Law And Order - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Ordinary Guy ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: Not mine, nope.

 

Author's Note: Just was listening to Juliana Hatfield's “Ordinary Guy” song and I felt inspired. Doesn't get any simpler than that. That and I've been writing our favorite couple together already, as opposed to setting them up this past summer. As I was going to post it today, I found out it was also Ms. Harmon's birthday, so double your pleasure. Celebrate her birthday by watching her Law and Order episodes and her Batman Beyond work.

 

Beta: My beta has life to contend with, so patience.

 

Timeline: In transition of “Judge Dread” and “Deep Vote”.

 

Ready Go!

 

 

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“Jack, I don't suppose we can pick up the pace tonight?” Abbie anxiously solicited as they burned the evening oil in E.A.D.A. McCoy's office with interminable paperwork.

 

“You got a hot date, Abbie?” her boss quipped as he penned in an affidavit.

 

“Well, now that you mention it, I do.” A slight ruby hue graced her features.

 

“Anyone I know?”

 

“Well, his name is Jason and he's an athlete who works at a gym near my place. I had been trying for a few months, but he seemed so hard to get. Then, one day, when I outright gave up, he came up and talked to me. I'm thinking something might happen here,” she enlightened with tinges of optimism.

 

“I wish you well on that,” he replied noncommittally.

 

“Thanks. Does that mean we can finish up quick?” She batted her mahogany eyes.

 

“Well, we got the `Judge Dread' case to deal with, so…no,” he jovially cracked. His eyes promptly meandered away from either the ensuing glare or her crestfallen face. The man evoked a sigh. “How important is this guy to you?”

 

“Well, I don't want to be a teenager and say `more than life itself,' but…”

 

“Go, go, go. You owe me, though.” He waved his hand facetiously.

 

The Texan spitfire about detonated in delight. “Thank you, Jack.”

 

“Oh, just go.”

 

“I have to call him first. Thanks.” She flashed him a subtle yet intense beam as she tottered off to her office phone.

 

“Yeah.” The mature gentleman suddenly felt melancholy. He swiftly suppressed his emotions with the bureaucratic red tape before him. His colleague returned with a slammed door in her wake a few moments later.

 

“Problem?” he inquired nonchalantly.

 

“Sorry. Well, you know that bright, promising possible relationship I was talking about. Well, he got married in Vegas last night.” the firebrand fumed.

 

“Oh, Abbie. I'd offer a hug, but I think you'd feed me my arm,” he lightheartedly attempted to gibe.

 

“Thank you anyway.”

 

“You going to be okay?” Jack hummed in empathy.

 

“Yeah, yeah. It's not the first time I got rejected,” she shrugged.

 

“Really? I thought you'd be beating the guys off with a stick,” he grinned. She scoffed at the statement in response.

 

“I would, but guys don't seem to like…well..., an articulate, aggressive woman with a mouth on her.”

 

The E.A.D.A. internally sniggered by that, recalling his bickering with Claire. “Not all guys are like that, Abbie. It's just you might have to specialize your standards, so you won't have this problem again. What is it you want in a guy?”

 

“I thought we had the `Judge Dread' case to deal with?” She arched an eyebrow.

 

A faint smile traced his lips. “It can keep.”

 

Abbie served back with her own smile. “Alright then.”

 

“So, what do you want in a guy?” He tilted back on his chair, hands behind his head.

 

“Okay. Well, let's see, I should start by saying I want a man who is honest— I certainly don't want to be cheated on. I want a man who can express his emotions properly and won't act like his teeth are being pulled if he says `I love you' to me. It also has to be someone who won't freak out about my assertiveness or my…baggage.” She completed her exposition with a somber tone.

 

“I know, Abbie. Not all guys can grasp the ramifications of rape,” he observed with a compassionate tenor.

 

“I know. My time with S.V.U., I found a few who would be gratified by that,” she shuddered.

 

“Don't worry, you got high standards— you'd deck them if they pulled anything.” The elder man gestured with his fist.

 

“Damn right,” the hothead A.D.A. smirked.

 

“You'd better or otherwise, I wouldn't respect you in the morning. So, what else do you want in a guy?”

 

“Um, I definitely want a guy with convictions— I don't want a guy who wants to sneak around or back down from me or anyone else. I want someone with a vertebrate and who can use it.”

 

“Definitely.” He nodded accordingly.

 

“At the end of the day, I just want a guy who will be true to me and not just want to get into my pants. I don't fool myself, Jack; I know how attractive I am. I know many guys would like to make me a notch on their bedpost and that's why I'm have my sarcasm— a lovely defense mechanism. It's just…,” she declared in her pragmatism.

 

“Tiring after a while?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“We all have those—why do you think I'm just an arrogant S.O.B.? It keeps the unwanted ladies away.”

 

“Yet you're not that way with me,” the woman commented with perplexity.

 

“I humbled myself. And I didn't think it was needed around you. Besides, between you, me, and this lamp, I didn't think we needed to clash my arrogance with your sarcasm, right?”

