InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Womanly Problems ❯ Help me! ( Chapter 1 )

`I wonder where the girls are?' Miroku thought as he wandered around the woods. `They've got to be around here somewhere . . . . They said they were going to the hot springs.' He looked around then heard the giggling of women from the other side of a boulder. "Ah ha! So there they are!" Miroku muttered. He climbed a rock boulder grinning. He really just wanted to see Sango, but Kagome was an added bonus! He got to the top and peered down to get the shock of his life.

Instead of Sango and Kagome there were two unearthly beautiful women. One had shimmering blue-green hair with starfish, seaweed and shells interwoven into her hair, aquamarine eyes and flawless white skin. The other had fiery red hair, blood red eyes and golden skin. Miroku still thought Sango was a lot more beautiful than either of them.

"So then I said to the tengu, `I'm a woman impersonator!'" The red head said. The women giggled.

Their chime like giggles enchanted Miroku (though he still thought Sango had a more chime tinkley voice - though a bit out of tune . . . still tinkley!). Unfortunately his staff slipped out of his hand and fell into the water between the two women. `Shit.' Miroku thought sweat dropping.

The two women naturally looked up, and the look on the anger on their faces wasn't even earthly. "A human!" They growled in unison. Miroku tried to move, but found her couldn't some invisible force was keeping him there.

"A dirty no good human was watching us!" The girl with blue hair growled. The two women suddenly jumped up and came face to face with the perverted perpetrator (they were now fully clothed - don't worry). They glared at him. "Do you know who we are?" The woman with blue hair growled.

"Of course he doesn't." The red head said all the while glaring at the monk. "I suppose we shall have to tell him who we are."

Miroku gulped, this was NOT good. To top things off his tongue wasn't working so he couldn't even talk to defend himself.

"We are two of the six elemental sisters. Azimaru of Fire and Tejjia of Water." They said in unison.

"What shall we do to him as punishment?" Azimaru wondered.

Tejjia scowled, "I peered into his mind. He thinks that some human MORTAL is more beautiful than either one of us!" She scoffed.

Azimaru laughed, "You jest!"

The water elemental laughed, "Unfortunately not! And get this, the woman is a . . . . demon exterminator!!" She and her sister doubled over in laughter.

Miroku clenched his teeth, "SANGO IS MORE BEAUTIFUL, KINDER, CLEVERER, STRONGER AND GORGEOUS THAN YOU TWO COMBINED!!!!!" He yelled out.

The two elementals stopped laughing and just glared at the monk. "How DARE YOU!?" Tejjia roared.

"Calm down sister. So he loves this Sango woman, he is a perverted monk, he travels with a hanyou AND he's after Naraku. Sister I have an idea." Azimaru grinned then quickly whispered something into her sister's ear while Tejjia smirked. When they were done conferring with each other, the two sisters grinned evilly at the monk.

*******

"I wonder where Miroku is." Kagome thought aloud as she, Sango and Shippo sat by the fire. "It's strange how he didn't try to follow us to the hot springs."

"Inu Yasha stopped him then tied him up to a tree somewhere in the forest." Shippo piped up cheerfully munching on his chocolate bar. "That's why he left as soon as you two came back, he went to untie him, but I wonder what's taking him so long."

Sango hmphed, "Knowing the monk he probably untied himself somehow." She said polishing her gigantic boomerang. "Right now he's either looking for us or he's trying to find his way back. Though I rather - "

Some bushes rustled and a voice hissed at them, "Pssst!"

Sango jumped to her feet with her boomerang ready to throw, "Who's there?! Show yourself!" she yelled. Kagome got to her feet with her bows and arrows notched and ready.

"Is Inu Yasha there?" A feminine voice whispered.

"How do you know Inu Yasha? And why do you want to know?" Sango asked suspiciously.

"It's me . . . . Miroku!" The same feminine voice hissed.

Kagome scoffed, "Yeah right! Do you take us for complete idiots? Miroku is a man!"

"Not anymore. Is Inu Yasha there? Please tell me he isn't there! I'll tell you everything you need to know!"

"Fine. Inu Yasha isn't here. He went looking for the real Miroku." Sango said stiffly. "Though in my opinion he should just be left tied to the tree." She muttered to herself.

The woman entered the clearing wearing Miroku's clothing and holding Miroku's staff, looking a lot like Miroku himself. The woman had straight flowing midnight black hair that fell to her knees, a soft lightly tanned face, black eyes and had a slender figure hidden by her monk's robes.

