Mai-HiME Fan Fiction ❯ Tea Leaves, Coffee Beans, and a Touch of Mint. ❯ Chapter 1. ( Chapter 1 )

DISCLAIMER: All things Mai-HiME and Mai-HiME-related are owned by Sunrise, and are only being used by myself in an effort to give praise to their fine work via imitation as the sincerest form of flattery (aka please don’t sue me).

A few months after the HiMe Festival.

"YUUU-KIII-NO!?" A loud, boisterous voice rang out within the confines of the small room.

The girl in question looked up quickly, her glasses sliding down her nose.

"Ahh, er, yes Haruka-chan?" Yukino's mind raced, trying in vain to remember what it was that was taking place before her mind wandered once again too...

“Yukino, you…” Haruka trailed off, and her eyebrow began to twitch. Yukino was obviously not paying attention, she was lost in thought once more. Haruka exchanged a quick glance with the other woman in the room, trying to excuse her friend, before turning back to Yukino.

"Yukino! You're spading out again!" The golden-haired girl was finally forced to yell, bringing Yukino back to reality again.

"You mean spacing--" Yukino began automatically, but Haruka stomped her foot and leaned in closer, cutting her off.

"Honestly Yukino, what's wrong with you today? I‘ve seen you more alert on late-hour cases than you have been this morning. It‘s not just that either, you‘ve been slipping little by little for the past few months." Her voice softened, at least to Yukino’s experienced ears, “What‘s bothering you Yukino? You need some help with something, anybody you need me to deal with?” She stood, frowning, with her hands on her hips, looking expectantly at her friend.

Yukino ran a hand through her short auburn hair, blushing, " Ah, no. It’s nothing. Sorry, Haruka-chan, my mind just seems prone to wander today."

Haruka shook her head in exasperation, "Well try to keep it here with me, okay? Just for a little longer. We can talk about this later.”

Yukino nodded, turning back to her laptop and trying to focus. Haruka nodded once, satisfied, before turning back to her daily rant with Shizuru about the quality of morals and decency among the students. If only she knew, if only I could tell her… Keeping her mind with Haruka was exactly what the problem was, she was finding it exceptionally difficult to keep her mind on anything else. She shook that thought, trying to look normal, Yukino didn‘t want to make Haruka worry about her...

Yukino tried to concentrate on what she was doing, but as Haruka turned around, Yukino found her eyes being drawn to her once again. Running up her toned, athletic form until it reached the pinnacle at her cascade of shiny, golden hair. This time she couldn’t even manage the small decency of looking away, her eyes stubbornly remained fix on the object of her love. Yukino knew that Haruka was speaking again, and she tried to listen... but she couldn’t focus, couldn’t make out the words. Her mind was in another place now, drifting through thoughts that had been haunting her for the past few months.

Just on the other side of those waves of hair was Haruka’s face, with her brilliant violet eyes. Eyes that were usually stern and commanding, hard as stone and just as unyielding, but eyes that Yukino had seen a different side of. Yukino had seen those eyes soften, seen them turn so beautiful and compassionate that it took her breath away. Those eyes were windows to the soul of the clearest kind. You never had to wonder with Haruka, you knew the truth of her when you looked into her eyes. Yukino loved those eyes, every time she saw them these days she wanted to yell, to take Haruka into her arms and hold her and never let go. To look deep into them and confess everything, everything she felt, everything she wanted, everything she needed, and to see the same things echoed in those crystal clear eyes… but those same eyes sere what kept stopping her. Those eyes displayed the truth of Haruka’s heart for all the world to see, and Yukino had seen the painful truth of Haruka’s feelings that night long ago…

Yukino felt her breath quicken, she needed to get out of that room. She knew that if she saw those eyes, if she looked into them at this time, no matter what she had seen before she wouldn't be able to stop herself from realizing her desires. She wasn’t sure she wanted to stop herself, but she did know that she couldn't face Haruka here, not now, not like this. She had seen those eyes that night, they weren’t ready, and they probably never would be.

Yukino jumped up, attracting the eyes of the other two in the room. "Haruka-chan, I don't feel well, I need to go. Pardon, President Fujino." After a hasty bow to them both, she started quickly towards the door. Haruka stood dumbfounded, staring after Yukino. Too late, she found her voice and followed her friend.

