Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Love ❯ Ami1 ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Supreme Beauty 
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 02.20.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 236 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Sailor Moon Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 02.20.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.8K | Visits: 236 | Status: Completed
TITLE: Eyes
AUTHOR: Icey-Doom
CONTENT: F/F relationship
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon.
NOTES: This is the story told all over again only in Ami's POV. This is Part one! Hope you like! Although, I do not htink this one is as good as the last two. Since this was in Ami's perspective it was
It is quiet. Real quiet. Maybe too quiet. I am alone once more and I am hating it. Just like I always hate it when I am alone. Lonliness is a curse. It is a black hole that sucks me in farther and farther until I am almost all the way to depression. I dont want to be sucked to depression. I dont want to lose my smile or the sparkle in my eyes. I dont wanna lose the light that I know that shines straight through me all of the time. I'd hate to think that soon I would not be the same me that everyone knows now. The me that everyone has come to love.
Love.
I have none. I never have and I probably never will. That has to be a fact. It has to be. I'm too normal and plain. I am not attractiive and I am probably just a big geek that evryone seems to despise. No one will ever love me. No one.
I sigh an exasperated sigh. I am so sad and so lonely and so BORED!!! I really need to get out and do something. I sigh once more. I need to get some fresh air. I think I am going a little overboard. I cant let my lonliness get the best of me.
I get up and put on a jacket. Then I walk towards my bedroom door so I can leave. As I walk across my room I just so happen to pass a mirror. I look at my reflection for a while trying to find at least just an inch of the beautifulness that I see in all of my friends. After a while I scrunch my face up in disgrace and let out a grunt of disgust.
I am ugly.
Period.
Thats is why no one can ever love me. That is why no one will ever love me. That is why I am not something to be proud of. I hate myself. More than anything. Why must I feel this way. Why. No one probabaly really loves me. They just pity me. Pity the fact that I am a boring nerd. Pity the fact that I am ugly. Pity the fact that I will never find love. Pity the fact that I will be alone forever. For that is my destiny. I just know it is. What else would my destiny be.
As I think about this, I am still staring at myself in the mirror. I cannot stand looking anymore so I turn my head away quickly. I hate seeing that horrible horrible image that is myself. I need some fresh air now more than ever.
Sighing dramtically, I leave my bedroom, walk downstairs and out the door. I do not even think to lock the door. Somehow that is so unimportant right now.
While I am going down the elevator down to the bottom floor of the apartment building I begin to think. 'Where am I going' I ask myself. I did just want some fresh air but I need to go somewhere. Need to be somewhwere. But...I don't know where.
However, when I get outside those thoughts dont even seem an issue anymore. I just begin to walk. Faster and faster I walk until it gets to a point where I am running. Running like crazy not even knowing where I am going. I want to be lost. Lost and free. Rid of these feelings of pain hate and disgust of myself.
It does not work that way because soon I am beggining to get tired.
I am walking now. Panting hard and trying to calm myself.
Suddenly I feel something. Something that tells me to stop.
I stop.
I cannot move.
No force on the planet could get me to move from where I am standing. I just have this feeling I....
And suddenly I see it. Your apartment. 'How the hell did I end up here' I think. (I would never say that out loud. And in keeping it in, nobody knows the real me. Just something else to add to my self pity.)
'Oh well,' I shrug,' It is getting pretty damn cold out here anyway. I better go nside so I can be warm.'
I go into the building and up to your apartment. Although when I get yo your door I pause. It is really late. You probabaly dont want me just barging in on you at such a late hour. You dont even really care about me. You just pity me. It is pretty obvious. Everybody pity's me. I should not be agitating people this way.
I frown.
I turn around and begin to walk away from the door when I feel it again. That something telling me to stop. I stay still, not moving trying to sort my thoughts out.
I want to see you. Bad. When exactly did I realize this? I mean, outside I told myself that I was cold and that was the only reason why I wanted to actually come into the apartment. Now, I am starting to think that was my minds way of covering up what I really wanted.
