Ouran High School Host Club Fan Fiction ❯ Never To Say Goodbye ❯ Never To Say Goodbye ( One-Shot )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

NEVER TO SAY GOODBYE
An Ouran High School Host Club Songfic

Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess


AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, you're probably looking at this going..."Songfic...ugh!" But this isn't a normal song fic. A little a-typical of a song fic, I've incorporated many of the lyrics into the spoken parts of the story. Those lyrics used as lines are denoted with an asterix (*) at the end. Lyrics that were not used in a sentence are denoted with double brackets ([[ ]]). This is written to the tune of "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. Characters are older...think mid-twenties as they've graduated from University and all that. Some possible out-of-characterness, too. No real pairing, although the focus is on Hikaru and Haruhi. Non-lemon piece. A Standard Disclaimer appears at the end of the story.



RING! RING! RING!

"Who would be calling at this hour, Hikaru?"

"Probably, Tamaki. He has no sense of time when he's on to something."

"Then take it in the study. You'll be on the phone forever and I don't want any distractions."

"Yes, _dear_."

RING! RING! RING!

Hikaru Hitachiin nearly slammed the door of his study closed. As he angrily strided towards the telephone, he muttered curses under his breath. Some were aimed at the phone, others at the woman in the living room who couldn't live without her reality TV. Why had he agreed to marry her again?

"Mother can go to hell," he hissed between clenched teeth. "And so can she."

He'd learned the meaning of "regret" the hard way, choosing to marry a woman his family -- namely, his mother -- selected for him. Not that the selection was lacking, mind you. Hikaru had his pick of many fine women. This one just took the cake.

As far as money and status were concerned, she was a perfect match: wealthy family, raised as a debutant, very cultured and refined. But everything else was a mess. She was a looker, sure, but she lacked personality, and the ability to get a decent one. After only one year of marriage, he'd gotten bored, and quite frankly sick, of her.

Of course, the decision was not his entirely.

"Distraction, my ass," he muttered as he picked up the phone. "Hello!"

"Umm...I'm sorry. Am I calling at a bad time?"

Hikaru blinked. He hadn't heard that voice in...what...almost six months. Even then they hadn't spoken directly, or in private.

"Ha-ru...Haruhi?"

"Hi, Hikaru."

[[Honey why are you calling me so late]]

"Is it a bad time?"

"It's....kinda hard to talk right now.*"

Hikaru stared at the door. His wife was close by, and as nosy as she was, could be listening in. But if her show was really so important, there wouldn't be a problem. Not that he really cared. Maybe his marriage needed a little shake up. Then she'd realize how lucky she is, Hikaru told himself.

"Oh.... I'm sorry to have bothered you. I'll...I'll call another
time."

"No...wait...."

[[Honey why are you crying is everything okay]]

With a sigh, he sat at his desk. The cushioned leather was of little comfort, though. Keeping her on the line was wrong. Completely wrong. Not only did her voice bring back bittersweet memories, but the possible eruption of trouble it could cause was enormous.

She was his first real love.

"Really, I can--"

And he wasn't over her yet.

"No. It's all right."

Despite the fact that she chose his twin brother over him.

"Really?"

Hang up, his mind told him. Forget about her. But his heart told him "no". Something about her voice made him pause. Was it sadness? Perhaps tears? There was no mistaking a small hitch of breath as she sighed in relief. It was a sound he'd never forget. A sound he heard the day she had told him her decision to marry Kaoru.

She'd been crying.

And damn his curiosity for wanting to know why!

"Really."

Or maybe he just wanted to hear her voice. Or perhaps console her. Maybe both. Possibly more.

"I...I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud*," he explained.

"I don't want to--"

"It's okay. Kinda." He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. "My girls in the next room*," he admitted, nonchalantly. "Sometimes...." He sighed again. "Sometimes, I wish she was you.*"

There was a pause before she answered, "Really?"

With a silly grin, Hikaru nodded to the emptiness of the room. "Yeah. I do. Sometimes."

Another pause. "Why?"

"Because...." The smile disappeared from his face. So many reasons came to mind. Her smile. Her laugh. Her poignant outlook on life. It was all wasted on his brother, on a man who treated her as a trophy and took her for granted, despite her personal success. That was how he saw it anyway. And she wouldn't kick him out of the living room because she wanted drool over the latest castaway on that "Survivor" program. He sighed, voicing in his mind the real reasons while only saying aloud, "Just because...she's not you."

