Pokemon Fan Fiction ❯ Sharing ❯ I Don't Know What the Hell I'm Doing ( Chapter 3 )

Sharing

 

As the coordinators neared the end of the First Years Challenge, the last chapter ended with a knockout shot. Hikari punched the lights out of Nozomi about one day after an interview she made with the press during the Sevii Islands rookie challenge. Nozomi claims that it will be the shot heard 'round the pokemon world, but will it be enough to spark a rivalry the magnitude of which Nozomi desires to have?

 

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pokemon, a creation of one Satoshi Tajiri, and is produced domestically (in the United States) by Pokemon USA/TAJ/The Pokemon Company, and internationally by Shogakukan and OLM. I personally own nothing and make nothing by writing this. Please do not flame.

 

(Chapter 3- I Don't Know What the Hell I'm Doing)

 

My eyelids feel heavy. The memories of what happened to me whenever it happened to me are starting to return much like my senses. Despite this small victory, the sense of time has not returned to me with such earnest, and I have no idea how much time has passed between the punch and now. What woke me from my indeterminable period of slumber were several voices in commotion that were either surrounding me or near me. I know from the voices and the things they say that my injuries must have warranted a trip to the emergency room. I heard phrases like 'mild concussion' and 'full recovery,' and I am content knowing that whatever damage Hikari caused to my person with her one punch, it won't affect our rivalry later on. Perhaps most important is the fact that I likely won't suffer any permanent damage. It doesn't mean that the punch didn't hurt like hell. Perhaps I underestimated daijobu girl's athleticism. That was my mistake.

 

This time that I safely presume I'm spending laying a hospital bed allows me to think about the last week in great detail. Though I can't help but reminisce about the fact that being on a hospital bed is not a strange experience for me, I quickly bury those thoughts as they are simply in the past. As far as the present and future is concerned, when I think about what Cindy said, asking me if I could live with much of the media and coordinating fans at large scrutinizing me and my every move, I begin to get nervous. Tabloids and shock journalists around the country and world will take the place of a modern day Rembrandt, Picasso, or van Gogh and paint a portrait of me to the general public as the girl who set out to corrupt the sport of coordinating and its participants with her words of disdain towards the second generation coordinator.

 

The internet message boards and forums will post glorified garbage about my background, and spin it to make it appear that I'm a troubled individual starving for attention and cheap notoriety. Most normal people would throw their hands up in the air and shout out loud 'Is it all worth it,' in the face of these odds, but if the media wants to fight with pen, pencil, paper and computers with internet connections, I'll simply have to fight back with something that is scores more powerful than those four weapons of mass deception. I'll use my mind, body and soul. I'll simply have to be sharp in mind, conditioned in the body and fearless in the soul to make it all worth it.

 

In all likelihood, the best way for me to flawlessly get this plan to work without any help from outsiders is to truly live the 'person' that I portray to the media 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. When I analyze the parts of the interview that I can remember, I saw a lot of me in the interview. The only clear differences were the magnitude of my speaking, attitude and arrogance. In other words, what I let the media see of me was ironically enough me. That is, me with the volume turned up at full blast. Although the real me is somewhat shy, I think that this could help me open up more, even though I will be playing the `bad guy' in this feud.

 

I think further along the line and I find more difficulties in my master plan. Fully embracing myself in this character that I've created for my rivalry with Hikari will probably alienate me from the people I care for the most. My mother Hitomi, like many of the fans of pokemon, will either see or hear the interview I've conducted (if she hasn't already) and wonder out loud what has gotten into her only daughter. She has always been a proponent of me speaking my mind when warranted, but I doubt that she planned for me to ever declare my intense dislike for a coordinator I've only met twice in my life. My mother and I have a special bond, and if there were ever anyone that I would share this plan with, it would most likely be her. Only because she can be trusted above all the other people in my life.

 

I reiterate to myself; lying in a hospital bed allows you a lot of time to think. But perhaps now I'm now ready to open my eyes again and see even more dirty looks from the doctors, nurses and orderlies at attendance which I believe are currently surrounding my still and resting body. Maybe I'll have to answer more questions about my sanity and hear more innuendoes about the respect, or lack thereof, that I have for my fellow coordinators. I suppose I'll have to have what the older people refer to as a thick skin, and not let any uneducated and uninformed remarks break me. It will be entirely up to me to stand up to the media monster and remember that the ends to the plan will ultimately justify the means.

 

To be quite honest, I would be very content with simply sleeping through the rest of the First Years Challenge, unless of course I haven't already done that. I would be very content not having to talk to any other reporters or speculators, for now. I am starting to feel much better than what I believe was about an hour or so. Now I am looking forward to opening my eyes and seeing a bright light shining above my face. I look forward to and gaily invite the doctors caring for me to give me a diagnosis of my health. In that vein, I look forward to someone talking to me, who I can only hope won't judge me for my past actions. Most important, I look forward to as I leave the ER and the Sevii Islands, furthering my feud with Hikari and following through with the plan as long as is needed. But first, it's time for me to open my eyes and see the light.

 

Here goes.

 

Damn it. That's the wrong light.

 

I ask weakly, "How the hell did you get in here, Hikari?" To be honest, I didn't mind the fact that she was here. She obviously was blowing off steam when she punched me in the face, and if she wants to have a non-violent conversation with me, then I am more than welcome to rap. To say the very least, Hikari has a very ticked off demeanor emblazoned on her face. This is a look that would gleefully shout to the world that if you look at me the wrong way, a body part on your person will be broken. "You probably should be in jail right now. You're the one who punched me in the face. I could press charges on you for putting me..." I halt my speech as Hikari puts her hand up near my face, more specifically my mouth. At this point, I took it as a polite way of telling me to shut the hell up without actually saying it. Considering the fact that I was somewhat incapacitated and rendered unable to effectively defend myself from another knockout shot, or possibly worse, I obeyed the silent command and listened to whatever Hikari had to say. I am all ears, Hikari.

 

"All I want from you," she says in the most stoic and unaffected tone I can ever remember hearing being spoken to me in my entire life, "...is an apology. Give me a public apology and tell the whole world that you didn't mean those sick thoughts and that you were only joking. Now can you give me a one word answer of 'yes,' and I'll leave this room and let you recover from your whiplash?"

