Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Weapons of Old and New ❯ Eighteen ( Chapter 18 )

Weapons of Old and New

Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story

(Really. It's Not.)

By Andrew J. Talon

Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure.

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Gozu felt his lips bear of their own volition in a snarl, the sound masked by his rebreather. Next to him, his brother Meizu growled under his breath.

 

“It's them, allright,” Gozu murmured, peering through the genjutsu out onto a secluded, mountainous road leading away from Tawney Town. A group of nin were walking calmly up it towards their position, some carrying what appeared to be unconscious kunoichi. “I'd recognize that blond anywhere…” Meizu groaned.

 

“Again. Honestly, why do you keep taking jobs for this damned brat?”

 

“Because the fact that we survive seems to indicate that we are competent,” Gozu explained in a tired tone. “And that lets us get our reward.”

 

“But we haven't killed the punk!”

 

“No, but in this case, we don't need to,” Gozu grumbled. “We just need to kill the bitches and get away.”

 

“The brat's been trained by a sannin. You really think we can take him?” Meizu countered.

 

“Oh, like we've been slacking off these years? Have some goddamned balls you little wuss!”

 

“Yeah, seriously! Don't be a little pussy Meizu.”

 

“Yeah, don't be a puss-Eh?” The genjutsu around them dissipated, and both Demon Brothers turned around. A cheerfully smiling Uzumaki Naruto waved at them from atop the boulder behind them.

 

“Hey guys! Much better than last time. A bush is way less obvious than a puddle. I mean, seriously; this is the desert after all.” The Demon brothers couldn't help but gawk behind their masks.

 

“So, what? Are you just going to stand there, or fight me?”

“YOU LITTLE BRAT!” Roared Gozu, throwing a punch with his clawed hand. Meizu attacked in tandem, uppercutting while his older brother struck from above. Naruto shifted to his right and caught Meizu's fist, bringing him into a knee while turning his back to Gozu. Gozu avoided ramming his claws through his brother's back at the last second, only to have his brother knocked back as Naruto flat-palm struck him in the nose.

 

“GAAAAAHHH!” Meizu roared, his nose bleeding profusely. Naruto delivered a roundhouse kick into Meizu's gut, sending both Demon brothers crashing into the ground violently.

 

“GYAH!” Gozu bellowed. Naruto sighed, and cracked his knuckles.

 

“Seriously guys… This is just pathetic. You're freaking chuunin, and I'm kicking your asses so easily.”

 

“SHUT UP YOU LITTLE SON OF A-!” Gozu shouted, shoving Meizu aside and whipping a chain at Naruto. The blond ninja ducked, pinning the chain to a boulder with a kunai, before crossing his arms over his chest. Gozu snarled and prepared to make hand seals.

 

“I wouldn't,” said a cold voice to his right. The eldest Demon brother gulped, his eyes shifting to see a glowering Naruto on either side, kunai to his chest. Gozu grimaced.

 

“Well… Go ahead! Do it already?” Naruto sighed, shaking his head.

 

“Look, Gozu, Meizu… Oh, never mind, Meizu's unconscious. Look, I'm not in the mood to fight more stupid missing nin hired by Snake Boy to do me in. So, how about this… I let you go, and you head off and I never see you again. Would that work for you?” Gozu blinked.

 

“Um… Well… Where's the rest of your team?”

 

“Them?” Naruto smirked. “They're already past here.” He gestured down to the road, and several Naruto clones waved cheekily back. Gozu groaned.

 

“Yeah, I've got like, three groups of Kage Bunshin henged running around, decoying guys like you.” Gozu blinked.

 

“Er… How many…?”

 

“Since we set out this morning? Like, a dozen.” Naruto shook his head. “So yeah, its getting really tiresome.” Gozu blinked.

 

“Your team doesn't fight with you?” Naruto shrugged, a little embarrassed.

“I'm still keeping my abilities hidden for the most part… Professional reasons.” Naruto smiled. “Well, it's been fun, but I've got to go now. See ya!”

