Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Take it or Leave it ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Take it or Leave it - Ch.3
Pairing: Gojyo/Sanzo (naturally)
Rating: Mature content
A/N: Keep watch for a dream sequence in italics... and I might have turned Sanzo into a basket case >_>; I'm not sure.
Length: ...longer than I would have liked 9_9

Disclaimer: No, they're not mine. Is it really necessary to remind me all the time?

Warnings: Yaoi, citrus, general potty-mouth, a surprising amount of childish behavior, and some violence. Oh, and angst. Did I mention that?


Take it or Leave it

Chapter Three


Not long after Sanzo had fallen asleep, Gojyo slipped out of bed and went to his own room next door, despite the fact that he dearly wanted to stay and just...hold the blonde.

He fell into a hesitant sleep, waking a few hours later, far earlier than he had wanted to, and wandered down to the inn's dining room to get some coffee and sat by himself in the corner, thinking. He really seemed to be doing a lot more of that lately.

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Sanzo groaned softly as he detached himself from the rumpled sheets of his bed in the early hours of morning and noticed, disappointed, that he was alone. He crawled out of bed with a small twinge at the dull burning in his backside and pulled on his clothes, deciding to find his way downstairs and acquire some caffeine.

He emerged from the stairway and froze as he spotted Gojyo sitting at a table nearby, his insides fluttering as he began to move forward slowly towards the red head.

Spotting the monk, Gojyo broke off from humming a lullaby his brother had used to sing to him and smiled. "Good morning,"

"Morning," Sanzo said softly, giving Gojyo a small, shy smile as he sat beside him and started picking at the sleeve of his robes nervously. Gojyo asked the passing waitress for another coffee for Sanzo, the monk muttering his thanks when someone brought it to him. As he sipped the steaming liquid, he looked at Gojyo sideways for a moment before turning his gaze back to his mug, Gojyo glancing at his companion every now and then as well.

Sanzo raised a pale eyebrow a few minutes later when Gojyo started chuckling to himself. "What?" He inquired, breaking the silence.

"Nothing, nothing,"

Scowling, Sanzo set down his coffee. "What, Gojyo?"

"It's just kinda funny how all we can do is just sit here, pretending we have nothing to say to each other, that's all."

Sanzo fidgeted in his seat, a little embarrassed at how adeptly Gojyo had pointed out that little factor.

"I'm glad you were able to get some sleep last night,"

"So am I," Sanzo replied, his face softening a little. "Did you...?"

"No, not really," Gojyo gave him an ironic smile and looked down into his empty mug.

Sanzo frowned. "Why not?"

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Why do you think?" Sanzo stared at him, a little confused, and Gojyo sighed softly. "I had a lot on my mind." He clarified, deciding to leave it at that.

"Why didn't you stay?" Sanzo asked quietly.

"I would have if I'd thought you didn't mind Hakkai and Goku knowing. I mind though, and I know you do too."

The blonde ducked his head. "I know, but..."

"Yeah yeah, I can never do anything right, I know," Gojyo smirked at Sanzo.

"Are you trying to tell me you did something wrong?"

"I don't know, you tell me. I was pretty happy with it myself," he said as he brushed their hands together slightly.

Sanzo's breath hitched at the soft contact and he looked at Gojyo through the bangs that had fallen into his eyes. "I wouldn't change a thing."

"Not this time around anyways," Gojyo smiled and said a little guiltily, "I'll bet you're sore." Sanzo's face reddened and he fiddled with his coffee mug. "I think Hakkai knows," Gojyo mused pretending he hadn't noticed the other's embarrassment, "He won't let on though...or at least I hope not."

"Of course he knows. It's Hakkai," Sanzo grumbled. "I don't think he'll say anything unless he wants to threaten or blackmail us."

"I like the sound of that," Gojyo interrupted, "Saying 'us' is nicer than saying 'me' or 'you'."

Sanzo let a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth and looked at Gojyo, saying softly, "I think so too."

Hearing Sanzo speak like that put Gojyo in the mood to just pounce and take him again, right there on the table in front of everyone. He almost wished Sanzo would smack him with the stupid fan and insult him so he could snap out of the trance he seemed to be in.

Gojyo was pulled from his thoughts when he sensed Hakkai coming down the stairs and cleared his throat in warning to Sanzo, who took the hint and quickly sat up a little straighter and rearranged his features to his trademark scowl. Seeing that they were up, Hakkai stepped over to them, smiling. "Goku's up and I've already gotten all the supplies together, so it looks like we'll get on the road on time today."

"About damn time," Gojyo drawled. "All this driving around at night and fighting demons is annoying."

"Nn," Sanzo grunted indifferently.

Hakkai laughed lightly. "But it was you two that slept late, if you remember,"

Gojyo ignored that fact and Sanzo scowled. Why was Hakkai always right? Just to piss them off?

Goku appeared at the base of the stairs and stood next to Hakkai, his energetic morning greeting ignored by the monk it was directed to. "So are we going or what?" the monkey asked.

Hakkai nodded in response. "Sure, if everyone's ready to go,"

Gojyo stood, hoping that Goku wasn't hungry, as Sanzo muttered to no one in general, "Whatever," as he pushed out of his seat and walked to the door. "We need to make up for lost time anyways."

Agreeing totally, Hakkai stepped lightly after him.

"Wait, what about breakfast?" Goku asked, causing Gojyo to hightail-it out the door.

"We're gonna leave you behind, monkey," He said over his shoulder as he disappeared outside.

Sanzo found he had to restrain a laugh at Gojyo's behavior, and said in a tone of ringing finality, "You can eat something in the jeep. Now come on."

Goku pouted, but kept his mouth shut as he trailed after Sanzo and settled into the jeep with the others.

Hakkai, far more perceptive than Goku, smiled over at Sanzo a little upon noticing how much tension had drained from the blonde's face and shoulders. He'd never seen him in such a good mood, ever. "There are some snacks in the bag, Goku, but don't eat them all," he supplied as he turned on the engine and started to pull out of the town.

Gojyo thanked his lucky stars that he'd gotten out of having to pay for Goku's food and rolled his eyes as the kid fished a meat bun out of one of the bags with glee. "You eat too much."

"No I don't," Goku protested loudly.

"Do too! I can't wait until you finally fill up and start getting fat."

"Oh really? Just for that I'm ordering everything at the next restaurant!"

Gojyo's jaw dropped. "Y-you can't!"

"Wanna bet?"

Sanzo, for once, found their quarreling mildly amusing as he gazed at the passing scenery.

"No, that's not fair!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't have picked a fight with me!"

"Oh dear," Hakkai chuckled.

"Think about all the people there, though, they've gotta eat too. It's mean to deprive them," Gojyo pressed.

"Oh, yeah right," Goku said, rolling his eyes at Gojyo's desperate attempt to change his mind.

Sanzo was still amazingly calm.

"You gluttonous little chimp!"

Goku stuck his tongue out at the kappa, and said kappa, growling angrily, grabbed it, causing Goku to make a very odd garbled yelp before kicking Gojyo in the gut. Gojyo felt his breath rush out of him and whimpered in pain. Overly-pissed, he smacked Goku on the back of his head. "OW!" Goku yelled before jumping at the red head.

Finally losing his patience, Sanzo smacked the both of them with his harisen. "Just grow up and sit back down!" he snapped. Gojyo's eyes widened. That hadn't hurt nearly as much as it usually did. Sanzo settled back into his seat and closed his eyes, ignoring Goku's pained whines, and Gojyo leaned back, folding his hands behind his head and relaxing as he tried not to imagine paying for Goku's next big meal.

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Nearing early afternoon, Hakkai pulled into the next town. It appeared abandoned at first glance; no one was in the streets and some of the buildings they passed were severely damaged. The place reeked of demons.

Sanzo narrowed his eyes at the overwhelming demonic aura infused around the town. Hakkai stopped and they climbed out of jeep, all of them sharing a mutual wariness at the lack of movement, despite the signs that people did indeed still live there.

"What a dump," Gojyo mumbled.

"Where did all the people go...?" Goku asked in a hushed tone.

