Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Love Hina Fan Fiction / Chobits Fan Fiction / Star Ocean (All Series) Fan Fiction ❯ Anime Assassinations: Quest for Chicks ❯ Attempt 03 - Star Ocean EX ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Black Seventeen smiled as Sanyasi sat down across from him. It was good that he was up and around again, especially since a new assignment had just presented itself. "How's your head?"
"Okay, I guess. They took the stitches out yesterday."
"Excellent!" Black Seventeen beamed. "So, are you ready to get back to your old badass self?"
"Considering what happened last time, I'd say it's long overdue," Sanyasi said. "Boy, that was embarrassing. It wouldn't have been so bad if they weren't women. And was it just me, or did they keep getting smaller as I went along?"
"No, Sumomo was decidedly very small. But, I'm sure you'll be glad to hear that the next assignment involves only full-sized people."
"Who aren't obscenely cute?"
"Well, that's debatable, but it shouldn't be a problem," Black Seventeen said. "In this case, it'll be swords against guns."
"And... I'll have the guns?"
Black Seventeen's eyebrow twitched. "Of course you will, you dolt! Those things in your holsters aren't paperweights, you know!"
"Well, I can't be sure, dealing with you," Sanyasi replied. "Sometimes your powers of fanfiction place me at a disadvantage."
"Sanyasi, I created you to be the ultimate badass and indiscriminate extinguisher of life; you are never at a disadvantage!"
"Except when it involves crying high school girls, sickeningly cute androids, dancing dolls, little girls with frying pans..."
"Enough!" Black Seventeen snapped. "I get your point. But this time you will not fail. I'm sending you to a universe that should be easy for you to negotiate, considering the lack of projectile weapons."
"Well, okay, but if anything gets in my way, I'm just gonna shoot it, alright? Women or not, armed or not, breathing or not."
"Well, maybe I should explain things a bit more clearly," Black Seventeen said. He opened a manila folder on his desk. "This is information regarding the latest assignment, which will take place in the Star Ocean EX universe. It is a largely medieval society, but recently technological advances have occurred quite rapidly. Still, only two people in the universe have a gun. One is a three-eyed chick named Opera, but she doesn't show up often at all. The other is the target, Claude C. Kenni. And his doesn't even work." Black Seventeen handed a picture of the target to Sanyasi.
"Doesn't look like much," He said of Claude. "But what else do I need to worry about?"
"Basically nothing," Black Seventeen assured him. "As I said, no one else has any guns, and even the magic-users need time to get their incantations right. Just shoot them while they're talking."
"I think I'm going to like this assignment."
"One thing to be wary of, however. The girl who travels with Claude, a blue-haired elf-looking girl named Rena, has the ability to heal injuries. Just make sure that Claude is completely dead, is all."
"Have you forgotten who you're talking to?" Sanyasi asked. "He'll be dead before he even starts to fall to the ground."
"That's what I like to hear!" Black Seventeen said.
"Just one small thing. I know it's not really my problem, but if it's a medieval society, how is it that Claude has a gun?"
"He's from a different part of the galaxy. But, like I said, he broke his gun, so it isn't a danger at all. Unless he throws it at you. It looks like it might be pretty heavy."
"I'm sure I can just side-step," Sanyasi said.
"Anyway, go forth and bring death to the target. I'm going to do a self-insertion where I'm a crest magician. I'd love to help Celine draw some of those symbols on her body! Crest magic is so interactive!"


Sanyasi found himself standing at the gates of a bustling little town, full of street merchants and quaint cottages. The ringing of his phone distracted him from his survey. He answered. The voice of Black Seventeen was very crackly. "Right now you're in the town of Lacour. All the members of Claude's party should be around somewhere."
"What's with the phone reception? Are my batteries running low?"
No, it's just that my long-distance provider has a little trouble when I place calls to different time periods and to different parts of the universe. Just bear with me. Anyway, your assignment should be clear to you. You know what Claude looks like, so take him out."