 

With that, Naruto leapt away, his Kage Bunshins vanishing into puffs of smoke. Gozu groaned, and sat down next to his still unconscious brother.

 

“I'm getting the feeling it's time to retire, brother…”

 

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“Naruto, that was an awfully long bathroom break,” Kakashi noted, looking up from his Icha Icha. The silver-haired jounin was sitting on a log in a small clearing that Team 7 had decided to rest in. Sakura was checking over the unconscious Sound nin, while Sai ate a ration pack. Naruto shrugged and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

 

“Yeah, well, I had a big breakfast.” Sakura rolled her eyes.

 

“Naruto, you don't have to pretend, you know,” Sakura sighed. Naruto blinked.

 

“What do you mean by that, Sakura-chan?” Sakura smirked.

 

“It's obvious, Naruto… By now you keep rubbing your knuckles.” Sakura put her gloved hands on her hips.

 

“You were off fighting missing nin without telling us, weren't you?”

Naruto froze. Kakashi smirked. Sai looked indifferent, as usual. Naruto glanced at Sai and mentally shook his head. That guy's gotta be the least interesting person I've ever met… Oh yeah, current problem Naruto…

 

“What? They were pathetic. I didn't think we had to break camp to take care of them,” Naruto explained. Sakura growled, and cracked her knuckles ominously as she stalked towards the blond. Naruto gulped and laughed nervously.

 

“Seriously, Sakura-chan, what's with the scary look? … Sakura-chan?”

 

“Naruto, YOU DAMN IDIOT-WOULD YOU HOLD STILL?!” Sakura demanded, driving her fist into the ground and shattering a good portion of it, upturning various pieces of earth into a virtual pile of boulders and rock shards. Naruto balanced atop one, sweating nervously as Sakura shot him a nasty grin.

 

“I may not be able to hit you, Naruto, but I sure as hell can hit under you!” The pink-haired kunoichi shouted, ramming another chakra-charged fist into the earth and sending the boulders (and Naruto) flying)

 

“GAAAAAAHHHH! SAKURA-CHAN!” Naruto shouted, landing on a tree branch-Only to leap off as Sakura rammed her fist through the tree itself, causing it to fall over.

 

“YOU IRRESPONSIBLE TWIT! GET BACK HERE!” Sakura roared, giving chase as Naruto ran for Konoha. Kakashi sighed, and turned to the Naruto clones currently holding Rei, Misa, and Yun. They shrugged as one.

 

“Sucks to be me,” they chorused, grinning. Sai blinked.

 

“Exactly why does Haruno-san act so violently towards Uzumaki-san?” He asked. Kakashi shrugged, getting to his feet and tucking his book back into his vest.

 

“Sexual tension,” Kakashi explained, as he followed the racket at a leisurely pace.

 

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Naruto could see the gates of Konoha up ahead, and grinned happily. Salvation! If anyone can calm Sakura-chan down-!

 

“NARUUUUTOOOOO!” Sakura bellowed, keeping pace with him only a few meters behind him. He grimaced as he leapt above yet another of her earth-shattering strikes, wondering if Sakura had ever considered a career in landscaping.

 

“Seriously Sakura-chan! I just didn't think you wanted to have to fight-WAH!” Naruto ducked as Sakura had apparently switched her ammo to trees. A rather fine oak flew over his head, crashing into a small pond outside of the village walls. Naruto groaned.

 

“Sakura-chan, would you just-?”

 

“If you'd just HOLD STILL FOR ONE SECOND!” Sakura roared, leaping forward and landing with her feet positioned at an angle towards him. BOOM! A concentrated wave of seismic energy rippled through the ground, knocking Naruto off his feet and into the air.

 

“HOOOOLLLYYYYY SSHHHHHIIIIITTTTT-!” Naruto yelped, as he flew straight over the village walls. Sakura smirked, breathing heavily, as a distant-sounding crash reached her ears. With that, she stretched her arms up over her head and walked leisurely the rest of the way to the gates.