"Yukino, wha-?"

But by the time she made it into the hall, Yukino was already out of sight.

"Suzushiro-san?" Came a soft, clear voice from behind her. Haruka quickly turned around to see a pair of concerned eyes looking into her own, and tried to compose herself.

"I… yes! I was saying that something needs to be done about, um..." Try as she might, Haruka couldn’t remember what she had been speaking of… What happened to Yukino? Haruka shook that thought, Yukino was fine, and she needed to focus on what she was doing. She turned back to the president, preparing to talk about something, anything to restore the discussions, to fulfill what she felt were her responsibilities, but the President had other plans.

"Yes, yes, Suzushiro-san, I think you've covered everything for today quite well, rest assured I will look into the matter.” Shizuru used this opportunity to cut the meeting short, “Now, why don't you go see what is bothering Kikukawa-san, yes? She seemed quite distressed." Shizuru took the initiative, rising from her seat to guide Haruka towards the door.

"Ah, yes, President Fujino. I will go check the nurses office then, good day." Yes, she did seem distressed, that's more important. Haruka sure didn't want to think her closest friend was in trouble.. she needed Yukino at one-hundred-percent to do her job, of course. Meetings were just talk, Suzushiro Haruka was a person of action, and she was better at acting with her partner, that was all. Haruka started quickly down the hall, she now had a focus and, confused or not, nothing stopped Haruka when she had something she needed to do. Especially something that concerned Yukino. Shizuru stepped out of the room as well, watching Haruka stalk down the hall and around the corner, while a little suspicion took root in her mind and a small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. Her voice echoed softly into the empty hall.

"Kikukawa-san, you may come out now." Her request was rewarded with a small yelp from the class next door, and Yukino popping her head out into the hall, blushing and rubbing her hair. While Yukino hurriedly tried to think of a plausible explanation for her behavior, Shizuru excused her from this by motioning for them to return to the council room. Yukino couldn't figure out how Shizuru had known she was there, but gave it only a moments thought before following reluctantly, thinking that she was about to be reprimanded for “ditching” a meeting. Shizuru calmly sat, poured two cups of tea, and motioned for Yukino to follow suit. Yukino did so, but warily, not knowing what was going to happen now, or why she was being given tea if this was a punishment. A devious little thought wormed its way into her mind. Thinking about Shizuru's own particular romantic life, Yukino began hoping that this was a punishment. Surely she hadn’t been so noticeable about anything that Shizuru felt the need for--

"So, Kikukawa-san, just how long has it been?"

Yukino winced and a flush rose to her face. So much for that hope. How am I going to get out of this? The first option was easy: she tried to play it off innocently, feigning ignorance.

"Oh, what do you mean Miss President?" She finally asked lamely. Shizuru didn't answer, she just sipped her tea and kept her knowing gaze locked on Yukino. Yukino, to her credit, held out for a few moments, but then she lost all will to maintain that woeful deception. Her shoulders sagged, and she lowered her head. After a few more silent seconds passed, Shizuru heard a soft voice murmur out from underneath a veil of tousled hair.

"As long as I can remember. It seems as though I've always felt this way, even when I was too young to know exactly what these feelings were, when we were kids, and we were always together..." Yukino wasn’t quite ready to give up yet. She hoped that her despairing disposition and the level of emotion she put into that “confession” would be enough to satisfy whatever curiosity the woman was exercising.

"Kikukawa-san, not to bring up bad memories, but we both have known that for a long time now. I was referring to this new habit of yours. I don‘t seem to recall your staring so longingly, and so obviously, after Suzushiro-san before."

Yukino winced, she hadn’t thought it was that obvious. Though, given Shizuru‘s history, perhaps it was only so obvious to her. Yukino recalled a voice, like a ghost from the past, Aren't you in the same situation? Yukino hadn’t thought so, not then,. The thought had repelled her, she was not like Shizuru, she would never do such things as she had witnessed the other woman do then. But now… now she had to admit she was starting to realize just how Shizuru could have been driven to such acts of desperation. It pained her to admit it, but if anyone could understand her, it would be Shizuru.

