Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Steps Of Courage ❯ Gutted Eyes ( Chapter 14 )

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Chapter 14

Eyes glowered at each other from across the room. Each man tense, ready at any second to jump into action. It was almost as if Enizu and Kenshin were fighting already, just without the motion.

Naruku was too late. It was clear from the way she was invisible to the two men. It was obvious from the unadulterated anger their gazes carried across the room. Mostly, Naruku knew it was true because she had collapsed on the spot, having no true strength to hold herself up. Something she had smacked away for so long had finally settled in her hair. It was this. Guilt. Dread. Wretchedness. Helplessness. It was knowing she had not caused this, and yet had done nothing to prevent it. It was this numbness, her mind clouded with too much emotion to make sense of it. It was the dead silence between the two men she trusted most, and the pounding drums inside her head.

And all the while, a frozen flame of animosity was smoldering between Kenshin and Enizu, manifesting itself only in their heated gazes.

The world was still. Not a breath was drawn, not a blink was made. It was silent, and motionless.

The world was still before it collapsed.

It was impossible to tell what had set them off, but one moment the two enemies were glowering at each other and the next, they were in motion, battle cries filling the air.

Enizu was first to attack. He unsheathed his sword as he dashed forward, the metal blade pointed menacingly at Kenshin. Kenshin’s sakabatou was still tucked safely in his sheath. He concentrated to read Enizu’s movements. It seemed impossible. The room was bursting with Enizu’s violent, chaotic energy.

Kenshin finally focused in on Enizu’s foot-work and noticed a slight change in it. He was attacking from the left. As soon as this entered his mind, Kenshin dodged, his movement only a flash of scattered light.

Before Enizu could so much as turn for another attack, Kenshin jumped up on a whim. He had done this same move before, with Saitou, and it had not ended well. However, whatever way you looked at it, Enizu and Saitou were complete opposites.

Enizu’s next strike missed, and he was enraged. He swiped at the air, hoping to catch Kenshin. Enizu was not going to be able to do it that way.

“Damn you!” Enizu grunted.

Kenshin was already out of the striking zone. Enizu lunged at him again, hoping this time to make contact, but Kenshin continued to evade all oncoming attacks.

Enizu’s ki was so wild and scrambled, Kenshin could not decipher his movements at all. And yet Enizu’s incensed ki gripped at Kenshin’s mind.

But he could not see ahead to Enizu’s attack. It almost seemed that Enizu did not know any more than Kenshin where he would attack next. Each attack that Kenshin dodged clipped closer and closer to Kenshin’s margins. Still the red-haired swordsman refused to draw his tool of trade.

Enizu, typically, saw this as a personal insult. “Do you not take me seriously?” this was said with the most hatred Kenshin had ever had inflicted on his ears.

Kenshin didn’t say anything, letting his somber expression speak for itself.

Of course, this was not enough of a reaction for Enizu. In rage, he swung a well-plotted attack.

In a second the sakabatou was unsheathed and blocking the oncoming attack.

He had tried so hard, up until that moment, to stop this fight from happening. Kenshin was patient; he could have waited until Enizu tired out. But Enizu was not. He would not rest until a stroke was landed, and then not until Kenshin was dead.

Naruku couldn’t say she was surprised.

No, that was wrong. She was. She was shocked. So shocked she couldn’t move, could see nothing around her but the painful images of Kenshin and Enizu, their swords clashing, their feet stomping.

She knew it would happen. She had known, ever since she first found out Kenshin was the Battousai. Maybe even before that. But she had ignored it, turned her back again and again on the most obvious signs. She would not believe it. Even as she saw them fight right in front of her eyes she would not believe.

My cowardice could cost them their lives…I came back here, after I knew. And I led Enizu back. And he knew. He knew who Kenshin was. How could he not? And I knew, too, and I said nothing. Did nothing. I couldn’t do…anything. She was frozen to the spot. A better person would have solved it before it came to this…this hatred.

Every breath was heavy with darkness, gasping to maintain the air that seemed fleeting, slipping from her lungs. Her emotions pushed at her throat, scratched at her ribs, desperate to fly away from her, leaving nothing. She knew if she opened her mouth a scream would escape her, and it would never stop. And she would be left with nothing.

The sound of metal on metal filled the room. Naruku concentrated to follow the fight, their quick movements. She didn’t want to. She wanted to close her eyes, pretend it wasn’t happening. But she concentrated anyway. It hurt her head, it hurt her eyes. The sounds hurt her ears. She focused. She concentrated so she would not have to think.

It was too hard. Tears gathering in the wells of her eyes, filling up and threatening to topple down, one-by-one, over each other and streaking along her face.

