Love Hina Fan Fiction / Excel Saga Fan Fiction ❯ Quack Experimental Fusion Kaolla Saga ❯ The Woman From The Planet Chupiter ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Here's the second episode of my fusion fanfic Kaolla Saga! If you didn't like the first part, you're probably not going to like this part, either!

Enjoy!

-+*+-

Love Hina belongs to Ken Akamatsu.

Excel Saga belongs to Koshi Rikdo.

-+*+-

[The "Star Wars" theme plays as words scroll up the screen in front of a starfield. It looks like they're flying off into the distance, just like the beginning of each "Star Wars" movie.]

KAOLLA

SAGA

Episode II

ATTACK OF THE CLODS

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,

there lived two dominant powers. I don't know

if this is true, but frankly, I don't really give a

tooty...

Anywho, I, Ken Akamatsu, do hereby grant Yami

Goku permission to change his Kaolla Saga fanfic

into a science-fiction Anime epic...!

KEN (voice-over): "I, Ken Akamatsu, do hereby give Yami Goku permission to change Kaolla Saga into a kick-ass Sci-Fi Anime fanfic! Now, GET TO WORK!"

[Ken's stamp of approval flies off into the distance along with the words.]

[KEN AKAMATSU]

-+*+-

[Cue Opening Theme, "Love (Loyalty)."]

[A shot of Kaolla does a 360, then Kaolla falls into Keitarazzo's trap hole. Shortly before the title screen, she emerges with a squid on her head.]

QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FUSION

K A O L L A * S A G A

A Love Hina/Excel Saga Fusion FanFic by Yami Goku

~Episode Two: The Woman From Planet Chupiter~

[Kaolla makes several funny faces at the screen.]

[Kaolla and Mutsumi are lip-syncing to the OT, which is actually being sung by the Excel * Girls.]

Sore wa ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["That isn't love..."]

Ai wa sore ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Love isn't that..."]

[The girls are singing on a sidewalk.]

Aishite iru kedo ai sarete wa inai. ["I am in love, but I am not loved."]

[Several shots that include Mutsumi looking at you, looking the other way, collapsing, and laying on a couch soused to the gills.]

Kesshite ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Definitely isn't love..."]

Ketsu wa ai ja nai~~... (*cough* *cough*) ["Derriere isn't love..."]

[The girls are singing within the locker room of a men's public bath.]

Aisaretai kedo motometari wa shinai. ["I want to be loved, but I never seek it out."]

[Several shots of Tama in different poses, then when Tama sees Kaolla wielding a fork and knife, she acts terrified and withdraws into her shell.]

Kono mi sasagete inochi nagedashi. ["I offer myself, and throw my life away."]

[Mutsumi floating in the water.]

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni ["Looking neither left nor right, I will just earnestly"]

[Kaolla tries to run off, but two hands restrain her.]

Dameshite sukashite yokohairi ["Cheat, wheedle, interfere,"]

[Negi attempting to "initiate a perpetual contract" with Mutsumi, but a giant tentacle snatches him away. Then, three Mutsumi heads appear on the screen, each one a little closer than the last.]

Tanin wo fumitaoshi keri wo kamashite! ["And trample down and kick strangers!"]

[Kaolla kicking Negi, Iwatani, and Shiraiyoshi clean into next week!]

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[Kaolla and Mutsumi running down a long road, with Tama flying along the path.]

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[(Land)Lord Keitarazzo joins the three. He trips on his cape as he runs, and falls down.]

Tonzora koite! (Tonzora koite!) ["And we get the Hell out! (And we get the Hell out!)"]

[Kitsune is running across a bridge with a bunch of Liddos.]

Tonzora koite~~~...! ["And we get the Hell out...!"]

[Yami Goku and Ken Akamatsu running from the Feds through a tunnel, then off into the sunset.]

Banana no kawa de korondemo ["Even if I slip on a banana peel,"]

[Kaolla hanging upside-down from a tree eating a banana, while Mutsumi has slipped on several of Kaolla's banana peels, and is now unconscious on the ground.]

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame. ["It's all for his sake, anyways."]

[A giant tiger-like monster that bears a resemblance to Byakko from "Yu Yu Hakusho" pops up in front of Kaolla and Mutsumi, and the two girls assume a fighting pose. Keitarazzo is watching from the background, cowering in fear.]

Shiite iu nara sore wa kitto ["If anything, that is probably"]

[Seta being dragged from his bed by The Great Naru of The Macrocosm.]

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin! ["A kind of loyalty called love!"]

[Kaolla and Mutsumi in (Land)Lord Keitarazzo's throne room, saluting him.]

-+*+-

[Kaolla appears in the middle of a spotlight.]

