Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ ABSENCE: May the Farce be with you! ❯ A Sweet Victory ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter Nine: A Sweet Victory

It was a beautiful day in Tokyo. The sun was shining, the air was warm, the people were happy, and everything was prosperous. Suddenly, from out of the west, Laodameia appeared, with Aiaia destroying everything with her mighty belch of impending doom! Oh no!

"Mwa hahahahahahaha! I will crush all of Tokyo!" bellowed Laodameia. She lashed her arms out and tore a building apart, and kicked down several power lines with her feet, causing a shower of sparks to spray out. The people of Tokyo ran screaming down the streets, resembling a flood of chaos and panic.

"Run!" shouted one man as he looked back. "It's Godzirra!"

"Not Godzirra, you morons!" screamed another man. "God-zi-lla! God-zi-lla! Godzilla! Now you say it!"

"It Godzirra?" they squeaked.

"No, not 'Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra'!" screamed the other man. "Fa LA la-la-la! Now try it!" The other Japanese people paused, and carefully tried to sing out the words.

"…Deck the harrs with bowers of horry! Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra, ra-ra ra ra! Tis' the season to be jorry! Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra, ra-ra ra ra!" The other man groaned wearily and covered his face in shame, and insisted that his men sing another song. They were all about to sing "Ten Days of Christmas", but Godzirra squished them all.

"Auuggh!!" screamed Godzirra. The gigantic lizard rumbled off, leaving Laodameia to stare at it in confusion.

"…Oy!" she sighed. "Why of all the places did we pick Tokyo, Japan to be our starting point? Next thing you know, I'm going to see some… oh, I dunno, superhuman samurai cyber-squad! Or maybe a badly-drawn anime character!" Just then, the superhuman samurai cyber-squad and several badly-drawn anime characters attacked her!

"SON OF A--" Cursing out madly, Laodameia defended herself against the Oriental stereotypes, and continued her rampage with Aiaia (now we couldn't forget about her now!). The two of them tore through the town, destroying models of buildings along the way, and snaked into a particularly large and popular tavern.

Inside, a small group of three drinkers were holding a conversation.

"Do you realize that even as we speak, Kirika is planning on making a story that follows up after the original Absence?"

"No!" they gasped. The first man nodded his head.

"It's true. Don't know what it's gonna be called, though. Oh, and get this: Michael Jackson will be the next host of Fear Factor!"

"Now that I can believe!" smiled one of the men. They toasted to the show and the story, but as they drank, one of the men saw something and spat out his liquor in surprise, getting his drinking buddy soaked.

"That's nice!" squealed the poor fellow. The surprised man shivered and pointed a finger at what had disturbed him so.

"Never mind this crap! Here comes Laodameia!" Everyone in the bar turned around, and saw the beautiful but deadly Laodameia entering into the bar! She snarled wickedly at them, exposing sharp teeth and a forked tongue (try to imagine Aiaia making out with that, Lady Kirika!), and set her deadly gaze on them all.

"Time to party!" she screamed. All the men scrambled in fear, but Aiaia stopped them by unleashing her mighty belch of impending doom. With a single loud burp, she sent shockwaves across the tavern, destroying the pillars that held the place up, the doors and windows, and practically everything else, including the floor and ceiling. The drinkers were flattened against the floor from the force of Aiaia's belch, rendering them paralyzed and unable to move from Laodameia.

"Well done, my love," hissed Laodameia (if you think kissing a snake-woman is frightening, don't even get me started with the woman with the belch that kills!). After giving Aiaia a brief kiss, she slithered over to the bar counter and lifted it off the floor. She scooped up the paralyzed drunkards and forced them against the wall, slowly crushing them with the large counter. They all moaned in agony and tried to shove back, but Laodameia kept smiling wickedly. Suddenly, there came a knock at the door that broke both of their attentions.

"Candy-gram for Laodameia!" Both villains turned around, spotting a cute young lady poking herself into the room stiffly. She had a pretty face and short blonde hair, or else it had been all wrapped up and was laying underneath the cute delivery girl's hat. She had bright blue eyes and a smile that suggested nothing but love and innocence, and a lithe body wrapped beneath a dark-blue delivery uniform that was just to die for. In her hands was a box, a sheet of paper, and a pencil. She looked around carefully before calling out again.

"Candy-gram for Laodameia! Candy-gram for Laodameia!"

"I'm Laodameia!" exclaimed the pink woman. The delivery girl smiled stiffly and walked over to the taller creature, handing over the sheet of paper first.

"Sign here, please." Both women did, and as they were occupied, the delivery girl secretly indicated for the other people to escape. Once the people were gone and the signatures were written, she smiled and handed the box of "candy" over to the duo.

"Thank you very much!" The woman quickly walked out of the room, plugging her ears with her fingers as she left. There was a reason for all this, but Laodameia and Aiaia wouldn't find that out until it was too late. Together, they smiled and slowly opened the box…

"I like candy!" exclaimed the pink demon. She tore off the box's lid…

KA-BOOM!!