"Roger that," Sanyasi said stoically as he hung up. He began his march through town, eagerly seeking out the blonde-haired, futuristically clothed target.
As he ambled through the wide cobblestone streets, he noticed that he was drawing the stares of several people. That wasn't surprising to him; long black coats were not easy to come by in such a time period. Small children were starting to follow him. Sanyasi grinned to himself, knowing it just meant a larger audience to watch him open up a can of whoop-ass.
"Excuse me, sir!"
Sanyasi whipped around to see a small old man addressing him, standing at the doorway of what was most probably his own weapons shop. In his hands was a sheathed sword. "I see, traveler, that you do not carry a sword. Venturing forth unarmed during these dangerous times is risky indeed. Might I suggest purchasing one of our fine swords so as to ensure your safety?"
Sanyasi grinned again. He responded to the suggestion by taking the sword from the man's hand and unsheathing it. He inspected it, watching the sunlight reflect off the newly sharpened surface. Then, he promptly drove the point of the sword into the ground, leaving it standing hilt up. He turned and walked several paces away. As the gallery that watched him began to wonder what he was up to, Sanyasi stopped. In a movement almost too quick to see, he reached behind him and drew a pistol, spun around in a flare of his coat, and fired a shot. The bullet hit the blade of the sword, causing it to shatter neatly in two pieces. The crowd, frightened by the loud report of the pistol, and amazed by the destruction of the sword, stood with mouths agape. Whispers began to circulate amongst them.
Sanyasi blew the smoke from the barrel of his pistol. "Thanks for the offer," he said, leering menacingly at the merchant, "but I think I'll be just fine." He smoothly twirled his custom Duquette and jammed it back into its rear holster. His coat flared again as he turned and walked away. The children who had followed him this far decided to stay put.
After about an hour of wandering around town, Sanyasi began to grow impatient. He hadn't seen anyone matching the description of the target. It seemed as though he would have to make a few inquiries. He spied the closest person and decided to ask him if he had seen Claude.
The man in question was kneeling in front of a shop, staring intently at a stack of storage barrels. What appeared to be two small dragons protruding from his back sighed impatiently. Sanyasi was almost hesitant to talk to such a strange looking fellow, but he went against his misgivings because of his need for information. He knelt down next to the man. "Excuse me, but I'm looking for someone."
The man appeared to not notice him. He brought his hand up and lovingly caressed the barrel before him. "Such seamless craftsmanship," he marveled. "And the aged wood is ivory smooth." He rubbed his cheek against the wood. "Such a treat!"
Sanyasi decided to end the conversation right there. He stood up and shook his head. The owner of the shop them stepped outside and looked squarely at Sanyasi. "You know this weirdo?"
"Fortunately, no. What's his problem? And why are there two dragons stuck to his back?"
"Your guess is as good as mine. He's been staring at these barrels for the better part of an hour. He's beginning to frighten customers away."
"Sorry I can't be of any assistance," Sanyasi said. "By the way, I'm looking for someone." He withdrew the picture of Claude from his pocket and showed it to the owner. "Have you seen this man?"
The owner looked at the photograph intently. "Yeah, I think so. I saw him and a couple of girls walk by here earlier. This dragon weirdo was with them, too, I think."
"Do you know which way they went?"
"Last I saw they were headed toward the town gates. They may have already left."
"Hmm, maybe I can still catch them if I hurry. Thank you for the information." Sanyasi quickly turned around and ran in the direction of the town gates.
"No problem!" the owner called after him. "And tell them that I'm through babysitting barrel-boy here!"


After running along the main path leading from Lacour, Sanyasi did indeed catch up with Claude and the two girls. He kept off the main path, using trees and underbrush for cover as he tailed them. Finally, he was able to follow them into a clearing. He scratched his head as he saw Claude and the blue-haired girl sit down on a log. "Weren't there three of them?"
"Excuse me, why are you following us?"
Sanyasi nearly jumped out of his coat when he heard the voice behind him. He quickly turned around and came face to face with an elaborately dressed girl with light purple hair. There was a triangular insignia on her forehead. Sanyasi sighed. "Don't sneak up on people like that!"