 

I'm somewhat confused about the language she's using. "Wait. You said whiplash? You mean to tell me, that I didn't get knocked out from your punch?" "No." She's quite aggravated at the fact that I did not answer her original question, but I believe she understands that despite my 'feelings' for her, my health must come first. Even though she is ticked off, she doesn't want me dead... I hope. “Then what happened to me? Why am I in the hospital right now?” I beg to Hikari.

 

"When I punched the living daylights out of you… I didn't actually punch the living daylights out of you. The back of your head fell onto hard concrete and..." Hikari, I suppose to emphasize her point proceeded to snap her fingers. "...out went the lights. Now that you know that you'll live and won't suffer any permanent damage, what's your answer to my question?"

 

I knew that I could not give her what she wanted. Not if the rivalry was actually going to work. "Hell no. I'm not apologizing to you for the truth." If my job was to be the biggest son of a bitch to someone who never did or said anything out of line to me personally, I have succeeded and then some. Hikari is starting to get strawberry red in the face upon hearing my response. It obviously was not what she was looking forward to hearing, and at this point she is fighting a losing battle trying to hide her outright anger. I break the silence after about ten seconds. "Now that I've answered your question, will you answer mine? If you are the one who punched me, how did you get into the ER to see me? If I recall correctly, there was a large crowd of people near us. Someone had to have seen you do the act, and then have you turned in for assault. So I ask you again, how did you get in here? After all, I was the one who asked a question first, and your question has already been answered, so out with it."

 

She's still mad, but knows that no matter what she wanted and no matter how hard she tries to fight the issue, I already gave her my answer. She has softened, but only a little bit. "Nozomi. Nozomi, Nozomi, Nozomi." She looks disappointed in me, and I suppose it's because I won't give her an apology, but it could be something else. "For someone who I'm sure believes is a very intelligent and very smart young girl, you're downright clueless as it pertains to our current situation. If you've seen the front pages of the newspapers or looked at the morning news, you'd know that not many people are in favor of your comments on live airwaves. I'd estimate that about 90% of all the people on that beach were either fans or coordinators, and if they didn't hear or see what you said live, then they saw your face in the newspaper, sunglasses and all, or they saw you and heard your comments on every radio and TV station in the whole freakin' world.

 

“You my friend are public enemy number one in the entire pokemon world. So when the people around me found out that I'm the one who took you out when you said all that crap about me and made me look like the biggest crock in the history of all coordinating, everyone on the boardwalk played dumb when the ambulance came to take you away. I made up a story where you accidentally walked into a nearby door that opened in front of you. You weren't able to protect yourself in time, so you fell backwards and the back of your head hit a patch of hard concrete on the side of the boardwalk which caused your lights to go out."

 

The story seems believable enough. Someone who tried to come up with an alibi in that short length of time would more than likely not consider such details of the scene of the incident, but she did. Good for her, but not so much for my now bruised ego. "If you're wondering, you did bleed from the nose when I punched you. I cleaned the blood from your nose and relocated it back into place before the EMT's came. I warned them that I didn't know the extent of your injuries, and they said that because I was the one who called for an emergency, I should come along in case they needed some contact information.”

 

“And you also had you pokedex and poketch with you, so they knew who they were dealing with when you got to the emergency room. The doctors put you on the non-urgent list, and left you to sleep. Once you woke up from your slumber, my plan was to confront you without anyone's knowledge and ask you to apologize. But when I come here with the intention of putting this black mark in our… relationship behind us and you don't give me what I and many others feel that I deserve, it's clear to me that you're being really hard headed and selfish right now because you're refusing to apologize for something that was downright unnecessary."

 

I think we can talk now. "Well, if you would have taken the time to hear my story, you would have understood where I was coming from when I said the things I said. Now, if you want to have a conversation like a normal human being and not like a savage street fighter, we can talk right now." I hope we can come to an understanding with this conversation in our rivalry and real life as well.

 

I see Hikari's face lose its red and she looks a lot mellower than two minutes ago. "Yeah. We can talk. Do you mind if I ask you a question first?" I simply shook my head and gave the go ahead to fire away. "If you won't give me an apology, will you at least tell me why you said the things you said?" Hikari sounded very somber when she asked this question. She's a far cry from the girl that punched me on the boardwalk and sent me to the ER. For that, I'll just count my blessings and while it is in the best interest of the budding rivalry to keep Hikari angry, I have to control what I say so that even if the bump didn't kill me, she wouldn't either.

 

My goal is to speak slowly and in no uncertain terms. "Hikari, have you ever stopped to think about what your legacy will be as far as pokemon coordinating is concerned? You are in one of the worst possible positions as it pertains to building your own legacy and not building upon the legacy of your parent. You are a second generation performer in a trade where your mother had tremendous success. I'm not saying that you can't rise above and beyond the legacy that Ayako built.”

 

“There have been great second generation athletes that went on to make their own names, and in some cases become more recognized than their mom or dad. What I'm trying to say is that people may never give you the respect you deserve..." I pause to collect my thoughts as so far I've made a lot of valid and sensible points. These were done so that I could end this thoughtful and intelligent rhetoric with a phrase of senseless garbage that should inspire Hikari to want nothing more than for me to eat my words. She'll want nothing more than for me to eat those words that are garbage, that is.

 

"...people will never give you the respect you deserve because of the silver spoon you were born with in your mouth. Truth hurts, daijobu girl." If Hikari's eyes would have gotten any wider, they would have popped out of their sockets. The red has returned to her face, but now that hue of said red can be equated to the color of my hair, which is a very bright red. She wants to say something, but she is stammering just trying to get the first word out of her lips. Hikari is shocked at what I just said, and I don't blame her.

 

"What... what the hell is your problem? You obviously have a problem with me and my background, so spill it! I'll admit I don't hide the fact that I am a second generation coordinator, but this isn't something I promote to the distant cosmos, either. I'm trying to get better, and I don't need my mother whispering in my ear every 30 seconds to improve at my trade. Just... I want to know, what in the world are you trying to prove by spewing this... venom about me every chance you get?"