 

Damnit you idiot! Now he'll never go out with us! Inner Sakura groused. Unless he's into pain!

 

Sakura rolled her eyes. You are so annoying… Besides, he'd never forsake me!

 

Oi… You give ME a headache, you know?

 

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“Ow… Sakura's got some nice legs,” Naruto muttered, rubbing the side of his head. A quick link to his Kage Bunshins confirmed that they were still carrying the Sound Triplets (as he'd mentally dubbed them), and Kakashi and Sai were leading them to a spot outside the village walls for pickup by ANBU. Naruto felt a little bad about not saying goodbye to Rei, but turning a girl into his sex slave thanks to his mere presence… Unsettled him.

 

The fact that the Kyuubi's presence in his mind increased near her also didn't help. He stood up, looking over the busted crates in the alley he'd landed in, and took off for the rooftops, headed for the Hokage's tower.

 

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“… And we arrived back here,” Kakashi concluded, as Naruto landed in Tsunade's office. Kakashi turned around, flanked by Sakura and Sai. Naruto blinked.

”You're late,” Sakura teased. Naruto blinked again.

 

“How did you…?”

 

“Shortcut,” Kakashi answered. Tsunade was trying (and failing) to not smile at the humorous reversal. She looked over a few file and nodded.

 

“Excellent work, Team Seven. Nice to see you back in the saddle,” Tsunade said. “You're free for the rest of the day. Except for you, Naruto.” Naruto sighed heavily, as Sai shuffled out of the office. Kakashi went out, smirking at him. Sakura at least left him a smile, before she too left the office. Tsunade raised her brows at Naruto.

 

“So? How'd it go?”

 

“Aside from… Some complications with this guy,” Naruto stated, pointing at his stomach. “To plan.” Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “Snake Boy sent at least fifty nin after the Triplets.” Tsunade frowned.

 

“Curious… He'd expend so much effort, and yet according to Kakashi, none of them posed any threat. Most weren't even in the Bingo Book.”

 

“Aside from the Demon Brothers,” Naruto offered. “But then, they're pretty pathetic to begin with.” Tsunade sighed.

 

“Either he decided to try and swamp you, or…”

 

“He didn't care if we got them or not?” Naruto suggested. Tsunade's frown deepened.

 

“That's another possibility… But why, I have no idea. Also, the fact that all three girls are so close to eachother in appearance and chakra capacity. We're running a DNA check on them but it won't be complete until tomorrow.” Naruto nodded, and his eyes darted about.

 

“No Sourpuss today?”

 

“He's at his personal retreat,” Tsunade snorted. “Buttering up members of the council as usual.” Naruto smirked.

 

“Yeah well, considering the quality of his operatives I wouldn't worry. Sai's a freaking dumbass! He didn't help at all!” Tsunade frowned.

 

“Strange… Sai is supposedly one of the up and coming members of ANBU.” Naruto shrugged, looking a bit sheepish.

 

“Er, well… Obviously, compared to me he's an amateur, and Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan can fight at least.” Tsunade shrugged back, sipping some sake from a bowl on her desk. She grimaced at how cold it had become, before sighing.

 

“This entire mission, from the outset, stunk,” she declared. “There are just too many unanswered questions. But, until we get more we're forced to wait.” Tsunade smiled at Naruto. “In the meantime, I've got a few errands for you to run.”

 

“Errands? Don't you have aides for that kind of stuff?” Naruto asked, affronted. Tsunade smirked, and pulled out several scrolls from her desk.

 

“Honestly Naruto, you should get used to paperwork before you become Hokage. Otherwise it will kill you when you hit office. Now, just take these scrolls to the marked addresses.” Naruto sighed, and grudgingly took them.

 

“Fine, fine. But you owe me, Baa-chan,” he smirked, before darting out the window. Tsunade smirked, before letting out an evil cackle.

 

“MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!”

 

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Next chapter: Naruto makes his rounds, sending Konoha into an uproar. Meanwhile, Danzo meets with some familiar faces…