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that I've noticed you following us ever since we left Lacour, and I was wondering why you've been slinking around for so long. Could it be," she sidled up to him, "that you were captivated by my beauty and were too shy to say anything? Oh, that is so adorable!"
"Actually," Sanyasi said, "It was never my intention to be seen at all."
"Oh, you don't have to be coy with me, handsome," she said, glomping his arm. "Actually, I'm a little shy myself." She brought her hands to her face, which began to turn red. "Oh, this is so embarrassing! I can't believe you're making me say all this, you naughty thing, you!"
"Celine, do you know this person?" Rena asked, she and Claude having noticed her exchange with Sanyasi.
"Just a secret admirer. Are you jealous, Claude?" Celine asked, once again clinging to Sanyasi's arm. "It's a wonder why you wanted to sneak around in the shadows and hide such a gorgeous face."
"Miss, I have no interest in such things," Sanyasi insisted, peeling his arm away from Celine's grasp. "I'm here strictly on business."
"Celine, you're being a bother to this poor traveler," Rena said. "Maybe you should let him go."
"Hey, if I don't act now, someone else could steal this one away," Celine said, pleading her case. "You, know, kind of like how you and Claude got so close?"
"I... well, er... um..." Rena trailed off. She and Claude looked at one another, their faces both turning bright red.
Celine chuckled, then sighed, grasping Claude's arm playfully. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you jealous. If you want, you can take me out to dinner later and have me all to yourself."
"Celine!" Claude blurted.
"Excuse me!" Sanyasi said forcefully, not liking the fact that he was being ignored. "As I said, I have important business to take up with Claude."
"What business would that be?" Claude asked.
Sanyasi smiled. "You see, I've been hired to kill you."
Celine jumped back. "Who are you? Who sent you?"
"The latter I am not at liberty to divulge," Sanyasi said. "As for who I am, you may call me Sanyasi."
"Sanyasi," Claude echoed as he drew his sword. "Whatever you're planning to do, it won't work!"
"Now, you see, you shouldn't jump to conclusions like that," Sanyasi taunted. "It'll get you into a lot of trouble." He drew one of his pistols and pointed it at Claude.
"Wait a minute," Claude said, "That looks a lot like my phase gun!"
"And unfortunately for you," Sanyasi said, "mine is fully functional."
"Claude, stand back!" Celine said. "I'll use my fire bolt!"
"No, don't!" Claude warned. "That weapon is very dangerous. If you try to do anything, he might kill you, too."
"Oh, God, your nobility makes me want to vomit!" Sanyasi said. "I'll be more than happy to kill you."
Claude stood frozen in place, knowing that his sword was no match for Sanyasi's gun. He could only stand helplessly as he watched Sanyasi slowly pull on the trigger. Claude closed his eyes. The shot sang out loudly in the silent woods.
When Claude opened his eyes, he was surprised to find that Sanyasi had missed. No, he hadn't. Something blocked the bullet. He looked up to see someone in front of him, sword poised. He had used his sword to block the bullet!
"Dias!" Rena exclaimed."
"It's a good thing I decided to look for you," Dias said. "I knew that Claude alone could not protect you."
Sanyasi gnashed his teeth. "Who do you think you are?"
Dias straightened up and glared at Sanyasi. "My name is Dias Flac. And you're in the way."
A smile slowly spread across Sanyasi's face. "You don't say? Well, isn't this interesting? It seems I've finally met a worthy match. You must think you're pretty badass with that sword."
"Even without the sword, I'm cooler than you could ever hope to be," Dias replied.
"Ooh, cocky, aren't we? Well, let's just see how cool you are."
"Think you can handle it, you pony-tailed pussy?"
"Let's go, blue boy!"
Sanyasi and Dias stood still in the clearing, staring at one another. As opposed to attacking, they seemed to carefully size each other up. The others wondered just why neither moved, even after several moments. Suddenly, Celine spoke up. "Oh, my God! It's a coolness fight!"