 

“Right. I'd say we've done nicely with our arrangement. To get back on track, I just wish a man could see me, as I am— flaws and all— and still want me. I doubt that will happen, though. God, I sound like a pathetic 16 year-old girl.” She sought to slam her head on the desk in defeat as she slumped down on a chair.

 

“No. I'd say 17 year-old. Oh, come on, Abbie. Hope springs eternal. You'll find the right guy.”

 

“When I'm a little old lady with gray hair,” she snorted before realizing her faux pas. “Sorry.”

 

“Not a problem. Just because I have a little snow on the top…I forget how the rest of that goes,” Jack cheerily jested. Her response was a paroxysm of sniggering.

 

“Thank you, I needed that,” she gasped as she calmed down.

 

“Of course.”

 

“God, if only all guys were like…” Abbie's mind flared with unanticipated cogitations. She then drifted to an epiphany, with her eyelids blinking in rapid progression.

 

“Were like what?”

 

Her face reddened as she concluded her pondering. “Were like…you.”

 

“Well, what can I say? I'm one of a kind, Abbie. So are you,” he chortled.

 

“Yeah, we are.”

 

“You just need a guy who can appreciate a one-of-a-kind woman. Most guys are so lazy; they just want something off the rack. Please.”

 

She indistinctly smiled at his statement. “Yeah, you're right. But you're not like that.”

 

“Well, I just need to find the right woman, but we're talking about you here. Besides, you're young— you need the experience for those high standards. I don't need them as I'm played out anyway.” The E.A.D.A. teasingly brandished his hands in surrender.

 

“Doesn't mean you should stop looking either. You deserve a special woman, too.”

 

“Hey, I had a good run or two. Don't worry about me,” he dismissed.

 

“Oh, come on. We talked about my ideal guy; what is your ideal woman?”

 

“Shoe's on the other foot, eh?” he retorted. “Alright. I guess my ideal woman is someone who knows what she wants in life and isn't afraid to get it. Someone who is passionate, yet not overboard and I definitely need someone grounded and down-to-earth, in addition to appreciating the simple things in life. I originally thought that I would need someone the opposite of myself to get that, but I've learned the hard way that it ain't necessary so. But whom could I find who is similar to me?” the man affirmed with a sense of futility.

 

“As you said, `you're one-of-a-kind', Jack,” the Texan prosecutor remarked.

 

“I know, but I have my job to focus on. Who has time for a date?”

 

“I know. It would be easier to date your…” The younger one of the duo appeared flushed.

 

“Date your…?”

 

“Nothing.” She turned away from him and eyeballed the windows, surveying for any meandering co-workers. Given the late hour, the majority has departed for home but one can never be too cautious.

 

“What? Come on, Abbie, you can tell me anything.” He stood up and swaggered behind her.

 

“Yeah, you're right. You said you want someone `who knows what she wants in life and isn't afraid to get it'? You got your wish and mine.” She faced him, yanked down on his candy cane striped tie, and delivered a prying kiss on the lips.

 

“Abbie…” Now it is Jack's turn to blush as they parted.

 

“You know how to sell yourself, you know that?” she taunted before comprehending her second gaffe of the night. “I'm sorry. It was just the heat of the moment.” She lowered her head in shame.

 

“Would it help if I said I enjoyed it? Even wanted it?” He cupped her chin and gazed into her russet eyes.

 

The woman's anxiety unraveled. “Yeah, it would. It looks we have a lot to talk about, don't we?”

 

“Yeah, we do. You know, Wylie's sentence report would make a funny mood enhancer while we talk,” he rejoined slyly.

 

“Always work with you,” she chuckled.

 

“Guilty as charged.” He bowed before her. “Actually, I thought it to be expedient, in case the setting has to switch to one of our apartments later on. I don't want the declaration of love be said while doing a stack of affidavits.” She rolled her eyes at that.

 

“Jack, do you think it could work?” she queried with a perfunctory innocent manner. Jack was startled—it was quite the bombshell, given the usual mordant character of his A.D.A.

 

He relaxed and positioned both his hands on her shoulders. “Given what we've been through and what we've shared? Yeah, I do. Hope springs eternal, right?”

 

Abbie inclined against him, propping herself up. “I hope so, too.”

 

 

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Lyrics:

 

Ordinary Guy

© 1999 Juliana Hatfield Music

 

All my friends are crazy,

And my boyfriend's a freak,

He shoots up in front of me,

In the daytime he sleeps.

Oh, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

Yeah, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

 

My manic depressive,

He wrecked his jeep.

He won't take his medication,

He won't take me to the beach.

Oh, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

Yeah, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

 

No more lies, no more crying,

That would be such a relief.

Someone I could talk to,

Without getting too deep.

Who won't play stupid head games,

Who says what he means.

Oh, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

Yeah, I want an ordinary guy,

Yeah, I want a really normal guy.

 

Somebody nice with no insecurities,

Someone well adjusted I'd like to meet,

An ordinary guy,

An ordinary guy just like me.

 

Here's to Angie and Jason, who hopefully won't beat me up for this. Anyway, leave me a review and see you in the funny papers.