InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Never Was ❯ The Beginning and End ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

What Never Was
By: DarkCrystalis


Disclaimer: I own no one from any animes.


Summary: A bittersweet one-shot about a love that could have happened; all of Kagome’s withheld truths are revealed…


Based on a TRUE STORY.


XxXx


I had the chance I had always been waiting for; he finally wanted me. He wanted me by his side, and I threw it all away. I had waited for a whole year, and made it go to waste in the space of five seconds.


Why?


I was scared.


A lame excuse, but it didn’t matter…even after I denied him, things didn’t sink in until later that night.


What had I done? It was a huge mistake, and I regret it even years later.


My love for him never died down, even after he found someone new to like, and eventually came to love.


It was sad, really; I kept loving him for years afterwards, even when he moved on…


We could’ve had something, maybe.


Tears formed at the corners of my eyes. Even three years later I feel for him; even when he loved another girl and had been with her for a while; even when a second came along.


Memories floated back to when things could have been…


-----


Back two years ago, in December…


Kagome had known him for about a year by now, and they were fairly familiar with one another; they even went to the same high school. She was staying at his house for New Year's, and they watched a movie she’d brought over: Pirates of the Caribbean.


Before it started, however, he lay down on the couch, and got her to lay down in front of him. After they’d gotten comfortable, he started the movie, and they relaxed in one another’s company.


It was cold, so a thin pink blanket was pulled over their bodies by him.


Soon, Inuyasha began to run his fingers through her hair, “tsking” her for all the knots she had in it. He did it in a gentle manner, merely caring for her hair, which was surprisingly comforting. After that was done, he then ran his fingers down her arms in a feathery-soft manner, which made her relax.


In all honesty, Kagome had always hated the thought of being touched softly; but for some reason, she didn't mind when Inuyasha did it.


Stopping and deciding to settle his arm around her waist instead, they merely stayed close for the rest of the movie, keeping warm and enjoying each other’s company.


-----


However, about a month later, in Janurary…


The two of them were sitting in his bedroom in the same office chair together, playing video games on the computer. They had a wonderful time together, but time had run out for Kagome. She had to leave to go home on the public bus, so that she wouldn’t get into trouble. It was already 12am, and if she didn't leave soon, she might not catch the bus on time.


Inuyasha decided to take her to the stop as usual, because he worried for her. He always had done things like that, ever since he'd known her.


Whenever she spoke with him on the phone at 9pm, and told him she was going rollerblading, he'd always sigh in a frustrated fashion, not wanting her to go out alone. It was obvious Inuyasha cared a lot for her.


Before they left the house, she watched as Inuyasha put on his shoes in the doorway. His dark brown eyes lifted up to her green ones after finishing the task, his black hair pulled back from his face.


For some odd reason, she knew that he was going to kiss her. His face got a little closer to hers, and she didn't know what to do.


At first, Kagome froze, trying to think madly of what to do, but nothing came to mind.


Without even comprehending her movements, or controlling them, she turned away, and pushed the glass door open.


Walking briskly down the sidewalk, she didn't wait for him to catch up, or even turn around.


Breathing heavily, she immediately bit her lip down when he began to step in beside her. A tense silence filled the air, and neither said anything to the other.


"I'm sorry," she muttered as they walked slowly, not knowing what else to say.


At first, he didn't reply, which made Kagome instantly assume that he was angry with her.


'I don't blame him if he is', she thought to herself sadly.


"It's okay," he finally responded.


Kagome bit her bottom lip harder, not wanting to think about what had just happened.


Reaching the bus stop, Kagome looked at him again, and then regretting it.


Just taking a glance at him made her feel like an idiot; a jerk; it dredfully reminded her of what she'd tried not to think about.


She'd ruined everything, but the worst was yet to come...


Hugging him lightly, she pulled away from the embrace.


"I'll call you when I get home," she stated, as she always did.


He nodded his head in response, and watched her board the bus.


As she moved further and further away, she couldn't help but feel like she'd been torn from him.


'It's all my fault, all my own stupid fault...'


-----


When Kagome got home that night, she called him.


"I'm home..." she stated dully, not wanting to drag on a conversation.


"Alright," he responded, seemingly not feeling like chatting, either.


After another tense moment of silence, Kagome broke it,


"I'm going to bed."


Inuyasha merely replied with an "Okay" before she said goodbye hung up.


It was so unlike both of them that it made her emotions crumble like dry bread.


She lay down onto her matress, staring into the darkness of her room.


Suddenly, she felt very lifeless, and empty.


-----


Things, surprisingly, didn't deteriorate between them.


At first, things had been a little strange, but soon enough, everything was how it used to be.


They were friends once again, and if you looked at things on the outside, it was as if the near-kissing incident didn't even happen.


However, on the inside, Kagome hated herself. She hated what she'd done, and how she'd thrown everything away...


Inuyasha seemed okay about it, but Kagome couldn't have been more depressed.


She acted like her normal bubbley self, so that no one would suspect it. In fact, Kagome didn't even talk to anyone about it; things were just too painful to bare.


