Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ My Heart, My Love, My Moegi ❯ My Heart: Without Thinking ( Chapter 1 )

Author's note: The two main characters are Gaara and a girl I created myself named Moegi (pronunciation: M OH EH G EE). Gaara is now seventeen and Moegi is fifteen. Oh, and this is a totally different time zone. There is no Konoha, no Suna and Gaara is not the Kazekage. Instead he lives in a huge mansion out in the middle of nowhere with Temari (Kankuro no longer exists) and Moegi, who is the love of his life, but won't let him in her heart. Well, now that that's clear, I'll start the story. OH WAIT!!! Gaara and Temari are vampires now and Moegi is a Lycanthrope (which is a young werewolf that can't control its power). Okay, now I'll start the story. ^_^

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Chapter One

My Heart:

Without Thinking

 

I opened my eyes and breathed her scent in with one long breath. Mmm, how it smelled so wonderful. I knew I'd have to savor this moment, for it wasn't going to last much longer. Soon, I knew, she would wake and leave me; maybe even throw in a few words such as: “I can't believe you let me do that!” or “If I hadn't been so wasted this wouldn't have happened! I'm never trusting you again!” The last one was a for sure.

She doesn't love me. She never will. But I love her. More than anything else in this dreadful world. How I wish she could want me, too. We could live happily together. She doesn't see how much I need that; how much I need her! It's poison: having to live without kissing her or holding her or having her by my side.

I passed my thoughts of resentment and loneliness aside. I wanted to focus on this moment—on her—for now.

My fingertips moved slowly and gently across her perfectly smooth skin. I brought my hand up to her head and picked up a lock of her long, dark-brown hair. Twirling it a few times around my finger, I smiled at how soft and clean it was. I loved her hair. It was long (not short, like all the other girls' hair was), dark (not a light color, like mine; how I resent my own hair: red is a gross color, for it looks more orange than what it should be), clean and shiny.

Oh no…

“Mmm…” She was regaining consciousness! I didn't want her to leave me. Not now; not ever!

“Mmm..?” Her eyebrows pinched in the middle of her forehead. Even when she was angry, she was beautiful. I loved that about her, but, right now, it wasn't a very good sign.

“Gaara?” Her expression softened and sharpened at the same time and she almost looked worried. Wait… Was she dreaming about me?

“Gaara, don't..!”

Because of my idiocy, I almost asked her what she was talking about. Thank god I caught myself! She might have waken up and yelled at me.

“No, don't…don't leave me by myself! Please! Gaara!” Her voice was strained like she was trying to fight back sorrow. This made me curious, so I decided to listen and try to figure out what she was dreaming of.

“I… Gaara, I…”

I scooted in closer to her, so our faces were very close together. Then, all at once, I had an idea. Of course, I wasn't sure if it would work, but I had to try.

“You what?” I asked so softly that it was hard for even me to hear. I was afraid that, if I said it too loud, she might wake up. “You what, Moegi? Tell me.”

“I…” She seemed to be trying very hard to say it. And I had a feeling I knew what it was she was getting to. No, it wasn't a feeling, it was a hope—a wish.

“You…” I coaxed. I was becoming impatient. I really wanted to hear her say…

Her face suddenly pinched together in a tight and angry frown. “I hate you!” she practically shouted.

That was it—that was all it took for me to be ripped apart. Right then and there; split in half. My eyes were wide with surprise and tears that were forming now.

“You…” I could feel the wet, warm water drip across my nose from my sad eyes and the emotions rushing up in my chest and throat. It was going to be hard to speak without choking, but I managed the best I could. “Why?” I sobbed. “Why, Moegi? Why do you torture me so much? Why?”

“Because I love you,” she whispered quietly.

Again my eyes widened. “What?” My body was frozen, but my heart was racing. “What did you just say?” She didn't answer me and my sorrow suddenly became so strong that I couldn't think straight. I grabbed her shoulders tightly (tighter than I should have) and said loudly; very loudly: “What did you say?”

Her eyes shot open and a quick flash of fear ran down my spine, causing every inch of my body—even my breathing—to stop. Her eyes grew wide with embarrassment and shock and she sat up in the bed. I sat up, too, and bit my lower lip in wonder of what she was thinking. Surely she was going to get angry and, because I knew that little fact so well, I was regretting every bit of my life: yes, that does mean I was wishing I hadn't been born.

She immediately looked over at me and I could see that her eyes were still wide. Her face grew red when she saw that I was unclothed and she quickly spun over to the side of the bed and stood up on the ground. Looking down, she shrieked in horror to see that she, too, had wore nothing.

I just looked at her shocked face as she grabbed the sheet of the bed and tried to cover the front part of her bare body up with it. She backed away, her eyes never leaving my face that, I imagine, looked just as surprised as hers. I couldn't even envision how she must feel right now: horribly ruined, no doubt. Again I had found a way to spoil her life. Oh, why was I so stupid?!

She turned to run, but—I still wasn't thinking straight—I jumped up and ran to her. Hugging her from behind, I tried to think of a way to calm her down. I had just opened my mouth to say something, when she spoke.

“We…” she paused, as if she couldn't say the word. “Didn't we?” She sounded shaky. I knew what she meant immediately.

I swallowed before answering. “Yes.” To me, my voice sounded uneven.

