Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ The Ikari Doctrine ❯ The First Breech ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. A company named Gainax does. If they request I take this off of the net then I will.

A/N: Here you go!

If it is in Italics, it is thought

If not in Italics it is either descriptive or action

If it is in "…" then apparently this is speech.

Three days, that's how long it has been since she moved in, and all because she wanted to satisfy her stupid ego by proving she was the best pilot. Misato steps up the training today so now I have to sleep in the same room as her. I like Misato but damn her to hell I think she likes torturing me, damn masochist. In my opinion I was doing fine, finely regaining some since of stability in life and living with a beautiful woman who at least cared about my well being an iota. Sure I was piloting a bio-mechanical monstrosity but that's just what I have to do to keep my world revolving around the sun. Since the day that red headed succubus came into my life the world has been a little off tilt. Sure she's beautiful and I'll admit she is well developed for her age, but I will be hot damned if I take one more insult or slap or kick or punch or any other physical offense she puts up. I mean I'm a man damn it! I should be able to take up for myself right? Last night she kicked me, come on who kicks anther person if you're not in some kind of wrestling arena or crazy kung fu movie. I'll admit my mind snapped a bit when she kicked me, it just showed me how really crazy this bitch is. Therefore I have come up with the Ikari self defense system. I feel like a new man as the rays of the morning sun shine through the blinds of my window to fall across my face. Nothing has changed about me physically I just feel better knowing that I'm going to do something about it. I have taken shit all my life and said nothing of it but last night as I was sleeping I came up with the Ikari doctrine. This, of course, came after thinking of the Ikari self defense system, as a doctrine was needed to decide when the system may legally be initiated. The Ikari doctrine is as follows "Shinji Ikari will no longer take physical or verbal abuse off of any person or person's without a semblance of retaliation. When and if retaliation is considered the offending party may make amends by saying a simple "I am sorry and it will never happen again master Shinji" and retaliation will be suspended until another offense occurs." The Ikari defense system is now online and running at full steam. I've got to get the offensive party to do something early on in the day so as by tonight I have a semblance of control over my life. I'll admit I am breaking the spirit of the doctrine by enticing the redhead to put up an offensive, but it must be done!

"Time to draw the line…….that sounded corny."

The Ikari Doctrine

Part 1: The first breech

By: ChiRho

As Shinji exited his room he contemplated his current doors sign "Shinji's Lovely Suite" he whispered while a smile was creeping its way upon his usually downtrodden face.

I like Misato when we're alone, but at Nerv she seems colder. No one should have jobs like ours.

"And now to make an addition to my door."

He takes the piece of paper taped on all four corners and places it below the already existing sign. He steps back from the door and reads the comically larger first line of the paper.

"Ikari Doctrine."

As he stepped away from the door and toward the kitchen his last thought was about how the recently acquired combat training he was forced to learn, and observing the torture methods of one Toji Suzuhara were about to pay off. As he pads into the kitchen he sees Pen Pen waiting patiently beside his food bowl. Smiling at the penguin he opens the fridge and gets the already thawed fish out and lays it in his bow getting an appreciative squawk from the penguin.

"Let's see now.... miso soup should really piss her off."

He could hear the sound of Asuka's door open and close again, then the padded foot steps coming closer to the kitchen.

"Hi Asuka I hope you had a good night sleep"

"Whatever....what are you making ME for breakfast"

"Miso soup"

"We had miso soup yesterday and I told you I hated it then Baka"

"Sorry"

"Of course you're sorry, a boring little boy like you will always be sorry Baka" she said while pulling out a chair at the table and sitting down.

That's what I was waiting for.

Shinji turned the stove off, no telling how long this is going to take, and innocently walked toward Asuka. She, of course, noticed this and immediately demanded that he…

"Finish my breakfast before leaving Baka!"

As he got even with the chair she was sitting in he grabbed onto the back of the chair and pulled back as hard as he could. This led to the chair flying backwards toward the floor. Asuka carefully assessed the situation as she fell backwards and came up with........

Nothing

Even as she and the chair hit the ground....

Nothing

Even as she continued to be propelled by the backwards force of the fall and flip end over end.......

Nothing

But when a sardonic looking Shinji Ikari leapt on her straddling her lower waste and thighs and grabbing her arms, she thought and vocalized…

"You son of a bitch get off me NOW!!!!"

"Tsk tsk tsk, your just digging a deeper grave for yourself Asuka."

Look at her squirm!

Suddenly Asuka gets very calm and her mouth becomes a thin line. She had put on her 'game' face.

"Shinji, if you get off of me now we can pretend like none of this ever happened."

"Asuka, how stupid do you think I really am, I wouldn't getting off of you if a N^2 mine went off right outside the window. Unless of course, you say a simple 'I am sorry for calling you a Baka when you were only being considerate and it will never happen again.'"

"Now I know I'm dreaming you Bak-"

"Then the torture may begin."