NO! I don‘t want that… I don‘t want her understanding, or her acceptance, or anything!. Admitting that Shizuru could understand her feelings would mean that those feelings were the same as those Shizuru felt. Deep down, feeling that her love was somehow more pure than Shizuru’s had been all that kept her from losing hope. As if somehow, what Haruka had said that night didn’t apply, because this love was better, this love was not disgusting or repelling or any of those other things Haruka thought... but that‘s just a lie, and I know it. A lie she had believed for so long that admitting it, even only to herself, was almost more painful than she could bear. Her feelings were no more pure or heartfelt than Shizuru’s had been, and Haruka would never accept them.

Yukino was shocked to hear such things, even if they were her own thoughts. With one simple question, a question showing her accursed understanding of Yukino’s feelings, Shizuru had managed to collapse that fragile little bubble of hope. Oddly, as she prepared to resign herself to this fate, she felt a sense of, not peace, but at least of stillness, of calmness, of death. What am I thinking of? Just a few minutes ago Yukino knew she had been relatively fine, not happy, but not this... defeated. What was causing this? What was making her think of these things, why couldn’t she just excuse herself and leave, what was keeping her here?

Shizuru looked on, outwardly as calm as ever, but she was starting to worry about the girl. It was only a little question, right? But Yukino looked as though she were suffering. She looked… looked like she had when she confronted Shizuru, when she had finally had to speak up, to deal with her thoughts and feelings…Shizuru was just starting to wonder what she could have begun here, when Yukino continued.

"I didn't before. I could control myself. Just being around her was enough. Just being with her every day without fail, the thought of her not being there never crossed my mind. I can barely even remember a time when she wasn't with me. Back then I could at least tell myself: 'When the time's right, you can tell her, there’s no hurry.' The right time never came, but it didn’t matter. At least I could be with her, and nothing would ever take her away. Then the festival came.” Yukino's hazel eyes began to shine with tears as she was taken back to that time, and started to relive every agonizing moment. She still didn’t know why she was saying these things, but she couldn’t seem to stop.

“Do you remember the night that we were told what it truly was we put on the line when we accepted our power? Did you feel the same pain, like a knife through your heart? The only reason I had accepted Diana in the first place was to protect Haruka-chan, and now she was in even greater danger because of it.”

Shizuru nodded, she remembered too. She remembered thinking about Natsuki, about her vow to never let anyone harm her. That vow that had led her to such horrifying acts, acts she thought would prove her love to Natsuki, but that went against what her love stood for . That, at least, was one pain Yukino never experienced. Yukino had not had so obsessive a love that it led her to abandon all values and goodness in trying to save her loved one, in trying to keep that love all to herself… Yukino never had to face that part of herself.

“I remember when I almost let my fear get the better of me. I had Diana poised one night, ready to attack Mai-san during the festival, ready to do the unforgivable for Haruka-chan's sake , to do what I thought I had to do to protect her. The only thing that stayed my hand was Haruka-chan’s voice in my heart, reminding me of a promise I had made to her... I had a choice, I could forsake everything she held dear, or I could forsake her. I did the latter… it tore my heart, but it was what Haruka-chan would have wanted.”

Yukino still couldn’t stop, every thought that had ran through her mind during the Festival and in the time after now came pouring out. She needed someone to understand, needed it more than anything… she used to have something else she wanted this badly, but it didn't look like she would ever have that...

Shizuru continued to sit, still outwardly calm, but once again inside was another matter. She was dealing with a torrent of her own emotions. She was not used to being wrong, she had thought Yukino was so much more innocent in her connection with Suzushiro-san, Shizuru had not thought Yukino had ever faced that difficult choice. For sure, Shizuru knew that they had made different decisions when faced with that choice, but that common experience remained between them.

Shizuru felt a new respect for Yukino, for making the choice her loved one would have wanted, despite the pain it brought. That was something Shizuru had never experienced. She tried to imagine what it would have been like, deciding to do what was right and good, even if it meant giving up Natsuki. Shizuru had gone through this time thinking only of how she had suffered during that time, for a love she thought could never be, and for the things she had done because of it, but now she started to realize that she held much more in common with Yukino than she had ever thought possible. Their pain, while different in source and experience, was still the same.