"Oh. Then I guess...." She paused again and the line was way too quiet until she continued. "Well...I guess we never really moved on.* Huh?"

"Yeah."

Wait a second, his mind screamed. Moved on? Was that...an admission?

"Haruhi--" "Hikaru--"

[[It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel]]

"It's funny that you're calling me tonight?*" He told her. "I had a dream."

"A dream?"

"Yeah, one of those things that happens in your sleep. It was about high school, and the Host Club."

"Well, if it involved the club, it was probably more of a...nightmare."

That sounded more like the girl he knew. His smile was small when he answered. "Not really."

"No?"

"You were there. It was a really good dream." He was honest when he added, "I haven't had one of those in a while."

"Good dreams can be hard to come by," she replied.

"You mean you don't dream about high school and the Host Club?" He chuckled. He, better than anyone knew Haruhi's opinion on her enforced servitude to the Host Club. But it hadn't been ALL bad. He was sure of it. "You don't dream about me?" The last was meant as a joke. A tease not unlike so many thrown her way. But he really wanted an answer. A truthful answer.

"Occasionally I dream about the club," she answered somewhat wistfully. "It wasn't all bad...except for Tamaki's obnoxious crying fits. And, yes...." A smile could be heard in her voice. "I've dreamt of you too.*"

Hikaru inhaled deeply and let the breath out slowly. He was getting way too hopeful over one little conversation. But how could he not? He still cared for her, still loved her. Those feelings were not easy for him to ignore, especially since his current situation frustrated him so. How much longer could he plaster the same fake smile to his face?

How much longer could she?

"Hikaru? You're awfully quiet...."

"Sorry. Sorry, I was just...just...thinking."

"Want to share?"

He sighed again, shaking his head. "You...you don't want to hear it, believe me."

"Try me."

'Well, she asked for it.' Sinking deeper into his chair, he replied, "I was just thinking...that things should be different. Not the way they are now, you know. Just...different."

There was a long pause on the other end. For a moment he thought that maybe he had said too much and she had hung up. But there was a familiar catching of breath, a shaky sigh, and he knew she was crying again.

"Haruhi, please...don't cry. I didn't mean to--!"

"It's okay. I...I had been thinking the same thing, earlier. That's...why I called." Another pause. "I'm sure you've heard about our latest fight."

"Yeah." What a big one it had been! And in public no less. The spat had been caught on camera at a big event for their new fashion line. It had been a minor thing, a simple comment. But Kaoru didn't think so, and retorted loud enough for the whole room to hear, including the reporters. "I was going to call, say something, but...I figured you guys would resolve it. You always do."

"Yes, well," she replied with an audible sigh. "This is just one in a growing list. Things never used to be this...so...hopeless. I don't understand how things came to be the way they are. They just...are."

"Does he know you're talking to me,*" Hikaru was quick to ask. "Will it start a fight?*"

"He's in Milan this weekend with your mother promoting that accursed line," she replied. "I'm conveniently left at home. And he'll expect me to forget EVERYTHING by the time he comes home." Another sigh, followed by a sob. "I swear sometimes he's even more immature than...."

Hikaru chuckled. "More immature than me?"

"Yes." The guilt in her voice was copious. And the continuous hitch foretold of many more tears. "It was a stupid excuse...."

"It was an honest excuse," he said, knowing the exact moment she was recalling. Their parting had been loud, and verbally violent, particularly on his part. "And, at the time, I guess...I was too immature and one-sided. I mean, I wasn't used to...being in love." He sighed inwardly, closing his eyes, remembering the moment she walked away in tears. "It was kind of scary."

"I know," Haruhi answered. "Are you sure this isn't a problem? The two of us talking? I don't--!"

"No, I don't think she has a clue.*" He glanced at the door and frowned.

How had things become the way they were, indeed.

[[Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on]]

"She wouldn't know if it bit her in the ass. And quite frankly, I don't give damn."

"Is everything--?"

"Okay? Not in the least. She's an obnoxious bitch who wouldn't know love if...well, I don't think she'd know it all."

"But things weren't always that way. And you two looked pretty happy in the newpaper."

He grunted. "Interesting what the fear of bad press will do to a person." He paused. "It's all fake. And honestly...I'm tired of living a lie."