KAOLLA: Yami Goku would like to apologize if the previous chapter seemed targeted solely towards Otaku who were only familiar with Love Hina. He's sorry. Now, let me bring you up to date on the story...! (^_^) This fanfic is called...

[*Ta-da!*]

QUACK EXPERIMENTAL FUSION

K A O L L A * S A G A

A Love Hina/Excel Saga Fusion FanFic by Yami Goku

KAOLLA: ..."Quack Experimental Fusion Kaolla Saga," or perhaps "Weird Fusion Kaolla Saga" to you fansubbers! Starring yours truly, Kaolla Kaolla! (^_^)

[MAIN SETTING]

[Scene shows the city of H.]

KAOLLA: It all takes place within the city and prefecture of H! Conquering it is the primary goal of the top secret organization of HINATA!

[MAIN CHARACTERS]

[Shot of (Land)Lord Keitarazzo.] Featuring (Land)Lord Keitarazzo, the head honcho, dictator-for-life, ruler supreme of HINATA!

[Shot of Tama-chan.] Tama! A turtle I picked up!

[Shot of Seta.] Seta! Weirdo!

[Shot of Ken Akamatsu.] Ken Akamatsu! Not appearing anymore!

[Shot of Yami Goku.] Yami Goku! Also a Main Character! Don't know why!

[Shot of Negi, Iwatani, and Shiraiyoshi.] Unemployed, noisy teenage neighbors! I don't know about them, either!

[Several shots of several different characters.] Ugly guy appearing in Episode Five! Lady appearing in Episode Six! Some sort of secretary appearing in Episode Seven! And then there's _ME!_ First name Kaolla, last name Kaolla, or just Kaolla for short! Age: 14; code name Kiko Koketsu!

[Keitarazzo appears behind Kaolla.]

KAOLLA: This fanfic series will chronicle the adventures and exploits of the two members of HINATA, Lord Keitarazzo and myself, as we work towards the conquest of the entire city together!

KEITARAZZO: (^_^;) [rubs back of head] <Oh, so _that's_ what this is all about...!>

[Keitarazzo disappears, and the background is replaced with a starfield. A gigantic starship manuevers into view behind Kaolla. Kaolla turns around, and sees it.]

KAOLLA: Oh, wow!

-+*+-

On the bridge of the Chupiter mothership, the Liddo were aware that they had reached their destination: The obscure, T-shirt-producing planet known as "Earth."

"Chupi Chu!" [It's Earth!] reported Liddo #1.

"Chupi chupi Chu. Chu, Chupi?" [I know. Big, isn't it?] nodded Liddo #2.

"Chu." [Uh-huh.] nodded Liddo #1.

"Chupi!" [It's war!] shouted Liddo #3.

"Chupi~!" [Invade!] shouted Liddo #4.

"Chupi~~!" [Dance!] commanded the Liddo Commander.

The Liddo began to dance around a cryogenic sleeping chamber that held their greatest treasure: The Liddo Princess.

"Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi!" chanted the Liddo as they danced, being watched by a strange man called "Space Cowboy."

"They're so cute!" remarked the Space Cowboy.

-+*+-

As the starship zoomed by, Kaolla was caught up in its warp fields, and thrown all about the void!

"Oh-noooo! This is bad! I'm getting spacesick! HELP ME, GREAT NARU OF THE MACROCOSM! YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!" shouted Kaolla, unaware that in space, no one can hear you scream...

-+*+-

Back on Earth in the city of H, Pedroyasu Seta was just waking up after a refreshing night's sleep.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

...Okay, I guess that it _wasn't_ very refreshing. Seta awoke, screaming, panting, and in a profuse sweat.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *pant* *pant* *pant* *whew!* I guess that Seta just had a really terrible dream!" panted Seta, before noticing the woman that laid at his side.

"Uuuugghh...Oh! Ohayou gozaimasu, Seta!" greeted a naked Great Naru of the Macrocosm as she basked in the afterglow.

Seta put two and two together.

It was no dream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Seta, doing a perfect impression of "The Scream" painting.

-+*+-

Up in space, Kaolla was still floating around, trying to get a hold of Great Naru, but she kept on getting a busy signal.

"Oh, this is just perfect!" shouted Kaolla, before noticing a strange light ahead of her. The light consumed her completely.

"HOCKEY PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKSSSS... ... ...!" Kaolla shouted before vanishing into the light...

-+*+-

Kaolla sprung awake.

"That was just another dream?! I hate that!" said Kaolla.

When Kaolla realized that she was somehow standing in the kitchen of Hinata-sou, in an apron, with Tama on a cutting board in front of her, she figured what had happened when her brain fell asleep.

"Apparently, when my mind went AWOL, my stomach took full control of my actions!" Kaolla picked up a frightened and shaking Tama, and comforted her.