Sanzo pulled out his gun. "Perhaps we should ask the demon standing behind us,"

They all turned and met the gaze of the demon standing in the road leering at them. Lucky as the Sanzo ikkou were these days, they had found another demon strong enough to keep himself from going berserk. Perfect.

Sanzo casually cocked his gun and leveled it to aim between the demon's eyes. "Well?" he asked impatiently.

The demon smirked at them. "Weary travelers in need of food and rest..."

"Why can't they ever just cut to the chase?" Sanzo grumbled before firing at the demon.

The demon vanished and reappeared much closer to them. "And not very polite either,"

"What the hell's your game?" Gojyo asked, irritated as he whipped out his shakujo. The demon smirked at them again.

"You'd better start talking before I start breaking bones," Goku growled as he summoned nyoibo.

Laughing wildly, the demon disappeared, his presence leaving them completely.

"God dammit," Sanzo snapped as he put his gun back into his robes, "This is just fucking perfect."

Goku banished nyoibo sadly. "I really needed a fight,"

Gojyo scratched the back of is head. "They never wanna fight anymore these days, they just wanna screw around and piss us off."

Hakkai smiled. "Ah ha ha...Let's just find somewhere to stay first."

"Fine," Sanzo sighed irritably, his good mood gone as he grumbled to himself.

They came upon a small inn and spoke to an extremely frightened couple at the desk; apparently, there had been countless demon attacks on the town as of late. After a little persuasion, Hakkai managed to talk them into giving them rooms, the only three still available. Gojyo, for one, wasn't very bugged by the situation.

"Well," Hakkai smiled, "One of us is going to have to share." Sanzo and Gojyo both eyed Goku warily.

"What?"

"You can have your own room."

"Really?! All right!"

Gojyo groaned and pushed some of his hair off his forehead. "So are we gonna fight for it, or what?

"There's a sensible way to solve everything," Hakkai said mildly.

"And that would be?" Sanzo asked irritably.

"I have no idea," Hakkai laughed, "I was just putting forth reassurance."

Sanzo put his face in his hands. "I'm surrounded by idiots,"

"Looks like you're gonna miss out on another fight, Goku," Gojyo grinned.

"Darn..." Goku pouted.

Sanzo smirked at Gojyo. "We could make another bet,"

"Shut up, monk," Gojyo leered.

"That's not a bad idea though," Hakkai cut in as Sanzo snickered.

"Leave it to Hakkai, fine," Gojyo mumbled.

"Well, how shall we do it then? Cards? Dice?" the healer inquired.

"Not mine, they seem to be rigged lately," Gojyo said blandly as Sanzo nodded in agreement.

"All right, all right....any other suggestions then?"

After a moment's silence, Gojyo turned to the blonde. "Give me your pack of smokes, Sanzo."

Sanzo stared at him blankly. "You can't smoke,"

"Just hand it over,"

Sanzo glared suspiciously at the kappa before pulling his cigarettes out of his robes and handing them to Gojyo. The red head pulled one of the cigarettes out of the pack and bent it before putting it back in and shaking up the box. "The one who draws the bent one's gotta share with whoever."

Slightly irritated at the bending of one of his smokes, Sanzo nodded along with Hakkai, who said, "Good idea."

Gojyo set the pack of cigarettes onto a nearby table in the inn's empty dining room and pulled one out. It was straight. Hakkai and Sanzo both followed suit, pulling straight cigarettes as well. The three continued drawing until only three smokes remained in the pack. Gojyo gulped, nervous mostly because he didn't want to lose. Again.

"Well, gentlemen," Hakkai said, "Shall we draw all at once?"

Sanzo waved his hand in bored consent as Gojyo mumbled more to himself than anyone else, "Dammit, I'm not gonna be the loser again,"

Sanzo chuckled. "We'll see."

Goku watched in amused anticipation as Gojyo closed his eyes, and Sanzo squashed his nerves as they all drew their cigarettes. Gojyo cracked an eye open and peered at the smoke in his fingers. "It's not bent...IT'S NOT BENT!! HAH!!"

"Neither is mine," Hakkai said much more quietly as he tried not to laugh at Gojyo.

"...Dammit," Sanzo scowled.

"I WON!" Gojyo crowed, "I won, I won, I won, I won, I won. 'Bout damn time!"

"Um, Gojyo, calm down," Hakkai laughed.

"So how do we figure out who I'm sharing with?" Sanzo asked irritably.

"Well, it doesn't really matter I suppose," Hakkai said, Gojyo continuing to jump around holding up the cigarette, "Just as long as you share."

"Well, figure it out because I could quite possibly be sharing with you," Sanzo snapped.

Hakkai chuckled. "I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault."

Sanzo blinked and glared suspiciously at Hakkai, but forgot the growing feeling that he'd been conned a moment later when he continued to hear Gojyo's ridiculous commentary.

"Goku, look, look! It's the most beautiful smoke I've ever seen. It's almost glowing,"

Hakkai sweatdropped, and Sanzo rolled his eyes before snatching the cigarette from Gojyo's fingers and lighting it up, blowing smoke into the kappa's face.

"What the fuck!" Gojyo freaked, "That was my lucky smoke!"

Sanzo pulled a leisurely drag of smoke from the cigarette. "And now it's not."

"Oh man, you are the biggest asshole in the world," Gojyo growled before lunging at the monk. Taken off guard, Sanzo fell back onto the floor, Gojyo on top of him.

"What the hell?!"

Gojyo grabbed the smoke from between Sanzo's lips and ran, Hakkai shaking his head and Goku wide-eyed. Sanzo scrambled to his feet and took off after Gojyo. "GET BACK HERE!"

"...Wow," Goku said, stupefied, as he and Hakkai watched, speechless.

"It's mine," Gojyo yelled over his shoulder as he ran.

Sanzo leapt over one of the tables and jumped at Gojyo, managing to snag him around the waist. "Is not! Give it back!"

"Gahh-" Gojyo fell over backwards and wriggled out of Sanzo's clutches, holding the cigarette over his head, thankful that he was taller. "You'll never take my good luck away from me again!"

Sanzo jumped, trying to snatch the smoke. "Dammit! Give it back!"

"Ah ah ahhh," Gojyo crooned mockingly as he pushed Sanzo back and held the cigarette as high as he could. "What's wrong, not tall enough?"

By that point, Hakkai had ordered Goku and himself some tea as they sat down to watch the show. "Three meat buns Sanzo gets it back," Hakkai murmured to Goku, who smirked.

Sanzo turned a little red, and straightened his robes with a huff. "Ass,"

"Aww, c'mon," Gojyo said as he gingerly put out the cigarette and stuck it in his pocket. "You're just sore because you pulled the bent one."

Without warning, Sanzo grabbed the cigarette out of Gojyo's pocket and ran. "Ha!"

"Ass!" Gojyo yelled as he pounced on the blonde, sending them onto the floor again. "Give it back!"

Sanzo clawed at the wood trying to get away as they struggled on the floor. "Get off me, you weigh a ton! And it's mine!"

"It's not yours!" Gojyo grabbed for it again. "It's my light of hope in this dark period of my life!"

"And you took it from my pack!" Sanzo retorted as he struggled and tried to elbow Gojyo in the gut.

Hakkai sipped on his tea calmly.

Gojyo avoided the elbow, and taking a shot in the dark reached a hand down to the monk's side and tickled him, hoping it worked. "Yeah, but it's proof that my bad luck streak is over!"

Sanzo bit his lip to hold back a laugh and squirmed with renewed strength, Gojyo yelping, "NO!" and lunging with a last spurt of energy as he grabbed the cigarette from Sanzo's fingers and crouched over it, guarding it for dear life.

Sanzo pushed at Gojyo and tried to pry the kappa's fingers open. "Give it!"

Holding the cigarette close to himself cupped in his hands, Gojyo curled into a protective ball. "You'll have to kill me first!"

"I said give it back!" Sanzo started hitting Gojyo's shoulder, who shook his head and tried to ignore the blows.

