Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ Who knew... ❯ 36. THE WEDDING OF MY DREAMS ( Chapter 36 )

36. THE WEDDING OF MY DREAMS

 

The dreaded day had eventually come.

 

She hadn't slept a minute that night, tossing and turning and thinking. Thinking about the days before, whether that was the right thing to do, thinking about the years that had passed since someone else had made that decision for her.

 

Thinking about her whole life. She supposed that usually people couldn't sleep out of excitement in her place, but no, excitement was the last thing in her mind.

 

Worry.

 

Guilt.

 

Love.

 

Hesitation.

 

Indecision.

 

Fear.

 

But no trace of excitement.

 

“You should be happy” they kept on telling her.

 

Asuka had no reasons to be happy at all.

 

Hitomi and Tomoyo were helping her with the dress, a fucking white dress, while her grandmother and her stepmother were crying in the corner, pretending they weren't.

 

“I never knew I'd live to see this day” her grandmother sobbed for the hundredth time. Asuka sighed and resisted the urge of massacring everyone. “Oh, Asuka-chan, I really never thought I would. The day my Asuka-chan gets married.”

 

***

 

The white dress fit her well; it wasn't a traditional wedding kimono, but an occidental one. Everyone thought she looked so not the traditional type, with her tanned skin and all. It was a beautiful dress, they said. She didn't really know. She hadn't chosen it, Itachi did.

 

Her hair was curlier than usual, and her bangs fell properly on her forehead, which was a rare event. She hadn't chosen this hairstyle, her stepmother did.

 

She was wearing small pearls as earrings, and a pearl necklace, which belonged to her grandmother. She hadn't chosen it, her grandmother did.

 

She had flowers in her hair. White roses. Those, at least those, were chosen by her. Her mother Asuko had planted some roses in the garden, when she was a child. Asuka was never to touch them, because she might ruin them, and they might hurt her.

 

But she was no longer a child, and she felt that this way at least she would have someone on her side.

 

Tomoyo and Hitomi were, and Ren was, too, and her little brother.

 

But she felt all alone.

 

The day of the wedding, the guests, the place, everything was arranged by their families, and not even Itachi had managed to get a saying in this. Not that he would.

 

She still felt torn, like that day of five years ago, before her departure for Kirigakure.

 

The day in which he had kissed her, and then said those awful things.

 

It had been a nightmare.

 

But still, she couldn't bring herself to…to what? Forget him? That meant that she loved him. Forgive him? It wasn't really about forgiveness. Bah.

 

Truth was, he did it just for fun, and it made her mad that it still hurt, after all those years.

 

And Kakashi.

 

When she had come back to Konoha she had thought that Itachi was just in the past. She had thought that Kakashi had sort of…forgotten her, in a sense.

 

But still, the very night they had met, and they spoke, and they kissed, and they made love, and she hate herself, hated him, hated fate and human race and whatever was left to hate.

 

Two days later, all Konoha knew about the official day of the Uchiha and Yoshizumi wedding.

 

And Kakashi hadn't even looked at her anymore. It wasn't hard to understand that he hated her, she hated herself too, after all, the following day she had seen Itachi, and they had spoke, and he was so like when they were younger, well, before that day, when they were younger and he whispered in her ears, and she blushed whenever they spoke and melted whenever they touched, and they had kissed, and they had made love, and he hadn't hated her when he found out that she had already been touched, and had probably figured by who, and…and…

 

Ok.

 

That was the day.

 

Her father knocked on the door, and told her it was time. Hitomi and Tomoyo hugged her, and she felt like crying, felt like screaming, felt like throwing up, escaping, dying, and she did none of that but put on a fake smile and walked with her father dragging her.

 

She felt as if she was drunk.

 

And then she had seen Itachi waiting for her, and she had thought that yes, maybe she loved him, and no, maybe he didn't love her, but who the hell cared, this wasn't out of love, and she was feeling dizzy, and then Kakashi appeared, and said something, no, that was not Kakashi, she was imagining things, and next thing she knew she was saying something like `yes I do', and then she was lying on a bed that wasn't hers, and Itachi was on top of her moving and moaning, and she was enjoying every second of it, and she was hating it with all of herself and…and…

 

***

 

Asuka woke up, but couldn't find the courage and the strength to open her eyes.

 

First things first, she touched her belly. Phew. It was still her skinny but flat belly.

 

Good.

 

No pregnancy.

 

That was already something.

 

She was cold. She was so very cold.

 

A couple of minutes ago she had been oh so warm when…when…

 

Her eyes flashed open.

 

It was a familiar ceiling of a familiar roof, the one on top of her.

 

Dammit.

 

Asuka was really curious to know where all the details of her dreams came form.

 

She really had no idea.