"Don't worry, Tamago! I'm not going to eat you."

Tama relaxed.

"I'm going to _save_ you as my Emergency Food Supply! (^_^)" added Kaolla, making Tama scared again.

"Myuuuuuhhh!" Tama began flying all over the place in fear.

-+*+-

Upstairs, Negi, Iwatani, and Shiraiyoshi could hear the sounds of Kaolla chasing a flying turtle all around her apartment.

"Blimey, does that girl _ever_ shut up?!" asked Negi.

"I don't know. I think it's soothing," commented Iwatani.

"Man, you've got some nerves of steel!" Shiraiyoshi "said."

"*groan* Surely, that little twerp must drive you a _little_ batty sometimes!" Negi said.

"Don't call me Shirley! My name is Masakuni Iwatani!" introduced Iwatani.

"And my name is Kimimaru Shiraiyoshi! Don't wear it out, man! (^_^)" said Shiraiyoshi, silently.

"And _my_ name is Yami Goku! No other name needed!" announced Yami Goku, who had somehow appeared out of nowhere.

After receiving several long seconds of the silent treatment, Yami Goku slinked out of the apartment.

Negi went back to staring at the wall. "Why was I cursed with this bleeping lame lifestyle?! Why do I have to live in this bleeping apartment with three bleeping bass-ackwards Japanese clods, instead of teaching at Mahora Academy?! Why are we all bleeping unemployed?! Why couldn't I have been a travel agent?! Or a great scientist?! Or the inventor of a hilarious refridgerator alarm?! Why must bleeping Japan be under this bleeping recession?! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!" cursed Negi.

Shiraiyoshi looked at Negi, as if he had something uplifting and inspiring to "say."

"Hey, man. Like, poo happens," was what Shiraiyoshi had to "say."

"Yeah 'listen' to him, Negi!" said Iwatani, also looking at Negi.

Negi regarded Iwatani with an irritated stare as he pointed his staff at Iwatani.

"Eep!" squealed Iwatani as he backed away.

"I would rather be alone. Go away, you two," Negi said.

"Hai, sir!" said Iwatani and Shiraiyoshi as they fled to another room.

-+*+-

The strange alien starship hovered over the city of H, blocking out the Sun and casting a huge shadow all over everything. Of course, it was already becoming cloudy, and the Sun was about to be consumed by rainclouds.

At the Hinata Apt., Kaolla was just getting ready to leave for HINATA headquarters, which was technically in the same building.

"I'm going now, Tamago! Watch my room while I'm away! And stay out of my closet!" shouted Kaolla as she ran out the door and down the hella-long staircase. As soon as Kaolla got to the bottom, she noticed how cloudy it was. "Huh...Looks like rain! I better check the weather forecast!"

Kaolla pulled out her portable TV, unfolded to its full size of 70 inches, and turned it on.

"Welcome to H News Weather! And now, your lovely weather girl, Felicia Neko!" announced the announcer as the screen changed from the station logo to the cotton-candy-blue-haired girl that was also ripped off from another one of Yami Goku's fanfics.

"Today's weather looks _really_ sunny and happy, folks! Go out and get a tan! *tee-hee!* (^_~)" Felicia wink cutely after giving her report in front of the weather map of Japan.

Kaolla turned off her TV, and folded it back up. "All right! Time for go to HINATA! (^_^)"

Kaolla bolted down the street, heading towards HINATA HQ, which wasn't that far away.

"I'M COMEEEEEEEEENNNNGGGG, LORD KEITARAZZO! HAI-KEEBA! (^_^)" shouted Kaolla as she whizzed down the street at top speed, not aware that she was going in the wrong direction.

An Old Man and a Young Boy saw Kaolla sprint down the road.

"Old Man, is that girl crazy?" asked the Young Boy.

"She sure is, Young Boy. She _sure_ is," answered the Old Man.

-+*+-

The hot weather girl Felicia Neko's weather report was wrong, and soon it was raining buckets all over H. Wandering through the rain was none other than Yami Goku, who was sensing some familiar vibes.

"Oh, great! Space Cowboy!" groaned Yami Goku.

"I can sense you too, Yami Goku! I'm coming for you! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed Space Cowboy, his voice audible in Yami Goku's head.

"THERE HE IS! LET'S GET HIM!" came a voice from the alleyway.

"Dammit! The Feds!" whispered Yami Goku as he ran from his pursuers, being pursued for the crime of being a Self-Insert.

-+*+-

Back on the Chupiter mothership, the Liddo were preparing for their invasion of Earth. Actually, they were still dancing around the sleeping chamber of their princess. They all came to attention when the Liddo Commander spoke up.

"Chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi?!" [How many of you have the guts to go down there and fight, even though you're all small and weak?!"] spoke the Liddo Commander.

