Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Never letting go ❯ Learing to live ( Chapter 1 )

Author: Elle nim loki

Title: Never letting go

Summary: Usagi has been suffering..slowly dying with each passing day. Yet no one knows of this. She lives as though she was well and fine. But something's cannot be kept a secret forever.

***Standard Disclaimer insert here****

A/N: Part of this chapter will be in Usagi's P.O.V. Later it will be in my P.O.V...Seeing as how I'm the author.

******************

I walked numbly around the crowded streets of Tokyo. I couldn't feel the cold wind beating against my soft flesh. Nor the splashes of raindrops beating at me. I wrapped by arms around my chest, hoping that it keep some part of me warm. Never had I felt this.......empty.

My life had not crashed around me when my Father died. Or when my Mother left with my little brother, abandoning me. Leaving with a cold grotesque look in her eyes. Yelling at me not to follow her. I was alone at the age of 14.

I could still remember that day. My darling mother had also sold the house, not even giving me an opportunity to live. I walked around for days, not knowing where to go. What to do......That's when I saw him. My Mamo-chan. In all his glory. I smiled and waved at him in such a tender way, that I could easily read the shocked expression written all over his eyes. He quickly returned the gesture. After that we went for an ice cream and walked all afternoon around Central Park. It was around eight when we departed. He leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek and wished me goodnight. I once again felt alive.

Now I'm 19. I learned how to live without my mother. I missed Shingo. He and I use to fight, it was only natural. But there were times when we acted more like friends than siblings. I missed those times the most. I would cry all night, hoping that he would return and smile at me once more. Often, he came in my dreams. Telling me to be strong. Telling me that he would come back. But I stopped believing in dreams ages ago.

It was because of Mamoru and my friends that I have lived as long as I had. But I knew it couldn't last. It was just a matter of time.

I knew I was wrong in not telling them the truth. Not telling them why my parents had left. Why I was left alone. I couldn't! Surely you could understand that. I wasn't ready. But most of all I was afraid that they would leave, just as my mother had done 5 years ago. I just couldn't bear that. I didn't and still DON'T want to suffer through that again. It's painful to even think about it.

Humans and their hopeful wishing of a long life. It's just as bad as fairy tail endings. They never happen. At least not to me. Funny how you're a care free child, pretending that your being rescued by your prince charming one minute, and then your wishing that they never existed and had given you such a hopefully imagination of happiness. Life is full of disappointments.

And once again I'm standing here. Acting like the world's okay. Like nothing is happening. I was glad that I had mastered the face. It was all too easy to lie now. After all, all life's a stage right? One must act the part you're meant to play.

I kept walking. To the only place I knew was safe. To the only person that knew me well. The only one that knew my whole life's story. Motoki.

The doors of the Crown slid open. I slowly walked in, welcoming the warmth from the heater that Motoki always left on. I carefully took off my scarf and placed in on the counter top. Making myself comfortable on one of the stools, waiting for Motoki-chan to notice me. I turned and looked around, noticing all the couples in the room. The men holding tightly onto their women. Trying to keep them warm with their embrace. A sigh escaped my lips. I folded my arms in front of me, and placed my head on them. I banging my head once or twice on the counter. True, it wouldn't solve anything. But hey! It never hurt to try.

"Usagi!!!" my head instantly bounced up at the sound of a cheery voice. A smile creped onto my face. I quickly jumped off my stool and ran into the cheery person's arms.

"Motoki! You have no idea how glad I am to see you" I draped my arms around his neck. Suddenly I felt his arms, well more like his hands slid down to my derriere. I brought my hand up and quickly dropped it down on his face. He stumbled back, placing a hand over his cheek.

"What did I tell you last time Toki-chan" I waved my finger in front of him. No, I wasn't mad at him. How could I be? He was like my big brother, that's the part that really got to me though. I did feel sorry for Motoki. Two years ago, he confessed his love for me. But I was afraid that I couldn't return those feelings. I after all, had Mamo-chan. And my heart, body, and soul belonged to him. Well not really, but you get the idea. A small grin tugged on his lips.

"Gomen Usa. I just can't control myself around you. You know that I-" I raised my hand and placed it over his mouth.

"I know Motoki, I know. But I'm with Mamoru. I am sorry" I placed my hand back at my side. He looked at me hopefully.

"I know Usa, but maybe there will be a chance for you and me. You don't know what will happen in the future." A tear slid down my left cheek. He was wrong. I did know what was going to happen in the future. I knew that all too well.

"I don't know what will happen in your future. But I do know mine" my voice lowered down to a whisper. "I went to the hospital this afternoon" his eyes widened at my news.

"What did they say?" he walked up to me and led me to one of the booths. I sat down first, soon followed by him. I took in a long breath. My eyes slowly wandered up until they were looking straight into Motoki's.

"They said that I-" I was abruptly stopped by a hurdle of cattle.

