Original Stories Fan Fiction / Realism Fan Fiction / Romance Fan Fiction ❯ Autumn Days ❯ I Speak to No One because I am that Way ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

You'd think love would just bounce out of no where like some guy looks at some pretty girl. The guy would say something stupid like this, "Hey, sexy, wanna go out?" Yes, something stupid like that. The girl, even stupider, would say, "Sure." or the ever popular, "Ok." along with a wink and giggle. Soon, after 3 weeks or maybe even a lucky month, the "couple" breaks up. Yes, the world has some incredibly stupid people.
I'm not complaining. Yet, some people who tease other people out of no reason at all, those are the really rude and stupid people. Especially, when you're me, suffering every day life because you've got a disorder. You might not know or know what I have. Some people have never even heard of the disorder and thus it results in teasing and nicknames. My mother should know better of my disorder but she acts like I am a normal kid.
I wish to be a normal kid.
I was walking down to school all by myself like I usually do. That is just how I am, I don't like people's company because I think they will tease me like the usual kids will do or some kids won't talk to me. I just am that way, I'm negative and I don't talk much because I don't know what to do when a person is next to me or close to me. So I just leave people alone and don't even bother to look at them.
When I get to school, this is what happens sometimes. There is this kid right, I am in high school, I am sixteen, yes, in the 11th grade. Well, anyway, there is this kid that is a 12th grade senior who likes to play around. He seems like a nice guy but he really isn't. He teases people sometimes and doesn't even know about me much. He's known me for about a year now and he still teases me. I don't like him at all one bit.
His name is Takanuchi Yoshi. He goes around the school in the mornings looking for some certain people, mostly his friends and then sometimes when he sees me, he says, "Hey Silent!" It's a small gesture for hello as I have realized not too long ago but it upsets me. Truly, it does upset me.
This is what I do next after he says, "I'll give you 500 yen to talk." I am up against the wall and some people just stop and stare. Mostly, the freshmen stop and stare at me. Thoughts race throughout my head, Stop, please... Stop... looking at me like I'm some freak... They're looking at you... Because you can't talk... It's not funny.
Yoshi would then chuckle as I kneel down and cover my ears. I would just kneel there for about thirty minutes, the whole world closes up and I go into my own little world. I can see the darkness, but images of people and family come up. Some memories from my past like that one little girl in 5th grade who gave me her lollipop for saying hello to her and that was it of our 'conversation', or mom making some candy while I was watching her when I was only 10 years old. Strange memories came up into my head but they calmed me and that's when I would wake up.
Usually, it'd be an hour as I have calculated by looking at a clock. I'd stand up slowly while everyone else was in class. Sometimes a secretary or teacher going to the bathroom would see me and try to wake me up. Sometimes I'd wake up in the nurse's office on the ripped up cot. Sometimes, I'd find myself in the principal's office.
Surely, the principal would contact my mom often and argue with her on the phone while the secretaries gave me a crossword puzzle to play with. What did they think, I was a mentally challenged person? These people were stupid. My principal and my mother would argue and while they did that, I was sent back to class or just stayed in the office. I'm sure the principal argued about the issue of why I wasn't in some special class or at home, trying to get this disorder cured.
My mother doesn't even get me treatment. How nice and caring of her is that? Sometimes I don't think there is at least one person who cares about you in this world. Some say the quote is true but... I don't think so. Not especially when you've got a disorder and you're so silent to other people.
But I could be wrong.
It was summer, the month was currently August. I was doing homework outside on the pavement in my backyard while my mom was watering the plants. She watched me attentively but only for about two seconds and that was it. No love for the disorder girl. Now, you might be jumping in your seat, pounding on the keyboard or wherever you are, wondering what disorder I have. I have autism, yup, if you could tell, you deserve a cookie. Unfortunately, I don't have cookies right now.
I kept doing homework like usual, and I was about to put my hand down on the pavement until I felt the heat of the pavement and felt a jolt of pain. I screamed like crazy, this is what happens sometimes to me. Everything looks like it's going to bite and hurt to me. Like for an example, a pencil. I could touch the smoothness of a pencil and maybe even feel some pain. It was a reaction to some weird thought in my head and it just struck out at me. It was like the nerves on my hand would just turn very sensitive and it was like a thousand needles struck back at me. It was like physics, learning about action/reaction.