She watched them fight with the detachment of a god. It had nothing to do with her; she was far away. She felt the cold floor beneath her. She was in the fight. She was around it. She was the fight and she could pretend no longer.

Flashes of Enizu and Kenshin crossed her blurred view. It was obvious who was winning.

Naruku was sobbing; hard, cold sobs that racked her body, shook her shoulders. Loud sobs that no one heard. How could they hear her? They were so far away. So intent on each other, on their swords as the blades met, as they drew apart and clashed again. They couldn’t see her. She was the shredded dream, invisible to them. They couldn’t see the wreckage they caused.

Naruku wished she could go back. Before…before I came back and found this. Before I led Enizu here. Before I was told who Kenshin was. Before Kenshin saved me on the streets. Before Kenshin. I wouldn’t know Kenshin. I wish I didn’t. Before I joined Enizu in Sendai. Before I left Kyoto. Before Enizu. Before I was born. I wouldn’t be here. This wouldn’t be happening. I betrayed them. All of them. He’s here and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t. There were no words. What did I think was going to happen? I didn’t, I didn’t. I knew it would end like this. I did nothing.

Kenshin’s sword strokes were quick and precise. He connected, again and again, too many times for it to be a fluke. No matter how Enizu blocked, Kenshin connected.

He hated me, and that hurt. I wanted to make it better.

Kenshin was too fast. Enizu had never seen with his own eyes the speed of Kenshin’s Hiten Mitsurugi. His reverse-blade didn’t daunt him in the least, and he kept hitting.

Every swing of the sakabatou fueled the embers of Enizu’s rage. The quick decisiveness, the impermeable movements. The whistle when it sliced through the air cleanly. Enizu had never been more angry, so ready to kill. He needed to kill.

I loved him. That hurt.

A swing to the left and Kenshin dodged. Enizu’s katana, gaining momentum, came at him from above. Gravity on his side. Kenshin was still too fast, and raised the sakabatou to meet Enizu’s katana. In a swift movement, Kenshin flipped up and aimed down at Enizu, going into the Ryutsuisen, not a word on his lips. These movements were like breathing to him. He fought without pause, or thought.

But he never…

Kenshin’s eyes were a steel blue. He could feel Enizu’s weakness, the exhaustion and rage growing inside him at identical paces. Emotions and vows aside, Kenshin knew one thing. Your body always won. Enizu would be expended before he could accomplish what his anger drove him to do.

…loved me.

And yet, Kenshin could not feel the deep stirring in himself, as life became less and less important to him. All that mattered was beating Enizu, now. Keeping her safe. His thoughts were on tactics, maneuvers. They were blank of emotion and yearning. He just needed to win, and his thoughts could come later.

Naruku saw this. She saw it as Enizu savagely whipped his katana around, and as Kenshin evaded his attacks. She saw the bricks in his eyes, filling his vision. He couldn’t see anything more than his opponent.

She saw Enizu’s rage, and knew that was what was filling Kenshin’s eyes. She was the only one who could see the both of them, fighting with no floor beneath them. Couldn’t they see? No. They could only see each other, the rage and adrenaline burning.

As the flame grew, they sped up. Faster and faster. It was becoming hard for Naruku to follow. Part of her was relieved.

Part of her wasn’t. How could she let herself feel anything when she couldn’t see what was going on? If Kenshin died, would she be happy? Never. If Enizu died, would she be sad? Sad to be out of that potential danger. No. Her blood froze inside her veins. She felt as though she were being compressed slowly, all thoughts and emotions dropped onto her. Squeezed and squeezed until there was no breath left in her body.

The fight became more heated, more intense. For once, there was no internal fight inside Kenshin. He was fighting, blocking and dodging and striking. He heard his name called, faintly. Barely. He pretended he hadn’t heard it at all. The sounds of wind rushing past him, the loud ringing of their swords clashing blocked out all other sounds. Enizu had kicked up his speed slightly. Kenshin adjusted his footwork and exceeded Enizu’s speed.

It was enough.

All at once, the flame took one shuddering breath and flickered out. The wind died down and movement ceased. Kenshin and Enizu broke apart.

In the silence, Kenshin could hear quiet clearly. Naruku’s sobs, her whispered screams. Those words that dropped out of her mouth, falling on the floor to be trampled. Her eyes slammed shut, her body rocking back and forth as if she could do nothing to stop it. Maybe she couldn’t.

Silence claimed her senses and roamed down her body, skating on the walls of her throat. Suddenly there was too much room. All of her emotions burst out of her, but she did not move to gather them again. The let them go, and realized they poured themselves back into her, clutching at the empty pit of her stomach, latching onto her heart as it pounded furiously in her chest. She wanted to suffer. Maybe.

There was too much room to think. Naruku wished they were still fighting. She loathed this silence, despised the uncertainty, the complete blankness of the air. Treacherous air.