Having decided that...whatever this was had gone on long enough, and deeply surprised Sanzo had continued for so long, Hakkai cleared his throat. "Ah, Sanzo, I think he won,"

Sanzo froze with his hand in the air as the realization of where they were and who they were with hit him. No one else in the inn was in the dining room at the moment, but the location was still public nonetheless. Sazno's eye twitched as he stood up and straightened his robes again, Gojyo grinning to himself in victory. Hakkai didn't dare ask Sanzo who he was rooming with now.

Gojyo slipped his prize into the 'front' of his pants for the time being, for temporary safe keeping. Still red in the face from embarrassment, Sanzo strode over towards Hakkai, snatched one of the keys, and stormed up the stairs to the rooms. "You three figure out who wants to suffer my company,"

Hakkai and Goku were once again rendered speechless, and Gojyo yelled at Sanzo's retreating figure, "That's not how it's supposed to work!"

"I don't give a shit!"

"You LOST, take it like a man dammit!" Gojyo said angrily as he jumped up after him.

"...What just happened?" Goku turned to Hakkai.

"I think we just witnessed something more commonly called--" He stopped himself.

"What?"

"Frustration, I suppose," Hakkai laughed, glad he had prevented himself from saying 'lover's quarrel'.

"That's not really what you were gonna say, is it?"

Hakkai shrugged. "We don't always say what we mean to, do we?"

"Ah, never mind," Goku mumbled. "Why's Sanzo so weird lately?"

"Must be stress," Hakkai said bracingly. "Any other ideas?"

"Tired?"

"Could be..."

---------------------------------------------

Sanz o heard Gojyo coming up the stairs after him and ran for it. "Cheater!" Gojyo yelled as he emerged at the top of the stairs. Sanzo fumbled with the key to see the room number and took off down the hall. "Coward! Running away, are you?"

Sanzo abruptly stopped and spun on his heel to face the kappa. "What did you just call me?"

Gojyo skidded to a stop in front of the blonde. "You lost!"

"And I'm going to share my room, that was the deal," Sanzo replied acidly.

"But you're supposed to pick who you share with and have last choice, that was the deal,"

"The rooms are the same, dumbass,"

"I know that," Gojyo said, frustrated, "You're not understanding the point of losing the game!"

"Then what is the point?" Sanzo asked, exasperated.

"The point is," Gojyo yoinked the key, "That you have to choose." I wanna hear you say it...

"But it doesn't make any difference!" Sanzo sputtered.

"It does! Can you not get it?" Sanzo stared at him. “Or speak?" Sanzo twitched in agitation and glared at the red head. "Mad at me now too, hmm?" Gojyo smirked. Sanzo narrowed his eyes. If Gojyo was grinning at a time like this, what he was thinking probably wasn't very good.

Gojyo advanced on the monk, backing him against the wall. Sanzo glared, promising death even as he pressed himself as far back as he could, nerves making his stomach flip. "Gojyo--" he said in warning.

"Yeees?"

Irritated at his position, Sanzo growled, "I don't know what you're thinking, but so help me God, if you put it into action--"

"Ohhhhh, swearing on God now, are we? I'd be careful, they're watching us you know." Sanzo twitched in response as Gojyo leaned in close to his face, gently breathing against his lips.

"It-it's an expression, smart ass," Sanzo stammered, losing his edge as his breath began to quicken. Gojyo searched violet eyes, placing a hand against the wall next to Sanzo's fair head. The monk swallowed audibly.

"You're not really going to room with Hakkai, are you?" He murmured. A small noise escaped Sanzo's throat. "Hmm?" Gojyo pressed, almost a whisper as he pressed his body lightly against Sanzo's. The blonde quivered, and felt his heart begin to pound somewhere in the same vicinity of his Adam’s apple.

"I didn't know you were ticklish," Gojyo grinned, their lips so close together he could almost feel them.

Sanzo's eyes widened. "If you tell anyone--"

"What'll you do?" Gojyo chuckled.

"I'll shoot you. Somewhere non-lethal. Repeatedly."

"You'd miss and you know it," Gojyo smirked.

"I never miss," Sanzo's eyes narrowed again.

"So you really think you could take me? And that aside, I can stand a little pain. It would be worth it." the kappa's grin widened.

Sanzo flushed and tried to look dignified. "Tch. I could take you."

"That's a bet I know I'd win."

Sanzo glared contemptuously and Gojyo pulled back. "In any case, last choice is still yours."

Still glaring, Sanzo pulled himself up to his full height and closed the space between them, smiling maliciously.

"Uh--" Gojyo blinked, caught off guard.

Sanzo pushed his hand down the front of Gojyo's pants, grabbed the cigarette still stowed there, and streaked back down the hall to the stairs as Gojyo's jaw dropped.

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On his way outside with Goku, Hakkai blinked as Sanzo appeared from the stairs looking very pleased with himself. "Oh...you're back?"

Gojyo came stumbling after the monk a moment later. "C'mon, grow up. Give it back dammit."

Having plans for it later, he'd stashed the cigarette in one of his volumous sleeves, and said, "Nothing doing," as he turned to Hakkai. "Where were you headed?"

Seriously pissed, Gojyo yelled, "SLEEP WITH GOKU! I'm out of here," and stormed outside, even though he knew he was probably in for a guilt trip later; he really wanted his lucky smoke back.

Hakkai blinked and cleared his throat uncomfortably. "...Oh."

"Dammit--" Sanzo followed Gojyo out the door and saw him walking quickly down the road. Gods but Gojyo wanted some demons to pummel right about then.

Gathering courage for what he had planned to do much later, Sanzo shouted at the kappa's retreating form, "If you want it back so badly why don't you get over here and look for it?!"

Grumbling, Gojyo just kept walking. Sanzo stared at Gojyo's retreating back, doubt and more than a little hurt blooming in his chest at the flat-out rejection.

Gojyo stopped suddenly and whipped back around to look at him, Sanzo pulling on an impassive mask to hide behind as he turned to go back inside.

"Why'd you follow me out here if you were just gonna go back in?" Sanzo stopped at Gojyo's voice, frowning. "Come with me."

Sanzo looked at Gojyo over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. "What?" Sanzo almost winced as it came out harsher than he'd intended.

Gojyo's eyes hardened a little. "I'm going for a walk," Gojyo said as he turned away again, "If you didn't want to come with me, then why'd you follow?"

Sanzo felt his chest constrict at the hardness in Gojyo's voice and turned back towards him uncertainly.

"You're so damn hard to read, Sanzo."

The blonde blinked, a little thrown off by the unexpected statement. Looking down at the ground he said quietly, "That's what happens when you spend as much time hiding as I do."

With his back still turned, Gojyo held his hand out to Sanzo. "C'mon,"

Sanzo eyed the hand uncertainly for a moment before stepping forward and taking it. Gojyo took a small breath of relief when he did and squeezed his hand gently as they started to walk.

They wandered at a slow pace, heading around the outskirts of the town, taking care not to go too far. "Um...where are we going?" Sanzo asked uncertainly. "What about the demon?"

"Nowhere, just around. The demon can go fuck himself."

Sanzo snorted softly. Typical.

They continued in silence for a while, Sanzo walking sedately next to Gojyo, lulled by the silence and warm presence beside him. Gojyo rubbed his thumb lightly over Sanzo's hand, the monk squeezing a little tighter in response.

The couple breached the large wall built around the town, broken and dismantled in places as the result of multiple attacks. Sanzo tripped over a piece of the rubble strewn around outside and stumbled, grabbing Gojyo's arm to keep himself upright. "Careful," Gojyo murmured as he caught him.

Sanzo pushed himself back upright, face red. "Dammit,"

Gojyo chuckled.

"Oh, shut up,"

"Fine, fine," Gojyo said airily, "I won't speak from this moment on."

Sanzo scowled. "You know that's not what I meant,"

Gojyo grinned. "Then say something, anything, and mean it."

Sanzo scoffed. "Stop being such an ass. How's that?"

"I mean," Gojyo pressed, his voice softening, "Say anything. I don't care what, just mean it."

Sanzo stared at the ground a moment before saying softly, "This is nice."

Gojyo smiled. "This is nice."

