Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Curative Career of Kaori the Ninja Nurse ❯ Unspoken Words ( Chapter 33 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Unspoken Words

The Obito side won out this time as Kakashi swept Kaori into his arms. She offered no resistance - if anything she was returning his fervor with even more passion.

“Harder,” she gasped. “I won't break,” she added, impatient with his gentle caresses and soft kisses.

He readily complied as he slipped off his robe and carelessly tore at her clothes. But nurses' uniforms were made of very sturdy material, and expensive to boot, so practical Kaori escaped from his grasp to remove it herself.

As Kaori unbuttoned, unzipped, and unhooked, she took a moment to observe his abode, which was relatively orderly except for a pile of clothes and equipment lying by the bathroom door. The apartment was smaller than hers. The kitchen was a small alcove; the living room and bedroom ran together as one large room. There was no dining table, just a side table by a single arm chair. It looked as if he never had a guest. There were several shelves of books neatly ordered by author, except for the Icha Icha books which had a special place by the bed's headboard along with a couple of framed photographs of his teams. The full size bed had been neatly made, and looked as if it hadn't been slept in for quite a while. The room was tastefully, though eclectically, decorated with a few paintings: a mountain landscape, an abstract piece of art, and a framed piece of calligraphy with the character for nin.

Her attention was drawn back to the matter at hand as Kakashi came up from behind her to undo her perfect bun. Her rich, vitamin-fortified, luxurious chestnut hair cascaded over her shoulders. His hands roamed across her front as he pressed himself against her back and kissed her neck and shoulders. She gasped at every touch; every sensation was magnified, even the damp tickle from his wet hair, because this was the man she wanted and no other.

Kaori had never slept with a man who hadn't told her he loved her. It didn't matter whether it was true or just a lie to get her into bed - she had to hear it. She had to hear it to see if she could respond to it in kind. And if she couldn't; could she, after sleeping with him? The answer was inevitable “no.” All those men who told her they loved her, she did not love them, even after sleeping with them. Soon after, the relationship would fall apart.

This was different because he did not say those words, yet she was willing. Her body ached for his. She wanted to be part of him, to merge with him, to stay forever touching him. But her heart ached for those three little words he did not say, that she had always needed to hear.

`This is what I've wanted all along. The feel of his lips against mine. The feel of his body against mine. The feel of him inside of me… Everything feels more intense and real than anything in the past. I love him and that should make this feeling perfect… but something is missing. He doesn't love me, does he?'

Kaori was no fool. She knew he just needed someone at this moment and she happened to be there. He was using her like other men before him. But it was different, she insisted to herself. He was not using her to inflate his ego. He was using her like a lifeline thrown to a drowning man. And that was her job, to save people, selflessly, no matter what.

Was it selfish to want to be loved? All these years, was she the selfish one by insisting the man give his love to her while she did not offer her love in return? Was it selfish to want him to love her as much as she loved him? Could she be the selfless one now? Could she love him even if the feelings were not returned? All these years, being so self- centered had brought her no happiness. But loving him made her happy, even if it was a painful sort of happiness; there was no other feeling like being in love and making love to the man she loved.

So Kaori resolved to be whatever he needed her to be - friend, lover, caregiver, as long as she could be with him. She loved him and that had to be enough.

The cuddle time she was hoping for was interrupted by the rumbling from Kakashi's stomach. He laughed in embarrassment and explained he hadn't had a proper meal in days. Kaori gave him permission to eat instead; after all, his physical health was much more important than the emotionally fulfilling cuddle time. She watched him closely as he ravenously ate his seafood ramen in miso soup and then her ramen as well. His hair which had been wet looked even messier than usual, now matted from their bed play. But the rest of him was magnificent, from his perfectly curved high forehead to his exquisitely shaped long toes. It took all of two minutes for Kakashi to finish his meal, then he was back in bed with her, trying to pick up where he left off.

But unlike men, women like to talk in bed. That is when you have a guy's full attention. They will agree to just about anything once they're in bed.

Kaori wanted to discuss their new found relationship, if it could be called that, and tell him how she felt, but she was also smart enough to know not to tell the introverted man she loved him, for fear that would drive him away; she sensed it instinctively. Here was a man who did not want to be loved.