Thoughts crammed themselves into her mind, screaming at her, throwing things inside her walls that her docile self could not bend down and scoop up.

She knew what she was. Accomplice. She never wanted that. It wasn’t her choice. Betrayal. She had only wanted to know. You helped him. It wasn’t her fault. She wanted to be loved.

He never loved me.

Enizu was on the floor, eyes closed and breath shallow. Naruku could not see him.

He only used me.

Because I wanted to be loved.

Kenshin’s attention snapped from Naruku to Enizu where he lay, exhausted and beaten on the floor. Kenshin had won. He had almost killed Enizu. But he had won. Enizu was alive still.

He turned from Enizu’s fallen form to Naruku. He walked toward her, his mouth forming the words ‘go get Megumi.’

He fell before he walked ten steps. Blood gushed from his back, the red liquid splattering almost artfully. He opened his mouth in a silent scream, his voice never escaping his lips. Instead blood gurgled out from his throat. It exploded out of his mouth as he gasped, the sound high and haunting. He heard a scream, shrill and piercing. The sword was pulled smoothly out of his back.

When Naruku saw Kenshin fall, she screamed. It took a moment to register that she had began. And now she would never stop. Her throat became dry and raspy. Raw. Her voice loud and deep. Like rocks smashing together. With the screaming, there were no thoughts. Just the long, unchanging sound of her voice as it cut through the dry air. And no one heard her.

Enizu stood over Kenshin as the latter kneeled and clutched his throat. The pain was immense. Having a sword through his back… a wound like that had never hurt him so much. He coughed and the blood stopped coming up.

Enizu, his sword slick with the blood that he wanted, sneered down at Kenshin. He stabbed into Kenshin’s back again, in a different spot. Penetrating the soft flesh, watching the blood explode from the puncture.

“Now you know what it’s like,” Enizu growled. “To be thrown away.” There was a sharp tug and the sword was lifted from it’s wedged in position in Kenshin’s back. More blood spurted out. “Taken advantage of.” Another yank and the sword was free, dripping now, with Kenshin’s red blood. “And stepped on.” He sheathed his blade, flicking the blood off and enjoying the splatter of it on his face.

“I have endured all this. And now I will exact my revenge,” he grinned, evil taking form, like smoke, in his eyes. “And I will not stop until I have it!”

The room was swirling around Naruku. Her screams had ceased, but her mind was clogged and dull. Unable to think. She was sweating and shivering. Rocking back and forth. Back.

She turned and puked, shuddering as the vomit left her body. She felt like she would just collapse. The hole in her stomach pulled her in and in until she caved in on herself. Tears leaked down her face. She didn’t know where they came from. She didn’t want to think. She didn’t have to.

If all she did was cry, let the water run down her face…she wouldn’t have to know why. She wanted to let go, drift off somewhere far away. Her knuckles were white and she wanted to release herself.

Kenshin’s face brought her back. She saw the pain, the confusion in his eyes. The agony. He was suffering. A last group of tears toppled down her cheeks. I could have stopped this suffering. I could have made sure his eyes never looked like that again. Lost. Hooded and dark. I didn’t. I can’t suffer.

She stared into his eyes until the pale violet became her whole existence. Then there was no more tears, no thought. Darkness rushed up in her face and she grabbed it, something to hold onto. She had let go of everything else.

“Enizu—” Kenshin said through a handful of gasps. Blood rushed out of his wound. “Tell me what—please—why?”

A dark, cynical smile crossed Enizu’s face. He wanted this. He wanted this question. It was his to answer. “I could have been a great soldier—greater than the Battousai. But they chose you instead. That was their mistake.”

Kenshin opened his mouth to speak again, but only let out another gurgling gasp.

“You want to know why you are suffering? Why I am killing you, slowly? I’d like to know too. What they saw in you. You had nothing I couldn’t match. They needed me, but they didn’t see it. I wish they could see now, their great warrior at the mercy of me!

“I can see you want the whole story. I can tell you the whole thing, from start to finish, and only truth will come out. Not some fairytale I made up for darling Naruku. You will know every detail…Hmm?” he looked at Kenshin’s gaze. He didn’t see the suffering, the questioning, the pain in his eyes. He only saw his victory. “Yes. Naruku was a part of this. She knew all along. She charmed you, didn’t she?”

Kenshin’s eyes flickered with hurt. He knew what betrayal was.

“She made you think she cared for you. Loved you, even. Yes I saw. You believed it. You fell for it because Naruku was a sweet girl you had rescued. Let me tell you, there is only one person that Naruku loves. There is only one she is loyal to. You never saw her for what she really was. A tool for my revenge. Mine. Not yours. Perhaps, though, I should start from the beginning…”