"A what?" Claude asked.
"They're using their powers of coolness against one another," Celine said. "I've heard stories about this style of fighting. Sometimes, no aggression is taken by either side, but the results can be devastating. There have been rumors of spectators being completely incinerated by a combatant's coolness!"
"Do you think Dias can win?" Rena asked. "I've never seen him do this before."
"Dias is one of the coolest people I've ever seen," Celine said. "But there's something about a man dressed all in black that makes me think he may be at a disadvantage. The only way to find out is if we wait and see."
"Well, I don't want to be incinerated by either of their coolness," Claude said. "Let's get a little further from here." Claude, Rena, and Celine all retreated to a safer distance.
Sanyasi continued to stare at Dias. From out of nowhere, a wind picked up, causing Dias' long blue hair and cape to trail in the current. Oddly enough, nothing else around him even ruffled. Sanyasi shook his head. "Is that the best you can do? Breeze summoning is so base a skill that I'm surprised you even bother with it. There's more to being a badass than looking the part. See? I can do it, too." A comparable breeze swept through Sanyasi's coat and pony-tail.
"So, I see you are trained in coolness craft as well," Dias said. "But your juvenile tricks won't save you." Dias grasped his cape at the shoulder and flung it off, the fabric billowing to the ground.
"Ah, the cape removal," Sanyasi noted. "You had excellent follow-through on the toss. But I find that adding an accessory as opposed to discarding one is much more effective." Sanyasi reached in to an inside pocket and pulled out his shades. He smoothly slipped them on to his face in a move that at once seemed effortless and yet perfectly choreographed. He slid them up the bridge of his nose with a single finger. "Like that."
Dias narrowed his eyes. He responded by drawing his sword and tossing it into the air. After spiraling and reflecting several of the sun's rays in the sky, the sword came down, sheathing itself in Dias' scabbard, which he held in his outstretched hand.
"Well, that was neat," Sanyasi said. He promptly flared his coat and drew his two pistols, grabbing them by the slides. He thrust them in his hands out to the side, the centrifugal force racking the pistols. He let go, and the springs made the pistols jump back into Sanyasi's hands, thus allowing him to grab them by the grips. He finished by twirling both on his fingers and jamming them back into his holsters. "But it's not the size that matters; it's how you use it."
Dias angrily drew his sword again and swiftly sliced a path through the air around him. Three trees in his immediate vicinity slid off their severed trunks and collapsed to the ground.
"How boringly cliche," Sanyasi said nonchalantly. He picked up a thin twig at his feet and tossed it into the air. He drew a pistol and fired at it, splitting it in half lengthwise. The two halves embedded themselves in the ground, pointing up, at Dias' feet. Dias raised an eyebrow.
"You see?" Sanyasi said. "I have been spawned from a brain that has used the most famous badasses as my archetypes. I have the aim of Spike Spiegel, the unflappable composure of Legato Bluesummers, the brooding intensity of Aoshi Shinomori, the controlled arrogance of Vegeta, and the superiority complex of Alucard! There is no way for you to defeat me! Face it: I am too cool for you!"
"Then perhaps it's my turn!"
Sanyasi and Dias both turned to see where the voice came from. They were both highly surprised to see a man with a pair of dragons protruding from his back.
"Is that... Ashton?" Dias asked.
"It's you!" Sanyasi said. "But, there's something different. You've changed somehow."
"I was hoping you'd notice," Ashton said, smiling grimly. "Now, the real fight begins!"
Sanyasi was amazed. Where was the barrel-hugging pansy he had met in town before? Now, a new aura seemed to be surrounding him. Was he hiding it before, just to lull him into a false sense of security? Did he see the danger from the beginning and plan this maneuver? Sanyasi gritted his teeth. "The appearing out of nowhere thing was kind of cute. But I'll be a son of a bitch if you think you can beat me!"
"That's true, you will," Ashton remarked. "But we can talk about your mother after you've been defeated!"
