Mai-HiME Fan Fiction ❯ Mai-HiME: "Loose Threads" ❯ Chapter 12

Mai-HiME: "Loose Threads"

 

Chapter 12

 

 

Time has a habit of running at different speeds. Depending on the situation a moment of pain can seem like days while a year of happiness can seem like mere minutes.

 

Yuuki Nao had experienced the capriciousness of time quite recently. She'd spent the first three class periods of this damp school day sitting under the bleachers of the Lacrosse field with one Minagi Mikoto.

 

The feral girl was silent most of that time only wanting to be held. Nao obliged her while partaking of her pain. Since they had begun their affair this was the closest she'd felt to Mikoto.

 

Somehow this tragedy had cured the redhead of her reluctance. She could feel her veils slipping and it frightened her. But she also felt relieved. Having feelings for someone wasn't so bad in small doses. After all, Nao had resolved to save her. The gift she had planned would be her first and last to Mikoto. It was the only gift she could give.

 

"I can't go back to Mai," Mikoto had told her then. "I only hurt her now."

 

"That's because your feelings for her are too great for her to carry," Nao had replied. "That's why love fails most of the time. We humans are much too frail to carry the burden of true love. It's better not to try to love. You both would have been much happier if you'd learned it."

 

Mikoto turned to her, fresh tears following the tracks of their predecessors. "I know, she can't give my feelings back but, I still love Mai. I want Mai to smile again!"

 

"Even after all she's done, you still..." Nao sighed resignedly. "All right, there is something you can do for her and for yourself as well."

 

Nao told her. Afterwards she loaned her a clean uniform and sent her to class. However, Nao went to the nurse's office complaining that her anemia was acting up. As she lay on the bed doubt encroached. Was she truly doing the right thing? To take Mikoto away from Mai seemed drastic.

 

But as she lay and thought Mikoto's face appeared before her. So much pain and so young. Someone cheerful and energetic like Mikoto shouldn't have to bear it. Nao hadn't known much love in her life but to have it just within reach without being able to grasp it was just too cruel.

 

"I hope you're not going to lie there all day," Youko-sensei said. She was busy recording and disposing of old prescriptions from the medicine locker.

 

"I can feel my energy slowly returning sensei," Nao said rather dramatically.

 

"This isn't a hotel, you know," Youko said irritably. She was going to comment further when a female student ran into the clinic.

 

"Youko-sensei!" she said breathlessly. "Orikasa-sempai fell off the balance beam and twisted her leg! It might even be broken!"

 

"All right, I'm on my way," the nurse said as she gathered some things in her medical bag. "Yuuki-kun we'll need that bed so go back to class."

 

Then she and the student hurried towards the gymnasium.

 

Nao sat up, alone with her thoughts once more. "It seems the choice is made for me. Dear God, give me the strength for what must come next."

 

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Tokiha Mai also prayed for strength. However she prayed for the strength not to follow the retreating figure of her roommate. It was all she could do not to rip off her apron and chase after the girl. Always chasing. Ever since they met Mai had been chasing Mikoto for some reason or other. Whether it was chasing her around campus or just around their shared room at bath time, she willingly joined the chase.

 

Now she was letting her go.

 

Mai sat in class, trying her best to pay attention to the lesson. However, if asked, she couldn't say what that lesson was or even what subject it was in.

 

Mikoto.

 

The very thought of that name pierced her heart. *Did I do the right thing, letting Nao have her?*

 

The images from that horrid video came before her again. Nao's hands on Mikoto. Touching, tasting her skin. Kissing lips only Mai had kissed before. If it was right, why did her heart ache so just thinking about them?

 

"Tokiha-kun!"

 

The sound of her name jolted Mai from her reverie. She found the entire class staring at her. "Eh...?"

 

"If you could trouble yourself to pay attention," the teacher said sternly. "I said we need to take these health surveys to the nurse's office. Congratulations. You've just volunteered."