"Chupi chupi!" the Liddo shouted in unison.

"Chupi chupi chupi! Chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi!" [You're all so brave! You already deserve medals for bravery!] said the Liddo Commander as he tossed medals to all of the Liddo, who caught them and put them on.

"Chupi!" thanked the Liddo, who then resumed dancing around the cryogenic chamber of the Chupiterian Princess.

"Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi! Chupi!" chanted the Liddo as they danced, making the Space Cowboy swoon.

"Oh, my! They're soooo kawaii!"

-+*+-

Elsewhere, Kaolla was standing in the Main Office of HINATA, which was flooded with rainwater, due to the sexy Felicia Neko's lousy prediction about the nice weather.

"The HINATA base is in deep trouble! Stupid pretty weather girl...!" mumbled Kaolla.

"Oh, man! All this water! What am I going to do about it?!" panicked (Land)Lord Keitarazzo, still safely up on the floating kotatsu.

"I know!" Kaolla pulled out another one of her weird inventions, which looked like a giant doll with a tiki mask. "I built this wooden self-propelled lifedoll, with a built an ice-cream maker! You can save your life _and_ money on ice cream! (^_^)"

Keitarazzo was unimpressed. However, in a crisis, he was highly open to suggestions. "That's brilliant, Kaolla! I hereby promote you to...uh...Toilet Cleaner!"

"Oh, arigatou arigatou arigatou, Lord Keitarazzo-sama! I shan't disappoint! (^_^)" thanked Kaolla dropping the doll into the water.

"Well, that aside, now for today's assignment! Take a look at this guy!" said Keitarazzo, holding up a picture with a young boy's picture on it.

"This young boy with the electric guitar is Seiya Amanogawa, a 13-year old boy with rock-and-roll dreams! He's yet another character ripped off from one of Yami Goku's fanfics, one that has yet to be featured, however." said Keitarazzo as a game show bell chimed. "He spends all day blasting his eardrums with heavy metal music, not taking into account that the loud music prevents his older sister Tenko from studying. What do you think of all this, Kaolla?"

Kaolla had noticed that the water level in the room seemed to be getting a little high, with the table floating higher. Nevertheless, she gave a concise answer. "Uhhhh...He's a brainless, tone-deaf youth who'll never amount to anything?!" The water level got higher still, until Kaolla figured out that the water wasn't getting higher, it was her that was getting lower! "Uh, Keitarazzo-sama, I don't mean to be a bother, but I seem to be sinking! If it's all right with you, I'd just like to get to my part-time job to pay for my rent!"

Keitarazzo's cell phone rang. "Hold on, Kaolla!" Keitarazzo answered it. "Moshi-moshi?"

There was a long pause, during which Kaolla sunk a little deeper.

"...Nani?! ...*sigh* Oh, all right...!" Keitarazzo hung up. "The Supreme High Master Commander of HINATA thinks my idea is a crappy one. So much for _that_ plan...! (-_-)" sighed Keitarazzo as he stamped "REJECTED" on Seiya's profile sheet. "Just go, Kaolla."

However, Kaolla had already left, or so it looked that way to Keitarazzo. "Kaolla...?"

-+*+-

HEPPOKO

JIKKEN

FYUUJON

K A O R A

S A A G A

(KEITARAZZO: *sigh* That little gaikokujin will be the death of me...!)

-+*+-

Back at Hinata-sou, Tama was staring out the window at the downpour, dreaming of only one thing: freedom. She didn't want to become turtle soup for Kaolla in case she got _really_ hungry! She just wanted to live a normal life as a hot-springs turtle!

"Myuuhh!" Tama knew that now was the perfect opportunity to escape!

Tama flew over to the door, and was able to undo the latch with no trouble. However, turning the doorknob was downright impossible for the poor little onsengame!

"Myuuuuuhh!" cried Tama, wishing that she was human-sized.

Wanting to escape at whatever cost, Tama started to get desperate.

"Myuuuuhh...!" Withdrawing her head into her shell, Tama began her attempts to barge the door down. But even after many attacks on the door, it still didn't open!

-+*+-

The banging of the door and pitiful turtle whines caught the attention of Negi, who was right in the middle of preparing lunch.

"RRRRGGGHHH! Can't that bloody little reptile see that I'm right in the middle of tea time?!" growled Negi as he walked over to Kaolla's door. "Can't she see that I'm right in the middle of wallowing in self-despair?!"

Negi opened the door. And as soon as Tama saw her only path to freedom open right up before her eyes, she was overcome with joy!

"MYUUUUUUUHHH! (^_^)" exclaimed Tama, angels of happiness appearing over her, and Beethoven's "Ode To Joy" playing all around her.

Tama flew out, Negi becoming bewildered by the naked angels of happiness hovering over the turtle.

