Standard Disclaimers Apply.Ruruoni Kenshin is not mine, never has been and will never be! Too harsh but that's the reality folks! @_@;;

Let's test Kenshin Himura's ever-popular denseness. Up to what extent can he stay inside his 'shell' when his so-called Kaoru-dono, ever-respected and protected; put on the highest pedestal that he could, suddenly becomes the object of his attention.

Good day to all…

I know it's quite surprising for me to update after a long absence… I'm afraid every writer feels that he or she sometimes loses the right inspiration, even for things that he likes. And I think that has what had happened to me. School, friends and life in general had been hard for me these past months so… for a while then I've been pondering on some things but I guess what's important is that I'm back right? =) But for the long delay, my apologies. Thank you for all who has reviewed this while I was away… the continuous and overwhelming support you have given this fic has been my 'alarm'… you know who you are. Warmest thanks.

"When A Man Loves A Woman"

Chapter Four

Previously on the last chapter…

Kaoru, again in a fit of 'self-pity' due to her non-developing relationship with Kenshin, had left the dojo by herself and went about her plans in learning how to dance from a European gentleman by the name of Ranier who holds his office at an old magistrate building with his assistant Leeuwens.

Learning the truth from Tae that she has not been really dropping by the Akabeko, Kenshin almost frantically searches for Kaoru, with a final and certain decision in his mind and heart, that he will finally do what is 'right' for both of them. But as he finds Kaoru, who is 'helpless' against the arms of the foreigner whom he has mistakenly thought of as harming her, he unleashes the Battousai inside him yet again-only to hear from the woman he loves a rejection he never had imagined she would ever say…

"I'm giving you up."

The setting sun had been so beautiful that afternoon; it had a pale yellowish color that mixes against the darkness that bade to arrive in an hour or so. The dusk chilling wind has made its rounds around town, as if it holds yet news about that day-sad and empty.

Kenshin eyed Kaoru walking ahead of him from under his bangs, she being quiet the whole moment they had been walking together from the Dutch office.

He let out a long sigh; he knew his wrong. His recklessness always gets the better of him-but inside he still has a proud bearing that says that if it is meant for Kaoru's safety he would do it over and over again.

However…

I'm giving you up…

Her words kept on ringing in Kenshin's ears.

Repeated.

Overstressed.

What could Kaoru-dono have meant by that?

"By Kami, Kaoru-chan!" Tae's tearful voice echoed the Dojo's hall as she embraced the smaller woman who preceded Kenshin in entering. "A-are you alright?"

Kaoru's eyes listlessly glanced around before she spoke.

"I'm okay, Tae-chan… sorry for the worry I've caused you. I'm tired… I'd like to rest now…" she said as she motioned emotionlessly towards the direction of her room.

Tae looked at her departing friend as she left. She glanced at Kenshin who met her with downcast eyes.

"D-doushitano Kenshin?"

"Iie… Tae-dono," he replied without looking at her still. "Kaoru-dono must have been really… tired."

"You're telling me that nothing's happened… and yet your hands are bleeding," Tae pressed. "What happened Kenshin? Why is Kaoru like that?"

"I tell you Tae-dono, nothing bad have happened… that nothing h-had," Kenshin's voice almost cracked with emotion.

Tae felt incredulous. "I don't believe you. Come with me and let us treat your wound. You may have dinner too… Tsubame had cooked for you two while you were still out."

"A-arigatou, Tae-san…"

"Don't thank me yet, you still have many things to explain to me…"

"Oh my."

Was Tae's sole expression after hearing the story.

Kenshin was now quiet, fidgeting on the folds of his hakama.

"I-I don't know what to say Kenshin. But I can say that Kaoru-chan must have been very hurt by what you've done…"

"D-do you think that she is, Tae-dono?"

Tae nodded slowly.

"W-what should I do t-then…?"

Tae thought for a while. "I think you should let her be, Kenshin. Just for now. We don't know what's in her mind right now but, I think it would be best if you would apologize to her…"

"… that I would really do, de gozaru na."

