Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Lessons In Maturity ❯ Explanation ( Chapter 2 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Project 0506 
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.30.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 889 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Naruto Fan Fiction | Genre(s): / Comedy | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 05.30.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.6K | Visits: 889 | Status: Work In Progress
Chouji and Ino were the last genin to arrive at the training grounds. The blonde girl sighed. "You mean to tell me that every team got one?"
"That's completely right!" Everyone turned as Anko appeared in a tree. "Okay everyone listen up. Your respective senseis feared for life and soundness of body and/or mind so they won't be here today. They sent me to explain everything although..." She smirked at the glaring teams, "I've got a hunch that you've all pretty much figured out what happened. Okay, here goes." She whipped out a scroll and started reading. "Hello everyone! Thank you for coming here today. We have decided that you...ENJOY THE SPRING OF YOUR YOUTH YOUNG ONES..." She looked puzzled. "I can't read this...Gai's writing is terrible...Looks like there was a fight for the pen...I guess Kakashi won...Ahem! We have noted the rampant immaturity in several of our students and have devised a...mission if you will. In order to teach you the meaning of teamwork and in hopes you'll grow up a bit, each of us have chosen one member of the team to change into a toddler. The other two will have the responsibility of caring for the baby for two weeks. You will be checked on regularly and your progress graded. The team with the highest score will be rewarded. Any team that fails to sufficiently care for their 'teammate' will be forced to do D ranked missions for a period not less than forty seven years and not exceeding eighty one. You will be required to feed, change, shop for, entertain and see to the proper hygiene and physical health of your teammate. Incidentally, Team Kurenai has already lost thirty points due to physical abuse of said baby. Unreadable scribble as another fight for the pen ensued. Kurenai won... Kiba, if you think what Tenten did to you was frightening, just wait 'til I get my hands around your scrawny little neck! And Chouji, Asuma says to tell you that if you so much as take a single bite of Shikamaru you will go on a grapefruit diet. Neji, Lee is not to be used as target practice and Ino, Shikamaru does NOT in fact look good in a dress. I think that covers the basics." Anko looked up. "Any questions?" She smiled sweetly. Half the genin shuddered in fear. Several hands went up. "Yes Ino?"
"Do we have to pretend to be married?" Anko pulled out several handfuls of notes and began leafing through.
"Marriage, marriage...did they put anything about marriage? Ah here! Teammates do not necessarily have to pretend to be 'married' as in, acting like a married couple should (you're waaaaaay too young for that) but yes, will have to act like a... family. Sorry Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun...that means you too. No child neglect will be tolerated. Hinata?"
"C-can we...um...s-switch h-husbands..." She glanced over at Naruto shyly as Kiba's face fell.
"Absolutely not. This exercise is to be done in teams. Yes Naruto?"
"Why the hell couldn't we just get eggs!?! Normal people hand out EGGS!!"
"Dobe's got a point." Sasuke sighed, moving his foot from where Sakura was attempting to chew on his ankle. His left eye twitched sporadically. Kill her! Kill her now! She can't fight back! NO...Must resist urge...remember D ranked missions...do NOT kill...do not kill...do not kill...Damn she's drooling on me...donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill..."
Anko flipped through the pile. "Eggs? Come on, there's gotta be something about eggs...I bet it's under 'Dumb Questions Naruto Will Ask'. Got it. *blink blink* How boring do you think we are?"
"That doesn't answer anything!!!!!!!!"
Chouji stuffed a handful of potato chips in his mouth. "My mother will never let me keep a baby in the house!" Ino edged away to avoid being blinded by flying chip shards.
"Oh, right! Forgot to mention that! An apartment building was rented for you, courtesy of your parents who signed a petition against the whole strange baby thing. Each team gets their own apartment suite. ...The sensei and/or parents of any team members that manages to leave this excercise with an *ahem* unauthorized baby reserve the right to beat said team members within an inch of their life...scribble scribble...i.e....if any of you decide to get busy we're gonna have your asses!...scribble scribble...Ah the joys of youth!"
"Hn...Exactly....how much time do I have to spend with Lee-baka?" The thoughts running through Neji's mind were startlingly similar to the ones in Sasuke's head..with one marked difference. Neji was beginning to believe fifty years of D ranked missions really didn't look that bad right now. Tenten glared at him before grabbing Lee up into another hug.