As soon as Tama jumped into the torrential flood waters and started swimming off, Negi looked out the window. "Woah! The whole street is flooded! It's like Venice!"

-+*+-

Kaolla was riding her yellow hoverscooter decorated with a "P!" over the floodwaters, wearing a red rain slicker while delivering newspapers, the only job that she could obtain.

"o/~ I~'VE BEEN DELIVERING NEWSPA~PERS!/ ALL THE RAINY DAY!/ I~'VE BEEN DELIVERING NEWSPA~PERS!/ 'CAUSE THAT'S HOW I'LL EARN MY PAY...! o/~" sang Kaolla. As she sang she noticed several objects being carried by the current, such as a car, a neon sign, and the world's largest naruto (fish cakes that are served in ramen).

"There seems to be an awful lot of carbohydrate-rich foods floating by today," remarked Kaolla, "but if this flood sweeps everything away, our conquest of the city will be over before you know it! (^_^)"

Kaolla then envisioned her and (Land)Lord Keitarazzo ruling over the entire...washed-away barren wasteland.

"NO NO NO! THAT'S CRAZY! THERE'LL BE NOTHING LEFT!" Kaolla said, shaking her head.

Kaolla then heard the sound of what sound like a turtle singing. She looked down in the water, and noticed Tama water-skiing through the floodwaters, surrounded by a beautiful rainbow and three nude angels of happiness. Beethoven's "Ode To Joy" could be heard, and Tama was singing to it in a chorus of "Myuh!"s.

Kaolla watched her pet water-ski for a minute or so, then she leapt off of her hoverscooter and pounced on Tama.

"GOTCHA! (^_^) You tried to escape, ne, Tamago?!" cooed Kaolla, as Tama sadly watched her angels of happiness wave bye-bye as they flew away.

Kaolla looked around. "Now, where'd my Hover-Vespa go? I only abandoned it for 30 seconds to a minute! Hmmm..."

As Kaolla looked around, she failed to noticed her scooter float away behind her. "Meh, I'm sure I'll run into it eventually! (^_^)" she shrugged.

Kaolla then noticed something else float by: A cute little stuffed animal wrapped in an adorable pink coat, carrying a weird megaphone-like item as it floated by on a piece of driftwood.

"Chupiiiiiiiiiiii! (^____________________^)" squealed the cute creature as it saw Kaolla, doing an accurate impression of a FanFiction.Net/MediaMiner.org fangirl.

"OH, HOW KAWAII! (*_*)" beamed Kaolla. "BUT THERE'S NO TIME FOR KAWAII!" Kaolla bludgeoned the cute thing with an electric guitar, causing it to make an ugly face.

"GAAAAHHH! YOU GOT ME!" grunted the cute creature before exploding in a flurry of stuffing.

Kaolla picked up the megaphone-thingamabob. "What's this contraption? Kaolla will find out! (^_^)"

Kaolla started to run back to Hinata-sou. "When we get back and I figure out what this is, then we eat, Tama!"

"MYUUUUUHHH!" shrieked Tama, not hearing the second comma in Kaolla's statement.

-+*+-

Later, back at Hinata-sou, Kaolla had just disassembled the device, analyzed it, and put it back together.

"Of course! After thorough and extensive analysis, I've concluded that this is a top-secret KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN sent to me by the HINATA Research Laboratories in Bangor, Maine! Of course, it actually says "Made With Pride By The Chupiter Corporation" here, but that's probably just for protection! (^_^)" concluded Kaolla, striking a cool pose. "With this KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN, HINATA shall _rule the city of H!"

Kaolla marched out into the hall, staring out the window at the flooded city of H.

"PREPARE TO MEET THY DOOM, H! PREPARE TO BE RULED BY (LAND)LORD KEITARAZZO! (^_^) POWER ON!"

Kaolla switched on the device.

"Greetings, fellow user! My name is Julian, and I'll be your KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN for today," spoke the KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN in a very femme voice.

"FIRE!" commanded Kaolla.

"Your wish is my command, dear!" said Julian as the KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN fired a powerful purple beam up into the sky.

-+*+-

The beam sailed high into the atmosphere, blasting a hole clean through the Chupiter mothership!

"Chupiiii! Chupiiiiii!" panicked the Liddo as they ran around, everything malfunctioning and in disorder.

The Space Cowboy noticed the sleep chamber containing the Chupiterian treasure start to slide away. "OH-NO! SOMEBODY SAVE LADY MUTSUMI!"

-+*+-

Back on Earth, Kaolla watched the big spaceship plummet to the Earth. "Oopsie! Did I do that?"

Kaolla then saw a bunch of yellow feline stuffed animals struggle to make it onto a small shuttlecraft.