Sanzo sighed and leaned his head on Gojyo's shoulder as they walked, goose bumps shooting down the back of the kappa's neck as he brought an arm around Sanzo's waist to rest on his hip in return. Sanzo leaned closer at the touch, sighing again and having to wonder at himself for the unusually affectionate behavior he was displaying as he nuzzled against Gojyo's neck. What the hell is wrong with me?

Gojyo leaned over and placed a lingering kiss on the blonde's forehead, Sanzo blushing and clinging a little tighter. "I've been thinking," Gojyo said quietly, "About what you said the other night about being weak."

Sanzo looked up, a little nervous. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think needing someone and affection are a sign of weakness, not at all. If anything, it takes strength to even start it, but especially to keep it going. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Sanzo stared at the ground, quietly. "But that’s what I've lived by for all these years. Detachment. Telling myself...that I didn't need anybody."

"Well, you can keep telling yourself that then, but you'll be lying, won't you?"

"...Yes" Sanzo said softly.

Gojyo's heart fluttered in his chest and he turned, grabbing Sanzo and pulling him close in a tight embrace. The blonde tensed for a moment, startled, before melting into Gojyo's arms.

"You make it so hard on me sometimes," Gojyo said, breathing softly against Sanzo's ear.

The monk fisted his hands into the fabric of Gojyo's shirt. "You realize I've never been like this with someone before?" he asked, slightly muffled.

"Yeah, I realize that. I've always been partial to virgins," Gojyo laughed and held Sanzo tight so he couldn't lash out at him, despite the fact the blonde tried anyways.

"Fucking smug bastard--"

Still smiling, Gojyo leaned down to stop the monk's ranting with a kiss, even as Sanzo struggled and tried to protest to no avail. Gojyo pushed the smaller man against the wall, parting Sanzo's lips with his tongue. The monk squirmed, even though his body, traitor as it was, had already started responding. Gojyo kissed him sloppily, holding onto him tightly and not letting him go for anything. Sanzo whimpered and moved his hands to clutch Gojyo's waist, gasping and arching against the wall as the red head pushed a knee up between his legs and started kissing across his face. Gojyo moaned, putting more pressure against the blonde as Sanzo pressed himself more fully against his partner and moaned breathlessly.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get tired of this," Gojyo said against Sanzo's lips.

"Good--" The blonde panted.

Gojyo ran a hand up through corn silk hair and loosened his death grip on Sanzo, who, being decidedly stubborn, hung on.

"...You're not really rooming with Goku, are you?" Gojyo asked hesitantly.

Sanzo gave an exasperated laugh that Gojyo pouted at. "You really are an idiot,"

"And you really are a jerk," Gojyo said before kissing him again.

Sanzo moved his arms to wrap around Gojyo's neck and pressed their hips tightly together, making the kappa groan. "Sanzo...I think we should head back,"

Sanzo pressed his face against Gojyo's neck. "Do we have to?"

"Well...it's a little dangerous out here, don't you think?" The red head asked with raised eyebrows, a little amused at Sanzo's needy behavior. "There's a difference between weak and vulnerable."

Sanzo pouted. "Can't we find somewhere to go?"

Gojyo melted at the pleading and desire apparent in the violet eyes gazing up at him. "Yes. Anywhere, yes, hurry,"

Sanzo grinned smugly as Gojyo pulled him by the hand and lead them through one of the large holes in the wall. "That's what I thought,"

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "Stop being proud of yourself, c'mon," Gojyo pulled the monk along behind him as he searched for anywhere they could go quickly and not be found, Sanzo still grinning. They came upon a small abandoned house not too far into the city that by the looks of it had been deserted by it's respectful owners in a hurry.

Once inside, Sanzo pressed tightly against Gojyo and kissed him deeply, pulling a shaky moan from the kappa who walked them backwards towards the bed in the far corner. The pair landed gracelessly with a thump, Sanzo finding himself unable to pull away, and Gojyo unable to stray from the kiss either.

Sanzo gasped for breath and rubbed against Gojyo a little shamelessly, the kappa's cheeks reddening and mouth opening wide against Sanzo's. He frowned a moment later when Sanzo started snickering. "What?" he asked breathlessly.

"I made you blush," Sanzo said, also short of breath.

Gojyo's eyes widened and he pressed his hands to his cheeks. "You did not! It's hot...that's all," He finished feebly, avoiding Sanzo's eyes.

Sanzo drew Gojyo's gaze back to his own. "It's cute,"

"That is not a compliment!" Gojyo stammered.

"But the only other times I've made someone blush is because of an insult,"

"A shameless one at that," Gojyo laughed, "You've got quite an arsenal."

Sanzo grinned. "I try. I've even made up a few words before, I think..."

"I thought so,"

"Yeah, well..."

Gojyo traced a finger along the collar of Sanzo's robe, making it slip from his shoulders, watching with soft eyes as he admired Sanzo's gorgeous features. Sanzo stilled with a small quiver and flushed at the inspection. He hated it when people would stare at him, so why, when Gojyo did it, did his heart pound in his chest?

The kappa ran his hand down Sanzo's arm to his hand, grasping it gently as he rested his other arm behind his head. "I feel so safe with you," Gojyo said softly.

Sanzo's eyes slid to half mast and he leaned down, brushing their lips together, hesitating as he tried to ignore all the alarms going off in his head telling him to do otherwise before murmuring, "I don't think I ever felt safe until I was with you,"

Gojyo encircled Sanzo in his arms, "I want to protect you forever then,"

Sanzo couldn't breathe for a moment and pressed their lips together, acting needier than he ever would have believed possible. Gojyo whimpered, his eyes wide with surprise, and raised his hips against Sanzo again.

"Gojyo...please..." Sanzo pressed back against him.

"Geh--" Gojyo struggled with his belt buckle, not wanting to stop this feeling for anything, Sanzo following his lead as he hurried to push his own pants off his hips, bypassing his robes for the time being. Gojyo scooted up and pushed against Sanzo more with a groan as he finished pulling his pants and shirt off while Sanzo was busy with his robes. The quick removal of clothing was abruptly halted when Sanzo got his head stuck in his haste to pull his top off. "Fucking--"

Gojyo chuckled and helped him get it off, Sanzo's hair on end when he pulled it free. "Now that was cute," he said teasingly as he trailed his hands down the monk's bare chest. Sanzo glared venomously, but unsuccessfully so; it was difficult to be threatening with your hair mussed and your face tinged pink.

Gojyo placed a wet kiss on Sanzo's chin and slowly moved down his neck, Sanzo sighing in pleasure as he forgot to be angry and tilting his head back to better expose his pale neck as the kappa's hands roamed over his body. Gojyo pulled him closer to sit in his lap and looked up into the blonde's gorgeous eyes. He couldn't even think of anything to say to him, opening and closing his mouth a few times unable to say what he wished he could articulate.

Sanzo smiled softly and placed a chaste kiss on Gojyo's lips. "Shh, I know."

Gojyo ran his hands down the monk's back and gripped his backside, pulling him hard against his hips with a groan. Sanzo gasped loudly and gripped Gojyo's shoulder's compulsively, whimpering the kappa's name. Gojyo started kneading the firm flesh of Sanzo's rear and leaned up to kiss the blonde as he slipped a finger inside of him, making the blonde tremble. Gojyo kissed Sanzo tenderly, pacifying him as he started to stretch him gently, adding a second finger to the first. Sanzo started panting as Gojyo fingered him, pushing deep enough to hit the blonde's sweet spot and make him choke on Gojyo's name.

After he felt Sanzo was sufficiently prepared, Gojyo hastily wet his fingers and slipped them over himself before he leaned backwards, raising Sanzo off his lap a little, still holding his backside, and positioned him over his arousal before easing him down carefully.

"Uhn--" Sanzo leaned forward and tightly gripped Gojyo's hips with his thighs, hands tightly braced against the kappa's chest. Gojyo rolled his head back with a gasp once their hips sat flushed together. Sanzo moaned loudly, his voice hitting a tender pitch at the feeling of Gojyo filling him. He didn't seem able to catch his breath.

Chills shot through the red head at the mere sound of Sanzo's pleasured voice, and he reached back and gripped the blonde behind his knees as he rolled them forward to put Sanzo on his back and pushed into him again, hard.

