InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Worth Fighting For ❯ Conversation by Moonlight ( Chapter 6 )

We traveled like that for at least a week, stopping at nightfall and continuing our endless journey early the next morning. It was an endless cycle, it seemed. Throughout our travels that week, I began to notice a strong sensation of warmth go through me whenever Rin touched me (for example, an innocent touch on the shoulder), and I had no inkling of what the feeling may have been. I would describe the feeling as a similar sensation of being under a pile of warm blankets: but it wasn't quite the same… I'd never felt this feeling before, and I wanted to know what it was.

One night, when we all stopped traveling until the next day, I was aware that Rin was being quieter than usual, which was strange for her, since she always found something to talk about. Even when I looked over at her with a somewhat questioning expression, she didn't do more than just smile at me a bit before continuing to build a small fire for us to warm ourselves by (it was getting close to autumn, so the climate was getting colder). I was beginning to think Jaken had said something to her while I had gone for a walk by myself earlier that day to clear my mind, and decided to ask him about it. I looked down at him coldly and I saw him tremble beneath my gaze.

“What did you say to her, Jaken?” I demanded.

“Wh-What are you talking about, Sesshomaru-sama?” he stuttered fearfully. “I've said n-nothing to Rin to upset her… I don't know why she's acting like this either, honest!”

“Hmm…” I glanced over at Rin thoughtfully as I mulled some possibilities over in my head. Did something else happen that she wasn't telling me about? Was she upset that I left earlier that day by myself without letting her know? It couldn't have been that, seeing as she usually didn't mind… I also remembered that she had been acting that way since we woke up that morning. Sighing softly to myself, I turned and headed for a nearby hill to think for a little while.

“Where are you going, my lord?” inquired Rin softly as I walked past her.

“Just to that hill,” I answered, “I won't be long…”

Once I got to the top of the hill, I took a seat and gazed quietly up at the vast sky, watching the stars glisten in the heavens like diamonds. It reminded me of when I used to watch the night sky with my mother as a child before she died; I admit, it made me slightly nostalgic. It was then that I realized just how alone I really was. Even having Jaken, Rin, and Ah-Un at my side at almost all times, it still felt to me like I was the only one there. It's almost like dreams some people have where they're walking amongst their friends and family and no matter how hard they try to reach out and touch them, they just go right through them like a ghost, unseen and unnoticed in every way; that's exactly how I felt. It felt as if I were locked in a world of my own and no one was able to penetrate the barrier I had placed around myself so very long ago.

“Such strange thoughts,” I mumbled to myself, brow furrowing slightly. These thoughts instantly vanished when I heard a female voice from behind me.

“Sesshomaru-sama?” It was Rin.

I glanced over my shoulder at her, blinking my eyes. “Yes?” I saw the expression on her face and frowned. She seemed upset or uncertain about something. “Rin?” Before I could say anything else, Rin had run up to me and thrown her arms around me, embracing me tightly from behind. I tried not to show any surprise, though my eyes did widen a little. I realized then that Rin was crying: I could smell her tears.

“What's the matter?” I pressed again, though quieter this time. It wasn't often that she shed tears these days and I wanted to know why she was.

“Sesshomaru-sama… you'll never leave me, will you?” she cried against my hair. “Will you be here forever…?”

“What do you mean…?”

“Will you leave me like my family did…?” she asked more clearly. I then realized what she meant by `leaving her.' I frowned and turned so I was facing her, not trying to unwrap her arms from around me.

“Rin… why are you asking me this now? I'm not going to be dying any time soon… What happened to make you fear it so?” I questioned softly, trying to comfort her as best I could.

“I had a nightmare last night… In it, you, Jaken, and Ah-Un were all killed in a battle right in front of me, and… it really frightened me…” she sobbed out, crying against my chest now. “I was left all alone and I had no one to turn to… I don't want to be alone, my lord…!”

I thought about how coincidental it all was that Rin would be thinking along the same lines as myself, thinking about what it's like to be all alone in the world. Sighing softly, I placed my hand gently on Rin's back as she hugged me, closing my eyes slightly.

“I understand how you feel, Rin… I've been alone my entire life, so I know the feeling all too well… Even with you, Jaken, and Ah-Un around me, I still feel as though I'm the only one around, like I'm secluded from everything around me… If you think you're alone… you don't know what the feeling is…” I muttered softly to her.

She looked up at me with slightly wide eyes and I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks. “Sesshomaru-sama… I had no idea you felt that way… I had no idea how lonely you've always felt…”

I shook my head slightly and closed my eyes. “Don't trouble yourself over it… it's how things are for me; I'm used to it…”

“You don't understand! No one deserves to feel alone, Sesshomaru-sama! Especially not you…” sobbed Rin, looking thoroughly upset. “I don't like the thought of you feeling that way…”

“Stop, Rin… Do not waste your breath… However, you are right about one thing,” I told her, gazing deep into her big brown eyes, a small smile on my face, “Rather than me, it is you who doesn't deserve to feel alone…”

Rin's eyes widened and I thought I saw her cheeks flush a light pink color.

“R-Really…?”

“Really… Rin, being upset just isn't like you… I'm used to seeing you cheerful and carefree…”

“Sesshomaru-sama…”

“There's no need to fear being all alone in the world… It will be many years yet until I perish…”

I realized I was finally cheering Rin up when I saw her smile. She hugged me tightly and I heard her whisper, “Arigatou,” to me and I rubbed her back softly as she steadily began to calm down.

“Are you feeling better, Rin…?” I inquired quietly.

“Hai, Sesshomaru-sama…” she replied softly, unwrapping her arms from around me and standing up. She was smiling down at me. “Shall we head back, my lord?”

“Hai…” With that one word, I stood up and followed Rin down the hill and back to Ah-Un and Jaken. It was at that moment that I just knew I was beginning to understand Rin better; she feared my death more than anything… I was left to ponder this the rest of the night as I watched over Rin as she slept…