"Chupi chupi chu! Chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi chupi!" [Everybody get back on! The plans to conquer Earth are on temporary hold!] shouted one of the Liddo as he motioned for all the other Liddo to get back on board.

"Huh?" wondered Kaolla as she leapt out of the window, and swam all the way over to the strange shuttle.

Jumping into the spacecraft, still with Tama on her head, Kaolla took a look around at all the yellow stuffed animals.

"What's all this?! CUTE YELLOW STUFFED ANIMALS?!" exclaimed the gaijin girl.

"Chupi chupi?" [Who's she?] asked Liddo #7.

"Chupi chupi chupi?" [A warrior from Earth?] wondered Liddo #15.

"NO TIME FOR CUTE!" shouted Kaolla, punching Liddo #18, causing him to make an ugly face and explode in a flurry of stuffing.

"KAWAIIKUNE!" Kaolla exclaimed as she kicked Liddo #23, causing him to make an ugly face and explode in a flurry of stuffing.

"I HAD A STUFFED TURKEY ONCE, AND IT WAS DELICIOUS _AND_ CUTE!" Kaolla yelled as she clobbered Liddo #30, causing him to sail into a control panel and activate it before making an ugly face and exploding in a flurry of stuffing.

Some weird alien language flashed on the activated control panel, causing the shuttlecraft to take off!

"Now that we're deviated from our planned course of events, how about a little help here, Naru-chan?!" asked Kaolla.

-+*+-

Back at the shack in the middle of H, Seta was drained and sobbing after being robbed of his male pride by a horny Great Naru of the Macrocosm.

"Ohhh! *gasp* *pant* *pant* You're _such_ a wild stallion, Seta-san!" panted Great Naru, basking in the afterglow after yet another romp with Seta.

-+*+-

"Oh, not again!" Kaolla then had a realization! "Hey, wait a minute! What if this is another one of HINATA's top secret weapons?! If that is the case, then there's nothing to worry about!"

Kaolla ran over to a control panel, which was displaying vital technical information in the unreadable Chupiterian language.

"Oh, great! I can't read this weird language!" groaned Kaolla.

Kaolla was powerless, as the lack of navigational control caused the shuttlecraft to collide with the mothership, worsening the situation up there!

-+*+-

On the Chupiter mothership, Space Cowboy was desperately trying push the Chupiterian Princess's cryo chamber to safely.

"Must...make...it...to...escape...pods...with Chupiterian Princess...!" grunted Space Cowboy as he continued to push the freezer bed.

"Chupi chupi chupi chupi chu!" [You've betrayed us, Space Cowboy!] shouted the Liddo.

The kawaii charm of the Liddo once again stopped Space Cowboy in his tracks. "Ohhhh...They're...just...so...KAWAII!"

Space Cowboy was so distracted by the Liddo, he didn't notice that his sworn enemy was standing before him.

"It ends here, Space Cowboy!" declared Yami Goku, wearing a blindfold to shield himself from the cuteness of the Liddo.

"Oh-no! ...I mean, uh...*ahem* YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME, BATMAN--I mean--YAMI GOKU! NEVER! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...!" Space Cowboy laughed.

"HAI, I _WILL_ STOP YOU! IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LAYETH THE SMACKETHDOWNETH ON YOUETH!" threatened Yami Goku, striking several martial arts poses.

"NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE ALMIGHTY _SPACE COWBOY_! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" laughed Space Cowboy, trying not to look directly at the Liddo.

"WELL, _I_ CAN DEFEAT YOU, SPACE COWBOY, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY! I KNOW KARATE, JUDOU, TAE KWON DO, JEET KUNE DO, KUNG FU, TOFU, HOUOUJI FU, LITTLE BUNNY FOO FU, KUNG PAO, FENG SHUI, DAI DOP WOOEY, HONG KONG SHAFOOEY, FRED SAVAGE, AND SEVERAL OTHER COOL-SOUNDING PSEUDO-ASIAN WORDS!" boasted Yami Goku.

But while Yami Goku was boasting, a lone Liddo climbed up on his shoulders, and pulled off his blindfold!

"Oh, fuck!" swore Yami Goku as he was exposed to the full brunt of the Liddo's cuteness all at once. Space Cowboy gave in when he saw the Liddo remove Yami Goku's blindfold.

"SO KY-OOOOOOOOT! (*_*)" exclaimed Space Cowboy and Yami Goku as they succumbed to the Liddo's mind-numbing cuteness.

-+*+-

As for the state of the Chupiterian mothership, it was very close to self-destructing in mid-air! This was parially due to the fact that Kaolla was now aboard the mothership, shooting everything in sight with the KICK-ASS DEATH RAY GUN, Liddo and everything!

