Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Words I Couldn't Say ❯ I was a fool ( Chapter 1 )

~I was a fool to give you up without a fight

Now I find myself wondering about you every night

Why didn't I say the words you wanted to hear and make you stay

Now I've got to find a way to make you mine again… got to find a way. ~

Tonight was another summer night, like the rest of the nights this summer. Hot and sticky. So hot that he was again unable to sleep so he was out here by his pool, drinking a cold beer and staring at the photo in his hand. The woman in the photo was beautiful. Her bright blue eyes were laughing at him. Her soft, full mouth was smiling and she looked happy. It was very hard to believe that the photo was only a month old. And that this woman, this very woman he had loved so much was no longer with him. He wondered where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. It wasn't easy to just sit here and not go out and look for her. But she had made it perfectly clear that she did not want him to look for her. She didn't want anything to do with him after what he had done to her. He really couldn't blame her but why she wouldn't even let him talk to her, try to explain things, try to have another chance with her...that he couldn't understand. He took another sip of his beer and leaned his head up against the chair, staring up at the sky. The stars were especially bright tonight. As they had been a month ago...on the last night they had been together...

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(FlashBack has been cut out)

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Darien sighed and shifted uncomfortably as the memory faded. That was why he couldn't go swimming. That had been the last time they had made love. He remembered all too well what had happened next...

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" Why cant you say it Darien?" those words still haunted him. After making love, she had gotten dressed and asked him quietly. He hadn't tried to play dumb. He had known exactly what she was talking about.

" Even when we make love, you just can't say it, can you?" Darien cursed. He could swear that he was hearing her voice right now. As if she was sitting by his side. Why hadn't he said it? She had looked so hurt when he had remained silent. He had wanted to tell her he loved her but the words just wouldn't come.

" Please Darien. Tell me you love me. That's all I ask. Three words. Is it so hard just to say those three words?" her soft voice had cut through him like a knife. He was so scared. If he told her he loved her, what would she say? Would she stay by his side or walk away with his heart? What if he didn't say he loved her? He knew that she wasn't the type of woman who would stay if she didn't hear the words she needed.

" I love you Darien. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please, tell em you feel the same way. Please Darien, don't make me leave you like this," she had begged him, literally begged him to tell her but he had remained silent. Even after the tears appeared, even after she had kissed him goodbye and even after she had left his house and his life that night, he hadn't said a word.

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He had wanted to tell her so much. They had been together for a year. And not once had he ever dared to tell her how he felt. Every night he had held her in his arms and kept his love for her a secret. And now...well, he was paying the price for that silence. He'd been living in the knowledge that it would take a hell of a lot more than 'I love you' and some flowers to get her back.

Darien's musings were interrupted when his cordless phone rang. He picked it up, saying hello automatically.

" Darien, I need to see you," his heart beat faster when he instantly recognized her soft, sweet voice. God how he had ached to heat it. But she sounded worried, scared. He wondered why.

" When?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't hear the pain in his voice. He was still being so bloody stubborn around her. Why couldn't he just let her hear his pain, hear how much he missed her?

" Tonight. Now. If you aren't busy, I mean," she said. Darien cast a quick glance around and grimaced. He was a lousy housekeeper at the best of times. Since she had walked out on him, he had serious problems with cleaning. But she knew what he was like.

" Whenever you can get here I'll be waiting," he said and he heard her sigh - was it a sigh of relief?

" Okay. Thanks. I'll be over in fifteen minutes," she said and hung up. Darien stared at the phone, stunned. Why had she called him? When she had left she had made it perfectly clear that she never wanted to talk to him again. He shook his head in wonder. Hope was blooming in his heart. He wanted her back - and tonight he would do whatever he could to make that happen.