This little session was not turning out as planned. She had thought that it would be just a little fun, watching Yukino try to fumble through explaining herself, perhaps then offering some friendly advice. This, however, was quickly becoming just as difficult for her to hear as it was for the other girl to speak.

“You said you didn’t want to bring up painful memories, President, but I think you know what comes next.”

And now we come to this. The one memory that apparently still haunted them both. Shizuru knew very well what came next, as it was the precise “painful memory” she had wished to avoid.

“The night Haruka-chan and I traveled to where you had secreted yourself and Kuga-san. I don’t know what I expected to happen there, I thought that maybe Haruka could bully you into returning, I never meant what happened next.”

Yukino looked up for the first time since she had begun speaking. With eyes now fully streaming tears down her face, she nevertheless managed to look Shizuru in the eye with an unwavering gaze. Shizuru braced herself, thinking that she would now be on the receiving end Yukino’s fury, a fury that surely had been building power for all this time.

“I… I’m sorry for that night. I said things that night that I have since wished I could take back. I understand now how you could have done those things. I won’t lie now and say that I can accept them, but I do now understand. What you said that night was also true, I just wasn‘t able to accept it then…”

Shizuru reeled inside, her heart breaking for this girl in front of her. Pure hatred would have been easier to take than this tear-stained apology. Much easier. Shizuru knew she couldn’t maintain her silent demeanor any longer, she had to say something.

“Kikukawa-san, please, don’t. If you want to compare sins with me today, I will win.” Shizuru did her best to smile, but even her best wasn’t enough to keep her voice from cracking with emotion, “Let’s just accept that we both said and did things then that we regret, and move on.” Please, I don’t know if I can take any more of that.

Yukino nodded her assent, that was probably best, and tried to continue with what was to be the most difficult memory, for both of them, “I remember it all after that, seeing Haruka die in front of me, die because of me, because of what I felt for her.…” Yukino started to lose what little composure she had maintained. “All I could think about was that I would never get to tell her now- she would never know. I would never see those wonderful eyes again, never feel that bright smile light up my day, never feel my hand in hers again, never…”

Yukino broke into wracking sobs as she finally spoke aloud what she had been screaming in her heart for all this time. With one simple question, Shizuru had cracked the dam that had held her feelings in check, and there was nothing that Yukino could do to stem the tide now. This was her worst fear she was voicing, that she would lose Haruka again. Even now, after she had been granted a second chance, and had full knowledge that it was her last one, she hadn’t been able to tell Haruka how she felt. She hated herself and what she felt was her cowardice every day for it, but couldn’t look past what she had seen in Haruka’s eyes that night, what she had heard in Haruka’s voice.

Shizuru felt tears seep into her eyes now, but she dabbed them away before they could be seen. They both had that night in common as one of the worst experiences of their lives. In dealing with her own demons, Shizuru realized she had never truly considered what Yukino had gone through that night, and now was feeling every day’s worth of that omission. She remembered that night as the time her own love had rejected her, with that look of shock and revulsion on her face. Though Shizuru and Natsuki had long ago forgiven each other their past transgressions, the memory of that rejection, and the pain it caused, was still vivid in her mind. Looking at Yukino, Shizuru couldn't believe the depths of strength this girl had. Though perhaps not as drastically nor as directly as Shizuru, Yukino had also experienced the rejection of her love that night. "To indulge in such action between females… how disgusting.” Suzushiro-san's voice rang in her memory, punctuating her newfound guilt. At the time Shizuru had only thought of the insult to Natsuki that represented, but now…

Suzushiro-san was right, when she said I only thought of myself, Shizuru thought bitterly. When Shizuru thought about it, Yukino had gone through at least as much, if not more than, she had herself that night. They both had dealt with rejection, and they both had lost their loves that night. At least I was able to follow my love into oblivion, Yukino had gone on, and suffered. She continued to suffer now as well, even more than Shizuru had before the festival.

