles, Sesshoumaru merely dragged her into the woods, far enough away where they wouldn't be overheard. Only there he did drop her arm as though it were something disgusting. At least, that's how it seemed to her.
"How dare you drag me out here! I don't know who you think you are, but you can't just force people into your company, particularly those that can't stand you in the—!"
"Silence!" Sesshoumaru snapped, his hand coming down over her mouth roughly. Kagome glared at him over the offending appendage, but made no move to remove it. She knew he'd probably bind her hands if she even tried.
He returned her gaze coldly for a few moments and then said, "If I move my hand, will you be still?"
Seeing no other alternative, Kagome nodded her affirmation. Her glare never relaxed though. She had never felt closer to hating someone than in that moment, even if she knew most of her anger was stemming from her worries of unrequited feelings. He was still being a prize jerk to her right then.
"Good." The hand was gone in an instant. "Now. You've been acting like a petulant child all day. What is the matter with you?"
"Excuse me?" Kagome laughed derisively, noting with grim cheerfulness that Sesshoumaru winced slightly at the sound. "I'm not the one with the problem, Sesshoumaru, you are!"
"How so?"
"Do you even hear yourself when you talk? Look at what you just did to me, dragging me into the woods! You don't see a problem with that?"
"No. Not if it meant getting you to cease this sudden tantrum of yours."
Kagome could have screamed in frustration. "Fine. I've only got about ten more examples. You're always doing this to me, Sesshoumaru. You never stop to ask me what I want, how I feel, you just assume and act! When we left Ryuujin, that was all your idea! We could have stayed a few more days and made it back in time, but you didn't care that I might want to do that. And yes, I realize you have some important pressing issue that's taking you back to your father—so, for the sake of all that is holy, share it with me!"
They stood in silence for a few moments, Kagome breathing heavily after her outburst, until Sesshoumaru surmised, "That's what this is really about, isn't it? What your father said about us being different together. I haven't spoken to you about it and that is really what has you so upset."
"It is not!" Kagome tried, but it was futile. The righteous anger had gone out of her voice, leaving behind a shaky uncertainty that she was not alone in her own mind. How in all the hells had he made that leap so easily, so quickly?
"Not to mention your new aptitude at immortal talents frightens you," he went on, his tone giving away nothing. It was like he was rattling off the different species of animals in the area: unimportant, but potentially of interest. "Only then, as you say, my haste to return home. Why didn't you just tell me these things? I thought we'd spoken about that, at least."
"Because...!" Humiliatingly, Kagome felt like she was about to cry. "Because all those preachings from you about communication and speaking with each other—it's all utter horse shit! It's only expected of me! Well, I have news for you, you high-and-mighty ass: I don't do double standards!"
When it was clear she was done speaking for the moment (catching her breath, it would seem, after screaming herself hoarse), Sesshoumaru responded, pensive but flat, "I see your point. You can cease the theatrics now."
Kagome's throat burned too badly to allow her to shriek at him as she would have liked, but she did glare fiercely. It was a mighty impressive glare, one which would have frightened a lesser man, but unfortunately, Sesshoumaru knew her too well to be frightened. He knew, while despising the cliche, that she was 'all bark and no bite.'
He met her glare easily, calmly searching her eyes for something she didn't know. Whatever it was, he seemed to find it, for he inhaled sharply through his nose and said tersely, "My father is having an affair."
Kagome nearly hit the ground in shock and confusion. "What?" she repeated blankly, anger forgotten in an instant.
"My father is having an affair," the daiyoukai reiterated sharply. "There's your answer to all questions. May we retire for the evening now?"
"Wait, wait, wait." Kagome shook her head, utterly bewildered. "Inu-papa is cheating on your mother? When did this happen? What else don't I know about? And how in the world does that answer all my questions?"
He gave her a withering look and, without moving, ticked off, "My haste to return home—I must try and convince my father to end this idiocy before he does something irreparable. And what your father said about our... relationship—forgive me, but I have a hard time believing I could have found my life-mate so soon. My father's ease in taking a lover has only proven to me that nothing in love is permanent, and nothing about you and I has convinced me otherwise."
Kagome felt like she'd been slapped in the face.
So because his father was bedding another woman, he didn't believe they had any long-term potential? He didn't think any couple had long-term potential? Where was the sense in that?
"So..." Embarrassingly, her voice broke on the word. She cleared her throat and tried again. "So, if you don't believe we're meant to be mates, then what do you think my father saw between us?"
Sesshoumaru shrugged carelessly, moving a step away. "It could have been any number of things. Lust, trust, a mutual respect for strength. All those things combined. However, I do not believe there is love, as he claimed."
Kagome shook her head, covering her eyes in frustration. "You're forgetting one very important thing."
"And what might that be?" came the skeptical reply from beyond her hand.
"Your father and mother have never said they were life-mates."
There stretched so long a silence after this remark that Kagome had to move her hand to make sure Sesshoumaru was still with her. He was, just standing there looking mildly surprised. That diluted emotion was soon masked too, though.
"A valid point," he finally conceded, and his tone was so detached she could have almost tricked herself into believing they were discussing the weather.
"Oh, don't do that, please," Kagome begged, impulsively grabbing his arm with both hands.
Glancing to her small hands in surprise, Sesshoumaru merely raised a brow.
"Don't cover it all up," she elaborated. "Don't hide from me. I'm your friend if nothing else, and I want to help you in whatever ways I can. But to do that, I need to see you."
"And what if I don't want your help? What if I don't need it?"
"Out of everyone I've ever known, Sesshoumaru, I think you need me the most. Maybe not even me. You just need someone to care for you—to see you for what you really are and care for you just the same."
