Saint Seiya Fan Fiction ❯ Compassion ❯ Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews and adds, your appreciation is the best encouragement I could have.

Disclaimer: Saint Seiya belongs to Kurumada Sensei, the author, and the other people that are legally allowed to make money from it. I'm not them, and doing this represents no income to me.

4.

According to de myth, Pegasus was born from the blood of the beheaded Gorgon after her battle against Perseus. Being sired by Poseidon and created from the death of a wretched creature (that should have been wiser than to gain Athena's enmity), the first thing his young nostrils perceived was the scent of slaughter. It was Athena, though, who sheltered the bewildered newborn under her wisdom. She cared for him with patience until his restlessness was soothed, and tamed him. Maybe the Goddess felt sympathy for the winged horse because they shared the taint of a violent birthing, and somehow the analogical nature of their origins made them counterparts in fate. Only her… you, the Warrior Goddess… could understand his heart, and under the shade of your shield he became the celebrated God-Horse that served as a mount for the heroes… the bearer of Zeus's thunderbolts, the marvel that made the springs of blissful inspiration flood from every spot in which he landed.

I wondered why, being born under his sign and all, I was absolutely oblivious to any kind of godly inspiration. The only inspirational thoughts I had those days came from my mistreated muse of the weird greenish hair.

The ludicrous thing here was that I only got inspired to behave like an absolute ass. I couldn't understand why, really. She always was nice to me (Ok, not always, but she had been nice to me for a long time); she was brave, beautiful, virtuous, loyal to you, an amazing fighter… I had no reason to hate her, and I did not! But I hated the way she was engraved in my mind; and how being close to her made me forget who I was, and what was my purpose, and why was I so immersed in my very own misery and grief.

I didn't see her for the whole next week, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I went to every place I knew she frequented, doing all I could to “accidentally” run into her. Bad as I felt, I didn't want to go to her place because that would look a bit… desperate? And, I didn't feel desperate… yet; I only wasn't sleeping, eating, or having a lame second of peace. Nope! Not desperate at all.

Nevertheless… you know what they say about not giving things their true meaning until seeing them gone? Well, I missed her terribly.

I couldn't feel her cosmo anywhere. I went looking for her pupils, but they said Marin had been supervising their training for a few days now. I had no choice but to go ask my former teacher, but of course it took me another two days to decide that I was desperate enough. I found her in her hut, sitting in front of a table and immerse in her reading. She didn't turn to me when I greeted her.

“Marin.”

“Seiya” she answered, “I didn't expect to see you today”.

She wouldn't look at me, and this awkwardness wasn't any help to my already difficult approach. “Ehm… How you doin'?”

“Fine, thank you for your concern” she said, without any sign of really caring.

“I've been ok… or kind of.” I mumbled.

“I'm glad” she answered dryly.

This wasn't getting any better so I got to the point, after circling a bit around it, I mean. “Yeah… well” I scratched my head and made that sheepish face she loathes, and I could feel her growing anger even when she wasn't looking directly at me, “was just wonderin' if ya `ve… you know… by any chance… seen Shaina this days”.

Marin left whatever she was reading, or doing, and turned to me in a manner that scared all the silliness away from my face. “Seiya” she started “I tried to stand aside in this, because whatever happened between the two of you is not of my freaking business, but if you are here asking me this, it can only mean that you are not capable of dealing with your own stubbornness. So…” She made a pause to breathe “stop being so dense and go apologize.” I was staggered and didn't move for a good fifteen seconds, until she brought me around in a not-too-nice way.

“Seiya! Go! Apologize! NOW!”

So, ok. I guess this was all the inspiration I needed, `cause before I had time to think, I was in front of Shaina's doorstep.

I knocked.

Nothing.

Knocked again.

Nothing again.

I called, then. “Shaina!”

Nothing… or should I say that all I perceived with my regular senses was the scent of this incense she likes so much. I felt her cosmo, barely, but I knew she was inside. “Shaina! Open the door!” I insisted.

Then she finally answered… her voice was weak but still managed to sound bad-mannered. “Get the hell away from here, Seiya, I have nothing to say to you”.

