Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Underneath the Underneath ❯ I Fear What I Am ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not obtain any sort of profit with this fanfiction.

 

Summary: Sasuke Uchiha, one of the last of the Uchiha clan. Adored, admired, loved. Naruto Uzamaki, a demon container. Despised, feared, hated. One, living a life of self-isolation. The other, living a life of self-loathing. Can they change their outlook on life, and help each other to see...Underneath the Underneath?

 

~I Fear What I Am~

~But I shall except my fate without hesitation~

~But I will become what I aspire to be~

 

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I am but an avenger…

 

That is all there is to it; to avenge a family that I never truly belonged to. I must remain forever emotionless. I can never allow myself to feel any of those dreaded weaknesses.

 

It's something I've willed myself to believe for the past five years of my life.

 

You're nothing without me, dear brother…

 

Silence! I was nothing with you! I sneered at my reflection.

 

I know that I will one day die still trying to kill my own brother. It is something I've learned to accept, and I have resigned myself to this fact. My life is meaningless.

 

I felt a twinge of something or other in my gut, and I winced.

 

You're weak, brother. You will never feel enough hatred to defeat me…

 

I pulled in my emotions the best I could: guilt, pride, disappointment, and failure. And I tried to push my hatred to the front of my mind.

 

Hatred toward my brother.

 

Hatred toward this village.

 

Hatred toward my life.

 

Hatred toward my very existence.

 

But at least I hid it all reasonably enough. In everyone's eyes I was the perfect ninja: cunning, smart, and stealthy. No one new the truth.

 

I am a meaningless tool that will never amount to anything.

 

Now that's the spirit…Sasuke…

 

The room became suddenly dark as I found myself screaming, trying to drown out the cold laugh of my brother's ominous voice.

 

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A defiant spirit to the end

A child born of a union of hate

Shunned by even the darkest of people

Brought up in darkness but a symbol of the light he was

A now hero turned dark who is in the history books as The Betrayer

A child who was their martyr who gave up his very being to find acceptance

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I am but a demon…

 

Behind the mask of a fool I hide my true face in self fear.

 

I am a monster.

 

While I might just be seen as an idiotic fool; the container of the feared Nine-Tailed Fox; I am the true demon.

 

Naruto Uzamaki, the village clown, has friends. If you could call them that.

 

Uzamaki Naruto, the village demon, does not.

 

Behind the impossibly blinding smile and cheerful eyes, people who truly look, see me for who I really am.

 

I cannot feel emotions. I've tried, but they refuse to show.

 

I cannot feel pain, physical or otherwise. No matter what happens.

 

I have no limitations. I cannot find any on my person. No matter how hard I look.

 

Do not sound so depressed, kit. You are indefinitely stronger without all of those.

 

Silence! I only wish to be human! I glare at my reflection.

 

I chuckle darkly at the thought. Humanity has eluded me for as long as I can remember. I might have been human once upon a time. I know not to blame myself for this occurrence. I'm not really such a fool. However, I find that I can neither place the blame on Arashi, the fourth hokage.

 

To save the Leaf Village, the very village I despise with my whole being.

 

Even with my lack of limitations and lack of human traits, I've found that if I focus on every unfortunate thing that has ever happened to me, I can feel something akin to hatred.

 

Hatred toward the villagers.

 

Hatred toward this village.

 

Hatred toward my life.

 

Hatred toward my very existence.

 

I have been able to dissuade everyone's fears that I might be a danger to them. From the first moment I was shown hatred, I made a mask. It has slowly improved over the years.

 

Now it is unflawed; beautiful and simple in its complexity, it comes complete with a big smile and bright eyes, and masks everything.

 

I was Naruto, the village fool, the village idiot. Naruto the complete imbecile.

 

Naruto the fake.

 

I am devoid of feelings, and I find myself thinking of ways to describe my situation. I suppose I have heard one similar enough.