"Hai. Then all would be fine after."

"Kedo… Tae-dono…"

"Nani…?"

"D-do you think she will forgive sessha?"

Tae let out a small smile. "Of course. Kaoru never holds a grudge on others… how much more on you."

"A-are you sure about that?" Kenshin hesitantly asked.

"Hai… don't worry about that much. And now you must rest Kenshin. We've all had a busy day," Said Tae, standing up. "I'll send Tsubame tomorrow, I'm afraid no one will cook here. Neh?"

"Sorry to cause you all the trouble, Tae-dono… that I'am," said a worn-out Kenshin.

"Iie… no problem…"

Kenshin is still in deep thought as he trekked the road back to the dojo after walking Tsubame and Tae to the Akabeko.

"I'm giving you up."

The sound of Kaoru's earlier words still echoes in his mind. Of course he doesn't have the audacity to tell Tae everything that has happened; much more the reason why Kaoru had slapped him was because of his stupid and irrational action.

"I'm giving you up."

Kenshin felt his cheek; the cheek that Kaoru had hurt. It doesn't have the mild swell anymore, but deep in his heart was the ache he feels will never heal.

What does Kaoru mean by that?

It was a typical thing for me to do and Kaoru knows it.

But why does it feel so different this time…?

Kenshin felt a sharp pain in his heart… a feeling he thought of by then now had he mastered-but he did not. Many times he had felt the same feeling-over and over. Most especially over the thought of Kaoru…

He was aware of his shortcomings-the pain he causes her. And throughout the pain, only one thing could be the remedy: her smile.

He doesn't know of anything that can make him feel calm other than Kaoru's serene face. Her bright eyes that seems to dance as she smiles; her lips that moves his heart to skip a beat whenever she pouts in disdain…

Am I dreaming…?

Kenshin stopped walking as he realized the place he is at the moment and closed hi eyes…

This place…

… the fireflies.

Kenshin… He's late…

Kenshin steps out of the darkness behind her.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru called him but as she sees his expression, her smile fades.

"Where's Yahiko?" he said, not minding the concern in her voice.

Kaoru stammered. "O-oh… well, he got tired waiting up for you so he just slept."

"I see."

There was silence between them.

"K-kenshin…?"

"Minister Okubo was killed this morning…"

"H-hai… I read from the papers…" Kaoru hesitated to continue.

"The real killer was one of Shishio's disciples. I cannot just let Shishio get away with this, thus… I'm going to Kyoto."

There was silence once again. The leaves were dancing around them as Kaoru tried to appease herself from trembling inside.

Finally, she spoke. "Are you going there to… to… a-assassinate this Shishio Makoto?"

Kenshin let out a long sigh before talking. His speech hardly buckled as he felt his emotions overcoming his senses. "Iie… but… to that I'm not sure. If I had remained the way I am now, when I first heard that I have needed to face my predecessor, I would have fought until I have defeated him. In the fight with Saitou, I have already returned to Battousai… While I was here, I felt I was turned to an ordinary swordsman… and my heart was glad. But my fight with him made me to realize it. The innermost part of my heart has not changed… the madness of the Hitokiri Battousai is still inside me…"

Kaoru was indignant. Clapping her hands on his shoulders, she pleaded. "N-no… you came back! No matter how close you were to Battousai, you are still Kenshin! The fight with Saitou with Jin'eh were both the same… S-so it's all right…"

Kenshin shook his head. "Iie… with Udou Jin'eh, I chose to became Battousai so that I can save you, and your voice brought me back. But with Saitou, I became Battousai only for the sake of the fight. That's why your voice couldn't even reach me…"

Those times have begun again.

Kaoru was speechless. Dropping her gaze to avoid Kenshin's, he continued to speak. "When I first met you… though you knew I was Hitokiri Battousai, you kept me from wandering. You said that you don't care about a person's past and I was very happy…"

Kaoru's hands were trembling. "You…"

"… If I stay here any longer, you as well as the others will be in danger everytime I become Battousai…"

"… To the government and to Shishio's group, to all those people who bears a grudge against the Hitokiri Battousai, HE is all that I am…"

"… that is why I cannot allow myself to stay here…" He said, walking up towards Kaoru and embracing her tight, suddenly.