"OUT OUT OUT! THIS BIGGER SHIP IS NOW THE PROPERTY OF (LAND)LORD KEITARAZZO AND HINATA!" shouted Kaolla, not giving a rat's posterior about the delicate equipment in her part of the ship.

As Kaolla decimated the ship, major systems overloaded and exploded, creating even more chaos on the Bridge!

"Chupi, chupi! Chupi chupi, chupi! Chupi chupi, chupi!" [Navigation, out! Life Support, out! Warp Drive, out!] reported Liddo #47.

"Chupi chupi chupi! Chupi chupi?!" [Enough of what's out! What's in?] asked Liddo #69.

"Chupi! Chupi~!" [Anime! No duh!] answered Liddo #88.

"UH-OH! THIS SHIP IS ABOUT TO GO KABLAMMO! WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!" shouted Yami Goku. "SPACE COWBOY, YOU TAKE THE HOT BABE IN STASIS AND GET OUT OF HERE! I'LL BE WITH YOU JUST AS SOON AS I TAKE CARE OF THESE DANG LIDDO!"

"NO! _YOU_ TAKE CARE OF THE CHUPITERIAN PRINCESS, AND _I'LL_ TAKE CARE OF THE LIDDO!" insisted Space Cowboy.

"*sigh* Whatever...!" sighed Yami Goku as he began to push the Princess' cryo chamber to the escape pods.

As soon as Yami Goku ran off with the cryogenic chamber and its lovely contents, Space Cowboy felt great remorse at letting Yami Goku go off on his own with the Princess.

"Oh, Yami Goku, why was I foolish enough to trust a slacker like _you_ with Lady Mutsumi?! You'll just end up blowing yourself _and_ her to smithereens when everything goes kablammo!" lamented Space Cowboy. Realizing that he was actually developing sympathy for his nemesis, he shrugged and began to remember happier times with Yami Goku: Mowing down a group of thugs with a machine gun, then making it look like a sleeping bum did it; drinking a lot of lemonade and then going swimming in the town's water supply, calling up the local tavern and asking for "Heywood Jacuddlemy," "Dick Hertz," or "Ima Stupidmoronwithanuglyfaceandabigbuttandmybuttsmellsandiliketokissmyownbutt" ...They were all cherished memories.

"Dagnabbit, Yami Goku! I'm not going to let these infernal Liddo get it my way! They may be cute, but Lady Mutsumi is even cuter! I can do it!" exclaimed Space Cowboy.

Space Cowboy turned around and faced the army of Liddo that were chasing him.

"ALL RIGHT! LISTEN UP, YOU LITTLE VARMINTS! I'VE HAD IT UP TO _HERE_ WITH THE LIKES OF YOU LITTLE PESTS, AND I DON'T MEAN CIRCUS MIDGETS! I'M SICK OF THE WAY YOU'RE ALWAYS ACTING CUTE TO STOP ME FROM DOING WHAT I WANT! _NO ONE_ STOPS SPACE COWBOY! AND I'M _TIRED_ OF HEARING NOTHING BUT 'CHUPI CHUPI' ALL DAY LONG! WELL, THIS HERE IS YOUR _LAST STAND_!" announced Space Cowboy as he drew his two six-shooter pistols, and took down twelve Liddo within three seconds, all of them making ugly faces before exploding in flurries of stuffing.

Space Cowboy pulled the remote control for the ship's Self-Destruct mode, and held it up in the air. "IT ALL ENDS HERE! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! YAMI GOKU, I HOPE THAT YOU'RE ALREADY OFF THE SHIP WITH LADY MUTSUMI, BECAUSE I'M GONNA BLOW ALL OF THESE EFFING LIDDO AND THEIR MOTHERSHIP TO KINGDOM COME! WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Space Cowboy pushed the button.

(*****BOOOOOM!*****)

However, Yami Goku had not yet made it to the escape pods with the Chupiterian Princess' cryogenic chamber. The Chupiterian mothership exploded in a brilliant show of light, tossing Yami Goku, the Princess' freezer bed, and Kaolla in three different directions!

As Yami Goku sailed away, he watched the Chupiterian mothership go up in dazzling flames, its deadened carcass falling into the ocean.

"See you, Space Cowboy...! Until next we meet...!" said Yami Goku as he sailed off into the horizon.

As Kaolla and Tama were blasted away, with even greater force and trajectory than Yami Goku, Kaolla closed her legs, and gave a loud farewell to everyone below.

"LOOKS LIKE TEAM KAOLLA'S BLASTING OFF AGAIN!" cried Kaolla as she disappeared with a speck of light and a "ping" sound.

As for the cryo chamber containing the Chupiterian Princess Mutsumi, well...