What she wanted to say was: “I love you, only you. I've never felt this way about any other man and I never will. I love you despite all the crazy things you say and do. I've loved you for months. All this time I was afraid you didn't feel the same, but you do, don't you?”

Instead she said, “I want you to know... this doesn't have to mean anything more. I just want to be there for you, when you need someone… I care about you, but it's okay if you don't feel the same.”

Kakashi said nothing in reply.

-…-…-…-

It had been over a year since Kakashi took a woman to bed. He missed their soft curves, especially those of non-shinobi with their smooth unscarred skin, innocence, and naïveté. Before his genin team, he would take short breaks after completing missions, where he would transform to just a regular guy looking for a good time. The one night stands fulfilled his physical needs, but he knew there was always something missing. The handful of more long term relationships he had had, long ago, with women who knew who he was, all ended tragically, in one way or another.

He liked the pretty little nurse currently in his bed. Without her uniform, she no longer smelled like disinfectant, but of fresh floral soap mixed in with her natural sweet heady scent. Her breasts were small but firm and he could almost fit all of one in his mouth. Her body had good tone without being muscular. Her skin was soft and smooth with a delicate pink undertone. She was beautiful and feminine. But her response to his ministrations was neither delicate nor docile. She gripped him tightly as if she never wanted to let him go and met each thrust with an arch of her back, trying desperately to get even closer to him.

Her words had taken him by surprise. She did not declare undying love. She had made no demand. He did not know what to say in response. If she had told him she loved him, he would have had to give her the “it's too soon; you're moving too fast; it's not you it's me; you deserve someone better” speech.

He knew she was in love with him. That was obvious by the way she looked at him, blushing every time he met her eyes; by the way she smiled, almost nervously; by the way she touched him, almost reverently. She was like some other women who thought they saw in him an injured soul, who needed to be loved, thinking that would heal all wounds, that with their devotion he would open up to them and tell them his past tragedies.

When his father died, he built a wall around his heart. Letting no feelings show, he did not cry, not even at his father's funeral. He would not let anyone get close, not his sensei nor his teammates. Friends, he had none, just rivals. Not caring for anyone - that was what led to Obito's death. Then when Obito died, a crack appeared in the wall and he realized what a fool he had been. After a time, the crack mended and the wall still stood, but it was no longer rigid. It became a pliable and porous wall. Though he started to feel and care more for others, he still did not let anyone get close. Not even Rin who knew him better than anyone else.

But over the years, the wall that had softened, also grew, so thick and high, that even he the architect did not know how to scale it or tear it down. Now, as he looked at the young woman lying by his side, he wondered what he was doing with her.

`I care about you…' Something about that line sounded very familiar. He recollected that voice in the deep recesses of his mind, the voice that persisted in the void where he dwelt for what seemed like an eternity, the voice that let him know that he was not alone, the voice that saved him from insanity, a voice full of emotion and comfort, her voice. `Wake-up Kakashi-sensei. There's a lot of people who care about you, who need you. I care about you. Please come back to us.'

So how did he feel about the woman who sat by his bed all those weeks? Her devotion to him during his coma, how she read to him books she normally would have never read, the sacrifices she made for him touched him deeply and he wanted to express his gratitude, yet he could not find the words or the proper emotion. Did he love her? Could he love her? He didn't know; despite his romantic books, it was a foreign emotion. She was someone precious - that he could admit. But still he said nothing.

It was so easy to slip away from reality, from life. Shinobi who knew nothing but battle had problems adjusting to peace once there was no one to fight. Some became missing nin, looking for more adventure, for another fight. Others like Orochimaru found other, even more destructive pursuits. Then there were those like Sasuke who had no one of importance in their lives - no one, nothing, to live for. Those often became self destructive. Kakashi felt he needed someone, someone real, to keep him bound to this earthly plane.

So he decided not to discourage her, to continue with whatever they had, until she grew tired of him, of his silence, of his foolishness, as ultimately she would. `So let it be. Let's see how long this love she thinks she has for me will last.' Would she stay if she really knew who he was - a man incapable of returning any deeper emotion?

`I care about you, but it's okay if you don't feel the same.'

“I never said I didn't,” he finally replied.

-…-…-…-

Author's Note: This is the official ending, written when I hadn't planned to include Raidou. But now I can't leave him out there unresolved so I'll be adding a couple of chapters to tie things up.