"You insolent little..." Sanyasi trailed off through clenched teeth. He drew his other pistol and pointed them both at Ashton. Ashton, however, had already leapt high in the air and drawn both of his swords. He flung them at Sanyasi, and they both found their mark, wrenching the guns from his hands, which clattered to the ground behind him.
Sanyasi quickly wheeled around to retrieve them, but Ashton gracefully landed between him and where the guns had fallen. The smirk had not left his face. "This battle is over."
Sanyasi backed away, truly horrified. "How? How in the hell did you get so damn cool?!"
"You will never understand," Ashton said. "You don't know what cool is. So, let me show you!" The blue dragon on his back opened his mouth, and spewed forth a strong blast of icy breath. Sanyasi shielded his face from the intense cold, but found that it did little, with the ice clinging to his body. The numbing cold enveloped him as the ice encased and immobilized him. The dragon ceased to exhale.
The frozen Sanyasi glistened in the sunlight that streamed down through the trees. Ashton inspected him for a moment. "Well," he said, "looks like now you really are a lot cooler than me."
Drawn by the sounds of a physical battle, Claude, Rena, and Celine all ran in to the clearing. They stood agape at the sight of the frozen Sanyasi. Suddenly, Ashton shook his head vigorously. "Huh? How did I get here? What happened?"
Celine nodded. "I see. Gyoro and Ururun possessed him again. I should have known that Ashton couldn't have done this by himself."
"I remember that that store owner was trying to drag me away from those barrels," Ashton recalled, "but then what?"
"Never mind," Rena said. "That man was trying to kill Claude. It's a good thing you showed up when you did." Her eyes were drawn to Dias, who picked up his cape from the ground. "Dias, where are you going?"
"He defeated me," Dias said solemnly. "Obviously, I am not as much of a badass as I thought I was. I must continue to train. I will not rest until I am the ultimate badass of this world. Farewell." He sharply but stylishly walked out of the clearing, a light breeze blowing his cape behind him. Oddly enough, the plants around him did not ruffle.


Black Seventeen busily waved a hair dryer over Sanyasi's frozen body. He had already thawed out his head. He imagined a full defrost wouldn't take more than another two or three hours. "Sorry this is taking so long. My tanning bed is in for repairs."
"How did he get so cool all of a sudden?" Sanyasi wondered aloud. "One minute he's practically making love to a barrel, and the next minute he's belting out insults and freezing me solid! It's impossible, I tell you!"
"It was the dragons. Whenever situations dictate, they possess Ashton's body and cause his coolness quotient to increase exponentially. Don't think of it as a loss to Ashton; without Gyoro and Ururun, he's actually quite pathetic."
"You're not making me feel any better. The way I see it, it's embarrassing that I lost at all. I turned my coolness way up for this one. It should have been more than anyone could handle, even a pair of dragons and especially a loser with a barrel fetish. This just isn't right."
"Well, there's no use crying about it now," Black Seventeen said. "To be perfectly honest, failure is not surprising me anymore."
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying that you expect me to fail?"
"Expecting? Well, not exactly."
"What do you mean, 'not exactly?'" Sanyasi snapped. "If my arm wasn't frozen, I'd hit you right in the teeth!"
"Don't get salty, alright? Besides, it wasn't really your fault. I thought for sure those barrels would have kept him busy for at least half a day."
"Well, at least my head doesn't hurt."
"That's probably because it's gone numb from the cold," Black Seventeen observed.
"You think being frozen solid is going to have an adverse effect on my health?"
"Well, Faye Valentine turned out alright, so I wouldn't worry about it."
"Somehow I doubt that she was revived with a hair dryer," Sanyasi remarked. One of his arms promptly snapped off, clattering to the floor.
"Er... Don't worry, I think those grow back," Black Seventeen said. "But let's not wonder about that now. Right now you should be psyching yourself up for your next assignment."
"Sorry, but I can't help but be distracted by the fact that I'm an assassin-cicle."
"On the bright side, now your body temperature matches your personality!"
Sanyasi's eyes closed and his head fell back. "I swear, you have got to be on something."