Suddenly the thought of your beautiful green eyes smiling down on me, your sort of husky voice entering my ears sent shivers up my spine. I immediately went back to your door and knocked the hardest I could.
Nothing.
I tried again.
Still nothing.
My heart sank. My head unconciously lowered in sadness.
'Oh please, PLEASE say something Makoto.'
Nothing.
My eyes close tightly in a desperation not to cry. I do not want to be weak anymore. In this I do not want to act weak either. I want to be like you. Strong and fearless. I admire you more than I have ever admired anybody else in my entire life. So I can't cry. I can't be weak.
Feeling even worse, I desperately knock at your door harder in a last attempt to get you to come to the door. Why am I so desperate to see you? Then, when I am just about ready to give up, My heart lightens and I smile so brightly because I hear your voice call,
"COMING!!!" and I hear you running to the door. After a pause or hesitation of nothing, the door finally begins to open and I can hardly believe my excirement.
And there you are, hair sticking up, face scrunched up, dried drool coming from your mouth, eyes blood shot, clothes all messed up. You look ridiculous!!! I am trying and doing my best to stand up straight and look sophisticated while doing my best not to laugh.
And then suddenly I burst out laughing. I cannot control it. Never in my life have I seen somebody so messed up!! As I laugh, I look up at you. You got this real weird look on your face like you don't know why I am laughing. Why do you look so confused? I don't know. So I ask you.(through giggles of course)
"Why *giggle* do you *giggle* look *giggle* so confused."
You answer simply with,
"Why the hell are you laughing."
This makes me laugh even harder. Do you really not know what you look like right now!!! You should know. So I tell you.
"Makoto!!!! You look terrible!!!!!!" I sort of shout not really noticing that it would come out that way.
Suddenly, your eyes go wide and you look about ready to cry!!did I do something to hurt you!! If I did I really did not mean to. I have to tell you that.
"Makoto? Are you alright? I didnt mean to hurt your feelings."
You just stay there with your head slumped over. I feel really bad. I also feel the urge to be close to you. Either to make you feel better or to just be close to you, I don't know, but I put my hands around your neck and my head on your shoulder anyway. Then, to assure you I meant no harm I say,
"I'm sorry" Then I kiss you on the cheek ever so gently. My lips tingle from the contact. Your cheek is so soft. I want to sigh but I don't.
When I pull back from the moment you are blushing like mad and you got this twinkle in your eye. I smile at you. Then, you gesture me inside. I smile at you.
We get settled on the couch and I know I have to tell you why I even considered coming up here to see you. I do not want to be a burden on you.
"I was getting really lonely Makoto. My mom is out again and I just feel like a little lost and lonely girl. I didn't know where to go so, I just started walking and soon, I found myself in front of your apartment building. Sounds dumb huh. Stupid reason to wake you up at 1:00 in the morning," I say hoping that you will understand at least a little bit. You shake your head and take my hands inside your grip and kiss them. Then you say, in the most sincerest, most softest whisper I have ever heard in my life,
"You could never be a burden to me Ami."
I am so happy that I feel like crying. I just smile though as I put my head on your shoulder. Oh you smell so good. I fall asleep instantly. I am in heaven.
When I wake up, I am in your bed. 'How the hell did I get here' (maybe I will start saying stuff like that out loud) I hear something. Movement. In the bathroom. I smile. You must be freshening up.
Getting out of the bed, I walked towards the bathroom door. I, again, feel anxious to see you. I can feel my excitement. My hands are even almost trembling as I reach for the doorknob.
What are you doing to me Makoto.
I open the door wide open and there you are. Naked. I can feel my eyes go wide. I am staring. I know I am. I cannot stop. I want to see you like this. You look so good!!
I feel disgusting. You are a girl. I am a girl. What is wrong with me. What are you doing to me?
Than You turn around and look straight at me.
Oh Kami!!!