"Usagi!!!!!" -never mind. It was close to a hurdle of cattle. A group of four girls and a guy walked up to me and Motoki. The blonde one was the first to approach.

"Where were you? We were looking for you all over Tokyo, -literally!" Minako placed her hands on her hip.

"I'm sorry Minako. I had to go somewhere. I was held up all afternoon. I just got free" I started to twirl with my hair, which I only did when I was nervous.

"So what does the dear Odango Atama do to keep herself busy? Not another man I hope" I rolled my eyes.

"No Rei. Mamo-chan is the only man I need" I heard a bunch of 'awws'. Corney, I know. But that's all I could come up with. My head wasn't exactly functioning properly. A deep chuckle disrupted my thoughts.

"I'm glad to hear that I'm doing a good job of keeping my woman satisfied" I looked up and saw him. The only man that kept me going. The only man I loved. I jumped out of my seat and hugged him. Inhaling his sweet rose scent. He placed a small kiss on my neck, getting me to giggle. I smacked him playfully on the arm.

*cough* "Get a room you two" I glared at Makoto. A smile graced my lips.

"Look who's talking. I saw how you and Riko-chan were last night" I placed my hand over her forehead. "Mako-chan, are you alright? You're turning red. Was it something I said, I wonder?" everyone began to laugh including me. A wave of uneasiness hit me. My vision began to blur, and the room began to spin. I quickly glanced at Motoki before the light faded away.

******

"Usako! Please wake up!" he grabbed her shoulders, shaking them gently. Everyone crowded around them, asking what had happened. Motoki stood up.

"Minna get back. Give her air. Mamoru go place her on the couch in the back. Ami can you please get some water?" Ami quickly nodded and walked behind the counter. Mamoru stood up and carried Usagi to the back, Motoki quickly followed.

After placing her down, Mamoru looked around. Hoping that someone knew how to explain this. What had happened? Usagi was fine a minute ago..wasn't she? He kneeled down and placed a kiss on her lips.

"Mamo-chan I-" confusion written over her narrow opened eyes. She looked around and saw Rei, Makoto, Ami, Minako, Motoki, and Mamoru looking at her with worry. "I-, what happened?"

Mamoru reached for my hand "You fainted, Usako. Why? We don't know. Do you care to explain?" she hesitated in answering.

"I haven't been feeling well these past few days. I-I caught that f-flue that's been going around. But I'm feeling much better now!" she jumped up and dusted herself off. As soon as she did she wobbled.

"Woaw! Head rush!" she placed her hand on her head. Mamoru raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure you're okay?" she nodded at him.

"Yeah. Don't worry about me, -kay? Hey I have to go now. I have to finish a paper for tomorrow. See you at home Mamo-chan?"

"WOW! Usa wanting to get home to finish a paper!!! Now that's a first! You sure your feeling alright Odango??" Rei grinned. Usagi stuck her tongue out at Rei.

"Yeah I'll be there shortly Usako" he enfolded her in his arms and kissed her. Fast yet passionate. They parted and Usagi looked up at him and smiled.

"Don't take long. Ja ne Minna!!!" she waved at everyone and she slipped through the door.

"Ja ne Usagi!" everyone yelled out in chorus.

Mamoru turned around to face the group. His eyebrows creased in confusion. He walked around the counter and sat down on one of the booths. He clasped his hands together in front of him. Sliding his thumbs together.

"Mamo...Mamoru.what's wrong?" Rei sat herself opposite to Mamoru. He glanced up and looked at her.

"I don't know. I'm getting a feeling that Usa is lying" he sighed. Rei nodded in agreement.

"I know. I get the same feeling. But she would never lie to us, unless it was something serious. You know that" he frowned.

"That's what I'm afraid of"

*****

Usagi stood in front of the mirror, dressed in only a robe. She slid her hands down the robe, feeling the soft cotton beneath her fingers. With a sigh, she turned around she turned the water on. She opened the bathroom door and walked out. She went to see if Mamoru had gotten home. Seeing no sign of him, she walked back into the bathroom and discarded her robe and placed it on the door knob. She stepped in under the hot water.

She ran her hands over her hair. Hoping to relieve some of the stress. Trying to forget the look on Mamoru's face. She hated lying to him. she hated hiding things from him. It just felt wrong. Especially when he told her everything. He had never kept anything from her. And she in return was keeping something from him that was literally life threatening.

A tear dropped out of her cerulean eyes.

"Usako!!" a voice came from the other side of the door. A smile graced her face.

"I'll be right out Mamo-chan" she finished showering and stepped out. She slipped her undergarments on. She reached over and grabbed her denim skirt and black top, placing them both on in a hurry. She dried her hair off and opened the door.

The moment she stepped out of the door, a pair of strong arms wrapped around her small frame.

"I missed you" he whispered into her hair.

"We weren't separated for that long" she twisted her body around so that she faced him. She went on her tiptoes and placed a kiss on the top of his nose.

"True, but even a little while is an eternity when I have to spend it out of your arms reach" he whispered.