…and got blown to pieces as the thing exploded in her face.

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"Oh, drat…" Makareus sighed, and flipped off his monitor as yet another one of his family members was utterly annihilated--no, make that two. He could not forget the lovely Aiaia, no matter how much he wanted to. "Well, there go two more. And they were such beautiful women too! I especially liked watching them in bed together, performing that good old fashioned HLA! HLA is the best, wouldn't you agree, Iason?"

"HELLO, MY NAME IS IASON!"

"……Quite," sighed Makareus. To his right, Iason sat grinning that same ludicrous grin, apparently unfazed by the destruction of either woman. He didn't seem to respond to anything at all, except his own name (which he loved to declare every chance he got), and in fact did not DO much of anything. His special power was that he had super-spelling, and his fingers could turn into razor-sharp piano strings, but when you think about it, that's pretty nasty--the spelling, I mean.

"In any case," continued Makareus, "we're going to have to do something drastic, and we're going to have to act very slowly. Even though we now have a doomsday weapon up and running, we'll have to wait for those annoying Sailor brats to come to us before we ever use it."

"HELLO, MY NAME IS IASON!!"

"Ah think Mr. Iason's tryin' to tell y'all that he's wonderin' why yew gots to wait," said Lazarus, who sadly did not get much time until now. Don't worry, folks, I didn't forget about everyone's favorite mask-wearing, assassinating, banjo-strumming redneck!

"That's what all bad guys do," shrugged Makareus. "They welcome the good guy into their lair and divulge their entire master plan, and then they hook them up to a death machine that doesn't work. It happens all the time; who are we to change such a fate?" Lazarus stared back at the shape-shifting man in a confusion, and even catatonic Iason seemed a little stirred by the very unusual words of Makareus. It didn't last.

"…Hello, my name is Iason…?"

"Never mind," sighed Makareus. "Let's go play Halo while we're waiting. I get to have the big guns!"

"(Yew always have thuh biggest friggin' guns…)" muttered poor Lazarus. The three hooked up and played anyway, leaving the good guys to recuperate from their latest "harrowing mission".

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"So how'd you do it?" asked Minako, her eyes wide open and brimming with excitement. Usagi Tsukino smiled mischievously and gave her fellow blonde an impishly cool stare.

"Oh, it was nothing," she sang. "Destroying Laodameia and Aiaia was cake. Making an exploding candy-gram was the problem, though. Hmph, they probably won't even say that I invented it!"

"Oh yeah, great invention," moaned Rei. "A box of chocolates that explodes in your face? Come on, moon-rocks for brains! How useful is that really gonna be?"

"*sniffle* Don't mock me, Rei!" whined poor dear sweet loveable Usagi. "My idea was a very good one! People like… like secret agents or spies could use it! And… and… it got rid of our enemies… So… don't be so mean! Waaaaaaaaaaah!!!" Usagi suddenly ran off, tears falling down her eyes and sadness wrenching her heart. All eyes glared at Rei, burrowing deep knives of flame into her body. She shirked back and shrunk from the stares, and crawled into a corner to hide away from their accusing glances. Halfway in a fetal position, she sucked on her finger and tried to weasel her way out of another jam.

"That was uncalled for, Rei Hino!" snapped Makoto. "Usagi did a great thing today and all you can do is insult her! You haven't changed one bit since you left us!"

"Mako…" Ami's touch calmed the taller woman, but not by much.

"Waaaaaaaaah, she's right!" wailed Rei--wait a minute!!! Rei Hino doesn't wail!!! Anyway… "I'm a big fat old meanie! Well… not big… and not fat…"

"Just mean!" stated Makoto. "Now go apologize to poor Usagi! She doesn't deserve you belittling her all the time! I thought you two were friends!" Rei drew back with a sharp breath as Makoto's words stabbed at her. They were more powerful than the sharpest swords, and burned deeper than the hottest fires. Of course, the brunette was completely right: Usagi didn't deserve anything but praise for what she had done. She deserved ultimate happiness, and support, and love from all of the people she had touched, yet Rei acted like nothing but a hideous demon towards her, mocking her and "belittling" her as Makoto put it so well.

I thought you two were friends! That statement, she noted, hit hardest of all. Was Rei really "just" a friend (or worse, as it seemed)? Was Rei really even a friend at all, or one who just spited poor Usagi and insulted her and did everything possible to make the girl's life a literal Hell on Earth? What sort of monster was she?? Worse than Bob or Lao, that was certain; of the ilk that made Lucifer himself smile with dark pride. Such a revelation was horrifying to Rei, who felt her own powers of flame being used against her to consume her from within. She burned with powerful remorse, and screamed inwardly at her own stupidity and weakness.

Weak… she was so weak… so terribly weak that it was a wonder she even breathed, let alone fought. And Usagi… she was the strongest of them all… She was their rock, their foundation, the one who supported everyone, and Rei had the absolute mindless GALL to break such an indomitable will. Only a few words… It had only taken a few words to topple such a strength… Just a few words…

But just as many words could build that strength up again.