 

All right. She makes a valid point, so I'll cast out my bait and see if she bites. "Hikari, do you welcome challenges with open arms?" I am going to add some elements of reality in my speech to get this rivalry fired up. "When I first saw you about four months ago at the Jubilife City contest house, I knew that you had the heart to become a number one coordinator. The problem is that heart can only get you so far in this business before skill, talent and ability in pokemon and the art of coordinating must take full precedent. A pretty face will never make great headway in this sport. We don't have nor want any Anna Kournikova's, and that is for the best. Like I said, you have the potential to be one of the best in the world, Hikari." I need to really watch my tongue so as not to blow my cover and ruin the plan. It's time to refocus myself, and I know of no better way to do that than with part two of my plan.

 

"But I don't think you can challenge yourself to rise above mediocrity and become a great champion like Ayako. That's why I'm going to challenge you right here and now to get your first contest ribbon, and get the ball rolling for the other four by the end of this calendar year. Give those skeptics something to look at and silently nod their heads to, and put a feather in your cap as well. So will you accept my challenge or not?" I'm far from finished with my rival-to-be, but this is the launching pad set up just for her to fly like an ace pilot for the world famous Blue Angels. She just has to accept the challenge, and if she is as self-conscious of people's thoughts of her as I think she is, then without a doubt she will bite the bait.

 

I start to see a sly but thoughtful smile develop in the face of Hikari. She is stroking her chin, which tells me she is thinking about the challenge, and I'm sure she's more than willing to accept. "You've got me intrigued. You clearly don't think I have what it takes to make it big in the coordinating scene, much less win one contest ribbon by the end of 2006. But Nozomi, think about what you've just put on the table; you have given me ten whole weeks to polish my battle strategy, and in any one of the many contest houses in the Sinnoh region, win a contest ribbon outright. What's in it for me if I accept this challenge of yours?"

 

There must always be a catch. Too bad I didn't plan beforehand what the catch for this friendly wager would be. I think and I think, and I think some more. I may be developing a headache due to either the nonstop thinking I've done for the last 15 seconds or the post-concussive effects are screwing with my brain. With my luck, it's probably a potent combination of both. Damn it, I am going to have to come up with something and quick. I need to think of something that Hikari will agree to, but something that in the grand scheme of things won't compromise any tension in our rivalry.

 

Hikari is starting to get very impatient with me. "So Nozomi, can you come up something to lure me into this challenge you've cooked up?” She is now essentially egging me on. She is pleading for me to come up with something real good, so I'll have to do just that. “I know something has got to be prepared in that steel trap you call a mind, so out with it! I'm on the edge of my seat, so don't disappoint me. Come on, Nozomi. Make me fall off my seat in shock!"

 

Amazing. Even though I can tell she is getting very antsy awaiting the stipulation in the challenge I laid out, she still can crack semi-jokes with some wordplay and keep that smile plastered on her face. I admire that attitude out of her. You would almost think that she had completely forgotten that I said those nasty things about her on the air. After even more thinking, I think I have finally come up with something that Hikari will agree to.

 

"If you can win a contest ribbon by the end of this calendar year, I will do something I've never done before. I will wear to my very first pokemon contest of 2007; brace yourself for this one, Hikari... I Nozomi, will wear a dress." I got her attention and then some, as once I told her that I would wear a dress to my first contest of the new year, with the proviso that she win a contest ribbon by the end of 2006, she did a double take, with both eyes damn near protruding out of her sockets once more. Now I'm getting an emotion I did not expect from Hikari at this moment. She is giggling like an amused schoolgirl. That giggling has after about ten seconds evolved into hearty laughter, and the hearty laughter has now grown up into a doubled over expression of delectation on her part. Hikari has laughed so much in the last minute that she has started to experience shortness of breath. I haven't gotten an answer from her and she hasn't spoken a word since I laid out the stipulation should I lose the wager. It has just been laughter now for about the last 90 seconds. It's almost as if someone forgot to turn off the laugh track in her brain.

 

"Do you need a plastic bag to help you breathe again," I ask sarcastically. She starts to regain her composure after my remark. The expression of delectation has since devolved into light laughter, which would fall into the category of equal parts giggling schoolgirl and hearty laughter. She looks in my direction for the first time in the last two minutes. "Are you shitting me? No offense, Nozomi, but you don't look like the kind of girl who would put on a dress for anything short of all the gold in Fort Knox." I should not be surprised that she said that, because she's the same person who called me an 'asshole' before punching me in my face, however long ago that was, but I am surprised. Now I'm looking at her wide eyed for about two seconds and giving her much more than just a passing glance.

 

I do this until I regain my equanimity and then proceed to ask the girl a question with a slight tinge of sarcasm attached to my voice like a single flower corsage is attached to the single breast of a tuxedo. "Hey, hey! What's with the language? Where in the world did you learn those vulgarities? Such a sweet innocent girl like you has to resort to using four letter words to get her points across? What has happened to the youth of today? You kiss Ayako with that mouth?" She harshly interjects and puts the squeeze of her left hand on my left leg, "Leave my mother out of this, all right?" I'm shocked that the only response that she made to my soapbox rant was when I made the comment about Hikari's mother Ayako, but I don't argue this detail. 'Alright' is all I say to her because when I brought up Ayako, she got really mad. I don't want to push any issues with her mother... yet. There is a time and a place for everything and that time is certainly not now.

 

"Forgive my... liberalism, but you have admittedly pushed me to the limit more than once before. Shit. What the hell am I saying? You've pushed me to the limit more than once in this conversation that were having right now, so you shouldn't be surprised hearing it from my lips. It's obviously not something that my mother knows about, but kids in grammar school talked, and I listened. There are people out there that say its good therapy for expressing your anger with something or someone, and I tend to agree with that logic. Consider this; I can at least look you in the face without wanting to throw up, hurt you, or worse. That has to speak for something." This was a more than interesting explanation for why she curses. I thought referring to it as 'liberalism' was somewhat odd, but it got me thinking, and although my head hurts at the moment, I am a person who likes to think. Maybe I'll sleep on that tomorrow. It could turn out to be just a humorous use of vocabulary. Did I mention that I also like vocabulary?

 

"I'll say it again, you've got me intrigued," she continues. "I mean, I'm sure you like to keep abreast of the results of contests throughout Sinnoh. If that's the case, then you should be wise to the fact that I've made it to two finals already (Note: Over the last six weeks, Hikari was able to get to another contest final in a losing effort) so I have no trouble rising to the occasion and making it to the main event. Whether I can or can't do that little bit more to earn my own ribbon will be entirely up to me, but your challenge has put a whole new spin on things. So with that, I'll accept." She extends her hand so that we may shake to the agreement. I see on her visage a smile of approval if such a thing even exists.