Either way, Kagome didn't want to ruin what they still had, so she convinced herself that their old friendship was what she'd wanted all along.


...was that what she wanted, though?


-----


Instead of keeping everything inside like she'd wanted, Kagome confided in her friend, Kikyou.


Kikyou also went to the same high school as her and Inuyasha, and was even in her English class.


Kagome tearily told her of what had happened, while Kikyou merely listened.


"It's okay," she'd told her repeatedly, but it didn't seem to make Kagome feel any better.


"Thank you," Kagome answered after a few minutes of deep breathing. She didn't want to cry about it; she'd only feel worse.


Kikyou didn't reply; she just continued doing the English classwork.


-----


A couple months later, Kagome and Inuyasha went over to KIkyou's house. Kikyou was a friend of Kagome's and Inuyasha's, so it was natural for the three of them to be hanging out together.


When they walked down into her basement, Kikyou sat at the computer, typing away on MSN.


However, Inuyasha soon asked if he could get online.


Nodding with a smile on her face, Kikyou moved out of the chair so he could sit down. She pulled a chair beside his, which was also beside Kagome's.


The three of them watched Inuyasha check who was online, and talk to a mutual friend.


He finished quickly, and then asked if Kikyou wanted to sign back on.


She nodded, and then smirked.


"I bet you can't guess my MSN password," Kikyou said with a confident smile.


"I probably can," he said in response, sitting and thinking for a moment.


Typing in the password, his facial feature didn't change when it signed Kikyou in on her MSN account.


Kikyou blushed slightly and looked away, before looking back at him.


"How did you guess?"


He smiled the tinyest of smiles, shrugging his shoulders.


"It's obvious," was all he came up with.


"Really...?"


Kagome looked at the two of them, confused.


"What was the password?" she asked suddenly, not understanding what was going on.


"Oh, nothing," Kikyou said abruptly, and then smiling brightly. "I guess I'll have to change it back to the old password now."


Kagome sat there confused, unable to figure out what had just happened.


However, she'd find out later, and she wouldn't want to know...


-----


"I still really, really like him though," she whispered to Kikyou a couple days later as they did their classwork during English.


Kikyou looked over at her and smiled a small smile.


"Maybe you should tell him," she suggested, to which Kagome shook her head vigoruously.


"No, if he still liked me, he would have said something, don't you think?"


Kikyou shrugged, once again not really saying anything.


Silently, she looked over to Kagome as she sighed heavily, sadness etched onto her face; it was obvious she hadn't gotten over him.


-----


Another little while later...


Kagome, Inuyasha, Kikyou, and Sango all went to the mall. They didn't exactly know what they were doing, or what they were looking for, but the point was to hang out and spend time with one another.


Kikyou suddenly suggested that she would go and get a drink, and asked Kagome to come along. Staring at her, she smiled slightly, and agreed. They were just getting a drink; what was the big deal?


After going up the escalator, Kikyou stopped, and looked at Kagome with a strange expression on her face.


"I have to talk to Inuyasha downstairs, and it won't be pretty."


Kagome was now more confused than ever, not at all understanding what was going on.


"Can't you just tell me whatever you're going to say right now?"


Kikyou shook her head.


"No, I promised I wouldn't say anything."


Cocking her head to the side, Kagome nodded more out of reflex than anything else.


Walking back down to their previous level, Inuyasha stood up from the table.


Kikyou walked over to Inuyasha, and stared at him.


"Are you going to tell her?" Kikyou asked him, while he looked away. He didn't reply, so Kikyou looked over to Kagome, a sympathetic emotion clearly on her face.


"Kagome, Inuyasha and I are dating now."


At first, Kagome was SURE that she'd heard her incorrectly.


"What?" she asked in a whispered voice, immediately grasping Sango's hand who was still sitting beside her in a chair.


Kikyou didn't say anything anymore, and before Kagome knew it, light tears streamed down her face.


"How could you do this to me?!" she asked, deep hurt in her voice.


The droplets continually grew in weight and consistency, which was what made her finally get up from the chair.


A sob emitted from her throat, before another and another followed. Looking to Sango for help, she hugged her tightly, not looking back to Inuyasha and Kikyou.


Bringing Sango with her, Kagome sobbed and cried as they walked away.


After everything Kagome had told Kikyou, they still got together? How could she do this to her?


Kagome and Sango continued walking, taking the escalator to the second floor of the mall. They immediately made their way to the exit, which took them to the bus station.


She continually cried on the bus, while Sango sat beside her, and patted her shoulder; Sango also vaguely knew of Kagome's favouring towards Inuyasha.


When it was Sango's turn to get off the bus, she waved and smiled sadly.


"Get better," she said simply, not wanting to make Kagome more emotional.


"Thanks," Kagome responded with a teary smile, dropping her head into her lap.


-----


When she finally got home, she avoided everyone and everything.


In fact, Kagome went straight to her bedroom, and didn't bother calling Inuyasha to let him know she'd gotten home safely.