"What do you me-"

She was cut off by the sound of Shinji working the spit up in his mouth.

"If you carry through with what I think you're going to do, I WILL be forced to kill you."

Shinji said nothing but as for a response he let a stream of saliva run out of his mouth and directly at the German girls eye. The look that he received was priceless; it was mixed with absolute horror, anger, and hopelessness. He stopped the saliva just before it reached her eye by sucking it back up, noticing the relief in the redheads face.

I'm getting some kind of sick pleasure out of watching her squirm!?!........must be a perk!

"Don't squirm too much, I might lose control of the next one and it would land right in your eye!"

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO TO YOU WHEN I GET UP!!"

Instead of talking he let another trail of saliva leave his lips holding it right above her face. As the German wiggled beneath him, he couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how quickly the tables had turned on the girl.

Just then the main door slid open with a whoosh and a visibly tired Misato stepped through the door. While Asuka lay there squirming and trying her best to evade the stream of spit over her face, she thought about the wrath that she would pour on the boy when Misato would order him to remove his dirty body from her pristine one. Who would have thought, her savior, Misato. Ahh… but such was not the case. With an exasperated sigh Misato made her way down the hallway seemingly ignoring the spectacle in front of her. When she got to the doorway of the kitchen she turned her head slightly in the doors direction.

"Shinji...Asuka, I had to work a late shift so I'll be in my room...asleep."

Continuing the hike to her room she stepped over the fallen and pushed away chair and made her way straight to her room. Whether she was blatantly ignoring the shrieks and curses from Asuka or whether she was just too tired to hear them only the gods will know. Their guardian walked right past them, into her room, closed the door, and after that a thud that sounded suspiciously like a body hitting the floor was heard.

"I don't believe this shit!"

"Ha… Now your only hope of salvation has come and gone! It is time to pay the price for insulting me!" Shinji said this with a wild craze about him.

Yes, this is what satisfaction is.

With that he let the aforementioned saliva flow out of his mouth for the third time, this time though there was no pause in the descent of the throat lubricating liquid and all Asuka could think was

When did the Baka grow a spine?!

Just as she closed her eyes she felt the first contact of saliva and face. German curses were generously flowing through the air around Shinji as he casually worked up more spit. Through her own curses she heard the now familiar sound of spit being worked up and abruptly stopped with the barrage of insults.

"Shinji…"

The beauty said with a voice way too sweet to be coming out of her mouth.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't do that again, and I'm really sorry for calling you those names."

Damn my pride, I have to stop that second wad of saliva from hitting me or he may get away.

Shinji contemplated this for a while ok she said sorry, although she didn't mean it, but I still have to make my getaway. He looked down at the girl who had only one eye looking up at him and what he figured was the best puppy dog face she could pull off under the circumstances and made his decision.

"Sorry Asuka but I do have to mask my escape and you would certainly retaliate if I left you with the sense of visibility still in tact."

Damn he's clever!

"Damn you to hell Shinji Ikari!"

"I kill angels babe, I'm going there anyway!"

With that he let another generous portion of saliva leave his mouth and slowly make its way to the beauty's face. The beauty herself had, after seeing the spit leave his bottom lip, shrieked for all she was worth, but seeing that the high pitched sound had not averted the path of the spit, she began to yell curses and threats. That is until the spit hit her eyelid and started to pool. That's when she shrieked again.

"See you at school.....Oh yeah, as an afterthought you might want to take a look at my door."

Shinji leapt off Asuka with all the grace of an African gazelle who had just evaded the lioness, ran to the door where he grabbed his school bag, and immediately left the apartment complex.

Asuka noticing that she was free of her previous confinement, jumped to her feet and began swinging about blindly, hitting the wall in the hallway and falling back down when she tripped over the tipped over chair. She hefted herself back up and groped her way to the bathroom, where she wiped her eyes off promptly. If one could see the thoughts racing through her mind at the time, they would see images of Shinji being tortured mercilessly in a thousand different ways. Once satisfied with the scrubbing and cleaning job she had done to her eyelids she looked up into the mirror.

"I will kill that Baka and defecate on his Baka grave" she said menacingly to the image in the mirror as if making a pact with herself.

She walked out of the bathroom and to Shinji's door where she read the words 'Shinji's Lovely Suite' and just below that 'Ikari Doctrine'. As she scanned the doctrine you could almost see the steam coming out of her ears and her face turning as red as her hair.

"That Yaro only THINKS that he has taken shit off of me. YOU JUST WAIT NOW BAKA BOY! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!" she yelled into the hallway, as IF he was still there.

She was about to turn and leave when a thought came to mind. Asuka made her way into the kitchen and then back out heading to Misato's room.

Two minutes later you can hear the sound of the front door opening and then closing again. And all was quiet.

If you could read minds though, you would hear the maniacal laughter of one warm water penguin.

God knows I love that kid.