“I can't believe…” No! I didn't want to hear those words, so I cut her off by grabbing her shoulders and swinging her around to face me.

“It was the single most best night of my life!” I admitted, swallowing again. She didn't seem angry yet; thank goodness. If she were, I wouldn't have gotten to say anything more. “I don't know about you, but I don't regret a moment of it!” Part of that was a lie, but mostly it was the truth. “And you said, just now, that you loved me…” I paused to take in the change in her expression. She still didn't look angry, just surprised, so I continued. “Well, you said you hated me first, and then you said you loved me, but…”

Oh no. Now she looked angry. I wondered what she was going to say.

“I do hate you!” she retorted. I think she had meant to yell, but her voice had failed her. “I hate you for getting me drunk and going this far with me, when you knew—you knew—that I wasn't going to be happy about it! And you did know, didn't you? Didn't you?!” Now she was yelling. I could hear the betrayal in her voice just as much as the anger.

“I…” My eyes traveled to the floor. “Yes.”

“Yes what?” She wanted to hear the full truth of it, I guess.

“Yes, I knew.” My voice was low and shameful, but somehow I still couldn't make myself regret the night before completely. It was too wonderful. I loved being so close to her too much.

There was a long pause, but I knew she hadn't gone. Partly because I could still see her feet and partly because my tears started again; which they wouldn't have if she'd left me alone in this room to think by myself.

Finally she spoke. “Then why did you do it?” Her voice was soft and that made me look up at her in surprise. Her face was no longer angry, but it had a hint of sternness in it—as if she just couldn't except something.

“Because…” I hesitated, making sure it was okay for me to speak. Right now I felt too much like a puppy who was being scorned by the boss. And, frankly, she was sort of my boss. Well, if you ask her, that is. “Because I love you. And I…” Again I made sure it was okay for me to speak. “I love to be with you. The slightest glance from your eyes makes me weak. If I get a chance to make you smile, I want to do it more and more; as if that were all I lived for. The way you say my name always gives my butterflies. And last night I found the chance to feel you. To feel you for real. On the inside. But I still want more. I can't get enough of you, Moegi. You'll be the very death of me.”

Now she looked sad. “Gaara…” She shook her head. “You're a vampire and I'm a werewolf. Don't you understand that?” Actually, no, I didn't, so I just waited for her to go on, since I knew she would. “We don't mix. It's not right. That's why I say I don't…” she paused. “That's why I don't love you. We're not supposed to be together, Gaara. That's why I won't let you in.” She waited for my reply, but I didn't know what to say. Was it true: were we really not meant to be together?

Without thinking, I spoke. “But I want us to work.” I choked on my emotions as the tears came once again. “I want…” The thought of it gave me courage (even a little bit of anger) and I looked her in the eyes with a serious expression. “I want you to want me like I want you.” But I knew she wouldn't. And now I knew she couldn't.

“I'm so sorry, Gaara,” she whispered. “I really, really am.”

My eyes grew wide when I saw that she was crying. This was the first time I'd ever seen her cry in front of me, though I've cried in front of her many times. It hurt me to see her like that, so—again without thinking (that was starting to become a habit!)—I grabbed her and embraced her.

“Don't cry.” My voice was a whisper. I never wanted to unwrap my arms around her. Never in a million years did I want to leave her. “Please?”

“Why not?” She sounded calm, and that made me a little jealous, because when I cried, my voice cracked and I always chocked. But, of course, it wasn't real jealously, considering I could never hold anything against this girl in my life. “You do it all the time.”

“Well, you never feel bad when you see me cry, while I am the opposite when I see you cry.” I liked that she hadn't run away from me. If she had, then I wouldn't be holding her like this; enjoying the few moments I'll probably ever share with her.

Suddenly I felt her arms slowly wrap around my torso and I felt warm inside. I liked this and I hoped she did, too. What if she did? What if she liked to be near me just as much as I did with her? The thought made a small smile spread across my lips.

“You're too emotional.” In a way that felt a bit insulting, but, on the other hand (it was the way she said it) that made me feel a bit happy. I don't know why, but it did.

Suddenly she gasped. “No!” she breathed as she pulled out of my arms. Her eyes were wide and her face fearful. “I…I have to go!”

“No! Why?” Why, indeed. My heart was leaving me. Yeah, that was what she was: my entire heart, not just half of it. I started towards her, but she backed away as if I were some sort of demon.

“I'm sorry!” And she whirled around—still clutching the sheet that was now wrapped all the way around her body—and ran out of the room; the door failing to close behind her. It just swung back and forth on the hinges a few times then stood still. Almost as still as me.

“Moegi!” I shouted, but she was gone. My chest was heavy as if it were trying to fill the empty space where my heart used to be. She'd taken it with her. I wanted both of them back: her and my lonely heart.

 

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Well, that was chapter one. I hope everyone liked it…

And, Victoria—Victoria Kent—if you're reading this, I want you to know, that I am Gaara…and you are Moegi. My heart belongs to you. Only you. Always and forever. You are my Princess and you know that. Even if you may not want me anymore; if you'd rather hold someone else, you'll always be my heart. No, not be in my heart, you are my heart. If I didn't have you—if I didn't know you were living—I'd have no heart to keep you in. So remember that. Please, remember that.

Ahem… Anyways, to everyone else, read and review. ^_^ Thank you.