Sanzo yelped sharply at the abrupt change of angle and pressure. "SHIT!"

Breathless, Gojyo froze. "Did I hurt you?"

"Noooo," Sanzo moaned, panting for air, "Do it again--"

Gojyo eagerly obeyed, ramming into him hard and moaning loudly with each thrust. Sanzo whimpered, folded beneath Gojyo, his arms hooked tightly around the kappa's neck and his bent knees gripping his sides. He let out a piteous whimper as he all too soon peaked under Gojyo's ministrations, and was so convinced he'd fall away and disappear, clung that much tighter to Gojyo. Don't let go, don't let me fall--

As Sanzo clenched tightly around him, Gojyo hunched over as his breath caught in his chest and he was thrown into the grips of a shivering orgasm. Why can't I breathe...why is this happening? Why do I feel like I want him, only him, so badly?

Gojyo panted as he rested his head on Sanzo's chest and slowly regained his breath as he started to cool down. Sanzo was still gasping for air as he came back to himself, not even noticing the moisture leaking from his eyes. Gojyo ran his hands up Sanzo's sides and raised his head. He brushed a finger under one of his eyes gently when he saw the tears. "Sanzo?"

The monk blinked, still short of breath. "What?"

Gojyo shook his head and lowered his lips to kiss away the tears. "You're mine,"

"Good," the blonde said softly as he ran fingers through red hair.

"...Do you think any of this would have happened if it wasn't for that stupid bet?"

Sanzo snorted softly. "Gods, I don't know," he continued to stroke Gojyo's hair before adding softly in an afterthought, "It wouldn't have if I'd let you leave."

"Why didn't you?" Gojyo asked, brushing tumbled bangs from Sanzo's eyes.

"I've told you...I don't really know. I just...didn't want to be alone." The blonde blinked and tilted his head. "Why did you stay?"

"...I don't really like the rain. Never have. I was just going to find something to take my mind off of it. And I stayed because you told me to, duh." Gojyo grinned.

"And since when have you ever listened to me?" Sanzo asked, poking Gojyo's forehead.

Gojyo blinked. "I wasn't too crazy about getting wet either. You just let me know I could stay if I wanted to. You can be a little intimidating, you know," he chuckled and poked him back.

Sanzo raised his eyebrows. "Even though I'm short?"

Gojyo laughed loudly. "You're not...that short,"

"Yeah right," Sanzo snorted, oblivious to Gojyo's dirty interpretations, "You probably outweigh me by twenty pounds too."

"Yeah, I'm a fatty," Gojyo rolled his eyes, pinching his stomach.

"Shut up, you know that's not what I meant," he made a face, "Hakkai says I don't eat enough."

"You don't," Gojyo smirked, "You should eat more."

Sanzo hit Gojyo's side and glared. "Shut the hell up,"

"Hey now," Gojyo winced.

"Oh, like that really hurt."

"Hit me harder then," Gojyo laughed, unable to stop himself.

Sanzo blushed and started stammering as he pushed against the kappa's bare chest. "All right, get the hell off of me!"

"Noooo," Gojyo whined as he clung.

Sanzo tried to kick him from his awkward position, only managing to shift enough so that Gojyo, still inside of him, pressed against his prostate, making him whimper. Still laughing, Gojyo leaned in close to the monk's face and smiled at him. "Aww, stop it."

Sanzo turned his head to the side stubbornly, and Gojyo opted to kiss under his chin. "Nnn," Sanzo tried once more, unsuccessfully, to move out of reach, Gojyo grabbing his head and pulling his cheek to his lips. "Gahh," Sanzo pushed against him, "Quit it,"

Gojyo grinned again and tickled him, Sanzo biting his lip so that only a whimper left his mouth as he pushed hard against the kappa and tried to scoot away. "Fucking--evil bastard,"

"Whatever," Gojyo smiled, "It's not a crime to want to hear you laugh, is it?"

Sanzo scowled. "But you're cheating,"

Gojyo pulled on a hurt expression. "I never cheat," Sanzo had to laugh at that despite himself. Gojyo smiled. "There's a laugh."

"Oh, be quiet," Sanzo turned a little red and squirmed in discomfort.

Gojyo sighed and hugged him close again. "We should head back soon. It'll get dark."

"How long have we been gone?" Sanzo asked, glancing out the window.

"I'd guess about three hours,"

"Oh shit...I'll bet Goku's frantic,"

"Nah, he's probably just eaten all the food there and I'll have to pay for it."

Sanzo chuckled softly. "I think you added that part to the bet too."

"Don't remind me," Gojyo grumbled as he sat up, the blonde hissing at the movement and biting his lip. Gojyo kissed his belly and eased out, Sanzo groaning softly.

"I never would have dreamed I would enjoy this..." He mumbled as he sat up and stretched.

"Believe me," Gojyo chuckled, "Neither would I,"

Sanzo grinned. "The self-proclaimed lady killer. Parents can sleep a bit more soundly now, I suppose, without you after their daughters."

"Hey!" Gojyo said indignantly, "They could sleep soundly knowing their daughters would have beautiful children."

Sanzo had to work hard to not laugh before Gojyo grinned again and leaned in close to his face. "Would you have my children?"

The monk raised his eyebrows. "You should know for a fact that I don't have the right equipment," he said, nipping at Gojyo's nose.

"It's just a question," Gojyo said with a laugh. The red head stood and started getting dressed. "We should switch clothes."

Sanzo laughed again at the image of Gojyo in monk's robes. "I'd be swimming in yours, and you probably wouldn't be able to get into mine."

Gojyo laughed out loud. "I get into your pants just fine."

The kappa finished dressing and pulled Sanzo to his feet even though he was still naked and spun him in a bit of a dance move.
"G-Gojyo--" Sanzo stammered, flustered as he grabbed for him as he lost balance. Gojyo laughed and pulled him close, bending him back like in a tango. Sanzo clutched his shoulders tightly, not very fond of being tipped backwards precariously. "Let me up, I'm going to fall!"

"Not if I'm holding you," Gojyo smiled.

"Well at least let me put on some damn clothes!" Sanzo snapped, now blushing scarlet.

"Fine, if you must," Gojyo sighed as he let him up.

Sanzo grumbled to himself as he pulled his clothes back on. "Wait," he said, glancing around, "Have you seen my sash?"

"Yeah," Gojyo said as he leaned down to pick it up off the floor, "Heh, without it looks like you're wearing a dress," He chuckled as he knelt in front of Sanzo, wrapping it around his waist and tying it for him.

Sanzo scowled, his face still red, and growled, "It's not a dress." Gojyo chuckled to himself and looked up at Sanzo, still on his knees in front of him. Flushing a bit more and still scowling the blonde said in irritation "Don't give me that look, we have to go,"

"You're right, let's go," Gojyo said, not moving.

Sanzo rolled his eyes and offered Gojyo a hand to get up, the kappa taking it and continuing to stare up at him, Sanzo fidgeted and tugged. "C'mon..."

Gojyo shook his head and stood up. "You spoil all my fun."

Still holding the red head's hand, Sanzo moved in and kissed Gojyo softly before letting go and walking to the door, "We need to go," Gojyo blinked out of his brief stupor at the contact and trotted after him.

The sky had grown cloudy and overcast, starting to darken quickly. Sanzo shivered despite himself; it looked like rain. They walked into the street together and Sanzo looked around. "...Do you know which way we came?"

Gojyo stifled another laugh. "Which time?"

Sanzo gave Gojyo an exasperated look. "Gojyo, I'm serious,"

The kappa grinned. "It's this way," he jerked his head in the indicated direction and started walking, the blonde running to catch up and falling into stride beside him.

Gojyo began humming his brother's lullaby quietly to himself as they walked, something he did when he was in an exceptionally good mood. A mood that was ruined when a voice rang out from the shadows, "Shouldn't be out so late..."

Sanzo halted abruptly and pulled out his gun, aiming it over his shoulder in the direction of which he knew the demon stood. "Go fuck yourself."