Shizuru's heart went out to Yukino, and she did something she had definitely not planned on. She arose, moving around the table and sitting down next to Yukino, catching her in an embrace. Yukino buried her head in Shizuru's shoulder. Shizuru felt another fresh stab of guilt at this, again almost wishing that Yukino had decided to hate her instead, surely it would have been less painful. She thought about that night, and what she had done. Nothing could free her from that guilt now. She had directly caused the pain of this girl, in her misguided attempt to prove her love to Natsuki., and she hadn’t done anything at all to make up for it. Shizuru felt an unfamiliar emotion well up in her soul: Shame.

Shame wasn’t entirely new to Shizuru, but even when she had felt it before, it had been rooted by her own desires. She had felt shame for things she had done that hurt her most precious one, sure, but even that was colored with self-interest. Everything she had thought about for so long revolved around her and her love, she hadn’t spared a thought for anything or anyone else, until Yukino had come along and shattered that narrow perception of reality. She wrapped her arms tighter around Yukino, and let herself weep as well, for both of them.

After a while, Yukino ran out of tears, and her breath came in long, ragged gasps. They sat like this for a few minutes, understanding one another without a word between them, and taking comfort in the silence. Soon Yukino's breathing quieted, and she separated herself slightly from the woman next to her.

Shizuru was the one to break the tranquility. Quickly wiping away her own tears, so Yukino wouldn’t see them, she gently cupped Yukino's chin in her hand and raised Yukino's red, shining eyes to her own.

"First of all, let's get one thing out of the way. You are not a coward." Shizuru said gently. Yukino's eyes widened is surprise. Once again Shizuru had looked past what Yukino had presented on the surface, and managed to touch on the reality behind it.

"But, Fujino-"

"No, just listen. Do you think I'm a coward?"

Yukino's eyes widened again, this time in shock, "No! Why would I think-" But Shizuru cut her off again.

"You know what it took for me to tell Natsuki how I felt, right?" Yukino managed a nod, the memory very fresh at this point, "I wasn't able to do that by choice any more than you‘ve been able too, and managed to do much more cowardly things than you have before she finally knew."

Yukino nodded again, still not entirely convinced. In her mind, Shizuru had still been able to tell Natsuki how she felt, the circumstances didn’t matter. She might have thought many unflattering things of Shizuru at one time, but cowardice had never been one of them. If this were true, if she was not the coward she felt she was... Then why did Shizuru manage a happy ending while I continued to wallow in self-pity? She didn’t want to discuss this any more though, so she didn’t argue.

"Oh, and let's not go to ‘Fujino' and 'Miss President' now.” Shizuru continued, “Don’t we know each other well enough not to be so formal? Especially after today?" She finished kindly. She was about to add more, but this time it was Yukino's turn to interrupt.

"Okay then, Shizuru...san," This was really more comfortable, they definitely knew each other well enough by now that the formality had been getting uncomfortable for both of them. "But I want to say something before you continue. One more thing about that night. Just in case you’re still harboring any thoughts about it, just know that I don’t blame you for anything. Let’s do as you said, and just recognize that we both did things we regret now, and leave the past alone.” Again, Shizuru found herself wishing that Yukino had decided to hate her. She would rather have opened herself freely to Yukino’s blows than to her forgiveness. Shaking herself from these thoughts, Shizuru put on a smile to reassure the girl beside her.

“Well then, let’s do that, and focus on what is to come.” Shizuru knew she wouldn’t be able to forget, no more than Yukino had been, but she didn’t want to distress Yukino anymore than she already was... or was going to be soon.

Yukino was startled. What is to come? We aren’t done yet? She’d poured her soul out for Shizuru to see, every secret gone, but still the woman wanted more? Yukino sighed, resigning herself to whatever came next, she had no more secrets now.

"Does Suzushiro-san even suspect you may feel this way?"

Yukino didn‘t need to think to answer this, "No Shizuru-san, she doesn't think anything like that. She's always so wrapped up in some mission or another, always trying to do what's right, never taking a thought for herself or her own life. If there’s anyone she thinks of when she’s like that, it’s you.”