 

There is a fine line between sanity and insanity. I believe that I have one foot in one, and the other foot in another.

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“Good morning, Sasuke-kun! How are you?”

 

I inwardly gagged at the disgustingly obsessive looking emotion Sakura has donned across her face.

 

Sasuke simply walked past her to stand across the bridge where we, or they I should say, were waiting for Kakashi to arrive. You see, technically I wasn't supposed to be there just yet.

 

The Naruto they know is always later than even Kakashi. Or at the very least makes it just before he arrives.

 

So I usually hang around in the surrounding trees, hiding my chakra, and wait until it is time for me to come out.

 

I hate this…

 

Then why not be yourself, kit? Catch them by surprise.

 

Never. It would ruin everything I've worked so hard for. If I'm ever going to be Hokage, I need the villagers to see me as someone non-threatening to their lives.

 

Foolish. You truly are who you pretend to be: a fool. You could go back, you know. Back to the first day of the Academy. Be who you truly are. Excel where you have not. Become stronger than you could possibly dream. You are a demon, after all, and power is not something you are immune to.

 

Be quiet, you. I hardly have the patience to relive that much of my life.

 

You have an unlimited amount of patience. Do not kid yourself.

 

I shall if I so wish to.

 

You speak so eloquently, you know. Woman would fall for you left and right.

 

How the topic of this conversation even got to woman is something only you could know, however, I do not wish to think upon such trivial things.

 

I do believe it's time you make your entrance.

 

*sigh* Yes I suppose it is.

 

I want to feel those dreaded emotions more than I have ever wanted anything, which, I suppose, isn't saying much. However, if I ever happen across something or someone that makes me feel, they are mine.

 

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I silently ignored Sakura's insistent chattering, and looked over to the right when I sensed the familiar chakra that belonged solely to Naruto.

 

Interestingly enough, he seemed to be sprouting dark bruise like circles under his eyes.

 

Maybe he's inherited Gaara's insomnia.

 

Shut up.

 

It comes to no surprise to me when Naruto does not shout some exuberant hello to Sakura, and start another meaningless fight with me. It is draining to keep up a mask, and everyone has their days were they just need to take it off.

 

How do I know that he wears a mask like I do?

 

It takes one to know one.

 

I find that sometimes I truly wonder who the real Naruto is. Why he would hide behind such idiotic a face. What is he so worried about? So afraid of?

 

Do you care, little brother?

 

No.

 

I looked back to the small river that is beneath our feet while Sakura talks away with that rather annoying voice only a kunichi such as her could possess.

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Yesterday's training went undisturbed except for the few questioning stares I received from Kakashi at my lack of disturbance. I was not surprised that Sasuke showed no indication that he even noticed any difference in me. How do I know that he wears a mask as I do?

 

It takes one to know one.

 

He shall betray the village one day, this I am positive of. It's sort of funny how I don't seem to care. But I have a feeling that I might when he does.

 

It will be interesting for certain, kit. In one full year, your life and his shall have changed drastically.

 

Will they become intertwined?

 

*chuckles darkly* That is for you to find out when the time comes.

 

I was wondering why you were being uncharacteristically nice all of a sudden.

 

It's almost your birthday, and the day that I attacked this village. Of course I'm rather happy.

 

I find it odd that you can feel emotions but I cannot.

 

It's because my chakra will not allow it. Our chakra merging has given your emotions to me. You are now a full demon and I am but a half demon.

 

He sounded resentful toward me so I did not respond back. I'll give him a chance to cool down.

 

I am but a cruel and heatless demon whose life is a never-ending power struggle.

 

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This chapter will decide on whether or not I continue this story. If you review, and tell me you want me to continue, I shall. Otherwise I will take this fiction off. The coming chapters will contain angst, pain, sorrow, misery, rage, betrayal, etc. However this is a Sasuke and Naruto pairing. You will have to wait and see how it will come about. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please review and tell me what your thoughts were.

 

Akira-sama

Ja ne