"Why do you have Miroku's clothing?!" Shippo asked warily.

"Because I AM Miroku!" she said exasperated, "Look what'll get you to make you realise I am Miroku? A question! Ask me something only the REAL Miroku knows!" she pleaded.

The trio thought for a moment, then Kagome brightened up, "I know! Only the real Miroku knows this one! How many times has Miroku groped Sango since she joined up with us?" She asked slyly.

Sango sweat dropped, "What?! You've been counting!?" The Taijiya demanded.

"Five hundred ninety nine times." The woman said.

Kagome relaxed and put her arrow away. "She's Miroku all right. What happened to you?"

"Wait! I will NOT be ignored!" Sango growled. She was ignored.

Kagome put her arm around Miroku gone woman and sat him . . .err . . . her . . . err . . . him/her by the fire. "Come on. Tell us what happened."

"Well . . . you see . . . "

~~~ After a few minutes ~~~

" . . . Then they turned me into a woman and placed a curse on me which can only be broken by the kiss of my one true love." Miroku said looking at the fire glumly.

"As if anyone would want to kiss you." Sango scoffed impatiently.

Kagome glared at the demon exterminator, "Sango! Be nice, what if you got turned a man?!"

"If I were a man I'd be happy. Miroku wouldn't grope me no more." She said stiffly.

Miroku sank down deeper in his . . . her . . . his/her depression. How could Sango think so badly about him/her? But then again he/she couldn't blame her; she had solid ground to stand on her detestation of him/her after all. Still it did sting - badly.

"Wait a second." Shippo said, he climbed up onto the (former?) monk's shoulder. "You said that the elementals turned you into a woman THEN placed a curse on you. What was the curse?" he asked expectantly.

Miroku groaned. "You see well . . . from now on, when a human man sees me they will instantly want to grope me. Halfling men will fall in love with me. Full demons will . . . want to screw me . . ." he/she trailed off and crossed his/her arms angrily.

Kagome, Sango and Shippo burst out laughing. "Omigosh! That is the most ironic curse that could ever be put on you!!!" Sango burst out.

"Yeah! Ah ha ha ha! Oh I just can't wait till Inu Yasha comes back!!" Kagome guffawed.

"And Myoga!" Shippo gasped through laughs.

Miroku jumped to her (Miroku will now be referred to as she until she gets turned back into a he - which might be never.) feet. "This is NOT a laughing matter! What if Inu Yasha comes back?! Then what'll I do?!?!" she shouted.

"Oi who's she?" Inu Yasha's voice drifted from behind.

Miroku's eyes widened, she hoped, sincerely hoped that Inu Yasha would just stay behind her.

The three hastily got up to their feet and stepped between the hanyou and man-gone-woman. Kagome put a hand behind her head. "Oh well . . . . uh . . . . she's Sango's . . . . cousin." She said stepping on the Taijiya's foot.

"Oh yeah, yeah! She's my cousin . . . and she's . . . her . . . she's on her way to see her husband!" Sango said hurriedly. The three nodded with smiles on their faces.

Inu Yasha lifted an eyebrow, before jumping up and landing in front of the (former?) monk. He looked at her then fell to knees, love filling his voice as he said. "Your face is as beautiful and lovely as the moon surrounded by twinkling stars at its height. Your heavenly hair," he said taking a strand between his claws then breathed deeply in the smell, "silkier than the silkiest silk, blacker than the blackest winter night. O fair o lovely there hath not be any as beauteous as thee. O sweet divine of my bleak heart, marry me?" he said lovingly taking Miroku's hands and placing them to his heart.

The three other companions gaped. Shippo stuttered, "Did . . . Is . . . Poetry . . . Rhymed . . . Marriage . . . oh boy."

Miroku froze. {Of all the people in this world . . . Inu Yasha had to ask me.} he thought depressed. "Um . . . uh . . . err . . . its. . . too sudden . . .I can't . . . ."

"No no no." Inu Yasha said dazed, "My heart beats for thee, we wed not now, but later when thy heart has accepted mine. And when thee have accepted my humble offer, I will only know heavenly bliss of the divine. But for now my sweet sweet joy and sorrow - we part paths until the morrow." He whispered then he . . . kissed Miroku. It was long kiss that probably involved tongue. Then the hanyou was gone.

The man-gone-woman just stood there frozen with the exception of the twitching eye. "I got kissed by Inu Yasha." She said slowly, and then crumpled to the ground in a dead faint.