"You charmer. You know, flattery doesn't get you everywhere" Usagi stated in a teasing way.

"Yes. But it might get be where I want to be, isn't that right my dear?" her face flushed.

"Shut up mister! I'm hungry. What are we eating today?" she wiggled out of his arms causing him to hold on to her tighter. A deep chuckle was heard throughout the apartment.

"Oh. I don't know. I'm in the mood for some...*whisper*" he whispered into her ear. He bent down to take a better look at her, only to realize that she was turning an interesting color of beetroot. It made him smile.

"Oh c'mon Usa. It won't be the first time" she smacked him playfully on the arm.

"Yeah, but don't make me make it the last" he abruptly let go of her and saluted.

"Yes ma'am!" she nodded at him.

"At ease solider. Seriously though. I'm hungry. And before you say that, the answer is no Mamo-chan!!" a frown developed on his face. "We can wait till after dinner for that" she winked at him causing him to break into a devilish grin.

"Did you open the letter that came for you?" Mamoru asked. Usagi looked at him intently.

"No. I didn't even know anything came for me" she answered. Mamoru pointed to the nightstand beside the bed.

"It's over there. It has no return address. So I don't know who it's from" Usagi walked into the bedroom with Mamoru following shortly behind. She sat down on the inviting mattress and reached for the letter. Carefully opening it, she pulled a white piece of folded paper and unfolded it. Her eyes moved between the sentences, registering all its contents. Once finished she folded the paper and set it down.

"Who's it from?" her eyes darted to his.

"From Shingo" he gasped. He quickly took the paper and began to read it.

"He's asking forgiveness. Also wanting to know how you are. Ha! Here, look at this. 'Usagi, I'm very deeply sorry for having left with my mother the way I did. I know that you suffered very much. But under the circumstances it seemed like the correct thing to do. After all, you had your condition'- " Mamoru paused. "Condition? What condition?"

Usagi paled. "I was weak as a child I had a low immune system. Ikuko considered that a 'condition to be weary of" she lied. Mamoru only nodded.

"What do you plan on doing?" She stood up and took the paper out of his hands. She shrugged.

"I don't know. I can't write back to him. There's no place to send it to. But it does say that he's coming here. Says he wants to study. I guess I'll talk to him later. Until then, I need food Mamoru!" Usagi shrieked.

********************

"So, Motoki-chan, do you know what happened to Usagi today?" Rei asked stubbornly.

He brought his hand up and scratched his head and let out a nervous laugh. "Of course I don't Rei, Why would I?"

Rei cocked her eyebrow and glanced at the rest of the girls surrounding him. She nodded her head at Ami, hoping she knew how to get it out of him. After all she had a way with words.

She reached over and placed her hand over his shoulder. "We wish to know if you know anything. We want to protect Usagi if anything is happening to her. We love her all so much. And we can't help if you will keep whatever is wrong with her a secret. Look at this our way, what if we knew something about Usa that you didn't. And you wanted to know, to help her. But we wouldn't tell you. How would you feel? You would be angry and hurt, wouldn't you?"

Motoki jumped up. "Hell I would!!"

Ami continued "Then you see our point. Please, we're asking you to understand" she focused her eyes on his. Motoki sighed and shook his head.

"I'm sorry" Rei let a frustrated sigh. On to plan C. Mina! Rei nodded for Mina to proceed. Mina fixed her hair and adjusted her clothes. She had always been Motoki's weakness. That and Usagi. She walked up to him and placed her hand on his chest.

"Toki-chan, please. Can you tell us?" she gave him a pleading look. The hand that rested on his chest began to circle clockwise, tracing her hand over his manly chest. His body stiffened up.

"I-I-I" Mina smiled and went in to kiss him on the lips, but as soon as she got closer, he walked away.

Mina looked around with a confused look on her face. "Did that just happen?" Everyone gave a fearful nod.

"I'm sorry. But I can't tell you. If you really want to know what happened then I suggest you ask Usagi herself. It's not right for me to tell you something that's only hers to tell. Now if you will excuse me, I have to get back to work" He slung his towel over his shoulder and walked behind the counter.

Mina glanced back at him then at the girls. "Guys, I think something is seriously wrong for him to just walk away from me like that. What should we do?" she looked at Rei.

Rei swung her hair over her shoulder. "I say we leave it as it is right now. She's with Mamoru and he'll take care of her. We'll talk with her later.

They soon departed. But not before leaving a message on Usagi's machine saying that they should go shopping tomorrow. Mina was in need of clothes. They said their goodbyes and hung up and left.

*******

In a soft bed, a young blonde thought of her life. Of her friends. And of her lover, Mamoru Chiba, that was now holding her tight. A tear escaped her eyes. She went to the hospital. And received the worse news. Her time was limited. And running out, to only a few months. She only had a few months to live.....................

**************************************** ***************

Good? Bad? Terrible? Please let me know. If you think it's totally bad then I'll simply discard the idea.