"Don't talk about our baby like that!!!!" Neji's twitch started to develop...
"Tenten-chan...he's a damn baby! And he's not OUR baby, he's OUR TEAMMATE!!! AND our sensei's idea of a sick joke!"
"Stop it! You'll scare him!!!!!!!!! And stop saying nasty things about him! You'll scar him for life like Kiba's baby!" Neji seethed. Apparently, his sensei wasn't the only person who got a little *too* into this.
Ino giggled and leaned over to Chouji. "They've been married for 5 minutes and already have a lovers spat." She whispered. If the two heard her, they chose to ignore it. Chouji smothered a laugh.
"Just wait 'til Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun start! Now that'll be worth watching...I'll need popcorn... (A/n: do they even have popcorn?)
"He...can't...understand...me...or anything else for that matter! Even when he was normal he couldn't understand much!"
Tenten held up the baby. "Show him Lee-chan. Show him what I taught you! Come on Lee-chan, just like we practiced!"
Lee-chan's face crumpled a little with the effort, then finally he remembered his trick. He smiled and reached up to Neji with both hands. He giggled and proudly proclaimed to the world: "NEJI-KAA-SAN!"
"AWWW!" Naruto, Hinata, Ino said in unison. "Cute!!"
Sasuke managed a smirk. "You taught him to call Neji-san his mother?"
Tenten nodded. "And he can say 'Tenten-tou-san...and believe it or not, his first word was actually 'baka'. He's been calling Naruto-kun that all morning."
"Lee-chan's smarter than I thought! Aren't you! Yes you are! Yes you are!" Neji backed away from Ino, feeling his twitch starting to reactivate.
Sasuke glanced over at his glowering teammate. "The first thing he did was learn how to call you baka?"
"Shut up Sasuke-teme!"
"Dobe...even a baby sees how dumb you are..."
"THAT'S IT SASUKE-TEME. WE FIGHT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"
"You enjoy losing that much Naruto no baka?" Sakura started wailing.
"Hey you two!" Anko pointed to the screaming pink-haired girl. "You've got bigger issues."
The boys stared at Sakura-chan, momentarily dumbstruck. "I'm not gonna. I had her all night since you threw us out of your apartment when I came for help."
Sasuke twitched. "What the hell do expect me to do?"
"I dunno! Pick her up, sing, dance, I don't care. She's your responsibility!" Woodenly, Sasuke picked the girl up, holding her as far away as possible from himself.
"Naruto-baka, if she throws up on me I'll disembowel you."
Anko sighed and shook her head. Kakashi, I hope you guys know what you're doing "Alright people, here are your keys. You're all on the third floor. The Hyuuga family, room 3A." Tenten accepted the key. "The Inuzuka family, room 3B. The Akimichi family..."
"...Yamanaka!"
Anko looked up and blinked. "What?"
Ino crossed her hands stubbornly. "If we're playing along, we're going to be the Yamanaka family."
The jounin smirked. "Okay Mrs. Chouji Yamanaka, wanna take the key already?"
Chouji grumbled. "Feel sorry for Shikmaru when this girl sinks her teeth in him...sinking teeth...food...so hungry...Akamaru, have you by chance gained weight?" The puppy had remained unnoticed, hiding behind Kiba after hearing what Tenten had done while he was gone to get Hinata. He whined and backed farther behing his owner.
"Moving along, finally, the Uchiha..."
"NO WAY IN HELL!!!! I am NOT going to be an UCHIHA! We are going to be the UZUMAKI family!!!!"
"In your dreams dobe..." Before a fight could break out, Hinata managed to grab Naruto.
"WHOA!" Kiba dragged her off. "We're married now, no glomping on other men!" Hinata turned brilliant red.
"I-I w-wasn't..."
"Hey boys, why don't you call yourself the Haruno family." The glares Anko recieved were enough to mutilate an army. "Okay, ignore that idea..."
"Sasuke-teme, why don't we just call ourself the Vengance family? 'Cuz when I get my hands on Kakashi..." He pounded a fist into his palm, "no Sharingan will save him." Sasuke nodded.