 

With the final two words that escaped from her mouth, I now start to reveal to the girl my own smile of approval. I raise my right hand so that we can make the agreement official with the shake of two hands. I move my hand to hers preparing for the first nail in our rivalry to be driven into lumber, but Hikari suddenly pulls her hand away from my potential grasp.

 

"I'll accept your challenge when I find out more about why you said the things you said in your interview. Until that point, we do not have a deal." Damn, Hikari drives a hard bargain. I'm almost tempted to ask who really has the mind like a steel trap. I guess the saying is true about birds of a feather. We both appear to have great memories, and with that said, I now know that Hikari is nowhere near as feather-headed as most would perceive because she hasn't forgotten much if anything about my interview. This is really a good thing for me though as I can continue to be the antagonist that Hikari needs to build the confidence necessary to become a great coordinator. She has no problem with her confidence as a person though, which was obvious from the moment I saw her as I awoke from my slumber. I woke up and there she was, positioned above me blocking the bright examination light which is used most often by surgeons and dentists to practice their crafts. Hikari picked her spot, and awaited me to wake up while the doctors tended to more pertinent matters. There is no way this girl has any problems expressing herself. She just has to know how to go about it in the correct fashion.

 

"Exactly what else do you want to know?" I'm prepared for just about anything she's going to ask because I have to be. She looks somewhat reluctant in response to my question. "In your interview, you talked about how you- this is hard for me to say when I think about it. You said that growing up, you idolized my mother and that you..." I can tell it's difficult for her to even say the dreaded L-word. "you... loved my mother. Now, I know you gave DJ Mary and Professor Oak an explanation, but I want to know just how in the world can you put my mother on such a great pedestal, but treat me, her daughter, as if I'm this bad person when all I ever did was be my mother's only child, and I had no control over that. Just tell me why you are so mean to me, but so considerate of my mother and everything she has done in her life?" Hikari at this point is on the verge of tears, and I can't help but feel bad, because the fact is she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I've treated her.

 

I might feel bad, but this is exactly the type of tough love that my father instituted in me from an early age. It taught me that there are few people in this world that we can truly rely on to not leave us when we are in need. One way you can assure yourself that you won't easily fail or be disappointed is to do most things for you. You have to provide for yourself and be your own inspiration. I think about the things dad said, and they work very well in this instance. Hikari will toughen up because of it, and that is the ultimate goal of this conversation, our rivalry and beyond. The only way I could possibly see a flaw in any of this is if I get too deep when I explain my feelings for Ayako. From what I've seen and heard, she is the type of person who has certain triggers that will push her either close to or over the edge of reason. One clear and obvious trigger is her mother. I can only guess that they have a very good relationship and that Hikari will come to the aid of and defend Ayako when others use negative speech towards her.

 

"Your mother... she was an original, and that's what made her stand out from the crowd. She didn't beg for any attention. It wasn't a... big thing that attracted me to her, rather all of the little things she did and all that she represented. But then comes along a privileged young woman; the offspring of the former Grand Festival champion. She arrives to the many contest houses all across the Sinnoh region, and becomes a darling to the mass media at large. After you had your first pokemon contest, the same one in which Satoshi participated in with his Aipom, I along with many other coordinators would be bombarded with news stories and forums in which talking heads bantered about Twinleaf town's 'Hometown Girl'. Many people were talking about and had their eyes and ears wrapped around the daughter of the former Grand Festival Champion Ayako. Time in and time out I would see your face, and after a while it got so sugary sweet, it became downright sickening to the taste buds.”

 

“The talk of the town and much of the region has been about 'Ayako's Girl'. You are going to have to eventually live up to the hype, or fall into second-generation obscurity. You don't want to be considered a failure in the eyes of your mother… do you?" Hikari is starting to look very uneasy after my final remark. "You... you don't... my mother wouldn't think of me any more or less if I never won a single contest ribbon, or if I won eight Grand Festivals. You don't know a damn thing about me and you sure as hell don't know a damn thing about my mother to even insinuate that bull!" She's fired up, but whether she can reach her peak and remain there or fall from her summit will be entirely up to her.

 

I have to keep up the act and get her aggravated further. I continue my rant with a big smile pasted on my face. "Face it, daijobu girl. Much of your act is recycled from your mother. There is nothing particularly original or different about you compared to Ayako." Hikari is now pointing a finger in my face. "I'm not asking you, I'm telling you; stop talking about me and my mother like that. Either you stop it or you'll regret it!" I don't stop. I can't stop. I won't stop for nothing. I'm on a roll, and to stop would be like telling me to stop living. To stop would be like telling me to roll up into a ball, abandon my beliefs and die. I am persistent, but I am also somewhat of an idiot for not listening to her.

 

"I said that I loved Ayako, and that's the gospel truth. Right in front of me is not Ayako, rather I see a copycat of a coordinator. A carbon copy of her genes implanted in a glorified phony. You're not worthy of carrying her hand-me down dresses, let alone being her daughter. And in closing, might I say how ironic it is that your name means light, yet the day you came into this world was so very, very dark." I think that was enough. She is breathing really hard and her shoulders are going up and down like pistons on an engine. Her teeth are grating, and if she were a bomb, she would have exploded by now.

 

Hikari starts to tread close to me, and I get really concerned as she has a calm look on her face, but this is a calm look of anger. I can't escape from the bed, because I am being restrained by two Velcro straps across my upper and lower abdomen. I am scared that I may have gone too far with my comments and broke a switch or trigger within Hikari that will cause bodily harm towards my person. These thoughts of mine may be well founded as I see Hikari's left hand and arm come up. I know what's coming and I can't stop it. Though the punch caused me to bleed and was step one to me receiving a concussion, this forthcoming slap will be a much bigger blow to my psyche than the punch. I was blindsided by the punch, but this slap is something I will see coming from a mile away.