The demon emerged slowly from the shadows, a gleam in his eye that didn't sit well with Gojyo at all. The creature leered at Sanzo. "I'm sure I could get someone else to do it for me, hmm?"

Sanzo's eyes widened and he whipped around to face the demon, snarling. Gojyo summoned his shakujo, easily keeping his cool. He, for one, had no problem being teased about sex. "Translation," he drawled in a bored tone, "That means buzz off. We're kind of in a hurry."

The demon ignored Gojyo and grinned right at the blonde. "It seems that the Sanzo priest is going against his own teachings...isn't he?"

Sanzo narrowed his eyes. "You obviously don't know much about me," he sneered before firing at the demon rapidly.

As had happened the last time they’d faced the bastard, the demon disappeared with a highly annoying laugh and reappeared off to the side. "What, is that it?"

"Don't underestimate me," Sanzo growled, Gojyo spinning his shakujo and launching the blade at him, not having any more luck than Sanzo had.

"Oh, after what I just saw I don't think I could ever underestimate you..."

Sanzo's face burned red again. Now he was fucking pissed. Gojyo cast a worried glance at the monk, knowing that the jerk's comments were getting to him; he was always bugged by that kind of stuff. "Sanzo...don't let him get under your skin like this, it's what he wants--"

Sanzo fired off an entire round, tracking the demon's movements but still not quite fast enough to hit him, and the demon unable to contain his laughter. "FUCKER!" Sanzo yelled out in his fury.

Gojyo ran at the demon, attacking at top form but still not good enough as the demon swiped viciously with his claws in retaliation.

On his last nerve, Sanzo began to summon the sutra in a rush, the artifact starting to come to life about his shoulders. Slowing down, Gojyo had resorted to blocking, still unable to get a hit in. As the demon's eyes flicked back to the priest, he knocked Gojyo to the ground and leap at Sanzo, claws arcing through the air.

"Dammit, leave him alone!" Gojyo yelled in a furious panic as he ran to intercept the blow.

The words died in Sanzo's throat as he stood frozen and could no longer remember how to speak, the world slowing down around him.

Gojyo wasn't thinking. He couldn't be. All he knew, was that he didn't want to see Sanzo hurt. He skidded in front of the blonde and knocked him backwards, claws slashing across his chest as he held back a scream. The kappa toppled backwards onto Sanzo, blood splashing on both of them as they hit the ground hard.

The demon scowled at the interception and disappeared, sulking and no longer amused enough to stay. "You've not seen the last of me."

Sanzo couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. All he could register was the blood soaking through his robes and seeping from Gojyo's shaking form. Sputtering, Gojyo struggled to sit up, clutching his bleeding chest. "S-sanzo..." He struggled to his knees, leaning against his shakujo as he struggled to stay conscious.

Sanzo slowly looked down his front and at his shaking hands, hot, crimson consistency congealing on pale robes and paler skin. He still couldn't breathe.

Gojyo slumped further against his weapon, eyes wide as he choked and blood ran down his chin. "Ahh--dammit--" he said weakly. "Sanzo...listen to me, get Hakkai!"

"Gojyo," The name slipped out of the blonde's mouth, panicked and an octave higher than it should have been. "Gojyo--Gojyo--"

Voice trembling and thick with blood, Gojyo garbled, "Get Hakkai--" before slumping over, no longer able to hold himself up.

Sanzo's head snapped up as Gojyo fell, eyes wide and a little crazed. "GOJYO!"

"Sanzo--" Gojyo knew the monk was flipping out, but he needed help, and fast. He reached over and grasped Sanzo's arm. Sanzo stumbled next to him on his knees and gripped Gojyo's quaking shoulders.

"No," He whimpered.

"No, no, Sanzo, please--" Gojyo gasped, "Hakkai..."

Sanzo caught the red head as he slumped over and fell unconscious. The monk managed to get his bearings enough to pull Gojyo's limp form over his shoulder and stagger to his feet, taking off down the road as he willed himself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Why did it feel so real?

Sanzo barely registered voices and lifted his head to see his companions running to meet them. "We heard gunfire and...Oh shit..."

"My God, Gojyo! Sanzo, what happened?" Hakkai hurried forward.

"Hakkai, do something!" Sanzo snapped, not entirely sane at the moment.

Hakkai helped ease Gojyo to lie on the ground and hastily began to heal him, almost sighing in relief when he found that the wounds were not very serious. More than anything, blood loss was the most damage.

Sanzo stepped back, wrapping his arms around himself so he couldn't look at his bloody, shaking hands again. Goku moved cautiously near the monk. He'd never seen him so...broken. "Sanzo?" The blonde slumped down onto his knees, unresponsive and eyes unseeing. Hakkai sat back on his heels after he finished closing the wounds.

"Goku, go back to the inn and ask for warm water and some clean cloths,"

Casting a last worried look at Sanzo, Goku took off without another word.

"Sanzo, help me get him back," Hakkai said firmly, shaking the blonde back to the present. Sanzo nodded mutely and stumbled over, grabbing Gojyo and helping Hakkai hoist him the rest of the way back to the inn and into one of the rooms, ignoring the wide-eyed inquiries from the innkeepers.

They set the wounded kappa on the bed, and Hakkai began to gently clean the blood from Gojyo's skin with the water and rags Goku produced moments later before rubbing a salve onto the newly healed slashes and wrapping bandages around Gojyo's chest. "Sanzo, he's going to be fine, the demon missed all his vitals," Hakkai said in a calm, measured voice.

Sanzo, still mute and trembling, backed against the wall and slid down to crouch on the floor, wrapping his arms around himself again, this time in a bleak attempt at holding himself together.

"Sanzo, it wasn't your fault."

Still not really seeing anything around him, the blonde began to slowly shake his head.

"...I'll leave you two alone for a little while." Hakkai said softly as he moved to leave, leading a silent Goku out with him, knowing that there was no getting to the monk when he was like this.

"...I couldn't save him," Sanzo whispered, barely audible and far away.

"It looks like he saved you," Hakkai said quietly as he shut the door.

Alone, the silence raged loudly in Sanzo's ears and he put his face into his bloody hands. "Why did you do this to me?" He asked the room brokenly. Sanzo screwed his eyes shut and moved his hands to cover his ears and block out the roaring mass of human drama that his memories consisted of and that threatened to swallow him whole. New memories of Gojyo and red, so much red, began to bleed over the old horrors playing against his eyelids until he could no longer differentiate between them.

After what felt like hours but was in reality a few minutes, Hakkai carefully came back in with another bowl of warm water and a hand towel, and knelt beside Sanzo. "For if you want to clean up..." Hakkai said awkwardly into the silence.

After receiving no answer, or rather no indication that he was recognized at all, Hakkai, gently extracted Sanzo's hands from his hair and cleaned them for him. Violet eyes cracked open at the touch and for once Sanzo didn't fight Hakkai's mothering; a sign to Hakkai of just how very badly his friend was shaken. With a startling realization from the proof currently quite literally in his hands, Hakkai knew that if anything happened to either one of his friends by this point, the mission would be forfeit.

Hakkai moved the rag to rub the blood smeared on the blonde's face before standing to leave again and telling Sanzo quietly, "I'm next door if you need anything," and left, the door clicking softly as it closed behind him.

Starting to regain his control a little, Sanzo forced himself to push down the storm of emotion engulfing him and was left quite...empty. Raw.

Gojyo whimpered softly and opened his eyes wearily. Sanzo looked up and moved closer to the bed. "...Gojyo?"

"Sanzo," Gojyo turned his head to look at Sanzo, the one he now knew he'd do anything to protect. "You're okay."

Sanzo couldn't quite bear to even look at him, and asked in a shaking voice, "Why did you do that?"

"I couldn't watch you get hurt," he said simply, "It wasn't that bad, you know." He added with a small smile and raised a hand to rest on Sanzo's cheek.

Sanzo flinched away from the touch and abruptly stood, taking a step back. "You couldn't bear to see me hurt, but I was supposed to stand there and watch it happen to you? That hit was meant for me."

"It shouldn't have been meant for either of us. I'd be doing the same thing you are now if you were lying on this bed instead of me," Gojyo said, reaching for Sanzo again.