-+*+-

Back at the HINATA base, (Land)Lord Keitarazzo had figured out what to do with the water that had flooded the base. He opened up the trap door, and let all the water rush into the basement, which was also the site of a dry hot spring! The water heated up due to jets of volcanic heat, making the HINATA basement a cozy hot springs resort!

"Aaaaahhh...sweet bliss...! (^_^)" sighed Keitarazzo happily as he immersed himself in the warm, soothing water. For one rare moment in his life, (Land)Lord Keitarazzo was feeling peaceful. There were few things that could happen then that would shatter his peace...

Along came one of those few things, as Keitarazzo's attention was caught by the sound of something crashing through the roof of the HINATA base, and landing with an awesome "CRASH!" sound!

"Oh-no...!" muttered Keitarazzo as he put his towel on over his lower areas, and ran up the twenty-five flights of stairs leading out of the basement and into his throne room.

When he got back upstairs, totally exhausted, he was just in time to see the cryogenic chamber's timer run out. The chamber opened with a loud "HISSSSSSS!" and a thick cloud of chilly nitrogen gas.

"Huh...?" uttered Keitarazzo as he saw a body fall out of the freezer chamber. It was a very beautiful young woman, with long chocolate-brown hair in a cute braid down her back, and huge breasts. She seemed to be dressed in very strange, revealing extraterrestrial clothing.

The woman stood up straight, and looked directly at Keitarazzo.

"Greetings, Earthling...! (^_^)" spoke Mutsumi, in a very quiet, sweet voice.

"Uhh...Greetings to you, too! I'm (Land)Lord Keitarazzo, and given your attire, I'd say that you're an agent sent from the HINATA Supreme High Headquarters in South Bend, Indiana!" guessed Keitarazzo.

"Well, I..." began Mutsumi.

Suddenly, Keitarazzo's towel fell off!

"GYAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Keitarazzo.

"Ohhhhhh...!" moaned Mutsumi just before she fainted.

-+*+-

In some weird place millions of miles--er, thousands of miles away, Kaolla was just waking up after landing in the middle of nowhere.

"*groan* Where on Earth am I...?"

Kaolla then found herself as the target for about ten armed rifles being wielded by military men.

"Oh, fudge...!"

-+*+-

~Episode Two: The Woman From Planet Chupiter~

TODAY'S MISSION... ... ...FAILED

-+*+-

[Cue Ending Theme, "Menchi's Bolero of Sorrow~ So You're Going to Eat Me"]

[Tama walks up to a microphone in the middle of a spotlight. She adjusts the mike, and starts to sing. As she sings, a woman (let's just say it's Nyamo from the Summer Special) appears in a bubble beside her, and translates Tama's singing. Occasionally during the song, a hand shakes salt down onto Tama.]

Starring...

Kaolla Suu as Kaolla Kaolla (Parody of Excel Excel)

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "I knew, ever since that day..."]

Mutsumi Otohime as Mutsumi (Parody of Hyatt)

(TAMA: Myuuhh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuhhh...!)

[NYAMO: "...the reason that you had approached me."]

Keitaro Urashima as (Land)Lord Keitarazzo (Parody of Lord Ilpalazzo)

Naru Narusegawa as Great Naru of the Macrocosm (Parody of Great Will of the Macrocosm)

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "Tender and soft..."]

Noriyasu Seta as Pedroyasu Seta (Parody of Pedro)

Tama-chan as Tama (Parody of Menchi)

(TAMA: Myuuhh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuhhh...!)

[NYAMO: "...that my body is to your tastes."]

Negi Springfield as Negi Watanabe (Parody of Touru Watanabe)

(TAMA: Myuuuuhh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuhh...myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuhh...?)

[NYAMO: "To your hunger-stricken eyes, how does my body seem?"]

Masayuki Haitani as Iwatani (Parody of Norikuni Iwata)

Kimiaki Shirai as Shiraiyoshi (Parody of Daimaru Sumiyoshi)

(TAMA: Myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...myuh myuh, myuh myuh myuh...)

[NYAMO: "If you are to eat me, do it in one blow..."]

Yami Goku as himself (Parody of Nabeshin)

The Liddo as themselves (Parody of the Puchuus)

Space Cowboy as himself (Parody of Space Butler)

(TAMA: Myuh, myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuh myuuuuuuhhh...)

[NYAMO: "...so that the meat does not get hard."]

[As the song ends and the curtain closes, a hand grabs Tama off the stage.]

-+*+-

A YAMI GOKU FQX PRODUCTION

KAOLLA: Hi, everyone! Kaolla here...

MUTSUMI: Greetings, Earthlings! My name is Mutsumi. How are you all doing today? How is your planet? (^_^)

KAOLLA: Anyway, the next episode is called "The Sacrificial Lamb of the Venomous Great Escape of Hell"! See you there! (^_^)

-+*+-

Yami Goku: dark_magician720@att.net