 

As anticipated, the slap stung like hell. If I were a gambling girl, I would be willing to bet the farm that there is a very large red imprint of the left hand of Hikari on my left cheek. That much I expected. What took me by surprise however was when Hikari suddenly grabbed me by the collar of my orange vest. I am face to face with the girl in a position where if either of us got any closer, we would be in a lip lock. We are as far as you could possibly get from being in a lip lock, however, as I lock my glaze into her eyes, and I am nearly scared out of my boots. Hikari's eyes are stone cold with ice, and she is silent, as she was throughout the slap and to this current point, where she is now grabbing me by my neckband.

 

"You bastard. You... you coward! You've got no guts at all, because you wouldn't tell any of this to me face to face. You just had to shout out to the world your feelings towards me and make me look like the biggest joke the coordinating world has ever seen. You look and feel so big and bold when the lights are on bright, but when you're all alone Nozomi, I'm sure you see yourself for what you really are; a bully. You... you're nothing but a damn bully! A craven, gutless coward who gets her kicks from putting others down so that she can feed her insatiable ego. Your a shell of what you represent in front of a camera or a microphone, and in all likelihood, you would just as quickly curl up in the fetal position when someone decides after so much mental punishment to no longer put up with your bullshit and actually stand up to you. You're not woman or human being enough to actually stand by your words- I mean stand by your words 100 percent all the way to your damn grave."

 

"I'll say it one more time, because I can see it in your eyes clear as crystal. You are weak. You're weak because you still haven't given me a sensible reason for disliking me. I could care less whether you liked me in private or not, but you brought out these feelings to the forefront, and I'm suffering because of it. I have family spread out in all of the various regions and I'm sure that when they looked at their newspapers or morning newscasts, they did not expect to hear this... rubbish about their relative. And speaking of relatives, you talk all day and all night about how you loved my mother, and how she is the major reason why you are a coordinator today. Well, I have news for you; you're not the only one. How the hell do you think I got here?"

 

"You didn't think I grew up wanting nothing more in my young life than to be just like my mother? You think I didn't put posters of my mother up on my walls alongside pictures of her, dreaming and praying to be even one-third the coordinator that she was? You don't think I cried when some of my classmates told me that my mother was overrated and couldn't cut it against their favorites? This was the atmosphere that I grew up in Nozomi, and it's all that I've ever known. So in that respect, you are not that different from me at all. We had the same inspiration growing up, so why am I the bad girl of the coordinating scene in your eyes? What makes me so dark and wrong and you so lily white and right?"

 

My mother had always told me since I was a young girl that you should be thankful for whatever fortunes come your direction. The fear in my eyes that Hikari so matter-of-factly (and correctly) acknowledged has decreased into a trickle of anxiety, as Hikari removed her hands from the collar of my shirt. She gives a look to suggest that she left her conversation open for me to answer the question posed to me just seconds earlier. Hikari has just given me a sample of what I can safely assume is what she's capable of when she is enraged. Again, I have to collect my thoughts to give the answer that she needs to hear and not the answer that she wants to hear.

 

"Just what have you proven as a coordinator?" I snicker inside realizing that I am answering most of her questions with inquiries of my own. It may be annoying for someone else who recognizes this gaffe, but to me it is amusing. It will all work out in the end for us, as our rivalry will be that much intense. If I can test her brainpower now, it will be so much easier later on when I'm on battlefields or contest houses against her and know what buttons to push. "You might be charming and cute and some would argue that you are beautiful, but none of that will ever matter. Only the end result will matter in the minds of the masses. They'll only want to know how many ribbons you've won or Grand Festival trophies you've won, but..." My speech is halted when Hikari, quick as a cat, grabs my collar again. This time she pulls me up to her level with great force, constricting my strapped-down torso.

 

"That's not fucking good enough!" she screams. This time I half expected the so-called 'f-word' or one of the more extreme vulgarities of the sort because she was slowly shaking her head in disapproval of my comments to her most recent question. She was trying to keep her composure, and the nonsense that came out of my mouth was too much for her to take lying down. I am legitimately concerned that she will hurt me more than I already am hurt, but that concern is something that she can't see lest I blow my cover for fear of my own lost life.

 

"Those things don't have a goddamn thing to do with me, and if you had been listening, that's what I was asking about. You were talking in your interview about how you didn't like me, not my skills. You were talking about how you didn't like the person. I'm not talking about coordinating or battling or anything else but me. And that's all that I'm asking of you. Tell me why you don't like me, and damn it, tell me now!" Just as forcibly as she grabbed me by my shirt, she let go of me and shoved me back onto the pillow of my bed. I am thankful for the soft surface because had my head landed anywhere else, I would have received concussion number two.

 

Beep... beep... beep... beep. I did not notice it until now, but amidst this pregnant silence perpetrated by Hikari's demands of me and the fact that I'm scared white in the face with her screaming, I could hear steady beeps that were gaining in speed. It was a heart monitor and I was connected to it. I had to have been connected to it since arriving to the ER, but didn't pay it any attention until my mind grasped for something to hang onto aside from the maddening stare of Hikari and her ear-piercing screams for my answer- my real answer to her question. The question she posed to me plain and simple was 'Why do I hate her?' Well, the real answer, which if I have anything to say about it (and I have everything to say about it as I am controlling this rivalry) Hikari will never hear, is that I don't hate her at all.

 

The image that I've attempted to create for the media and for her is of someone who is somewhat insecure. Just like I told myself when creating this rivalry, I wanted to create a role similar to the real me. I have insecurities and have had them for many years now. I kept it together for a minute or so, but I became extremely concerned when Hikari told me that I was weak. It hit me hard because there is some truth to what she is saying, but I'll be damned if I'll ever share it with her. When she said I was weak, it brought me back to a not-so-pleasant time in my childhood, when I felt very weak and thought I would never be able to do much for myself for as long as I lived. Keiichi, my father, had instilled in me from a young age that there is no greater honor that can be found in oneself than to be able to stand on your own two feet without the help of anyone else.

 

After suffering a severe and potentially crippling injury during an otherwise normal gymnastics practice, I had to go through rehabilitation which was an arduous and painful process that took place over two long years. The doctors who took care of me never beat around the bush with me or my parents saying that there would be a very good possibility that I would never walk properly again. These thoughts are beyond depressing and weigh on me like the world's largest burden, but I can't dwell on them. Therefore, I squash the thoughts and tend to the question that was previously posed to me.