The monk took another step back. "You're just like him,"

Gojyo lowered his hand slowly and frowned, "...Like who?"

Sanzo started shaking his head, his voice cracking. "I won't do it. I won't watch someone else die for me."

"I'm not dying, Sanzo," Gojyo said steadily, trying to not let himself get too worked up.

Sanzo backed against the wall again. "I told you, people who get close to me tend to die. And it's always because of me."

Gojyo couldn't stand this. He tried to sit up and said bracingly, "Sanzo, stop this. It'll take more than that to kill me,"

Sanzo put his face in his hands again and slid back down the wall. "All I can see is the blood," he said brokenly.

Gojyo fell back against the pillows, holding in a frustrated cry. "Dammit, Sanzo..."

"I can't lose you like that,"

"I'm not lost. I feel like I'm losing you..." Gojyo trailed off and said in almost a whisper "I never want that to happen."

Sanzo lowered his hands and looked up with overly-bright eyes. "But what if I'm not allowed to be happy? It's like this is just...a sick joke the Gods are playing on us."

"I refuse to believe that." Gojyo said sternly. "I've never seen you happier than you've been these past three days. Hell, I don't think I've ever seen you happy. This wasn't a mistake."

"I...I put up all those walls...So I'd never love someone so much that--that I couldn't bear to lose them, and now..."

Gojyo closed his eyes, hating that there wasn't a thing he could do and terrified that someone else he loved would despise him.

"...I can't lose you, Gojyo. What if...what if you leave, just like everyone else has...?"

"You don't trust me."

Barely audible and ridiculously ashamed, Sanzo said, "I'm afraid."

Gojyo reached a hand towards Sanzo again. "Don't leave,"

The blonde looked at Gojyo for a long moment with painfully vulnerable eyes before reaching out a shaky hand to Gojyo's. The kappa gripped it tightly in his own. "Be scared all you want, as long as you're scared in my arms," he said, his eyes unyielding.

Sanzo crawled over beside the bed, hand still tightly enfolded in Gojyo's. "You must be insane."

"I think I must be," Gojyo agreed, pulling Sanzo's hand to his lips.

Sanzo leaned forward against the bed and blinked owlishly up at Gojyo. "Pull a stunt like this again and I will kill you,"

Gojyo chuckled weakly. "I believe you. But you'd have to catch me first."

Sanzo managed a glare. "I think I'm capable of catching a kappa."

"You've never tried," Gojyo grinned.

Sanzo smirked. "But haven't I already caught you?"

"Or have I caught you?" Gojyo kissed his hand again, making Sanzo blush.

"That would make you the first, I suppose...not like no one else has tried. And they're probably too traumatized to talk about it."

"Aww, it's not that bad," Gojyo smirked.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow. "I was referring to what I did to them for trying," he said dangerously, "What were you talking about?"

"Nothing," Gojyo grinned at him. Sanzo tried to glare, but only managed to look sulky. "Don't give me those looks," he said, and poked Sanzo's face.

Sanzo blinked. No one had ever dared to poke him in the face. He narrowed his eyes and flicked Gojyo's nose, making him yelp.

"Damn priest,"

"You started it," Sanzo smirked.

"I think you broke my nose."

"Oh please, stop exaggerating."

The charmer in Gojyo taking over he said, "Okay," before his eyes softened. "I love you."

Sanzo looked up with big eyes.

"I think I've told you before," Gojyo smiled, "But I still mean it. Even if you may not believe me. And I like to think you wouldn't have gone this far with me if you didn't feel anything for me."

"I want to believe you," the blonde said quietly as he looked up at Gojyo with a steady gaze, "and do you honestly think I would have broken down and made a fool of myself if I didn't love you?"

A surge of warmth shot through Gojyo. "You love me?"

Flushed and a little exasperated, Sanzo snapped, "You really are an idiot! Hakkai and Goku probably think I'm insane now after the way I lost it! When have you ever seen me do that?"

"Well, never...it scared me to be honest."

"Hmph. Join the club."

Gojyo rolled his eyes and scooted over towards the other side of the bed next to the wall to make some room for Sanzo, patting the empty space and giving him a meaningful look. Sanzo tentatively crawled onto the bed, stopping as he stared at the bandages around Gojyo's chest. The kappa pulled his chin to make the blonde look him in the eyes. "I'm fine,"

Sanzo's expression softened, some of the tension he'd been overcome by draining away at the look in Gojyo's eyes. "You're still an ass," he said as he carefully curled against Gojyo's side and sighed.

"And you're still a damn monk that fights with a fan."

Sanzo narrowed his eyes. "It works, doesn't it?"

"Not on me," Gojyo smirked.

Sanzo opened his mouth to retort but closed it as he thought about it. "You do only shut up when I shoot at you, don't you?"

"Fans are for monkeys."

"I must be losing my touch."

Gojyo rested an arm over Sanzo and pulled him into a gentle hug, Sanzo returning it carefully. "Gojyo...you're still hurt...and I'm filthy," he said as he looked down at his robes in disgust. "I think I'll burn these."

"It doesn't even hurt, and you're fine. I'd bet money I'm dirtier than you."

Sanzo gave him a look, not amused. "I'm soaked in blood."

"You could always just...take it off you know..."

Deciding to ignore any hidden meanings, Sanzo sat up, carefully setting aside the scripture before pulling the soiled fabric over his head, and threw his robes into the corner. "Dammit--" Sanzo hissed when he saw than his jeans and underclothes were just as badly stained, his pale skin darkened by drying smears of the stuff. He felt faintly nauseous.

Gojyo sat up some with a wince, causing a flare of panic to shoot through Sanzo. "Don't, lie back down."

"But I'm hungry,"

"Fine, I'll go find Hakkai. Just...stay here,"

Gojyo's eyes widened. "I could do it, Sanzo,"

The blonde twitched. "Don't push me Gojyo, I mean it."

"I'm not pushing you...that's why I'm saying I can get my own food. You're overreacting."

"So what if I am?" he snapped.

The protests died in Gojyo's mouth and he shook his head before saying softly, "Thank you."

Having not expected compliance so easily, Sanzo blinked at him. "All right then. I'll be right back." Gojyo sighed and leaned back as Sanzo walked to the door and into the next room over to find Hakkai sitting on the windowsill with a book. If Sanzo knew Hakkai, which he felt he did, Hakkai had probably been eavesdropping, not reading.

Still pretending to read, Hakkai looked up. "Is he doing all right?"

"He said he's hungry,"

Hakkai smiled and stood. "I'll get something for him,"

Sanzo fidgeted and nodded as Hakkai went downstairs to the innkeeper. They were still spooked over the attack but helped Hakkai find some things from the kitchen that would be suitable for Gojyo just the same. Hakkai made his way back up the stairs to find Sanzo loitering in the hallway uncertainly, absentmindedly rubbing at his arms, still sticky with blood.

"Why don't you get cleaned up Sanzo, I'll get his food to him."

"But..." Sanzo looked at the door to Gojyo's room a bit guiltily.

"But what?" Hakkai asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sanzo sighed. "I know I owe him."

Hakkai blinked before offering Sanzo the plate he was holding. "In that case I'll get you something to change into."

Sanzo's face tightened, barely noticeable as he looked at himself again. "Thanks," he muttered as he took the plate and stepped back into Gojyo's room.

Hakkai grinned to himself as he went to find some clean clothes for Sanzo. He planned on 'reading his book' for the rest of the night.

Gojyo turned his head at the reappearance of his blonde companion, who stood uncomfortably in the doorway before walking to Gojyo's bedside and handing the plate of food to him. Gojyo set the plate on his lap and struggled to sit up again, Sanzo bending over quickly to help the red head prop against the pillows. "Thanks, I'm starving."

Gojyo grabbed the chopsticks and picked up a piece of chicken, but dropped it before he could get it to his mouth because he couldn't really move or bend to meet the chopsticks halfway. "Dammit,"

He tried numerous times before finally managing to get the chicken into his mouth and smiled triumphantly at Sanzo. The monk gave Gojyo a half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as even more guilt settled in his stomach.