 

Blushing to the sporadic giggles from her classmates, Mai came forward and received the stack of papers. She studiously avoided the gaze of Chie and Aoi, her friends and Tate, her boyfriend. Somehow this push to straighten out her life had left Tokiha Mai very much alone.

 

The halls were eerily empty this time of day. It was after lunch and most students were in the afternoon doldrums, where warding off sleep was the most pressing matter. Alone with her thoughts, the doubts floated back to the surface.

 

Again and again, she saw Mikoto turn and flee from her tears flooding her lovely golden eyes. Again and again she imagined herself tearing after her, grabbing her into a fierce embrace. She saw herself take Mikoto's face in her hands and kiss away her tears, kiss those cherry lips until her breath was stolen away...

 

"Gah!" Mai recoiled from that unbidden image. How did it turn into that again?

 

"Cutting class?"

 

The voice startled Mai into the here and now. Sharp, green eyes looked up at her.

 

"Nao," Mai couldn't keep the cacophony of emotion out of her voice at seeing the redhead. Nao, however didn't seem to notice.

 

"A good girl like you should be more careful to pay more attention to what's right in front of you," she said.

 

"I have to take these to Youko-sensei's office," Mai replied edging past the younger girl.

 

"Aren't you going to ask me?" Nao asked as she passed.

 

"Ask you what?"

 

"What it was like, touching Mikoto's soft skin," Nao drawled. "But you already know about that. Though you can't be satisfied with just having her warm body against you when you sleep. Or sneaking little touches in the bath."

 

Mai, who had been stalled in her escape whirled on her and stalked back to the younger girl.

 

"I'm sure you want to know how she tastes," Nao mocked.

 

Papers fluttered and suddenly Mai's hand hurt. A large, red welt appeared across Nao's cheek. Yet, she was smiling still.

 

"Why?" Mai demanded raggedly. "Why did you tell me those things? When all the time you were..."

 

"You came to me seeking absolution for your sins. Sins of hurting those you cared about, but that was a smokescreen," Nao said. "What you really wanted was an easy way out. Little Miss Perfect with the perfect life and the perfect personality and the perfect boyfriend. Everyone loves Tokiha Mai. Especially Her. You're all she ever talks about. Even when we we're together-" Nao broke off and collected herself.

 

"The reason I took her was because Mikoto is too good for a coward like you. She'd tear herself apart for you and all you can think of is protecting yourself. I don't hate you Tokiha Mai because I could never hate something she loves. But I do pity you. You'll never know what you had in Mikoto."

 

Before Mai could fathom an answer Nao left her, the papers scattered at her feet.

 

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The moon had begun to wane that night. Although it was no longer a perfect disk it shed more than enough light upon the bed.

 

This dorm room, sparsely decorated as it was had become comfortable to Mikoto. She lay there in only her underthings awaiting Nao's return. After tonight Nao would take her on a journey. She would take her away from Mai. Though Mikoto's heart ached at the thought of being separated from her beloved, it hurt all the worse knowing she had caused her pain.

 

She knew that her parting would cause Mai some more pain. But surely she'd feel better when she, Mikoto, was gone from her life. Mai would smile again.

 

Mikoto's only regret was that she'd never get to see it.

 

The door opened and Nao came through. After closing and locking the door she sat next to Mikoto on the bed and took a moment to gaze into her eyes.

 

"I left a note with instructions for Miyu," Nao said finally. "She said she wanted to pick me up tomorrow morning for Mass but...we'll probably be gone by then."

 

Mikoto nodded. "We're doing the right thing, right?"

 

Nao threw her arms about the feral girl and tenderly kissed her lips.

 

"I made a promise to God that I would save you," she said. "And I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let her hurt you again. These feelings you call love would kill you slowly. I don't want to watch you wither away like that. leaving now is thee only choice."

 

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Tokiha Mai cooked dinner for two. Udon noodles. Grilled fish she'd picked up fresh from the farmer's market. Steamed rice. Enough food for two. Well, one normal person and another with the appetite of a small futbol team.