"Finally, the dobe has a good idea..."
Anko watched the teams head towards their new home. She shivered with a sense of doom. This won't end well... She shrugged it off.
...at least this'll be interesting.
"That's completely right!" Everyone turned as Anko appeared in a tree. "Okay everyone listen up. Your respective senseis feared for life and soundness of body and/or mind so they won't be here today. They sent me to explain everything although..." She smirked at the glaring teams, "I've got a hunch that you've all pretty much figured out what happened. Okay, here goes." She whipped out a scroll and started reading. "Hello everyone! Thank you for coming here today. We have decided that you...ENJOY THE SPRING OF YOUR YOUTH YOUNG ONES..." She looked puzzled. "I can't read this...Gai's writing is terrible...Looks like there was a fight for the pen...I guess Kakashi won...Ahem! We have noted the rampant immaturity in several of our students and have devised a...mission if you will. In order to teach you the meaning of teamwork and in hopes you'll grow up a bit, each of us have chosen one member of the team to change into a toddler. The other two will have the responsibility of caring for the baby for two weeks. You will be checked on regularly and your progress graded. The team with the highest score will be rewarded. Any team that fails to sufficiently care for their 'teammate' will be forced to do D ranked missions for a period not less than forty seven years and not exceeding eighty one. You will be required to feed, change, shop for, entertain and see to the proper hygiene and physical health of your teammate. Incidentally, Team Kurenai has already lost thirty points due to physical abuse of said baby. Unreadable scribble as another fight for the pen ensued. Kurenai won... Kiba, if you think what Tenten did to you was frightening, just wait 'til I get my hands around your scrawny little neck! And Chouji, Asuma says to tell you that if you so much as take a single bite of Shikamaru you will go on a grapefruit diet. Neji, Lee is not to be used as target practice and Ino, Shikamaru does NOT in fact look good in a dress. I think that covers the basics." Anko looked up. "Any questions?" She smiled sweetly. Half the genin shuddered in fear. Several hands went up. "Yes Ino?"
"Do we have to pretend to be married?" Anko pulled out several handfuls of notes and began leafing through.
"Marriage, marriage...did they put anything about marriage? Ah here! Teammates do not necessarily have to pretend to be 'married' as in, acting like a married couple should (you're waaaaaay too young for that) but yes, will have to act like a... family. Sorry Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun...that means you too. No child neglect will be tolerated. Hinata?"
"C-can we...um...s-switch h-husbands..." She glanced over at Naruto shyly as Kiba's face fell.
"Absolutely not. This exercise is to be done in teams. Yes Naruto?"
"Why the hell couldn't we just get eggs!?! Normal people hand out EGGS!!"
"Dobe's got a point." Sasuke sighed, moving his foot from where Sakura was attempting to chew on his ankle. His left eye twitched sporadically. Kill her! Kill her now! She can't fight back! NO...Must resist urge...remember D ranked missions...do NOT kill...do not kill...do not kill...Damn she's drooling on me...donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill donotkill..."
Anko flipped through the pile. "Eggs? Come on, there's gotta be something about eggs...I bet it's under 'Dumb Questions Naruto Will Ask'. Got it. *blink blink* How boring do you think we are?"
"That doesn't answer anything!!!!!!!!"
Chouji stuffed a handful of potato chips in his mouth. "My mother will never let me keep a baby in the house!" Ino edged away to avoid being blinded by flying chip shards.
"Oh, right! Forgot to mention that! An apartment building was rented for you, courtesy of your parents who signed a petition against the whole strange baby thing. Each team gets their own apartment suite. ...The sensei and/or parents of any team members that manages to leave this excercise with an *ahem* unauthorized baby reserve the right to beat said team members within an inch of their life...scribble scribble...i.e....if any of you decide to get busy we're gonna have your asses!...scribble scribble...Ah the joys of youth!"
"Hn...Exactly....how much time do I have to spend with Lee-baka?" The thoughts running through Neji's mind were startlingly similar to the ones in Sasuke's head..with one marked difference. Neji was beginning to believe fifty years of D ranked missions really didn't look that bad right now. Tenten glared at him before grabbing Lee up into another hug.
"Don't talk about our baby like that!!!!" Neji's twitch started to develop...
