Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ The Ikari Doctrine ❯ The First Retaliation ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. A company named Gainax does. If they request I take this off of the net then I will.

A/N: Yeah…….never really done this before but what tha hey!

If it is in Italics, it is thought

If not in Italics it is either descriptive or action

If it is in "…" then apparently this is speech.

The Ikari Doctrine: Part 2 / The First Retaliation

One and a half freaking hours is how long I've been ringing…….. screw it, she'll never wake up and even I'm getting annoyed by the constant ringing.

Abruptly Misato Katsuragi's alarm clock shut off after its prolonged and ultimately failed mission of waking the operations director of Nerv. Not only did the alarm clock not wake her but it never provoked the slightest movement.

Hell she could be dead for all I know!

No sooner had the alarm clock gone off than the apparently haggard form of Misato Katsuragi sat straight up in bed and glared at the alarm clock like it had betrayed her.

If she wouldn't have thought that it was not possible, she would have sworn that the alarm clock glared back at her.

Screw you; you try to wake the living dead!!

"Oh My God!" noticing the numbers on the clock for the first time since staring at it, she confirms the fact that she is late.

"Thirty minutes late!" Oh no, by the time I get there I'll be an hour late.

She notices her attire first thing, and the fact that she is in fact still dressed for work after never undressing last night.

A little wrinkly but it should get me by.

She runs for the bathroom and amazingly puts deodorant on without removing a piece of clothing. She then brushes her teeth and gargles, never looking in the mirror to confirm her visual status.

I could get stranded on a deserted island for a year and the men who picked me up would still be in awe of my beauty.

She then rushed to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer.

I'll drink it on the way

She took a look over to where she thought pen pen was and wondered what was so funny a penguin could double over in laughter.

Planning is apparently not one of my best mental functions. Ok I got her back so now what? I have no idea what I'm going to do!!!! The look she gave me coming through the classroom door this morning, late, would have made even my dad proud, not to mention the 50 or so hate messages she has constantly sent me. I must converse with Toji about my situation. The lunch bell is about to ring…..BRIIIIING…….check that, rang.

With swiftness only know by Flash Gordon, Shinji made his way from his desk to the roof. Making his way to the back side of the entranceway incase any redheads decided to come looking for scared little boys up on the roof.

Ok Shinji stop quivering like a scarred rabbit and stick to your guns, after all you started this crap.

Hearing the door open did nothing to help shake the fear he was feeling until…..

"Shinji!"

Oh thank God! It's only Toji.

"Over here Toji!"

"Where?"

"Behind the entrance you freaking idiot"

"Hey what's up your ass?!"

"What else would I hide up on the roof for?"

"HA! Asuka has you by the balls eh Ikari?"

"Not just yet, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well why's she after you then?"

"I preformed a preemptive strike this morning?"

"Huh?"

"I attacked her before she could attack me?"

"NO WAY!!! I talk about doing it, but actually doing it is just plain crazy!!! Whadya do?"

"Well, remember a couple of days ago when Kensuke kept harping on you liking Hikari."

"I DON"T LIKE HIKARI!"

"I don't care if you like her or not, I'm just asking if you remember what you did too him to get him to quit?"

"Well I just…OH MY GOD YOU DIDN'T DO THATTT!!!!

"Sort of."

"What do you mean sort of?"

"Instead of stopping I sort of went all the way with it, on both eyes"

Well the face he's making can't be a good thing.

"You're so freaking dead!"

"No suggestions then?"

"Yeah, I got suggestions, change your name and move as far away as possible."

"Funny, real funny."

"Well I wasn't trying to be, I'm serious man, you're screwed."

Shit

The first retaliation will be psychological.

"Come on Hikari lets eat by the other girls today."

"Are you sure Asuka, you've never wanted to eat beside them before?"

"OH I'm sure."

"Ok."

The other girls exchange strange looks as the girl who had exclaimed herself "too good to eat with children" came to set down amongst them.

Let's get this over with. Ok Hikari I'm relying on you to kick start this thing.