His eyes narrowed infinitesimally, but he said nothing.
Kagome, deciding enough was enough, sighed and, in a move that surprised even her, brushed her fingertips over his face in an effort to show her true concern for him, despite all, and walked back to the camp alone. She wasn't sure if he followed after her or not; she didn't look back.
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They traveled in a near constant state of silence the next day.
Sesshoumaru, having returned to the camp late the previous night, made no move to start a conversation. In fact, watching his stiff posture as he led their group, both Kagome and Susanowo were too cowed to attempt to talk to him. The proverbial black clouds of turmoiling emotions hanging around him had them too intimidated to talk to each other.
Hence the silence.
Of a much clearer mind on that morning, Kagome was also feeling an intense humiliation and embarrassment at her actions the previous night. Had she really said those things to Sesshoumaru? Had she really screamed herself hoarse at him? Worst of all, had she really stroked his cheek?
The burning shame in her face smugly told her yes, yes she had.
She wanted to bury herself in the mud she was trekking through and never have to look at him again. She was so embarrassed she couldn't even think about looking at him, let alone actually do t.
That night, when they once again stopped for camp, Kagome was the one to pull Sesshoumaru aside. She had gathered up every last vestige of her torn courage, tattered pride, and and shredded common sense, and took him away from her uncle to apologize.
"Look, Sesshoumaru, about last night..." she started, unable to meet his gaze. She nervously played with her hair while she stared at the ground. She let out a huge gust of air and said in a rush, "I'm really sorry. I can't believe I acted like that. You were right—I was exactly like a petulant child, and I threw a tantrum just like one. I just... I'm so sorry."
She bowed at the waist, grimacing at the ground around eyes closed in dread of his response.
Sesshoumaru, on the other hand, was more surprised by this apology than anything she had said the night before, barring only that statement about his parents not being life-mates. For some reason, that possibility had never occurred to him.
"Do not apologize," he said finally, and Kagome looked up, confused. "If you do so, I would have to forgive you, and that would mean I didn't believe everything you told me last night. But I did. You were the one who was correct, Kagome. My parents are married; I simply always believed they were life-mates because of that. But, as you say, they have never said anything of the kind." In a rare moment of vulnerability, Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and turned away with a rueful grimace. "It was slightly more difficult to accept your assertion that I needed help."
Kagome waited, eyes wide and mouth slightly open in complete and utter shock. When he didn't go on, she prompted, "...but you did?"
There was a long, pregnant pause before he finally nodded. His eyes blazed with frustration and anger at admitting weaknesses, but he pressed on, and Kagome felt her heart expand for him in that moment.
"I realized that I have been pointing accusations at you, pointing out flaws in your own character, and have been blind to my own. I'm not sure how to say it... When I was a child, everyone kept me at arm's length. I was the son of their Lord and general, and stronger than the rest from the beginning. Even if the other children hadn't been terrified of me, their parents knew I was not potential playmate for them. I was always being taught something or other, and there were never friendships or other such emotion-based affairs that you so thrive on. I used to blame them for it. Everyone; my parents included. Especially them. They were the reason I was treated differently. Now, of course, I am grateful for it. I am, besides my father, the strongest warrior on this side of the country. Where are they now?"
Kagome didn't want to move. She was even afraid to breathe, lest she break Sesshoumaru's sudden confidence in her and shatter this rare moment. She wanted to cry for this man's childhood. How lonely it must have been. And to hear him trying to play it off now, as though those years of being alone had meant nothing...!
Sesshoumaru hesitated, staring off into the past, at things she could never see. "Then, upon your, er, suggestion"—he shot a wry, almost teasing glance to Kagome, who blushed with frustrated embarrassment at the memory of her berating him—"I realized that they weren't shunning me because I was so very frightening or above their caliber. They weren't even excluding me. After being ignored and held at a distance for so long, I had started to distance myself. I was to blame for my ostracism. I had been so closed-off and uncaring to everyone for so long, they all stopped trying to reach me. Even my parents stopped trying."
He took a breath and looked at Kagome, who started with the sudden directness.
"But you realize, of course, this changes nothing," Sesshoumaru concluded. "There is nothing to be done for this situation I've found myself in, nor would I want to do anything to change it. I have never needed many things in my life, and excess drives me to anger. I have my health and my strength, I have my family, and I have—"
He broke off, looking momentarily confused.
"What is it?" Kagome asked, offset by his bewilderment.
She wasn't sure if he was just in the groove of being heart-breakingly honest, or if he just didn't care that she knew, but, to her complete astonishment, Sesshoumaru answered her question in almost too much honesty.
"Well, for some reason, I was going to say I had you—but why would that be of such great importance?" Kagome wanted to laugh at his legitimate confusion, but his words hurt a little.
"Well, we are friends, aren't we? I'd like to think you like having me around just a little," she joked lamely, trying to lighten the atmosphere a bit.
Sesshoumaru didn't respond. He just stared at her in perplexed silence. Then, as though lightning had struck, his face cleared into utter shock.
"When did that happen?" he demanded in a stunned voice, seemingly of himself.
"What?"
"You! When did this...? When did you become the only person I can really talk to?" Kagome was taken aback by the anger in his still-surprised voice, but she felt herself become too hopeful at this turn of events to feel hurt over his tone.
Sesshoumaru stared at her again, his intense golden eyes boring into hers until she felt she had to look away. But she didn't.
His soft voice interrupted her whirling thoughts.
"When did you become the most important person in this world to me?"
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Ok, that's it for now.
Be honest (but not brutal!) and please REVIEW! :)
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