InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Womanly Problems ❯ My woes! ( Chapter 2 )

Most frequently asked question: Why isn't Shippo affected by the curse?

The reason is explained in this chapter. ^^ Thanks for the reviews.

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"Miroku wake up! Miroku!"

I groaned opening my eyes. It was morning I must've fainted to sleep. A million shifty silhouettes of what appeared to be Kagome, Sango and Shippo were leaning over me. "Am I a man?" I asked groggily.

Sango rolled her eyes; "Of course n-" Kagome elbowed her hard in the ribs, I didn't really notice that until a few minutes later neither did I detect the nervousness in her laugher.

"You're as manly as you want to be." Kagome said pleasantly.

I sat up with a smile gracing my luscious lips (Luscious?). That is until I felt a strange weight on my chest - as if something was hanging from that extremity. Odd, I didn't have any piercing on my nipples (Well. Actually I did used to have some, keyword there is 'used to', but it hurt ten times as worse than when I got poisoned by Naraku's bees! Don't ever get any because they will hurt like hell. Trust me!). Then realization hits me like a fifty-ton demon. I have woman boobs. Shit. The curse lives!

"You could've just told me straight out." I grumbled.

"Miroku I have an important question." My fair Lady Sango said sitting back on her legs. "The curse states that any full blooded demon whom upon seeing you would instantly want to 'get jiggy' as Kagome puts it. Right?"

I sighed sadly and sat crossed legged. She just had to remind of that damned curse! First the wind tunnel now a woman! (Why isn't my perverted mind being perverted anyway? I mean now that I have a woman's body I could . . . . . ahem uh back to my response). "Just like I said last night." I replied wearily.

"Then how come Shippo . . . . . well . . . he's not effected. He hasn't tried to make any advances at all when he saw you." The exterminator stated.

"Hey that's right!" Shippo exclaimed. Then he looked stricken, "Eeeewww . . .!"

"The curse works only on MEN, not BOYS." I exclaimed exasperatedly. (I didn't know Sango had a perverted mind. 0_o) "The elementals were cruel but I don't think any of them really wanted to be responsible for being the cause of sudden sensual behaviour in a small boy." I shuddered, against some sick images running through my head. "That's just nauseating."

"Almost as nauseating as your face." Sango muttered. I felt myself sink low, she hates me. (-_-, I suppose I deserve it.)

Kagome elbowed the taijiya hard in the ribs. "Sango that was totally uncalled for."

"GET AWAY FROM MY WOMAN!!!!" An angered voice yelled out. I was surprised when the two girls plus fox were suddenly slammed sideways into a grove of bushes on the other side of the clearing. "Good morning oh sweet love of my heart." Inu Yasha soothed, taking my right hand. "How are you?"

I whimpered. (Whimpered? I don't whimper! I'm calm-as-a-boulder Miroku! I do not whimper!) Miroku you must control!!! Whimpering makes you sound interested! "I'm fine. Let go of me please." I said nervously. So much for being in control but then again you can't blame me, who wouldn't be scared out of their minds at the moment? Well then again there are those who do consider Inu Yasha a 'good catch' or 'a hottie' as my time traveling friend puts it. Though I can't help but wonder at times why? It must either be the hair or just the ears.

"Of course. As you wish my eternal sweet beauty." Inu Yasha whispered lovingly. (0_0 <<= That's almost exactly my expression, only my eyes go bigger.)The hanyou let go of my hand. "Ai shiteru." He murmured.

I scooted backwards till my back met the rough bark of a tree. "Um . . . I don't love you!" I whimpered. Dammit! I whimpered. I feel so pathetic.

"Isn't that the beauty of love, my beautiful Miroku?" Inu Yasha said dreamily. "You don't have to love me! Love just means loving a person even though they don't love you in return." He jumped over to where I was heart pounding erratically in my ears, "I was going to pick you some flowers but then I forgot when you were gone from my sight, but I remember now. Oh sweet o lovely merciless slayer of my heart." The hanyou hugged me. At that moment everything that I had done (perverted and/or not) in my whole entire life flashed before my eyes in one instant. And you know what I figured out?

I wasted my life.

I wanted to die. Kill me. Someone. Better yet kill Inu Yasha that stupid evil hanyou who was. . . . . kissing my neck - aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! Eeeeeeww! Help! I'm being molested by a hanyou! I wanted to cry, but did I cry? No, why? He'd probably lick away my tears. I want to shudder after that thought but if I do he might think that I'm shivering in delight. So I just closed my eyes and prayed to whatever god above to help me get away from Inu Yasha! GAAHH!!! He's . . . he's . . . he felt me up! That . . . that . . . dog felt me up! AAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Oh most gracious of dear gods above I beg you to listen to me just this one eensy weensy little time! I'll never ask any favour upon any of you again if you listen to me just this once! Please send a demon over to kill me! WAIT! No! Don't! Don't listen to me! Me idiot! Shit, hopefully they were all too busy making the wind strong enough to lift some woman's kimono. Is it me or did the wind just get stronger? Oh hell no!