"So Asuka….why so late this mourning?"

Predictable as usual!

"Oh you wouldn't believe what I saw when I got up this morning"

Just loud enough so the next table can hear me.

"OKKK. What did you see Asuka?"

"Shinji the ultimate Pervert"

That got there attention.

"What was he doing in your…, you weren't"

"Of course not! He was standing over my bed looking right down at ME!"

"Why would he be doing that?"

She's gotten louder too; this is going to be perfect!

"You know, I wondered the exact same thing, until I saw………."

As the shrieks echoed through the courtyard several people could have sworn they saw the windows vibrate.

As Misato Katsuragi pulled back on the road and away from the cop that just tagged her for speeding she had just one thought, well two actually.

Wise guy?, what did he mean by that?! And my looks didn't get me out of a ticket? He must have been gay.

Mental note, look in the mirror when you get to work.

With that she pulled the open beer from the backseat, thanking god the cop didn't see her put it back there when she got pulled over, and took a giant swig of the sweet golden nectar.

It just so happened that the few brain cells she killed with that swig contained a certain mental note.

As she walked down the halls of Nerv she just ignored the stares of the men she passed.

"Pigs" she muttered underneath her breath.

Not good enough for me.

What caught her eye though were the women who paid a little too close attention to her.

Jealous….. or lesbians.

"Pigs" she muttered again.

Just then she had reached the command center.

"Makoto report!"

Slightly shaken Makoto began his report while turning to face the Captain.

"At 7 hundred hours this mourning the angel rea…..

As he caught sight of his captain he noticeably slowed down but quickly regained his composure and continued on. By this time both Maya and Aoba had taken note of the very fragile and hysterically funny situation, but they only allowed small smiles to creep through their "work time" composure.

…c.h.ed fifty percent of its operational capabilities……sir"

He cracked a smile.

"Why are you so freaking happy?" "Huh!"

"Sir just seeing your face makes me happy…Sir"

Maya and Aoba couldn't take it anymore and abruptly turned back around stifling their laughter.

"Well Hyuga lets try to keep focused on our jobs instead of my face" Misato said dripping with sarcasm.

"Sir…I'll try…Sir"

"That's all I ask lieutenant."

With that Makoto sat back down and quickly spun back around.

"Katsuragi please report."

SHIT! How did I miss him sitting at his desk, he's never there!

Turning around and walking ten or so feet to a comfortable position away from the devil himself she addressed her Commander.

"Sir, yes sir"

"Do you find any of this amusing Captain Katsuragi?"

Shit he knows I'm late, why don't you keep track of somebody else's schedule you yaro!

"Sir, I apologize and will never be late again."

Even though he didn't lose composure Gendo was truly puzzled for at least a millisecond.

She's late? She doesn't have any idea what I'm talking about!

"See that you don't. Carry on Captain."

Who am I to ruin a good joke?

With that fleeting thought Gendo lowered his desk back to wherever his desk lowers to.

"Yaro" Misato said a little too loudly and with too much of a sneer as she turned around and walked back to the deck.

"Captain Katsuragi" began Maya while pulling a camera out of nowhere "you don't mind taking a picture with me and the guys do you?"

"I mean as a keep sake for our time here at nerve." She added quickly.

Slightly flattered by the offer to be in a picture Misato let a small smile break through her previous frown.

They adore me!

So involved with delusions of greatness Misato missed both Makoto and Aoba mouth "YEsss!"

Maya walked over to the terminal across from them and set the timer on her "just-in-case" camera that all girls carry. She then positioned the camera on the terminal and ran over to the now formed group. Misato waited for the flash to go off while the Lieutenants beside her grinned like idiots.

What's up with them anyway?

The flash went off and Misato looked visibly relieved it was over with, that is until…

"Now can I get one of you alone Captain?"

"Me?"

"Well of course you, you know I look up to you."

"Let me go make sure I look alright for a personal shot then."

"NO! This is exactly how I want to remember you Captain, besides you look as shocking as ever"

"Sure Maya, make it quick though."