Right then, I could feel hands dragging me into the house and my hair getting stuck in some places of the house or the floor where they would just be plucked out instantly. That made my screaming worse since I felt three hairs being plucked out at the same time. I had my ears covered and I kept going crazy. My mother who was dragging me to my room, tried with all force to quiet me down. She put me in my room and I was on the ground again on the carpet. My mother then closed the door and then went back outside.
My screaming wore me out for about ten minutes. I woke up and looked around. My room was so plain and empty. I wanted some decoration for it, my room just made me dizzy as I looked at all the shades of fading, gray, dull colors. I shuddered a bit as I stood up and I sat on my bed. I tried not to get "hurt" again so I wouldn't scream. I was really tired out.
I tucked myself in bed and with a stern-like face, I fell asleep and it was back into my world of oddities.
The next morning, I woke up at 11 AM. I had missed about four classes for school. I heard my mom out in the living room and I could listen on with my sensitive hearing. She was talking to someone on the phone from school, being stern as stern as she can be, trying not to go crazy and go mad like a bull. She was as calm as could be and as patient as could be. I could see she was trying to get the person from school off of her nerves and off of the phone line.
My father had probably left for work earlier. Now, he on the other hand, cares for me. But in this household, he's weak to not let me have special classes to get treatment. It's like the hyena animal. The males submit to the females and the males have the lower ranking. My dad is like a hyena and he tries to argue with my mother at some point with me but it's no use. I like hugs and so sometimes, my father comes into my room after work and says, "Hello Remiyu."
Yes, that is my name, now moving along. He embraces me to show me his love and care that my mother didn't ever do even when I wanted help from her. For example, when I was 4 years old. I needed my coloring book, as I was bored on a winter day and I was only just a small little girl trying to reach her book that was up on a high shelf. My mother who was nearby making lunch, noticed me and I with my hands, motioned pointing out towards my book. She looked at me with little interest and then returned to work.
That was when I didn't care about coloring in my book anymore and went to go to scream in my room as I was taught to do.
That is just what I did when I was little. Don't ask why, it just happened out of the ordinary. Some other kinds of tantrums I had when I was small was when I didn't want to eat some types of foods. When I was little, my parents were trying to make me eat all kinds of foods without complaining. When it was dinner, I'd stare at some new food.
My mom had made some pork chops along with chopped vegetables and some sauce she put on it one day. I looked at my food when my mom had served it to me. "Eat all of it, Remiyu," she told me. I examined the food and touched one of the carrot pieces on my plate. It was squishy as I felt it and it was warm. Ew, I thought.
I exited myself from the table and went into my bedroom. That night, no one said anything or no one came into my room when I left the dinner table. It was trice of me for what I did. I should've done something about it like make myself eat that dinner that night. Sometimes I regret what I do when I do something like that.
But I can't control myself at the direct moment.
Autumn arrives after August has ended. It's -9 degrees Celcius in the morning when I leave home for school. My small break has come to a close and now it's back to learning and studying for tests. I take a shortcut to avoid the public as I have figured it out ever since I first moved in into this neighborhood about 6 years and a half ago. It's little Tokyo yet there are still ways you can find your way out of the busy city.
At school, I walk around the halls and stay away from my fellow classmates.
I sometimes read a book at lunch or break. I just try to be alone and away from the world since it doesn't really seem like people want to be around me. And just today, some girl came up to me and asked if I wanted to join the Writing Club. I just blinked at her, a kind of a blank stare and then I shook my head. I quietly whispered, "Sorry..." Then she gave me a bit of a frown and said, "That's alright," and she went away.
I felt like joining a club to be a little more social but I knew it couldn't have been done.
I had so much free time... But then... I felt like my body said no to all things that included the word 'social.' As much as I want to talk to people... No one is ever there for me. So.. Where does my life lead for when I want a good job?
Everything in life includes something where you must meet new people.
But then, I have no help that could get me a job or anything. So then... I might as well be dead if I can't even support myself in life.. But then... sometimes I think someone will come to my rescue.