"What have I done?" whispered Rei fearfully, tears coming form her eyes. She looked at her hands, expecting to see them drenched in blood forever, and shunned herself from her vision. "I'm… nothing… I am nothing… I am nothing but a creature of darkness, worse than the devils in Hell… And so I must atone for what injuries I have done!" Ignorant to the stares of the other women in the room, Rei stood up, steeled her nerve and resolve, and trailed after Usagi in hopes of mending things up. She wobbled to the only other empty room in the house, on knees and legs too weak to support her, and came to it with a feeling of doubt and fear in her throat. She swallowed, and knocked.

"Go away." That response, she admitted, was to be expected. She knocked again. "I said to go away. I don't want to talk to anyone." Rei opened the door anyway.

"The things you put up with…" she began in a quivering voice. Usagi turned around, tears scarring her face more deeply than any mortal cut could, and glared as hotly as she could at the woman who had been an enemy in the past.

"Go away, Rei!" she whispered, her voice so filled with emotion that it was hoarse. "I don't ever want to see you again! Just… leave me!"

"I should, shouldn't I?" she sighed as she joined Usagi. "The things you put up with, Usagi… I am such a worthless woman, an unworthy soul of darkness and boundless hate, spurned by my own pitiful weakness to snuff out the only light in this world… I am nothing but a pitiful shell, a servant of devils, and… I can't understand… why you… put up… with me…"

Usagi looked up, and noticed that Rei was crying.

"…Rei?"

"Shut up!" wailed the priestess firmly. "You shouldn't have to say my name! Don't even be concerned about me, Usagi! I'm not worth your time!!" Rei's stare kept its lock, but even though her eyes burned, Usagi could tell that she was deeply hurt about what she had done earlier. Usagi had a special gift of kindness; a special gift so powerful that even in the darkest times--no, especially in the darkest times, she was able to summon up a shred of care and love and give it out to any who needed it. Her emotional grievance was forgotten as she reached out to touch Rei's face, and she found that the other girl had indeed been crying.

"Rei…"

"I know you can't forgive me for what I did…" murmured Rei weakly. "I'm so weak and… useless… and… I don't deserve… to even know who you are…"

"Shut up, Rei," whispered Usagi gently. She smiled, though she was still crying, and fell forward to give the other woman a hug. Rei was shocked as she received such overwhelming kindness, and froze in amazement. It had not been three minutes ago when Usagi was telling her to leave the room, and now she was giving her a tender embrace. Rei smiled a pure smile, tears still falling, and returned it without question.

To err was human, but to forgive… ah, now that was divine.

"Thank you, meatball head," whispered Rei softly. She drew back from the hug, smiled tenderly, and leaned forward to give her angel a gentle, tender kiss, full of complete love with just a bit of pain mixed in. Usagi was mildly surprised at the action…… but she took it like any true gift, and even returned it a little. The two enemies, the two friends, the two soul-mates united and parted after a time, sharing a smile and just a trace of saliva, and sighed at how utterly wonderful it all was.

"…Hey, uh, wait a second," murmured Usagi gently. "Wasn't this… supposed to be a parody?" Rei thought about it for only a second before realizing what was wrong.

"Hey… yeah! Hey, you're right, Usagi! This was supposed to be a parody! What's going on??!! What's with all this serious dramatic angst all of a sudden?! And this romance!! Spoofs and parodies don't usually have drama in them! What gives?!" Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Setsuna Meioh bolted in the room, wielding an oversized mallet.

BONK!!!

"OW!!!" screamed poor Rei, her face in total shock from the blow. Setsuna cackled madly as her mallet gave Rei a mighty bonk on the head.

"Mwa hahahahaha! I bonk you on the head! Gya hahahahahahaaaaa!"

"SETSUNA!!!" screamed Usagi. "What are you DOING?! This isn't like you at all!"

"Well, somebody had to do it," she said, giving Usagi a very cute clueless look. Nobody had ever seen Setsuna looking all that cute or clueless, so it was a rather nice change from all the previous drama. Usagi and Rei exchanged glances, and shared a smile as things began to look abnormal again. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Ami appeared!

"Did they make up yet?"

"Yes," answered the cute and clueless Setsuna.

"Did they make out yet?"

"No," she giggled. Ami's eyes nearly exploded.

"WHAT??!! No Hot Lesbian Action yet? Oh, darn! I thought Usagi and Rei were going to do some HLA sometime!"

"No, that's later in the story," said Usagi. "Though I don't know the exact time, since 'SOMEBODY' burned the blankety-blank script!!!" From the other room, all eyes now turned their glare to Minako, who bore a frightened and sheepish look on her face--mostly frightened. She felt exactly two inches tall, and wanted to crawl into a corner and disappear just like Rei did, but there was no escape for her. She squeaked out only one word before everybody began beating her up.

"…Eep."