----------------------------------------------------- ----
Well? I know. Not as good huh? I did not know what direction to go with Ami. Anyway, hope you liked it anyway. Thank you for the reviews. Peace!!!
AUTHOR: Icey-Doom
CONTENT: F/F relationship
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon.
NOTES: This is the story told all over again only in Ami's POV. This is Part one! Hope you like! Although, I do not htink this one is as good as the last two. Since this was in Ami's perspective it was
It is quiet. Real quiet. Maybe too quiet. I am alone once more and I am hating it. Just like I always hate it when I am alone. Lonliness is a curse. It is a black hole that sucks me in farther and farther until I am almost all the way to depression. I dont want to be sucked to depression. I dont want to lose my smile or the sparkle in my eyes. I dont wanna lose the light that I know that shines straight through me all of the time. I'd hate to think that soon I would not be the same me that everyone knows now. The me that everyone has come to love.
Love.
I have none. I never have and I probably never will. That has to be a fact. It has to be. I'm too normal and plain. I am not attractiive and I am probably just a big geek that evryone seems to despise. No one will ever love me. No one.
I sigh an exasperated sigh. I am so sad and so lonely and so BORED!!! I really need to get out and do something. I sigh once more. I need to get some fresh air. I think I am going a little overboard. I cant let my lonliness get the best of me.
I get up and put on a jacket. Then I walk towards my bedroom door so I can leave. As I walk across my room I just so happen to pass a mirror. I look at my reflection for a while trying to find at least just an inch of the beautifulness that I see in all of my friends. After a while I scrunch my face up in disgrace and let out a grunt of disgust.
I am ugly.
Period.
Thats is why no one can ever love me. That is why no one will ever love me. That is why I am not something to be proud of. I hate myself. More than anything. Why must I feel this way. Why. No one probabaly really loves me. They just pity me. Pity the fact that I am a boring nerd. Pity the fact that I am ugly. Pity the fact that I will never find love. Pity the fact that I will be alone forever. For that is my destiny. I just know it is. What else would my destiny be.
As I think about this, I am still staring at myself in the mirror. I cannot stand looking anymore so I turn my head away quickly. I hate seeing that horrible horrible image that is myself. I need some fresh air now more than ever.
Sighing dramtically, I leave my bedroom, walk downstairs and out the door. I do not even think to lock the door. Somehow that is so unimportant right now.
While I am going down the elevator down to the bottom floor of the apartment building I begin to think. 'Where am I going' I ask myself. I did just want some fresh air but I need to go somewhere. Need to be somewhwere. But...I don't know where.
However, when I get outside those thoughts dont even seem an issue anymore. I just begin to walk. Faster and faster I walk until it gets to a point where I am running. Running like crazy not even knowing where I am going. I want to be lost. Lost and free. Rid of these feelings of pain hate and disgust of myself.
It does not work that way because soon I am beggining to get tired.
I am walking now. Panting hard and trying to calm myself.
Suddenly I feel something. Something that tells me to stop.
I stop.
I cannot move.
No force on the planet could get me to move from where I am standing. I just have this feeling I....
And suddenly I see it. Your apartment. 'How the hell did I end up here' I think. (I would never say that out loud. And in keeping it in, nobody knows the real me. Just something else to add to my self pity.)
'Oh well,' I shrug,' It is getting pretty damn cold out here anyway. I better go nside so I can be warm.'
I go into the building and up to your apartment. Although when I get yo your door I pause. It is really late. You probabaly dont want me just barging in on you at such a late hour. You dont even really care about me. You just pity me. It is pretty obvious. Everybody pity's me. I should not be agitating people this way.
I frown.
I turn around and begin to walk away from the door when I feel it again. That something telling me to stop. I stay still, not moving trying to sort my thoughts out.
I want to see you. Bad. When exactly did I realize this? I mean, outside I told myself that I was cold and that was the only reason why I wanted to actually come into the apartment. Now, I am starting to think that was my minds way of covering up what I really wanted.
