Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Walk to my lovers arms ❯ chapter three ( Chapter 3 )

A turmoil within

Shall I live, or die?

Do I dare to give phsyio a try?

Will you cry, if I am gone,

will you remember the words to our song?

Yet I remain another day, to try and live

even with the pain

Chapter 3

Two days later…

Usagi awoke early after a long and restless night. She had tossed and turned for hours, unable to relax with all of the events of the past few weeks piling up in her mind.
"Should I tell him?" she asked herself. "Or shouldn't I?" Usagi sighed, thinking of her legs.
She just couldn't make up her mind…
"Well, he loves me, and he has a right to know!" She decided, hoping that she wouldn't regret what she was going to do.

Later that day…

When her friends came to visit, she was careful to be the only one to reach into the drawer, not wanting her friends to discover her pitiful stash of painkillers.

When everyone was leaving, Usagi quietly asked Seiya to remain behind, hoping to talk to him alone.
"Seiya, there's....something I...I need to talk to you about." Usagi stammered, looking up at him with her naive azure eyes.
"Okay. Hey, I'll catch you guys later!" he said, waving everyone else out the door, and moving to sit in the chair beside her bed.
"Seiya, I need to tell you about my legs." Usagi began.
"What about them?" He asked, guilt covering his heart like a thick blanket. 'These visits are so damn hard.' He thought to himself.

He knew he was partially to blame for Usagi's condition, although he tried to deny it.
"They look....different." She stated slowly, as if she was afraid of how he might respond.
"Yeah, I noticed. They're thinner and stuff. But physio is going to change that."
"Seiya," started Usagi slowly, but still smiling at his hopeful tone. "They're worse then just being thinner."

Slowly she began describing exactly what they looked like, while trying not to make them sound too gruesome.
When she was done, Sieya stared at her in disbelief. His thoughts ran to Janice, and her perfect legs, eyes, figure, smile.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to sooth Usagi telling her that she would be fine,
"It's okay Odango, you'll be fine. Your legs will heal and everything will be perfect, just like it used to be."
"But...what if they don't?" Usagi asked.
"They will be," he stated with assurance, "don't worry Odango, you'll be good as new." then he leaned over to give her a long, soft kiss.
Breaking it off, Seiya turned to her. Flashing her a quirky grin, he left the room, calling out,

"See ya round Odango!" as he walked away.
"Bye Seiya!" She called after him, knowing in her heart that things between them could never, and would never, be the same, for deep down in her heart of hearts she blamed Seiya for what had happened to her, and somehow she knew that their relationship was not as it once was, before the incident at the party.

Usagi spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in bed reading manga, and watching old TV shows and soaps before finally drifting off to sleep for a few hours.

That night, when the nurse came to give Usagi her nightly dosage of painkillers, she was startled by Usagi's abrupt question.
"I can't die from these things, can I?"
The nurse stared at her, bewildered.
"I mean, it's just that I've been taking so many...I was just wondering if that's safe."
"Oh, it's alright, you have nothing to worry about. It would take quite a few of these to kill a person."
"Okay," replied Usagi, once again pretending to swallow the pill.
After the nurse left, she spent a lot of time lost in thought, toying with the idea of taking the pills, of just ending it all there and then, but in the end she decided against it, knowing that they would still be there the next day...
Waiting..


Two weeks later

"Ohaiyo Usa-chan!" Rei called, wondering what type of mood her friend would be in today. Over the past couple of weeks Usagi had become more and more irritable, not to mention restless. Rei was also finding visiting Usagi to be a lot less fun, as Usagi seemed to watch people move with envy and desire written clearly on her face. Not only that but, everything that used to be important to her now seemed not to matter, and Rei was really beginning to wonder why.
Ami and Minako had also noticed the change; the way Usagi no longer seemed excited about the little things that used to thrill her, like Pizza Hut pizza, or a beautiful sunset. Her thoughts had become more morbid, causing them to worry. Usagi had always been full of life, and everyone had always thought she would be able to hold out and remain strong, no matter what the circumstance may be.
"Hi Rei." said Usagi, watching as her raven-haired friend walked towards the window; her long, tanned legs clearly showing from beneath a short red skirt.
"So how've you been Usa-chan?" Ami asked, concern showing clearly in her aqua eyes.
"Oh, not too bad....just wasting away, getting paler and pastier. Pretty soon I think even bleached sheets will have some competition for the title "White As It Gets" "
Minako managed a strangled a laugh and said "Well, you're leaving for that cherry tree place tomorrow. Soon you'll be back on your feet and out in the sun.."
"Yeah, if I can actually walk on these things" stated Usagi.
Changing the subject, Ami said, "Seiya said to tell you he'd be by around 12:00."
"Really?" asked Usagi, seeming to perk up a bit "I can't wait!"
The girls sighed. This was a clear indicator that Usagi was feeling okay.
"Well, why don't I get us something to drink?" stated Minako. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm as thirsty as a log on a hot day!"
Everyone sweat dropped, and Ami didn't even bother to correct her, she just led her out the door.
Stepping away from the window, Rei sat on the edge of the bed, trying to think of what would be the best way to explain why Seiya was coming.
Seeing Rei's expression darken, Usagi cringed inwardly, wondering what had happened. Rei's fiery eyes focused on Usagi and she began.
"Usa, there's something you have to know before Seiya comes. He wanted me to tell you because he's a cowardly louse."
"What?" asked Usagi, not completely sure that she wanted the answer.
"Well...Seiya isn't the guy you thought he was, Usa. He's...seeing other women. Particularly Janice."
"He's...dating her?" asked Usagi, her voice devoid of emotion.
"Well, that's one way to put it. They were seeing each other even before the incident."
"That *whore*!!"
"You know Janice, she's had feelings for Seiya for a long time. And when he looked interested, she invited him. It's not entirely her fault, Seiya accepted the invitation."
"That bastard!" Usagi muttered under her breath. "I can't believe him."
"Well, he'll be here any minute. Don't do anything rash... although I wouldn't blame you if you killed him."
"Rei!" Usagi exclaimed with a laugh, watching her friend exit. Seiya entered soon after.
"Hey Odango." He greeted her with a box of chocolates in hand and a cheerful smile on his face.
"Ohaiyo Seiya...what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Usagi, please understand. This isn't because of your legs or anything, I was going do this anyways, but-" Usagi interrupted abruptly.
"Just say it, Rei warned me."
"She did?"
"She had the guts to do what you wouldn't."
"Oh. Well, then I guess you know that I'm interested in Janice. We're going out now."
"And you were cheating on me with her before." Usagi said bitterly.
Seiya said nothing, he just sat there looking guilty.
"Get out." whispered Usagi. "I don't want to see you…ever again." she finished in a strangled tone, her throat constricting painfully.
"Usagi....I'll always care about you. You really-"
"Shut up!" Usagi raged. "Just...get the hell out of here!"
Then Rei appeared at the door, glaring daggers at him "You heard her, GET OUT!"
Seiya didn't need to be told again, and with Rei's disapproving eyes on him, he slowly left the room.
'That's it,' Usagi thought to herself. 'Tonight I take what I have. It should be enough.'
As Rei re-entered the room and walked to the window, Usagi thought
'Besides, I'll never be able to walk again. I'm useless and wheel chair bound. I might as well go now, before I go to Cherry Tree.'
"Usagi?" questioned Rei. Her eyes focusing on the tears streaming from her friends eyes. "Are you okay?"
Usagi, still deep in thought, ignored her friend. Then, realising Rei had asked her something, she smiled.
"Could you brush my hair?"
"Sure." Smiled Rei, reaching into the drawer to feel around for Usagi's brush.
For a moment, Usagi sat tense, wondering if her friends questioning hand would find the crumpled piece of Kleenex stuffed into the back corner.
"PIZZA!" yelled Shingo, startling Rei. And as she jumped in shock, the drawer of the dresser fell out to the floor, scattering its contents everywhere. With the pills fortunately landing within their tissue, still hidden.
"Shingo!" exclaimed Usagi, watching Rei replace the contents of the drawer and sighed as she picked up the tissue by the corners.
"Hey Sis," Shingo said, moving towards the bed with the pizza box in his arms...then, tripping over a loose shoelace, he fell, bumping into Rei. She dropped the tissue, which opened like a flower, revealing the stash of rose-coloured pills within.
Rei's amethyst eyes flew open in surprise as they met Usagi's. Then, biting back a comment, she quickly pulled back up the corners of the tissue and turned to Shingo. Struggling to contain her disgust, she marched into the bathroom, calling after herself,
"Shingo, could you go and get us a couple of sodas from the lobby?"
"Sure!" he replied, running back out of the room.
After he left, the sound of a toilet flushing came from the bathroom. Rei soon emerged, shaking with rage, and she turned her full attention on her blonde friend.
"What were those?!?"
"Painkillers." Usagi stated calmly.
"What were they doing in your drawer? You weren't actually planning on taking them, were you?"
"And what if I was?" Usagi shot back, making her friend blink in surprise.
"Usagi, come on! You are going to get better!"
"That's what everyone always says… You'll get better." But what do you know?" Usagi demanded, tears beginning to form in her eyes as she tried to explain.
"You have two good, strong legs, and no idea as to what I'm going through. What if you're wrong? What if I can't walk?"
"Maybe I don't know what you're going through," Rei replied firmly. "But I was here! I heard your mom-do you know she cried, non- stop, and prayed for hours?? You weren't there, you didn't have to listen to her crying, "God, please don't take my baby!" Christ, Usa!!! We've been friends for ages, and this is one thing I never thought I'd live to see you do. Suicide?"
"Rei, please..I can't live in a wheel chair forever. I don't think I could handle it. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am."
"Usagi, you aren't going to..."
"Please Rei, I probably never would have taken them, but I needed the option. I needed to have the choice, to know that I wasn't totally helpless."
"That is the most selfish thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth!" Rei stated.
"Even terminally ill patients have the right to end their own lives."
"Usa, you're not terminally ill, you're strong and healthy. Your legs will get better!" said Rei, opening her skirt to reveal the pills.
"Rei?" Asked Usagi, bewildered.
"You're right. You have to decide if you want to kill yourself or not. If you're really determined, I know that just flushing a few pills won't really help. But if you do, I'll never forgive you for the pain that you'll cause your mom and dad, Ami, Minako, everyone, and me. Usagi, you're almost like a sister." stated Rei, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she looked into the innocent eyes of her friend, unshed tears sparkling like stars within them.
"Rei-chan, I don't think I could have done it anyway."
Rei smiled wryly. "Promise me that when I put these back, you won't take them until you've given Cherry Tree, and physio, a try."
"Rei," started Usagi. "You know I hate to be a coward." She gave her friend a slightly watery smile.
Rei smiled largely then, and gave Usagi a hug before rushing to flush the pills just as Shingo came back into the room followed by Ami and Minako.
"So, what did we miss?" Minako asked.
Rei and Usagi just looked at each other before Usagi said, "I'll miss you guys so much when I go to Cherry Hollow tomorrow!"
"Aw, we'll visit you." promised Ami, smiling at Usagi.
"I know." Usagi said, catching their eyes.

Usagi's friends were not coming the following day, Usagi was moving out to Cherry Tree.
Early that morning, around 9:00 am, Usagi's parents arrived to help her pack all her things, and to sign the discharge papers.
By 9:30 Usagi was on her way, being wheeled out the door by her dad. As she passed by, many of the hospital staff waved farewell, and wished her the best on her road to recovery.
Down the elevator and out the door went Usagi, enduring the stares of curious people as she went by.
Finally they reached the car, and everything seemed to be going well.
As the car began to move, an eerie feeling overcame Usagi, smothering her with a darkness that was almost unbearable.
FLASH!! A car skidding on a wet road, headlights hitting the windshield...Usagi's breathing accelerated...she was confined...
"STOP!" she yelled, panic setting in. "I have to get out…Let me out!!"
"But...we just started." her dad stated calmly, wondering what could be wrong.
"Let me out!" Usagi responded, frantically pounding at the window.
"Shh, shh. It's okay, you're fine...I have something for you.." Her mother comforted her as her father pulled the car over.
"I should have given this to you before," said Usagi's mother, handing her a pill and a bottle of water. "It'll help" she soothed as Usagi swallowed the pill.
Soon the tranquilizer did its job, and Usagi felt herself slip into an uncaring daze, calming down as sleep overcame her.

When Usagi awoke, she was greeted with the site of a large black and white sign with pink cherry blossoms on the corner reading,
"Welcome to Cherry Tree Hollow Rehabilitation Center"
'As if they needed a sign…' Usagi thought, looking out the window. The large expanse of green dotted with people manuvering wheel chairs down, over wide paths that all led up to a large white building surrounded by blossoming pink cherry trees.
"We're here." Stated Usagi's mother as the car pulled up in front of the large double doors.
"Well, here I go. No turning back now." Usagi stated as her father wheeled her through the doors and into the large lobby.
"Hi!" said a young voice, and as Usagi turned her head towards the sound, she was greeted by the sight of....