"If you didn't love her...why did you marry her?"

"I had no choice," he stated flatly, angrily. In that moment, right or wrong, he placed the blame on her. It was her fault, wasn't it? He had no one else to choose from....

"But, all those girls...."

"They weren't you. They weren't you and could never be you!" Clenching a fist at his side, he seethed, "I loved you, dammit. I...I still do...love you. It won't go away!"

There was a pause, and another sob before she responded with the only thing she could think of: "I'm sorry, Hikaru."

Anger and sadness warred in his head. But wiping away the tears it was the sadness that won, allowing him to calm just a little. "I hated that you chose Kaoru over me. I thought I would come to understand...maybe at some point I did. But...it hurt. Hurt like hell...and to see you with him...it's the worst kind of reminder of how stupid I was."

"You weren't stupid. Hikaru...I...."

A small smile crept to his lips. "Haruhi, it's really good to hear your voice saying my name. It sounds so sweet.* Like their...I don't know...coming from the lips of an angel.*" The warmth flooding him was making him drunk, but a chill crept in and the feelings faded. "Just...just hearing those words, it makes me weak.*" He was getting too hopeful. It wasn't right. There was a sudden urge to cry, but he swallowed it. What good would tears do? It was all ready too late to change things. Wasn't it? "Oh hell," he muttered as tears began to fall.

"What?"

"Nothing," he answered quickly, trying desperately to regain his composure. "Nothing...."

"It's good to hear your voice, too. I...well, I may as well be honest and tell you I miss you." Another long pause, one that did cause one tear to fall from his eyes. "Is it wrong of me to admit that...I made a mistake?"

Fresh tears filled his eyes. "We've both made mistakes." He shook his head, briefly wondering when common sense paid him a visit. "The important thing is that we learn from them."

"That's...one of the most mature things I've ever heard you say." She sounded surprised, but happily so. He smiled inwardly at that realization. His brother wasn't the only grown up anymore, even if he hardly acted like it. "And you're right. We'll get through."

"Always make the best of it. Like we did with the Host Club."

"Yeah."

Relief flooded him to the point of making him feel like he was flying. Perhaps nothing was resolved, certainly his feelings were still there, but he felt...rejuvenated. Felt a small amount of hope he had not felt for almost two years since their split.

He finally felt...more like himself.

"I guess Hikaru will have to deal with me talking to you," he said. "You are my sister-in-law, after all."

"And that wife of yours will just have to deal with the fact that one of your best friends is a talented professional and not a housewife."

His eyes widened in surprise. "Burn!"

"Thought you'd like that." There was the sound of laughter from her end of the line, a sounds sweeter than the sound of his name. "To be honest, I never thought she was right for you. But she's not all bad." As the laughter died, uncertainty crept back into the conversation. "Hikaru, are you sure you're okay...with us just being friends?"

He grimaced, "Honestly, I don't know. I can't just throw my feelings aside." The chair spun several times. Stopping, he sighed again. "But...I need you in my life. I...I never wanna say goodbye* like that ever again. It was...way too hateful." He frowned. "I said some pretty nasty things myself."

"It's all right...."

"No, it's not. Not really." He stood from the chair and moved to stand by the window, running a hand through his reddish blond hair. "I know I hurt you, too. Can't we just call it even and move on? If the only way I can have you is as a friend...as family...then I'll find a way to deal with it. But...."

"But?"

He smiled to his reflection in the window. "But...girl you make it hard to be faithful.*"

[[With the lips of an angel]]

"You mean I've ruined you for all other women?" There was humor in her voice. Was she teasing him? There was a first! But hey...if he could change (for the better), so could she.

"Not ALL," he corrected, his smile growing until it reached his ears. "Just most."

The laughter that followed was a much needed release of anxiety and grief pent up over an extended period of time. It felt good to let go, he mused. If he'd known one conversation with her -- one dubious, mostly pointless conversation with her -- would affect him so, he would have made an effort to speak sooner. Their talk had been long overdue.

"I'll take that as a compliment," she told him once the laughter subsided.

"Feel better, Haruhi?"

"Yes," she answered. "I do. You?"

"Yeah. Kinda. I'll work on it." He gave a short glance to the door before moving to sit behind his desk once again. "I will. But it will take time. I'll be fine."

"I'm...I'm here, if you ever want to talk."