 

Mai set everything out on the low table and pared to eat. But something was missing. One of the set of special chopsticks Takumi had given her was gone. They had been a birthday gift s Mai only used them at home.

 

"Ne, Mikoto, have you seen my...?" She wasn't there, of course. How could she expect Mikoto to come back after all that had happened?

She'd even made her dinner.

 

She'd tear herself apart for you and all you can think of is protecting yourself.

 

A normal girl doesn't have those kinds of feelings for her roommate.

 

Mai winced as she remembered those words. Is that how I really am?

 

...Mikoto is too good for a coward like you.

 

If your feelings for Tate-kun are real then why couldn't you just let Mikoto go?

 

I wouldn't LET myself think she was self-conscious because she had feelings for me. Because she wanted me.

 

Mai fell to her knees, ignoring the pain, or rather reveling in it. She deserved to hurt. She'd known all along. She'd been protecting herself and took her eyes off the most important thing. Mikoto. There simply wasn't going to be a life without her. There was no Mai without Mikoto.

 

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She lay in Nao's arms contemplating nothing. The decision had been made. Mikoto was leaving Mai's life. Her breathing sounded loud in her ears. Actually, everything sounded loud, yet distant. As if it were a fuzzy TV broadcast.

 

Her head rested against Nao's breast and she could hear the steady heartbeat. Nao's heart. She recalled doing this with Mai many times. The older girl always acted annoyed but she never stopped her. She just wanted to be closer to that beautiful heart. To feel the steady rhythm of her life force.

 

"Is your mouth dry?" Nao asked from a tunnel. "Do you want some more water?"

 

"No," Mikoto replied. She doubted she'd want to move anyway, she felt so tired.

 

"Mikoto...do you hate me?"

 

"A little. You're taking me away from her. But I also like you a little."

 

"Why?"

 

"For the same reason. When I'm gone, she'll smile again."

 

"That's all it takes for you, isn't it?" Nao asked.

 

"That's all I want," Mikoto replied. She wanted to look at Nao's face but she felt so tired...

 

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Tokiha Mai stalked the hallways of the Fuuka Gakuen Girl's Dormitory. Her footsteps took her down the familiar path. Turn here. Down the stairs. Left here. Open the door, it's never locked.

 

But this door WAS locked. Determined, Mai pounded on the door calling Mikoto's name.

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Mikoto heard her heartbeat even louder than before. The normal thumps became resounding booms, which shook her very core.

 

So this is what it's like. It's not so bad after all.

 

She imagined she heard Mai's voice calling her name.

 

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Why didn't they answer? Mai had battered the door until her hands blistered and bled. A crowd of curious students gad gathered, yet none were brave enough to approach their classmate.

 

In desperation, Mai spied an emergency fire extinguisher on the wall. Without a second thought she tore it from its mountings and advanced on the door again.

 

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"There's something I wanted to tell you," Nao said, her voice was so far away. "I wanted to save you from that thing called love. I thought it would destroy you."

 

She paused for a long moment, gathering her remaining strength.

 

"Maybe I was doing it for those reasons at first. But getting to know you...now...Mikoto....I truly..."

 

"Don't," Mikoto stopped her. "Don't let that be.......the last thing...you say to me."

 

 

"That's all right then," Nao sighed. "Just so...you know."

 

"I've always known.........................Mai......."

 

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Mai readied the fire extinguisher for a strike when someone grabbed her arm. She spun to find the bespectacled face of the student council president, Kikukawa Yukino.

 

"Mai-chan, please stop this!"

 

"I can't," Mai said shaking her off. "Don't you see? She's already a part of me!"

 

She raised the improvised ram and struck the door. Wood splintered, metal shrieked.

 

The door slammed open and Mai rushed in to find...angels.

 

Two angels lay in each other's arms. Their faces serene in that celestial slumber. Angels they would appear if they had not been in a dark dorm room. Angels they would be if the nightstand next to the bed had not held two water glasses and an empty pill bottle.

 

Mai's cry tore open the heavens.