 

"Why the hell should I have to explain myself to you?" For those keeping score, that's another question. "Can't we just agree to disagree? Besides, no one will take you seriously if you won't do it for yourself. That's why I laid down the challenge, because I don't think you have the drive to win the contest ribbon by the end of the calendar year. If you for some reason disagree with what I have to say, then you won't have any problems accepting it and leaving me alone." Hikari now looks frustrated with me, which is a far cry from her outright anger not that long ago. Count this as simply another instance where I should just be thankful.

 

"You're saying that it would be better for us to agree to disagree? To live and let live?" She reiterates my statement, I suppose to just clarify it in her mind and make sure that she missed nothing along the way. "You did lay down the challenge. If memory serves me right, if I can shove your words right back down your throat and win a contest ribbon by the end of 2006, you'll have to wear a dress. In my personal opinion, that end of the stipulation is fine, but I want you to know, Nozomi, I am very confident in my abilities and am sure I can earn my ribbon. I just have one issue."

 

"You have an issue with my challenge? Hikari, you have absolutely nothing to lose if you accept my challenge." "That's exactly my issue; I have nothing to lose, so there really isn't much of a challenge for me whether I took you up on your deal or not. I would have to have a reason to want to go out there and bust my ass to win.”

“Okay, but you do have a reason. The embarrassment that I would feel going to a contest in 2007 wearing a dress that you hand picked for me, like something you wore at the Jubilife City contest should be enough incentive for you to take me up on my stipulation. Am I right?”

 

“Well, the thing is… you put something on the line, Nozomi, so I think it would only be fair that I give you the same. So here's my end of the deal. If I'm not able to win a contest ribbon in what is essentially the next 9-10 weeks, then I will... you know, in all fairness Nozomi, you put on the line your pride and beliefs of being who you are when you agreed to wear the dress if I win, so I'll put something on the line that I consider my pride and joy. Nozomi, should I lose... I'll shave my head bald, and I won't wear any wigs or hats to cover it up. That is how confident I am that I won't lose this wager."

 

I look at the girl as if she had grown a second nose on her forehead. Was she really willing to risk her hair to prove that she had what it took to make it in coordinating and to rub the contest victory back in my face? I honestly feel bad about going through with this, because if she shaves her head, it will take time for her hair to grow back. According to the terms of our deal, I would only have to wear a dress at one contest, and I could go back to wearing my vast collection of ornate tuxedos afterwards. Everything would go back to normal for me, but I can't say the same for Hikari if she were to lose.

 

"I'm sorry, but I think that's unfair to you. If you lose and have your head shaved, you have to live with that for however long it takes to grow your hair back. It could take anywhere from three to four months or more, while our deal states that if I lose I only have to wear a dress to one contest. If your so confident that you're willing to put your hair- what you claim is your pride and joy on the line, I should be able to at least match that or do you one better. So I'll alter my stipulation. If you win the contest ribbon by the end of this year, I will wear dresses to pokemon contests for the first 120 days of the New Year. So how's that sound to you, Hikari?"

 

"You said earlier that we should just learn to agree to disagree, right?"

 

"Yes, I did."

 

"Well, giving some thought to what you said about you only having to wear the dress one time, whereas I would have to live with my bald head for the next few months plus, you made a more than valid point. I'll agree to that if you agree to me getting my head shaved. So, do we have a deal?" For the second time in our talk, which has more closely resembled a roller coaster ride at Six Flags Great Adventure than a conversation, Hikari puts her right hand out. Clearly, she is satisfied enough with the stipulations in place that she wants to make it official. Also, she may have gotten a clue, knowing that I won't share much more of the reasoning behind my dislike even if she pushes very hard. She learns quickly. In her mind, she probably thought that there was just no more use to push pushing if it would only lead to her choking me out of pure anger. This restraint saved the both of us a lot of trouble.

 

"Deal."

 

I, much like the last time the two of us went through this exercise, bring out my right hand after she brings out her own. This handshake appears to be genuine as we bring our hands together, mimicking the north and south poles of magnets that come together to form one. Speaking of magnets, I felt some sort of connection to my rival like she had electricity running through her veins. Perhaps it was nothing more than a quick electric shock that I was feeling when our hands came in contact with one another's, or it could have been that her hand was significantly warmer than mine. I see no quick movements or form of apprehension on the face of Hikari and soon after contact from me and her is made. She has a very strong grip on me and I respond to it in earnest. From the moment we shook to our proposition to long after the moment both of us let go of each other's hand, we did not take our eyes off of each other. We also sported very sly but noticeable indications of smiles on each other's faces. Either of us could have stared a hole into one another if we had stayed in our hand-shaking position long enough.

 

"So it's a deal, Hikari?" I ask to confirm it in my heart and mind. "Absolutely," she replies without hesitation. "My only qualm about this entire situation is that I don't want either of us to back out of it."

 

"I really don't think you have to worry about that, Hikari. Have you seen or heard the media attention that my comments have been getting in just the last 24 hours or so?” Honestly, I had only seen a newspaper headline and editorial. I'm just playing up the things she told me earlier, and simply assuming that they are true. “Even though the press can't get a hold of you until after the rookie challenge ends, you can play up our little wager to the media and comment on my interview at the same time. Say... that we came to an understanding and we'll..."

 

"Oh no you don't," Hikari interjects. This was an instance of me being quite power hungry and Hikari saw right through it. Well, those that have never had power but all of a sudden have it dropped into their lap will often abuse it. I'll learn self-control, but I essentially told Hikari what to do (i.e. how to respond) about my slanderous discourse. How would anyone else react to being told what to do by someone who 'hates' them? Personally, I wouldn't respond with the greatest of glee.

 

"You had your chance to say what you wanted to say, and quite frankly, I don't remember you consulting with me as to what you would say when you spoke to DJ Mary and the Professor, so butt out! I'll say whatever the hell I want to say. Yes I will 'alert the media' concerning our bet, and yes I will let them know exactly what I thought about the things that you said on the air, but you don't need to get any advanced notice because I never got it when you embarrassed me on the airwaves. Besides, fair is fair, right Nozomi?" I believe the internet and video game lingo or leetspeak for what Hikari just did to me is called pwned. Hikari 'pwned' me by taking my actions over the last day and throwing them all back in my face in one fell swoop. I'm surprised and impressed because I didn't think she had it in her. And for the record, she was right about it not being fair for me to tell her what to say when she had no say.