Yukino smiled for the first time that day, a shaky smile still mixed with the remnant of tears, but a smile nonetheless, as she thought of the honesty and drive that were so much a part of what she loved about her Haruka-chan. Her smile faltered as she thought that those same qualities were also what would never allow Haruka to know about that love. The honesty, which let Yukino know without a doubt Haruka’s position on such a possibility, and the drive, which would never allow Haruka to realize on her own what Yukino felt.

"Fuji...Shizuru-san?" Yukino said quizzically, a confused look on her face. The other woman was actually chuckling, looking amused at this.

“Kikukawa-san, I think you underestimate how Suzushiro-san feels about you. You say she thinks only of me when she is lost in her righteous causes, but I think you mean more to her than that, and so do you somewhere. You are very precious to her, why do you think she tries so very hard to protect you? Who was in her thoughts as she knew she was dying? Whose name was last on her lips then? Have you forgotten how close you and your closest friend have been for so long? Whether you believe me or not is irrelevant right now, though I do hope you'll think about these words.” Shizuru could see the disbelief she spoke of echoed in Yukino’s eyes, so she continued, “If that’s the way you want it then… If you believe that work is a part of the problem with Suzushiro-san and yourself, then I shall just have to give her some time off.” Yukino panicked then, thinking of how Haruka would react to such news.

"No Miss President! There's no reason for her to get a vacation, what if she was to suspect... well, she wouldn't. But she would never accept one anyway, you know that. She thinks the school would fall apart without her here. No matter you and your theories about her 'true' heart, she still has her focus on matching you and your ability, she has ever since losing the election to you. You know that, to do this would be a slap in the face, like saying she’s useless and not needed. You can’t do that to her. You don't have to do this just for me, I can..." She trailed off, having no idea what it was she could do. She had already given up any hope anyway. The only thing that mattered now was to keep Haruka-chan happy, and such a move by Shizuru would not help that cause.

Shizuru smiled that small, knowing smile once again, "You think I don‘t know this about Suzushiro-san? You just leave such things to me. Things have been fairly calm around here, I’m sure I can come up with something satisfactory.”

Yukino still had her doubts, and was about to voice them when she was stopped by Shizuru's finger on her lips. "You just leave everything to me." Shizuru repeated, that small smile continuing to play about her lips. She stood, helping Yukino to rise as well, before trying to walk her towards the door. Uncharacteristically, Yukino refused to be moved.

“Shizuru-san, stop. I thank you for what you are attempting to do, but I’m not trying any more. Haruka-chan and I will never happen, and you know it. You heard her that night.” It had hurt to admit it to herself, and now even more so to give it voice, but she thought it was the right thing to do.

“Now now, Kikukawa-san, remember how Natsuki felt before? People change, or perhaps they say things they may not truly mean, in the heat of anger. Suzushiro-san said many things that night that seem to have been forgiven now, or at least forgotten. She accepted my return to my office, she seems to tolerate mine and Natsuki’s relationship now, she doesn’t even seem to harbor any negative feelings about her 'death'.

Suzushiro-san may be too proud to voice such things, but even her stubborn heart is capable of change, just not her tongue.”

Yukino knew that much was true, Haruka had indeed come to accept such things with a poise that sharply contradicted the outrage she had displayed previously. Yukino was tired of hope though, and didn’t want to let any of it in again. She shook her head, “Shizuru-san, when was the last time Haruka-chan admitted she was wrong, about anything? Everything she says, she means. I’ve given up, just let it be.”

Now it was Shizuru’s turn to be stubborn, “Kikukawa-san, you can’t give up, just like that. You spoke to me of a choice you made before. You chose to hold dear the values that Suzushiro-san held dear: her honesty, her tenacity, her concern for other's well-being, even if it meant you had to give up Suzushiro-san. Have you now decided now to do both, to wallow in self-loathing for the rest of your life? Is this what you think Suzushiro-san would expect of you? You spoke of regrets, but those will be nothing compared to what you will feel later if you walk away now.” Shizuru moved away from Yukino, stepping towards the door and opening it wide, challenging Yukino to step through.