"Thanks, Haruhi. I mean that."

"Thank you, too, Hikaru."

[[It's really good to hear your voice saying my name, It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel]]

"I guess I've taken up enough of your time," she said, breaking the first peaceful silence since the conversation began. "I should let you get back to your and...and say goodbye...."

'I never wanna say goodbye* again,' he thought with a sigh. "If you must." His disappointment was veiled --albeit poorly. "But no more 'goodbyes', okay. Not between us. Ever again."

"Okay. Then what should I say?"

'Crap.' He frowned, not thinking that far ahead. "How about...'good night'?"

"All right. Good night, Hikaru."

"Good night, Haruhi. Sweet dreams."

[[But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel]]

The dial tone rang in his ear for several moments before Hikaru placed the receiver in its cradle. His mind hurried to recall every word that was said. Perhaps some things should have been left unsaid, he thought, remembering his tears and swearing once again under his breath. Even so, it was the first step to putting his past behind him.

Had the conversation made any sense at all?

It had to, since he was beginning to see life so clearly. But the past was just that. There was no point in dwelling on it anymore. He just had to let go.

There was also the future to deal with. If he had so much trouble dealing with the past, how would he deal with the present and what was left to come? One thing was certain, things had to change. Whether it be himself, his circumstances or the world around him.

So where did he start?

He glanced at the door before looking back out the window. His biggest issue of all was on the other side. It would be so easy to walk out and never look back.

But he realized, with some degree of confusion, that he couldn't do that.

How badly would she be hurt? Would she even care? And why did he care so much about how she felt? Didn't he hate her?

'I never thought she was right for you.' Haruhi's words echoed in his mind. 'But she's not all bad.'

Maybe...she was right.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Hikaru?"

[[Honey why are you calling me so late]]

He blinked as his wife opened the door and peered inside. "Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all," he replied, walking to stand in front of his desk. Sitting along the edge he inquired, "Something wrong? Did the satellite cut out again?"

"No. It's just that you've been on the phone for a long time," his wife replied. She allowed the door to open more as she stood fully in the doorway. "Was Tamaki really that talkative?"

"Oh, he can be. You've heard him go on," Hikaru replied. "But...I wasn't talking to Tamaki."

"You weren't?"

"Nope."

"Then what was the call about?"

"It was...a wake up call."

"A wake up call?" She leaned against the door, arms crossed over her chest, uncertain if he was serious or joking. "At nine o'clock at night?"

He shrugged. "They can happen anytime, I guess." Pushing himself away from the desk, he strode right up to his wife. She stood to meet him, her composure somewhat failing.

"Is something wrong," she asked worriedly.

"No...yes...I'm not sure any more." Gripping her gently by the shoulders, he looked her in the eye and stated, "Kira, we need to have a talk. A serious talk."

The facade she usually held strong melted away instantly. Arms falling to her sides, it appeared as if she knew what was coming. So he wasn't the only one who felt helpless. "That bad, huh?"

"No, not necessarily. But...we really need to talk."

When he blinked, she looked like a different person with a very familiar look on her face. What was that look for? He'd seen it before.... "You...wanna talk right now?"

"Nah...I've done enough talking for one night." He saw the sheen in her eyes, and kissed her forehead to be reassuring. As brutal as their discussion may be, there was no reason to assume the worst. Yet. And he did promise Haruhi he'd work on his issues. He'd promised himself. "How about tomorrow...over lunch?"

"But you never...." Her voice trailed off, and she nodded. "Lunch sounds...nice." She struggled to keep her tears in check, but her smile was hopeful. "I'd like that."

Maybe things could work out.

"Good." Stretching his arms over his head. "I think I'm going to turn in." He kissed her on the cheek, and then strode past her into the hallway. "Good night, Kira."

Maybe.

"Good night, Hikaru."

Tomorrow was a new day.


DISCLAIMER:
Ouran High School Host Club is a brilliant piece of work by creator Bisco Hatori. Originally published in 2003 by HAKUSENSHA, Inc., Tokyo, Japan, this masterpiece is being translated and published by VIZ Media for fans in America and Canada. I do not own a single piece of the characters used in this story. They were kidnapped and used here without permission.

"Lips of an Angel" is the property Hinder and their label. It appears on the 2005 album "Extreme Behavior". Not mine. Not. Mine.