 

I give off a fake hesitation before I answer Hikari's latest question. "You... yeah, you're right. Say whatever you want about me while you're at it. But I have one final question. The mass media machine will be coming out of the woodshed to hear your opinion about what I said yesterday. You will most likely be bombarded with questions from every direction about how you feel about me, about coordinating and all that good stuff. Are you prepared to face this firestorm of press and come out the better for it?" Thanks goes out to my roommate Cindy for providing me with some of that material to ask of Hikari.

 

"You need not worry or concern yourself about me, Nozomi," she replies with the sliest of tones. "The only thing I caution that you should worry yourself about is getting healthy. I want you to be at least 100% for when you have to flaunt your numerous frocks, because I don't plan on losing my long dark locks anytime soon. And don't even think about backing away from this one. The media won't allow it once I go public sometime in the next three to five days with our challenge. I really hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

 

I found that last statement to be a very arrogant one. I'm the one that originally made the wager, so of course I should know what I'm getting myself into. She obviously believes that there is no way she can lose in our stipulation versus stipulation wager. It's either that or she wants me to strongly believe that there is no other course of action for her other than the one which leads to victory. Is she trying to convince herself that she won't lose by going this route? They say if you say something in your head enough times you are liable to believe it and take it as fact. This may be the case, but I can't be too sure.

 

"I know what I'm getting myself into. I just hope you take styling lessons from cancer patients after the New Year, because..." before I can finish my styling tip for girls with bald heads, my speech is halted. "I'm not going to get my head shaved," she says with great vigor.

 

"But if you don't win a contest ribbon, then..." "I am NOT going to get my head shaved, and that's final. Do you comprehend?"

 

"Yes, and I suppose that we don't have anything more to say to each other... for now, at least." I think that the conversation that we had will be more than enough to spark the flame needed for 500 bonfires and one hell of a rivalry. Hikari is confident, but now she is confident in all the right things and for all the right reasons. She absolutely refuses to back down from my bullying and dismisses any rhetoric of mine that is not conducive to her being victorious. In other words, nothing I can or will do will faze her or keep her from her ultimate goal of not only keeping her hair, but the reward of seeing me parade around in contest halls region wide wearing dresses for the first 120 days of the year. That girl is sadistic, but some may argue that I brought all of this upon myself.

 

Some will say that it was wrong of me to use psychology and the spoken word in such a brash, haughty and potent combination to attempt to inspire Hikari to become so much better than she is now. Some would say that she would have been much better off if I had just stayed away from her business and let her make her own headway as a coordinator. What the detractors fail to understand is that this behavior in all likelihood was inside of Hikari for many years much like magma building inside of an active volcano. It is my feeling that the girl is more than capable of handling herself in front of critics the media and, perhaps most important, her new rival.

 

I got scared down to the soles of my feet when she pulled me by the collar of my shirt not once but twice. If she can use those tactics in a non-violent form to do the same to her opponents, they'll turn into jelly before the battles even commence. It will be completely up to her as to whether or not she can harness that pent up frustration and know when the most opportune time to use it will be, and right now that's the part which concerns me more than any other element in our rivalry. Will she know when the right time to get angry will be? Can she calm herself in the heat of battle? Will she know which combinations or attacks to use and when in a battle?

 

If she was able to get to two contest finals and many other contest semifinals without this form of preparation, perhaps I'm being nothing more than a worrywart. Forgive me, but I just can't help but feel skeptical. The thing is that I want... no. I need this rivalry to be not fair, not good and not even great. It must be absolutely perfect or it will not be effective. That is why no one can ever know what I am doing. I can never reveal to anyone that the feelings I portray towards Hikari are not genuine. Aside from the backlash that would come from the whole of the media, making sure that someone swears in confidence that they will never tattle about my plan would be too arduous a task even for me, and that is why it must stay my big secret. Leaking this story to the press could make someone quite wealthy when done at the right time, and nobody should ever capitalize on the success of someone else's misfortune.

 

"I suppose that there is nothing left to say. Oh, one final thing that I would like to say, Nozomi. If you thought it would be amusing to embarrass me in front of millions of people worldwide for... whatever agenda you may have, I should warn you that not if, but when I win our wager, well..." she takes a medium sized breath and then continues. "Let's just say that I have two large closets full of nice pastel colored dresses, including all of the frills and finally, and this is the cherry on top, lace and just about every outfit has a good quantity of lace.”

 

“You'll have every male and female coordinator in Sinnoh doing double takes when you come out for your initial appeals and battles wearing something more suited for a flower girl in a wedding party than a hoyden like yourself. And that will be the ultimate revenge in my mind." She then flashes a smile and laughter that would be more suited for a superhero's evil arch nemesis than a rookie pokemon coordinator. She walks towards me and looks me square in the eye for what I presume is the final time today.

 

"Payback's a bitch, Nozomi, but you ought to know that, eh?" To add insult to injury, she lightly pats my left cheek; the same cheek that got slapped not that long ago, three times. She then proceeds to head for the door out of my room. As she heads to leave, she places a distinct strut and swagger in her step as I lay helpless in the bed looking at her swaying backside along with the rest of her body in a pendulum motion as she exits. 'Ciao, babe' are the final words that come out of her mouth before she finally leaves my room. Indeed there is a very fine line between confidence and arrogance. I'm not sure if Hikari has passed that yet, but if she hasn't, at this pace she eventually will.

 

I am now alone in the ER, going through all of the activity that has just occurred in our conversation. I am more confused than ever after our long, long talk. I feel groggy just thinking about everything that was discussed and I fell back into a deep sleep. Darkness has replaced light in my life once more as the world becomes a mere blur as the need for rest overrides all other things in my life right now. Once again, I am exposed to the nocturnal environment. This time I welcome it with open arms knowing what awaits me these next several hours. Pure undisturbed sleep is in fact not my enemy, but a welcome and long lost friend that has come to my home and stopped by for an extended visit.

 

 

 

<October 21, 2006>

 

For those who care to know,

 

So much has happened over the past three days that I don't even care to write down in great detail my experiences on pen and paper. I will try not to bore anyone that is whoever may read this, with any great details. Fear not to those snooping for specifics, as the most important parts of the timeline will be covered. All others who dare to read further into this text should simply do the necessary research and fill any holes with said dirt.