N-no…

"… Arigatou for everything you've done to me… and sayonara. Remember that I am a vagabond; I will wander once again…"

N-no…

Kenshin lets her go. Tears starts to form in Kaoru's eyes.

"K-ken… shin…"

I can't… I can't!

"Kenshin!"

With that last vision, Kenshin opened his eyes and felt the soft night breeze around him… as if comforting him for the saddest memory he has recalled. He began to compare that moment from the present he is.

It was way too dark, not unlike at that time…

The river was flowing robustly, making loud noises…

The fireflies were all around…

"K-kenshinnn… Ken-shinnn…"

I can still hear her cry up to now…

…even if I was already far from her I can still hear her.

It will never happen again… that I'm sure, de gozaru yo.

Kaoru will never cry from now on…

To heal myself, I need her smile…

I need her… in my life… because…

… I love her.

"H-huh?"

Kenshin's eyes pryed the Dojo walls; it has something to it that he felt different.

Did I leave the gate open?

He quietly looked around the darkened place. Checking the temple, the backyard and the front porch for any sign of a raid, his heart quickly sank as he quickly remembers the person peacefully sleeping inside.

Kaoru-dono.

Half running and walking along the halls, he went straight towards the direction of her room. Frowning slightly upon seeing that she had yet forgot to put out her lamp before sleeping, he observed silently if she indeed had been resting before deciding to put out the light by himself.

Kenshin listened intently from outside Kaoru's room. But what was different was that his heart which continues to race inside him defers him hearing her quiet breathing.

Kenshin no baka, how will I be able to know if she's already asleep?

Seeing no success in remaining there to listen, Kenshin finally resolved to enter and just think of the lamp as a proper excuse in case Kaoru awakens.

Here goes nothing…

"G-gomen ne… K-kaoru-dono…?"

Upon sliding the shoji door open, he found the room empty.

Her futon was neatly folded, as if it was not been used for any matter. The lamp was at the center of the room, now weak from oil deficiency.

Kenshin's brow knotted. He would know if Kaoru had been out for a walk…

Out this late?

He fought the urge to go out and look for her but the earlier incident with the Dutch had stopped him from doing so.

She'd be alright… Sessha must learn to know that Kaoru-dono is not to be treated like a baby…

…she has a right to her own privacy, that she has.

I will just have to wait for her then.

Kenshin sat quietly at the Dojo porch. Half-asleep, he rose and walked inside the house and looked at the old clock.

Its already past midnight, de gozaru na.

If its just one of her walks she should have been here earlier than now.

But I don't want to look for her, she might get angrier with me more if I do.

The Ruruoni found himself treading back to Kaoru's room.

Sitting beside her bed, he thought to himself, "I don't care if ever Kaoru-don-Kaoru would find me here…"

"…I will not hold my feelings back anymore anyway, that I will… h-huh?"

Under the lamp was a piece of paper.

Kenshin sighed at the mixed emotions he was feeling upon seeing it.

With a trembling hand, he carefully opened the letter and recognized Kaoru's thin but fine handwriting…

It read:

Kenshin

By the time you have read this I'm probably long away from the Dojo now… Hai, I have left. Its just that I feel this is the best for me since there are things that I must first understand about myself and to find myself, I must do this on my own. If you're thinking of going after me-don't. I will hate you with my life if you will not let me do this alone.

You don't have to worry about me, I will be alright.

Onegai… respect my decision. But if you have decided on things already without me, I will understand wholeheartedly.

Arigatou.

Kaoru

There ya go… tell me what you think. I understand some of my own MS Word customizations were not reflected when I have posted it and I don't know how I can fix it so I guess I cant do anything about it… @_@;; Gomen ne? But if you want its original form just email me and I'll send it to you for added reading pleasure. Thanks!!!