"Tenten-chan...he's a damn baby! And he's not OUR baby, he's OUR TEAMMATE!!! AND our sensei's idea of a sick joke!"
"Stop it! You'll scare him!!!!!!!!! And stop saying nasty things about him! You'll scar him for life like Kiba's baby!" Neji seethed. Apparently, his sensei wasn't the only person who got a little *too* into this.
Ino giggled and leaned over to Chouji. "They've been married for 5 minutes and already have a lovers spat." She whispered. If the two heard her, they chose to ignore it. Chouji smothered a laugh.
"Just wait 'til Naruto-kun and Sasuke-kun start! Now that'll be worth watching...I'll need popcorn... (A/n: do they even have popcorn?)
"He...can't...understand...me...or anything else for that matter! Even when he was normal he couldn't understand much!"
Tenten held up the baby. "Show him Lee-chan. Show him what I taught you! Come on Lee-chan, just like we practiced!"
Lee-chan's face crumpled a little with the effort, then finally he remembered his trick. He smiled and reached up to Neji with both hands. He giggled and proudly proclaimed to the world: "NEJI-KAA-SAN!"
"AWWW!" Naruto, Hinata, Ino said in unison. "Cute!!"
Sasuke managed a smirk. "You taught him to call Neji-san his mother?"
Tenten nodded. "And he can say 'Tenten-tou-san...and believe it or not, his first word was actually 'baka'. He's been calling Naruto-kun that all morning."
"Lee-chan's smarter than I thought! Aren't you! Yes you are! Yes you are!" Neji backed away from Ino, feeling his twitch starting to reactivate.
Sasuke glanced over at his glowering teammate. "The first thing he did was learn how to call you baka?"
"Shut up Sasuke-teme!"
"Dobe...even a baby sees how dumb you are..."
"THAT'S IT SASUKE-TEME. WE FIGHT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"
"You enjoy losing that much Naruto no baka?" Sakura started wailing.
"Hey you two!" Anko pointed to the screaming pink-haired girl. "You've got bigger issues."
The boys stared at Sakura-chan, momentarily dumbstruck. "I'm not gonna. I had her all night since you threw us out of your apartment when I came for help."
Sasuke twitched. "What the hell do expect me to do?"
"I dunno! Pick her up, sing, dance, I don't care. She's your responsibility!" Woodenly, Sasuke picked the girl up, holding her as far away as possible from himself.
"Naruto-baka, if she throws up on me I'll disembowel you."
Anko sighed and shook her head. Kakashi, I hope you guys know what you're doing "Alright people, here are your keys. You're all on the third floor. The Hyuuga family, room 3A." Tenten accepted the key. "The Inuzuka family, room 3B. The Akimichi family..."
"...Yamanaka!"
Anko looked up and blinked. "What?"
Ino crossed her hands stubbornly. "If we're playing along, we're going to be the Yamanaka family."
The jounin smirked. "Okay Mrs. Chouji Yamanaka, wanna take the key already?"
Chouji grumbled. "Feel sorry for Shikmaru when this girl sinks her teeth in him...sinking teeth...food...so hungry...Akamaru, have you by chance gained weight?" The puppy had remained unnoticed, hiding behind Kiba after hearing what Tenten had done while he was gone to get Hinata. He whined and backed farther behing his owner.
"Moving along, finally, the Uchiha..."
"NO WAY IN HELL!!!! I am NOT going to be an UCHIHA! We are going to be the UZUMAKI family!!!!"
"In your dreams dobe..." Before a fight could break out, Hinata managed to grab Naruto.
"WHOA!" Kiba dragged her off. "We're married now, no glomping on other men!" Hinata turned brilliant red.
"I-I w-wasn't..."
"Hey boys, why don't you call yourself the Haruno family." The glares Anko recieved were enough to mutilate an army. "Okay, ignore that idea..."
"Sasuke-teme, why don't we just call ourself the Vengance family? 'Cuz when I get my hands on Kakashi..." He pounded a fist into his palm, "no Sharingan will save him." Sasuke nodded.
"Finally, the dobe has a good idea..."
Anko watched the teams head towards their new home. She shivered with a sense of doom. This won't end well... She shrugged it off.
...at least this'll be interesting.