"SESSHOMARU DON'T LOOK!" I heard Kagome yell.

Damn! The gods were listening! The one time they listen to me and it had to be when I didn't want them to listen to me! NO! That's it I'm going to unwrap the prayer beads on my hand and suck myself in. Hopefully I land in a happy placed filled with lovely hopping bunnies, beautiful bright coloured flowers and with a beautiful winged half naked Sango massaging my back then . . . .

Aw crap! I'm going becoming delusional!! HELP!

Suddenly the golden glowing orbs of light from which I was staring horrified into disappeared and were replaced by similar ones that were completely different. Demon. Sesshomaru. I did the only thing I knew I could do.

I screamed.

And I screamed loud and proud. Okay no. More like ear splitting, girly and fearfully. Well you would too if you were a man-gone-woman and were being molested by some sexy hanyou and were now in the arms of his even sexier half-brother.

. . . . . . . . . . Dear gods above I did NOT just think that. Miroku you are a man! Think manly thoughts! Okay . . . . . Sango in the hot springs. Yes . . . much better.

He's . . . he's nuzzling me. Sesshomaru is nuzzling me. Sweet gods above! Someone up there hates me. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! HE'S KISSING ME!!! I scream for all I'm worth and start kicking and punching and trying to get away. I suppose you're wondering why I didn't do this before right? It was probably because the full implication of 'getting jiggy' with a demon didn't really sink into my brain. Until now. It was futile, yet I fought like wild cat. The taiyoukai's arms wrap around me tightly and he uses a free leg to still my limbs. I close my eyes waiting for the inevitable.

"LET GO OF HER YOU BASTARD!"

Suddenly I'm not in Sesshomaru's arms, I sighed in relief knowing that Inu Yasha had taken care of him for me. I look around to see where Sesshomaru went and I was met with sight that I thought could never be possible. I just gaped in total surprise - you would too. Jaken the lowly little green underling was bashing his staff of heads upon the great taiyoukai of the west.

"Sesshomaru! I'm tired of working for you! I'm going to take that woman as my mate and you aren't going to stop me!" Jaken shouted for the entire world to hear.

Have I mentioned how much I absolutely loathe those elementals?

Anywho back to the one being abused here. *Cough* While Sesshomaru was being busy being bashed upon I ran, cowardly you say? Well then let's think about this as a . . . . . tactful retreat. Ahem. What? Anyway I'm running and running and I know something bad will happen soon - but I don't know when. Sango, Kagome and Kirara were no where to be seen. How could they abandon me?!

"Miroku!" Kagome shouted out. She and Sango were on Kirara's back charging at me from the side toward the village when they passed by Kagome grabbed my arm and hauled me up onto the fire cat's back. "Kirara! To Kaede's hut!" Kagome shouted.

The fire cat merely jumps into the air and heads toward the village. I sigh in relief when we left that particularly meadow. I wonder where Inu Yasha went? Oh who cares? I sigh again slumping against Kagome's back trying not to cry since only women cry. Wait. Okay I'm a man in a woman's body so would it be okay to cry even though am I man yet trapped in a feminine body? Oh damn the world to the hells!

"You Sesshomaru will follow?" Sango asked.

Kagome shakes her head, "Nah, I don't think he'll remember Miroku as a woman. Jaken beating him up yes. But he won't remember Miroku."

"What makes you say that Lady Kagome?" I ask curiously. We are nearing the village.

"Remember what Inu Yasha said about the flowers?"

Nope, I was too busy trying not to get molested by a half doggie but I'll play along! "Yeah."

"Well remember how he said he forgot to get you flowers after you were gone from his sight?"

I wasn't listening to a word that hanyou was babbling about! I was trying to get away from him A.S.A.P.! Couldn't Kagome understand that?! "Yup."

"Well my theory is that if we get Inu Yasha from looking at you he won't love you! Same with demons and humans!" the miko exclaimed.

Hey that might work! I guess going to school isn't so bad after all. Kirara lands in the middle of the village and we all get off. The little cat hops up onto Sango's shoulder. "Yeah! That'll work! It'll keep the demons and hanyous and hu - " I cut myself off eyes widened. Humans. Village. Men.

Sango turned to face me. "Miroku why are you - ?" Her eyes widened as well in realization when she saw a man come out of a hut and look directly at the (former?) monk.

Kagome swallowed hard when all the village men started advancing upon us. "Miroku." She whispered.

I gulp the large lump in my throat. "Yeah?" I whispered back.

"RUN!"

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Sorry for not making this chap longer. I didn't really spell check so blah. -_-