Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ When I Look to the Sky ❯ Chapter 4

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"Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plain overhead/Instead it feels like it�s impossible to fly/But with you I can spread my wings/To see me over everything that life may send me/When I�m hoping it won't pass me by/And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me/there you are to show me�"

Anime/Manga: Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Songfic | Uploaded On: 04.06.2005 | Updated On: 04.06.2005 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.7K | Visits: 241 | Status: Completed

Standard Disclaimers Apply
Rurouni Kenshin (c) Nobuhiro Watsuki; "When I Look to the Sky" (c) Train

When I Look to the Sky...
(A Songfic)

When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry…

And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye…

And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go…

When I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright…

And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here…

And every word I didn't say, caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before…

And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away…

___________________________________________________________ ____

Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plain overhead
Instead it feels like it's impossible to fly…

“Will you stop running around like that, you're giving me a headache!” Yahiko's familiar refrain sounded yet again.

Kaoru paused momentarily to turn a narrow-eyed frown on the young boy before resuming her `running around', as he'd put it.

“If anything is contributing to your headache, it's that freeloader's inability to do a simple job,” she scowled, cringing as another shingle was replaced to the accompaniment of loud unnecessary banging. “I don't suppose you could do that without deafening the rest of us?” Kaoru called out loudly over the insistent hammering.

Up on the roof, Sano cursed under his breath and swung the wooden mallet as if it were a weapon rather than a tool. How had she convinced him to do this anyway?

“I'm just trying to tidy up the dojo… since nobody else seems to care that it's falling apart,” she muttered, “some student you turned out to be.”

“Hey!” Yahiko bristled, reluctantly picking up the broom that lay idly by his side.

For some time the only sound was that of the stiff bristles sweeping across the floor and Sano's vicious pounding overhead.

Kaoru paused in mending the shoji screen to admire the gorgeous weather they'd been having recently. The gloomy downpour of earlier months had finally relented and the sky had taken on a permanently clear and sunny disposition.

“I hope he's all right,” she whispered to no one in particular, but Yahiko heard her despite the noise.

“He'll be fine, I'm sure he's on his way home even now,” the youth said in a carefree voice and word… home… resonated in Kaoru's heart.

`I wish I could believe that,' she thought, but kept both doubt and misery to herself.

When night finally came, it was cool and calm. Crickets chirped their night song in the underbrush and suddenly needing to be alone with her thoughts, Kaoru sent the two work weary males to their beds.

“What about you? You should get some rest too,” Yahiko said sympathetically, revealing a curious interest in her welfare as he rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“I'll go to bed soon,” Kaoru said with tired smile that acknowledged his worry for her.

As soon as the lights in the back room went out though, the smile fell from her lips like autumn's last leaves, and she pushed through the outer door into her tiny courtyard.

Kaoru's heart was beating frantically as if she'd just run a race and she drew air into her lungs as if it were the first time she had ever taken a breath. No matter how deeply she inhaled, the feeling that she would never be full, complete, whole… did not leave her and involuntarily, she cried out.

The noise seemed obscenely loud in the night's stillness and Kaoru clamped a white knuckled hand over her mouth to muffle the dry jerking sobs that cleaved her body as she fell to her knees on the damp earth.

Much later, when Kaoru was sure she wouldn't awaken the others with the outpouring of her grief she slipped quietly into her room and into her lonely bed.

Grasping for some tangible sign that her fears were unfounded, her last unbearable thought before Kaoru settled into dreamless sleep was, `Are you coming home?'
____________________________________________________________ ____________

But with you I can spread my wings

To see me over everything that life may send me
When I'm hoping it won't pass me by…

He was going home.

Just the thought of it bought an extra bounce to his step and Kenshin could barely stand the confines of the small boat as he roamed the deck looking and waiting for that first sighting of land that would tell him he was so much closer to his destination.

The stiff, salty breeze whisked playfully through his long hair, whipping the loose red strands into a frenzy, and Kenshin reveled in a feeling of utter freedom and in the knowledge that he was no longer obligated to the Nakamura clan.

With that thought came a momentary stab of guilt. He hadn't wanted to let Keitaro or Jiro down, but in some sense he felt that it was the Hitokiri that had been tendered the clan's generosity and he was no longer that man.

Of course, there had been a few moments when he'd considered the generous offer to become part of their family. But when it had come down to it, he'd known innately that he could never abandon Kaoru, just as surely as he knew that she was still waiting for him despite his unvoiced fears.

One did not tear apart one family just to form another.

“Land ho!” a voice called out before being swallowed by the wind, but it was heard by enough that soon almost all the passengers were crowding the deck to catch a glimpse of the verdant island.

Kenshin smiled as the crowd chattered and flowed around him. In spite of his outer appearance of distracted amiability, his heart was thundering in his chest as he thought what it might be like to see everyone again.