 

I can now say without any reservations or apprehensions that my rivalry with Hikari has officially begun. It took a while, but the foundation to the house is now in place. Now it is simply a matter of how high I want to build this tower and for how long I can do it without things toppling over into a heap of rubble.

 

What essentially happened was that on Thursday afternoon, I did the interview with DJ Mary and the Professor Samuel Oak. That interview ran for about 15-20 minutes, and can be described as very scathing testimony on my part towards the second generation coordinator. After the interview, absolutely no one in the studio or outside who had just seen my fake candid comments would talk to me. Now admittedly I didn't ask anyone to talk to me after my conversation with Mary and the Professor, but nobody even talked to me to criticize me for my remarks. All that I got from people were stares and some more stares with an order of stares on the side. The only person who would voluntarily talk to me was my roommate for the Sevii Islands Rookie Challenge, Cindy.

 

After staying in my room for the remainder of that day, I took that Friday off planning to spend it on the beach with just me and my pokemon. That was the plan. I did not expect or plan for Hikari to pull the proverbial ace out of her sleeve and put me in the hospital for the remainder of Friday and Saturday morning. She blindsided me with a punch that caused a chain of events that led me to being hospitalized with a mild concussion. The length of time I was there was for precautionary reasons, as the doctors did not want to take any chances considering my youth and the prevailing "accidental circumstances" as Hikari put it to the physicians.

 

She cleverly forgot to mention that she was the one who toppled the first domino in what I anticipate will be a very long chain. Once they knew for sure that I was in the clear, they allowed me to rest alone in the ER. Hikari then snuck into my room unannounced and we talked for nearly one hour about my interview and much more. After she left, I got bombarded with questions from my doctors about my condition. I was told to meet with them on the final day of the challenge for a follow up on my health, was given a nose guard to use for the next month, and finally, I was cleared to head back to the hotel.

 

My plan was to fire Hikari up as much as I possibly could without her wanting to kill me in my incapacitated state. I used her mother Ayako, the fact that she is a second generation coordinator whose name is prolific in media because of her famous parent and her abilities in appeals and contests to fire her up. There were shocking moments from both parties, but for the most part the conversation stayed civil.

 

The most important thing of note is that I issued a challenge to the coordinator, which states that if Hikari is unable to win a contest ribbon by the end of this calendar year, then she will be forced to have her head shaved bald. That stipulation was entirely her own idea, along with the fact that she will not cut any corners with the bet by attempting to hide it with wigs or hats. She came up with her end of the challenge long after I came up with mine. I eventually came up with my stipulation, which states that should Hikari win a contest ribbon before the end of 2006, then I will wear dresses to all of my pokemon contests for the next four months.

 

Despite the daunting proposition in front of her, Hikari was not at all fazed with the possibility of her losing her long dark mane. To say I was impressed would be a gross understatement. She wouldn't even acknowledge the possibility that her hair would come off. Don't ever tell me that this girl isn't assured of herself. She shook me to the point that I had to reevaluate my entire plan and focus my attention on reforming my own confidence as well. I won't let Hikari get one step ahead of me in our rivalry. That's one thing I'm absolutely sure must not happen.

 

To be honest, Hikari's reaction has left me with more questions than answers as I left the Sevii Islands Rookie Challenge. To not let Hikari get one step ahead of me in our duel is one thing, but it may appear to the uneducated that I know all that there is to know about the pacing of this rivalry. But after Hikari left the room, I realized that quite frankly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

 

I thought that I would have to break her down on my interview with the press just to build her back up over the next few months, but something interesting occurred. She said in our conversation that she would stand up to me and not put up with anything negative that I had to say. It now looks like the next course of action for both of us is to say our peace to the media and give our rebuttals as well as the details of our stipulation. I am not sure exactly when Hikari will be asked to give a radio or television interview less than one day removed from the challenge, so it would behoove me to keep updated on whatever she may say in her rebuttal. Anything that she may say, I can use to find further details about her life story that can drive a more immeasurable wedge between the two of us as far as public philosophies are concerned.

 

Before Hikari left, she said that she had a slew of dresses in her closet that she already has in mind for me, and this is in her own words, "when I win a contest ribbon by the end of 2006." I am concerned because like I told DJ Mary and the professor, I haven't worn a dress since I was about five years old. That along with any pastel shade of color; especially the very `girlish' pink is just a few things that cause me to raise a red flag. I came up with the newly modified stipulation after Hikari came up with hers. I thought it would not be fair under my original stipulation that stated that should I lose, I would have to wear a dress to only one contest in 2007.

 

Hikari has done more in just these last two days to me than I could have even fathomed when I first met the girl about four months ago. She has intimidated me on several occasions, and punched me leading me to the point where I got knocked out cold. She has used her words and her speech to confuse me to no end leaving me wandering aimlessly, and wondering what I have to do next.

 

Fortunately I know what to do now. I should just sleep on it. Sleep will never be my enemy again. I may have said to the girl that she says cute things and thought she was quite naive meeting her for the first time, but now, I'll reiterate it again; I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I take full responsibility for this sudden change of events.

I should have prepared myself much better than I did.

 

Clueless, and I Don't Mean the Movie,

Nozomi

 

A/N: The first three chapters, which have amounted to over 24,000 words, were completely from the point of view of Nozomi. But the story will go into a new direction in the next chapter as we go inside the head of Hikari, for her first interview with the press. We get her unadulterated view on many of Nozomi's comments, and get a close look inside of the relationship between Hikari and her mother Ayako, and Hikari has a secret that she doesn't want her mother to find out about? Chapter four will start out in the point of view of Hikari, but it will end with Nozomi and the point of view will stay with Nozomi until at least chapter five.

 

As far as the stipulation that is laid out in the fanfiction, I have already decided who will win the bet. In other words, I will not take any requests from reviewers who say that they want Hikari to win and have Nozomi dress up for the next four months or have Nozomi win and have her shave Hikari bald. That doesn't mean however that you can't guess who will be the winner. You can do that via e-mail or put your guess in your review. I plan to add great humor to the stipulation, whoever may be victorious.

 

As always, make sure to leave a review of the chapter with your constructive criticism and feelings you have to this and other stories and check my author's page for updates on this and other stories.