See this is why I keep my innocent persona up all the time, if people don't think you will do anything bad to them then they'll do anything for you.

Flash.

"Thanks a lot Misato!"

"Sure thing, I'll be in my office now guys, if anything happens notify me at once."

"Yes Sir" resounded from three lieutenants.

As the door to the command center closed behind Misato the three officers it held within burst into laughter that had been contained for way to long.

Through his laughter (and tears) Shigeru muttered "When you… (laughter) you said that you were… (more laughter) were happy to see her face" (even more laughter) I almost lost it man.

Makoto through his laughter (and even more tears) "Well I'm glad you didn't man…. (laughter) didn't you think (more laughter) that the beret filled out the picture?"

Through Maya's hyperventilating you hear her mutter "blackmail."

In the Office of Gendo Ikari a television screen that was surveying the command center lowers back down into its hidden compartment.

Mental note: Get copy of pictures taken.

"And they say I'm a spoiled sport!"

Shinji threw the last half of his sandwich over the top of the roof.

"Why tha hell did ya do that" Toji asked

"I'm not really hungry anymore; let's go back down to the classroom now so we can avoid Asuka....and Hikari."

"I DON'T LIKE HIKARI!"

"I never said you did."

Down below a confused Rei Ayanami looks down at the piece of bread and bologna that had managed to bounce off of her beautiful blue mop. She looks quizzically at the pigeon pecking at the bread.

"I don't like meat." Rei says in her usual monotone voice.

The pigeon stops pecking the bread and stares at Rei with what Rei interpreted as "quite contemplation". She was halfway right.

Well aren't you miss priss! I don't give a damn if you eat meat or not, I'm just a lowly pigeon eating bread that one of you sorry ass humans tossed on the ground. Must be nice to have options!

Bitch.

"I like the birds of the sky."

Oh damn she must be retarded!

Back in the class room Shinji and Toji had just walked in to saw Kensuke eating the last of his sandwich. Seeing only Kensuke, Shinji flopped down in his seat and let out a very relieved sigh. Kensuke finished chewing on his sandwich and started in on Shinji.

"Hey man, I didn't know you felt that way about Asuka."

"Feel what way?"

"Look, she already told everyone what you did this morning so the jig is up."

"Why would she tell anybody what happened this morning?" He asked with a comically confused expression on his face.

"Yeah, that don't sound like her." Toji added in.

"Look man, I won't stop being your friend for what you did, but you seriously need to reevaluate your way of telling a girl you like her?" Kensuke said with a very accusing look on his face.

"How exactly did Shinji tell her he liked her Ken?"

"Look Shinji, she already told Hikari and now it's gone around half the school that she awoke this morning and found you looking at her and touching yourself."

Shinji just stared blankly at Kensuke.

"Shinji" Toji admonished "that is not a very manly thi..."

"Shut the hell up Toji.....you know I would never do anything like that."

"Payback" Toji said.

"What?"

"It's simple; you got her this morning, now she got you at school."

"You mean you didn't do it Shinji...Thank God, I thought you were some kind of sicko!"

"Look, the way I see it, she basically screwed you out of getting a date forever."

"OK, give Mr. Obvious over here a cookie!" Shinji said rather maliciously.

Both Kensuke and Toji thought Ok this side of Shinji is a knew development.

"What she has done, friends, is start psychological warfare, a brand of mental depression and chain of self pity which I am all too familiar with."

It scared Toji and Kensuke that Shinji's eyes were moving back and forth wildly across the ceiling and the fact that his face grew an evil expression across it that his father would be proud of.

"Whatcha thinking man?" Kensuke dared to venture.

"You still have that camera don't you Kensuke?"

"Yeah man, you need it?"

"Bring it with you to school tomorrow."

"The Doctrine will stand still, woe to the redhead who challenges an Ikari!!!"

Toji and Kensuke stare speechless

This dudes fucking nuts.

AN: Thanks for reading this crap and the reviews too.