Yukino didn’t want to listen, agonizing as it had been she thought she had found some peace in her perceived failure, and she didn’t want to give that up. In her mind she wanted to go out the door, to leave and let any regrets come as they would. Her heart though, saw the truth in what Shizuru said. Haruka-chan never gave up, ever, no matter what the opposition. Faced with tanks, armed soldiers, Kiyohime, even when facing her own death, she had never backed down, never quit. Yukino knew that if she truly loved Haruka, she could do no less. Even if she believed her love was impossible to fulfill, this realization was still strong enough to keep her legs still, to keep her from walking out that door, and that was all Shizuru needed to see. She walked back over to Yukino and stepped close, meeting her eyes once more, “You’ve made the right choice, again. Know this, however: I can only help give you the opportunity to tell her, the decision ultimately rests with you alone. If you truly feel that giving up is your only option, that option will still be available.” I just hope you can find the strength I know you have when the time comes.

“Thank you, Shizuru-san. No matter what happens, I am grateful to you for everything you’ve done for me today. I won’t forget it.” Yukino still thought that giving up was her best course, for the moment, but there was no reason to cause Shizuru undue concern. If the woman wanted to try and change Haruka-chan, let her try… maybe then she would understand.

But it is I who will be repaying a debt with my actions, you don’t owe me anything, not after what I’ve done. Shizuru felt the best she could do was help Yukino find the same happiness she and Natsuki now enjoyed, that kind of happiness made all the suffering in the world better… Shizuru forced her mind onto more practical matters, further introspection could come later, they both surely had certainly enjoyed their fill of it today. Besides, she had already kept Yukino far longer than she had expected.

"Tokiha Mai-san's dormitory room is on the way to your own, correct?" Shizuru asked suddenly.

"Um, yes, Shizuru-san, why?" Yukino replied, confused, wondering why this had come up all of a sudden, and what it could possibly pertain to. Shizuru nodded, satisfied, before explaining the matter.

"Then as far as Suzushiro-san knows, you felt faint and stopped there to rest, that is why she was unable to locate you at either your dormitory, or at the nurse's office. I will explain this to Tokiha-san. Do not worry, I shall be discreet."

"Thank-you, Shizuru-san." Yukino said, relieved, she hadn't even thought of that.

"Now then, It wouldn't do to make Suzushiro-san to worry any longer." Shizuru ushered her out the door with a warm, parting smile.

"Oh, yes. Thank you again." Yukino said with a small bow before starting down the hallway.

As Yukino walked down the hall she tried to wrap her mind around what she had just experienced. It seemed unreal that so short a time ago she had been in the middle of a routine meeting with the school president. So much had changed in that short time. Despite the pain that had just been relived so recently, Yukino she felt strangely lighter than she had in a very long time. She knew nothing had been resolved yet, and likely never would be, no matter what Shizuru in her infinite optimism believed, but she felt better just for letting her love fly free for a while, for letting it out of that little box next to her heart. Later she would turn her thoughts to Shizuru's mysterious promise, and what it might mean for her, but for now the world was somehow good again, and she needed to let Haruka-chan know she was okay. A smile slowly formed on her lips as she thought of the scolding she was most likely going to receive, and she quickened her step.

Shizuru, on the other hand, stood and watched Yukino go down the hall, the same as she had watched Haruka. Shizuru had a smile on her face as well, that little half-smile that she enjoyed wearing so much. Shizuru thought about them both. Though an outsider would have seen nothing in common with Haruka’s determined marching and Yukino’s soft, demure footsteps, Shizuru could see that they were identical in intent. They both had only one thought walking down that hall: each other. This would be a great way to repay the debt she owed Yukino, no matter that Yukino thought there was no debt, and no matter that Yukino still thought that there was no hope for Haruka. Shizuru wasn’t ready to give up so easily, and she somehow knew that, despite what she had said, Yukino wouldn’t be able give up either, not ever.

She allowed a full smile to grace her face suddenly. She couldn’t fool herself entirely, she knew that her newfound guilt was not all that pushed her to help Yukino. Call it a bad habit, but Shizuru would enjoy tricking Suzushiro-san again, just like old times. If all went well, this would be the last time too, so Shizuru was determined to make it a memorable one. Softly chuckling to herself, Shizuru went back into the room to begin the preparations.