Almost involuntarily, his mind ambled down the familiar path. Through Tokyo's market place that would be bustling with business at this time of day, past the Akabeko and the delicious aromas of sukiyaki, his feet would finally lead him to the Kamiya dojo.

Undeniably, they would all be genuinely pleased at his return. Yahiko would predictably bombard him with questions about his mission while Sanosuke would slap him heartily on the back, surely leaving a bruise, and proceed to tease `Jou-chan' about not having to eat her cooking any more.

But the one he was most worried about was Kaoru. She would be the only one who would have doubted his return at all and while he wished that her misgivings were unfounded, their past had left its indelible mark on her.

And what would he do if he had changed her so much that she could no longer trust him? His heart almost stopped at that agonizing thought.

No… he had to believe that her faith in him would always be a constant in this capricious world. That no matter where he was or went… whenever he closed his eyes he would see Kaoru happy.

Whether it was in the kitchen, destroying another batch of rice with her cooking, or practicing with Yahiko, their exercises degenerating into a game of catcalls and chases. Or sometimes, when she thought no one was looking and she stared out dreamily, her clear blue eyes soft and limpid, gazing at visions only she could see.

The true her that others could glimpse if they looked past her brusque exterior to the soft heart beneath, though they rarely did.

Inexplicably, in his mental picture he also saw himself, his pink sleeves folded up as he hung up fresh scented laundry in the flapping breeze, and he grinned wryly. More and more often he had started to think of himself as the housekeeper of their little family.

And he had never been more at peace.

Somehow he had entered Kaoru's unrealistically naive world, and now more than anything he wanted to make it a reality for her. For himself.

For them.

A place where she could be Kaoru and he could be just Kenshin. Not the Battousai. Not the Rurouni. Just Kenshin.

And together they would face every joy and every sorrow that life could send, and everyday count their blessings that the chance had not passed them by.

A shudder rocked the boat, startling Kenshin out of his reverie and giving a clear indication that his transportation had stopped. Around him the other passengers milled toward the plank that was already being lowered onto the dock and the slight redhead felt as if he were being carried along a river of people, till his feet finally touched dry land.

_________________________________________________________________ _______

And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me…

It was nothing in particular that woke her that morning, not the chittering of the morning birds, nor the steady trail of footsteps winding their way down to the market place that had Kaoru sit up in a curious state of alarm.

Now she could make out the sound of Yahiko practicing, his exhalations and the whistle of his shinai cutting through the air. Kaoru smiled at the dedication her young student showed, his need to be the best, to be like Kenshin.

It was strange, but that morning, her heart did not ache at the very thought of him. Instead there was an intense sense of expectation, that feeling when you know you're supposed to remember something and it teases you at the corner of your mind.

Hurriedly, she washed up with a bowl of tepid water then went to her closet to get out the usual out fit she wore at the dojo. Her hands reached for the worn hakama and instead, brushed against the smooth silk of her new kimono.

Later, she couldn't explain what made her change her mind, but instead of pulling on her regular blue and white uniform, Kaoru found herself slipping into the luxuriant new robe and tying the obi around her waist in sure, practiced moves.

Once in the courtyard however, at the sight of Yahiko's animated exercises, she grew embarrassed. Why had she put on her new kimono when she hadn't planned on wearing it till the next festival?

“Going somewhere today, Jou-chan?” a familiar voice drawled lazily from the open main door and Kaoru suppressed a blush.

“I don't know…” she managed to stutter out, her eyes becoming vague as she tried to delve deeper into herself to find the meaning of her own actions.

“Kaoru?” Sano asked unsurely.

She looked up with sudden clarity, her eyes shining with a mixture of joy and relief. “He's coming home today,” she whispered and at his look of shock she repeated it over and over till she was practically shouting.

Both Sano and Yahiko were overjoyed, “Did he send you a message? Why didn't you tell us, busu!” the young boy crowed but in her elation Kaoru didn't notice the familiar insult.

“Well, he didn't send a message,” she explained as calmly as she could, averting her eyes, “but I know he's coming. He's coming back!”

The two men exchanged a worried glance.

“Kaoru…”

“Yes! It sounds crazy, but I know it's true! I know it here!” Kaoru said fiercely, her hand clenched over her heart and the two men couldn't find it in them to gainsay her.

“So, what's the plan?” Sano asked with forced heartiness. While he didn't truly doubt that Kenshin was going to return, he didn't think that a woman's heart was the best judge.

“You don't believe me do you?” Kaoru asked angrily, “well, I don't care, I'm going down to the dock to meet him!”

“Now, now, Kaoru,” Yahiko said in a pacifying voice as if he were talking to a child… or a crazy person and Kaoru glared at him with fiery blue eyes.

Turning smartly, the pale green and gold of her kimono flared around her trim legs as she marched out toward the road. Another worried glance later, Sano and Yahiko found themselves trailing after her.