Suddenly the thought of your beautiful green eyes smiling down on me, your sort of husky voice entering my ears sent shivers up my spine. I immediately went back to your door and knocked the hardest I could.
Nothing.
I tried again.
Still nothing.
My heart sank. My head unconciously lowered in sadness.
'Oh please, PLEASE say something Makoto.'
Nothing.
My eyes close tightly in a desperation not to cry. I do not want to be weak anymore. In this I do not want to act weak either. I want to be like you. Strong and fearless. I admire you more than I have ever admired anybody else in my entire life. So I can't cry. I can't be weak.
Feeling even worse, I desperately knock at your door harder in a last attempt to get you to come to the door. Why am I so desperate to see you? Then, when I am just about ready to give up, My heart lightens and I smile so brightly because I hear your voice call,
"COMING!!!" and I hear you running to the door. After a pause or hesitation of nothing, the door finally begins to open and I can hardly believe my excirement.
And there you are, hair sticking up, face scrunched up, dried drool coming from your mouth, eyes blood shot, clothes all messed up. You look ridiculous!!! I am trying and doing my best to stand up straight and look sophisticated while doing my best not to laugh.
And then suddenly I burst out laughing. I cannot control it. Never in my life have I seen somebody so messed up!! As I laugh, I look up at you. You got this real weird look on your face like you don't know why I am laughing. Why do you look so confused? I don't know. So I ask you.(through giggles of course)
"Why *giggle* do you *giggle* look *giggle* so confused."
You answer simply with,
"Why the hell are you laughing."
This makes me laugh even harder. Do you really not know what you look like right now!!! You should know. So I tell you.
"Makoto!!!! You look terrible!!!!!!" I sort of shout not really noticing that it would come out that way.
Suddenly, your eyes go wide and you look about ready to cry!!did I do something to hurt you!! If I did I really did not mean to. I have to tell you that.
"Makoto? Are you alright? I didnt mean to hurt your feelings."
You just stay there with your head slumped over. I feel really bad. I also feel the urge to be close to you. Either to make you feel better or to just be close to you, I don't know, but I put my hands around your neck and my head on your shoulder anyway. Then, to assure you I meant no harm I say,
"I'm sorry" Then I kiss you on the cheek ever so gently. My lips tingle from the contact. Your cheek is so soft. I want to sigh but I don't.
When I pull back from the moment you are blushing like mad and you got this twinkle in your eye. I smile at you. Then, you gesture me inside. I smile at you.
We get settled on the couch and I know I have to tell you why I even considered coming up here to see you. I do not want to be a burden on you.
"I was getting really lonely Makoto. My mom is out again and I just feel like a little lost and lonely girl. I didn't know where to go so, I just started walking and soon, I found myself in front of your apartment building. Sounds dumb huh. Stupid reason to wake you up at 1:00 in the morning," I say hoping that you will understand at least a little bit. You shake your head and take my hands inside your grip and kiss them. Then you say, in the most sincerest, most softest whisper I have ever heard in my life,
"You could never be a burden to me Ami."
I am so happy that I feel like crying. I just smile though as I put my head on your shoulder. Oh you smell so good. I fall asleep instantly. I am in heaven.
When I wake up, I am in your bed. 'How the hell did I get here' (maybe I will start saying stuff like that out loud) I hear something. Movement. In the bathroom. I smile. You must be freshening up.
Getting out of the bed, I walked towards the bathroom door. I, again, feel anxious to see you. I can feel my excitement. My hands are even almost trembling as I reach for the doorknob.
What are you doing to me Makoto.
I open the door wide open and there you are. Naked. I can feel my eyes go wide. I am staring. I know I am. I cannot stop. I want to see you like this. You look so good!!
I feel disgusting. You are a girl. I am a girl. What is wrong with me. What are you doing to me?
Than You turn around and look straight at me.
Oh Kami!!!
----------------------------------------------------- ----
Well? I know. Not as good huh? I did not know what direction to go with Ami. Anyway, hope you liked it anyway. Thank you for the reviews. Peace!!!