Gojyo decided to change tactics and try some noodles, grumbling when he didn't have any more luck with them than he had had with the chicken. "I'm so hungry..." he whined, sounding suspiciously a certain monkey. The kappa turned to look at Sanzo, smiling sweetly.

The monk's eyes widened. "Oh, no--"

"Please? I'm starving," Gojyo cast big, red, puppy eyes Sanzo's direction.

Flustered, Sanzo looked at him helplessly. "But we're grown men,"

"Oh, like we act like it half the time anyways," Gojyo said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh...all right..." Sanzo said, flushing at the remembrance of some of their earlier activities. He sat down on the side of the bed with a half-hearted grumble, taking the plate and chopsticks from Gojyo. "If you tell anyone about this--"

"Cross my heart," Gojyo smiled at him.

Sanzo piled up noodles into the chopsticks before offering them to Gojyo. "So help me, if you make some kind of crack..."

Gojyo looked hurt. "And have you spill hot food all over me? C'mon, I'm so hungry...I'll die."

"Tch. You sound like Goku." Gojyo stammered at that, Sanzo cutting off his complaint when he continued in irritation, "Well, you do." He waved the chopsticks. "Are you going to take it or not?"

Gojyo opened his mouth and closed it over the chopsticks, smiling at Sanzo teasingly. The monk glared and pulled the now empty chopsticks out of Gojyo's mouth and got more noodles. Gojyo opened his mouth again, smiling each time Sanzo offered him more.

At that moment Hakkai knocked on the door lightly before coming inside and saying, "Sanzo, I have your change of clo--" and stopped to stare for a moment. Sanzo jumped off the bed as if he had been burned, still holding the plate of food, the chopsticks dangling out of Gojyo's mouth. Hakkai set the clothes on the end of the bed. "Forgive me," he said as he held in a laugh and exited, closing the door behind him.

"Ggh--" Sanzo's face burned red and he dearly looked like he wanted to break something. Gojyo merely blinked, sucking on the chopsticks. Hearing laughter through the door the kappa noticed Sanzo's hand twitching as if itching to grab his gun.

After a very long few minutes, Sanzo managed to get a hold of himself and sat back down on the bed, snatching the chopsticks from Gojyo's mouth, his face still rosy and eyes hidden behind his bangs. Gojyo was amazed the blonde wasn't throwing a fit, while in truth Sanzo had to work very hard not to.

"Just hurry up and eat," Sanzo snapped, offering Gojyo more noodles. Gojyo readily accepted the food, not dumb enough to object if Sanzo was still willing to feed him.

Soon, the plate was cleaned and the monk dropped both it and the chopsticks onto the bedside table before standing. "I'm going to go change and clean up."

"All right," Gojyo said as he watched carefully as Sanzo grabbed the clothes Hakkai had brought and disappeared into the small adjoining bathroom, closing the door with a soft click. Gojyo sighed and looked down at his bandaged chest and ran a finger over the healing wounds. He'd take a million of those for Sanzo. He knew that now. He just hoped the man could overcome what had happened.

Once in the bathroom, Sanzo stared at his reflection in the mirror over the sink, pale and bloody. Memories flashed before his eyes undaunted, and he promptly retched into the toilet.

His stomach empty, he rested his head weakly against the toilet bowl trying to get a grip on himself. This was absurd. He was stronger than this. How could he fall apart so easily? How could he have let the others see his weakness?

Sighing, he stood and pulled off the rest of his clothes, throwing them into the trash without a second thought before grabbing a washcloth and soap and turning on the shower, stepping into the spray of too hot water and starting to scrub brutally at his skin.

Ten minutes later, his skin pink and smarting, Sanzo dried himself off and pulled on the white button-up shirt and jeans Hakkai had brought him, both too big for him. It figured he didn't have any clean spare robes. He walked back into the room, pulling his damp hair back into a small ponytail at the base of his neck. Gojyo turned to look at him. "Feel better?"

Sanzo nodded a little. "How are you feeling?"

Gojyo shrugged. "I'm not hungry anymore. And as for this," he pointed at his chest, "I'll be fine by tomorrow."

"Right," Sanzo said vaguely, "I'll be right back. I need something for my head."

Gojyo resisted the dirty comment begging to be said. "Okay."

Sanzo padded into the hallway and knocked on Hakkai's door.

"Come in," Hakkai answered, knowing he was in for it.

Sanzo entered silently and stopped at the foot of the bed Hakkai was pretending to read on, glaring at him.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, looking up.

"I have a migraine," Sanzo answered tersely, still glaring.

"I'll get you some aspirin," Hakkai said as he stood and dug around in the supplies.

"You did that on purpose." Sanzo said, still holding his glare. It wasn't a question.

"I brought you a change of clothes, Sanzo. What you two do is none of my business," he replied, grinning to himself as his back was still to Sanzo.

"He couldn't eat properly by himself," Sanzo snapped in irritation, "And I know you, and I know that you waited until the opportune moment to come in."

Hakkai looked at him over his shoulder. "I did knock,"

"And didn't wait for a reply."

Hakkai handed Sanzo the bottle of aspirin and a canteen. "All I know is it's nice to see you smile once in a while."

Sanzo scowled, his face a little red. "Just keep your mouth shut about it."

"Goku," Hakkai said abruptly, "He's quite worried. I told him not to go see either of you until Gojyo gets his strength back."

Sanzo hid a worried expression, or rather hoped he did, and frowned. No wonder it had been so quiet. He was amazed the kid had listened and stayed away.

Hakkai settled back onto his bed and picked up his book again. "Just don't ignore him for too much longer, all right? He really looks up to you."

"...Right," Sanzo turned to go, deciding that he probably wasn't ready for the questions Goku would undoubtedly ask. He was too tired, and his head was starting to pound badly. "I'll go talk to him in the morning."

"Good night, Sanzo."

"Nn." He quietly walked back to the room he was to share with Gojyo and shut the door, uncapping the pill bottle, Gojyo blinking awake at his return. "Go back to sleep," Sanzo murmured.

Gojyo shuffled on top of the sheets. "I wasn't asleep,"

"Well, then go to sleep," Sanzo said wearily as he pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead, trying to ignore the pounding headache that had blossomed.

"Only if you do too," Gojyo said, a little concerned.

Sanzo trailed his eyes to the bed and Gojyo lying on it. "I'll take the floor. Just give me a pillow."

"You're insane," Gojyo frowned.

Sanzo sighed in irritation. "Gojyo, the bed isn't big enough and you're injured. I'll sleep on the floor."

"...Then I'll sleep on the floor,"

"Are you crazy? You're staying where you are!"

"Not if I accidentally roll off the bed. I'll sleep on the floor with you."

"Oh for the love of--fine, we'll share the bed. But if you reopen--"

"I won't get hurt, geez!" Gojyo said as he moved over to make room.

Sanzo sighed in resignation and crawled next to him cautiously. "You're such a baby."

"You've gotta give me credit for trying though,"

"Hmph," Sanzo rolled onto his side to face the red head, Gojyo brushing some hair from the monk's face and letting his hand run the rest of the way through his hair to meet the base of his ponytail. Sanzo closed his eyes and sighed, scooting a little closer despite his concerns and knotting his fingers into Gojyo's loose hair. The kappa leaned their foreheads together, looking into Sanzo's eyes, happy just to be close to him. "I meant what I said earlier," Sanzo said quietly, "Don't do something like this again."

Gojyo brushed their lips together. "I meant what I said earlier too." Sanzo curled his head against Gojyo's shoulder, the kappa brushing his fingers up and down the blonde's arm lovingly when Sanzo cautiously moved it to drape over Gojyo's waist and relaxed some, the red head nuzzling their faces together.

"Now will you go to sleep?" Sanzo mumbled.

"Yes,"

"Good," the monk said drowsily.

Gojyo didn't want to close his eyes and not see the beautiful person in his arms, but after only a few minutes his eyelids drooped and his breathing evened out, Sanzo already gone.

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< i>Not again. How many times had he found himself sitting in this damned room across from his master? He hated this. He knew what was coming and was powerless to stop it, again and again. It had to be a sick joke. