Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Watch, As I Waver ❯ Prologue ( Prologue )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Helllllllo. Welp, this is my second attempt at writing, and I've decided to write about
my favorite threesome: Usagi, Mamoru, and Seiya. This story is from Usagi's perspective,
and it deals with the thoughts and feelings she must've experienced while Mamoru was in
America. Enjoy!

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Watch, As I Waver

By Beloved

Email: beloved914@hotmail.com

Prologue


Confusion. Is there anything more torturous than a confused
heart? And the fear that that confusion brings is enough to
drive a person mad. The uncertainty and worry, enough to make
a person physically ill. I know because my heart, my mind,
my body have been torn in two for weeks--and it's agonizing!
I've tried, oh how I've tried to ignore these hellish, and
strangely exciting, feelings inside me; but how can one
ignore feelings so strong.

I'm terrified. I'm terrified because I shouldn't be having
these feelings. I, of all people, should be satisfied and overjoyed
with what I have. Then again, I'm not so sure I even have that
anymore. Everything is so mixed-up and unclear. Two months ago there
would have been no doubt, no question, but now...now I just don't
know...

It's ironic how emotions can be so amazing and wonderful yet
cause so much anguish. Sometimes I think this must be a test-
a test of my love. And it very well could be. But what if this is
really a sign for me to move on, make a change?

I find myself crying for no reason at all. I can't bear to
think of betraying, let alone living without him. But still,
a part of me is longing to be with the other. There is this fear
inside me that I want to stay with him just because it's
comfortable. I know it's deeper than that, but I can't be positive,
not now anyway.

I don't know why I am even fighting with myself over this. He
is my soul mate, my love. In the short time we have been together in
this life he's made me happier than I ever thought possible. But what
about the pain he's caused me? I know that's unfair of me. He never
really meant to hurt me. I know that in my heart. He is everything
to me.

I have never even looked at another man since I met him. That
is until HE showed up. He was the most unexpected thing in my life.
I know he loves me. When he looks at me with those eyes, there is so
much love within his gaze that it makes my heart stop. It makes my
heart ache.

I wish there were something that would make this an easy decision.
How can one decide between two wonderful, handsome, charming men. Two men
who would give you their hearts without a second thought.

And so, this is my dilemma. I don't want to cry anymore, so I
must make a decision. Do I choose my destiny with a man I have loved
for centuries, or do I chose a new life with a man who makes me feel more
than I thought another could? This may be the hardest decision I
shall ever make, and I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't afraid--
afraid of what might happen...

But what I'd really like to know is: how did it come to this? How did my
life go from perfectly content to awful so quickly? Think, Usagi, think!
Oh yeah...

~~~~~~~~~~^_^~~~~~~~~~~~


Two months earlier...

"I can't believe you're really going," I said just above a
whisper. I felt the tears beginning to sting my eyes, and I
gripped on to the quilt beneath my hands, trying to hold them
back.

I looked up as I heard him walking toward where I sat at
the edge of his bed. He looked sad. Tired too.

"Usako. We've been through this. I'll only be gone for nine
months. It'll be fine."

I could feel his concerned look, though I couldn't see it since
my head was down. His hand came under my chin as he forced me to
look in his eyes. He smiled softly at me and sighed. God, I love
his smile.

"Usa, just think. We survived somehow before we were together. I
know we can do this."

I nodded in agreement. I knew we'd survive this too, but I'd miss
him so much.

"I know, Mamo-chan. It's just, I hate the fact that I won't see
your face everyday, or be able to kiss you whenever I want," I
told him, biting my lip when I finished speaking.

I felt his arms come around me, pulling me close to him. "I
love you," he whispered in my ear, causing me to tear up once more.
"I love you too," I whispered back. I inhaled the smell of his
hair, his cologne. I love the way he smells. "Mamo-chan," I cried,
angry at my own weakness, "I'll miss you."

He kissed my temple before pulling me to my feet and saying,
"Let's go."

I nodded slowly and followed him out of the apartment.

`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'

The airport was noisy and over-crowded. I silently wished
we had more privacy to say good-bye. I looked up at him, meeting
his gaze. Nothing made me feel more beautiful, more special than
the way he looked at me. His deep blue eyes could hold so much
emotion when he'd let them. Now, they were filled with sorrow,
longing, love. I'm sure mine were filled with the same.

I brought my hand to his face and began to brush the hair
out of his eyes. "Be sure to bring my back plenty of American
souvenirs," I teased as I let my hand rest on his cheek. He captured
it with his, and looked into my eyes with an intensity I had never
seen.

"When I come back," he said seriously, "I bringing you back ME-all
of me. Forever." I held my breath as he went on. "Usako, you've
held my heart, my soul for the past thousand years, and you always
will. I love you, and..."

He began to fight to take something out of his jacket pocket,
and I felt my eyes moisten with emotion and anticipation. He finally
won the battle with his jacket, and he held the object in front of
me.

"I want you to be my wife, Usako. Marry me."

I blinked several times, not sure that I heard right. I looked
at him, then at the ring, then at him, then at the ring... Shock. The
one word to describe the feeling that was rushing through me was shock.

"Usako?" he asked, worry covering his features.

I looked at him once more, tears in my eyes, and a smile broke across
my face as I screamed, "YES!" and threw myself at him. I could hear his
deep laughter as he held me, and I could feel the tear that escaped his
eye as my faced pressed against his. "I love you, my sweet princess,"
he chuckled as I hugged him.

In the midst of our "celebration," I heard the final boarding call for
his flight. I unconsciously stiffened. Mamoru released me and looked at
me tenderly.

"I'll write," he said. I nodded, trying to be brave.

"I'll miss you, Usako," he said as he brought his mouth to mine. I don't
know how long we kissed, but it wasn't long enough. He turned to walk to
his plane as soon as our kiss ended, not able to look me in the eye. It was
a strange feeling, watching him walk away from me. I wanted to call out
to him, tell him not to go; but I knew he had to. He had to
fulfill this dream. So, I decided to leave, and walk away before I
did something rash; but not before looking at my Mamo-chan once
more. And it was at that moment that Mamoru turned and gave
me one last longing look. Well that did it. My composure broke, and I
began to cry. I'm sure I looked pathetic to the people making their way
through the airport, but I couldn't help crying. I felt that if he left,
something was going to change, and in a way I wasn't prepared for.

Once Mamo-chan was out of site, I turned to go home. I couldn't stand to
be here any longer. But as I was walking out, something caught my
attention. Specifically, the sound of hundreds of screaming girls caught
my attention. I was able to stop a hysterical looking preteen and ask
her, "What's going on?"

"Oh my God!" she screamed at me. "You don't know?!"

"Know what?" I asked, trying not to sound irritated.

"The Three Lights are coming in today! There coming HERE!!" she screamed,
then began to run in no particular direction at all.

So the Three Lights were here. So what. Like I care at a time
like this. I know I should be ecstatic. I'm engaged! And it is wonderful,
but being apart from Mamoru just hurts too much. What's worse, these
frantic girls are reallllly starting to annoy me!

"Would you all just get over it and calm down!" I yelled bitterly.
"They're just singers and you're ruining my depressed mood!!"

Only a few girls actually turned to acknowledge my statement,
which made me even angrier. Stupid teenage fanatics...Finally, I reached
an outside area of the airport, and hopefully I'd be able gain my sanity
back. I sighed loudly in exasperation.

"So you have a problem with the Three Lights?" a male voice asked me.

"No, I just have a problem with the hundreds of crazed teenage girls
threatening to trample me in order to get to them," I replied, not
bothering to look at the person I was now having a conversation with.

"Hey," he said and I ignored him. "Hello?"

I continued to walk.

"Hey, Odango Atama, why don't you show some respect and actually look at me?"

I stopped in my tracks. No one calls me 'Odango Atama!' No one but Mamoru.

I whipped around defensively, "Just who do you think you are?!"

"Allow me introduce myself," he said holding out his hand. "My name is
Kou Seiya, lead singer of The Three Lights."

Okay, remember the shock I had mentioned earlier? Well, it's back. Maybe
not as intensely, but it's still present.

"What? Nothing to say, Odango?" he mocked.

My shock had subsided. "First of all, don't call me Odango!"

He gave me a lopsided smile, "Aw, I think it suites you."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" I asked him angrily.

"Well, besides the obvious," he said while motioning to my hair, "it's
a cute name."

"..."

He laughed at the confused look that must have crossed my face. "A cute
name for a cute girl," he stated simply. "Yes, Odango is perfect."

I couldn't say anything, either because of the anger or flattery. Maybe
both.

"Well, see you around, Odango," he said before casually walking away.

"What the hell was that all about," I questioned aloud before turning to
FINALLY make my way home.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Oh yes, so that's how it all began. That day...

I must have sat by my window for hours that night. I wondered
what Mamoru was doing. I wondered if he'd be thinking of me every time
I was thinking of him. I hoped he would. I could still feel him,
stronger than ever, which was a comfort. If I closed my eyes, and
concentrated with all my might, I could reach out to him and almost
see him.

I also remember that night so clearly because the following day
would be my first day of school. My first day as a junior. I can
remember feeling so nervous and excited. More so nervous, but still
excited. Without Mamoru there to support me, though, my confidence level
seemed to drop significantly.

He wasn't there to tell me not to worry, that my first day would be
a breeze, that I would have every guy who saw my drooling at me feet.
Then he'd get all serious and say something like, "But if I ever catch
any of those guys looking at you the wrong way..." And then I'd laugh,
and he'd pull me close and kiss me...

I also remember thinking that the next day would be just another day
at school. Sure I was another year older and a step closer to graduating,
but it was still going to be a typical day at Juuban High School.

I had never had a more false thought in all my life.

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On to Chapter 1!