Laying face-down into her pillow, Kagome wept. Her sobs grew louder and louder with each image that passed through her mind, throwing herself further and further into her bitter heart's turmoil.


She feared of waking up the rest of the household, but at the same time she didn't care. Kagome was so miserable that she was beyond caring for anyone and anything; she'd lost it.


The sobs didn't slow, or decrease as normal; they just seemed to increase more with each emotion that flowed through her.


Her entire body shook with the realization that the only person she'd truly loved was taken away from her, by someone that was supposed to be her friend. Kagome couldn't control the movement, and she didn't even bother trying to.


She cried for hours that night, right up until 5a.m. It sounded ridiculous, but he was her first and only love; no one else had ever mattered so much.


Curling into a ball on her side, Kagome sighed deeply over and over, furiously wiping away the tears from her red cheeks. Her eyes were sore and also red from all the crying, but it didn't matter; nothing mattered anymore.


Exhausted physically and emotionally, Kagome finally passed out after a few more hours of wallowing in her depression.


-----


Days turned into a week, and even then Kagome weeped every night. She weeped for what she'd given up, for what she could no longer have.


Her normally happy spirit had been shattered, and perhaps would never be healed.


She avoided speaking to Inuyasha during this time, not wanting to cry to him over the phone. It was bad enough that she cried this much; he didn't need to know about it.


-----


However, one day, she wound up the courage to talk to him. No, not on the phone; that wasn't an option.


MSN it was.


The conversation might have been a little akward at first, but that didn't last for long.


They chatted, as if nothing had happened.


Kagome asked how Kikyou was, and he replied fine; things were going just fine for them.


Kagome didn't know whether to laugh from insanity or cry.


Deep in her heart, she wished that things had been horrible, and that they'd broken up. Yes, that's what she'd hoped for; but alas, that didn't happen.


Kagome's pure, innocent heart which wanted the best for people wanted Kikyou to rot in hell at that moment; but did that make her a bad person?


She kept these thoughts to herself as she chatted with Inuyasha, grateful that he wasn't ignoring her.


It might have sounded pathetic, but she was content to have this; even just this...


-----


They grew closer during that year; he told her everything and anything about their relationship, and the funny part of it all was that she WANTED to hear. Oh yes, she wanted to hear about all the arguements, sweet things, and everything else that happened between them. Often times, she consoled him after an arguement, brought his anger down to acceptable levels, and listened to him rant about the relationship problems.


Even still...


...she continually liked him; although the liking had died down over the year.


No, she'd never forgotten about the night when she messed things up, or the night when she'd been betrayed, nor would she ever.


Despite that, despite everything that had happened, she still liked him.


Inuyasha didn't know, and she made sure that he'd never find out.


-----


Over time, Inuyasha's relationship problems with Kikyou got worse and worse.


At one point, he threatened to break up with her, which shook her up pretty badly. He told Kagome all about her fakeness, and that he hated the way she was manipulative, and a consistent liar. He hated the way she dressed like a slut, and went clubbing, even though they were a couple.


Kagome listened as he told her over the phone, feeling nothing but sympathy for him.


'I'd never do that to you, Inuyasha,' she couldn't help thinking as he told her of his problems.


Occasionally she gave him her advice, whenever he asked of it, genuinally wanting things to work out for them.


If she couldn't have Inuyasha, she at least wanted him to be happy with someone else.


-----


After a year and a half, Inuyasha and Kikyou officially broke up, and that was that.


Kagome got to see him in person, but not until months after the break up. Inuyasha was a fairly busy man, who didn't have much time for friends.


When she saw him, even though he tried to hide it, she could tell he hurt. Whenever he spoke about her, bitterness was clear in his voice.


He resented her for everything that had happened during their relationship, but he often spoke about how he still loved her and wanted to protect her.


Things didn't make sense to Kagome; how could you love someone, and want to protect them, when you've broken up with each other?


She asked him this as they walked together, but he just shook his head. He still cared, and that was all that mattered, Kagome supposed.


-----


Months later, he got another girlfriend, but Kagome didn't really care. He could do as he wished, right?


The cycle continued, hearing all about his relationship, and occasioanlly offering advice. She seemed much nicer than Kikyou, but Kagome knew it wouldn't last. She had that feeling in her stomach, it told her that it wouldn't last.


And she wasn't wrong, either; so when they broke up and decided to be friends after three months, Kagome said nothing in response.


-----


Inuyasha and I continually chat to one another, although I rarely see him.


Things don't matter, though; I could still count on him to be there for me, even after everything we've' been through.


He's much different today than on the first day I met him in our grade 10 Math class, but that doesn't matter. Life experience tends to change people, sometimes in the most drastic of ways.


Perhaps it wasn't the ending I wanted, but it was what I was given.


I still love him with all of my heart, but he'll never know; I'll never tell him.


That day, three years ago, I learned something very important; although a little too late.


Never regret anything...


Live life to the fullest...


...and take risks.


XxXx