“Shit.” I clenched my teeth and banged my head against the door. “For the sake of any God you like best, woman!” Then I breathed and lowered my tone, “please, Shaina… let me in.”

“Go away… leave me alone!” And then I think I heard her insulting me her first language “uomo idiota, cretino… stupido!”

Maybe I deserved that, but making up my mind to go there wasn't an easy thing to me, so I wouldn't go away easily either. “Ok,” I sighed, “I'll just wait here, sitting in front of your door until you open the damn thing. You have to come out sooner or later, and I can be pig-headed too, you know”. Of course she knew… she was right about me: stupid.

I sat, and waited. Waited, waited, waited… waited. The sun set, I whistled an old Japanese folk song until the sky darkened and the stars came into sight… and she didn't open. The temperature dropped gradually, not a very common thing for the season. “Hmmm”, I hummed a smile and thanked the Gods for their help.

“Ehem…” I spoke loud enough so she could hear “just letting you know: I'm freezing out here. I'm only saying `cause I don't want you to freak out when you find in front of your place tomorrow mornin' the corpse of some poor guy who died of hypoth… hermia… or whatever they call it when you die of cold.”

“Ohhhh!” the annoyance could be heard from the outside, “give me a break!” But it did the trick and she opened. I turned on my seating position to find a pair of bare feet and legs. I raised my sight and found her only in an oversized T-shirt in top of (I hoped) her underwear. She was looking down at me, her hair was a mess and her cheeks were tear-stained, but the look in her eyes was deep and compassionate, and I think she never was more beautiful to me.

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She didn't say anything, just turned around and went inside. I stood up, a little cramped by all the time I spent sitting in the floor, and followed. I closed the door from inside, the small room was warm and smelled of sweet incense. She was laid on her cot with the blanket covering her all the way from head to toes. I went closer to her and leaned at her side, she turned her back to me as I tried to touch her arm, but not like she was out of my reach anymore. I sat on the floor, resting my arms and head on the edge of the cot, and then I extended my left arm so I could stroke her hair. She shuddered at first, but then relaxed. I understood this as a signal of that she would listen to me now, so I spoke.

“I am sorry, Shaina.”

“You should be.” I barely heard her.

“Really, you have no idea of how sorry I am.” And I was being honest, I was sorry, so I continued. “I am sorry for tricking you into my foolish game. I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you. I'm sorry for being rude to you, and hurting you… in any way.” When I finished I realized that my eyes were burning and watering, and couldn't hold the tears. I sobbed on the edge of her bed, my head hidden between my arms. I felt her fingers reaching my head with soft caresses, and I raised my sight to find her again laid over her side, but this time she was facing me.

“Seiya… I…”

“Don't, please let me finish…” I didn't let her say anything for fear of losing my resolve “and I'm sorry for being a coward, and for being too weak to deal with… the things I feel… for you…” She gasped and covered her mouth to hide a sob “…and for treating you like it was all your fault, and like if I should punish you for everything.” I made a pause to regain my composure, seeing her in pain was tearing me apart. I breathed deep before continuing, “I know it's not a good excuse… but I'd been dealing with a big mess in my head lately, everything is changing so fast and I feel like I'm not following… like I'm stuck along with all my craziness… and when I see you I feel like something inside of me is crying out that I need to be close to you, but then something stronger, also inside of me, takes over and makes me do the stupid things. But now I know I won't be able to keep on with my life if I can't be close to you, even if you are mad at me… So please, be merciful to this man that is kneeling here at the side of your bed, begging for forgiveness… I'm not saying you must care for me or anything, all I ask from you is to be patient and try to stand the sight of me once in a while, and….

The tears kept running from her reddened eyes as she hushed me gently, putting a lead-black fingernail before my babbling mouth. She sat and patted a spot on her bed, indicating that I should sit at her side. I did. She lifted my face, holding my chin so I would look directly into her eyes…. and I did. And she spoke.

“I love you, Seiya. No matter how screwed up we both are… with everything I am, I do love you”.

I thought my heart would burst out in that very moment, incapable of standing the bizarre combination of elation and sorrow. Now I guess… this is what inspiration must be.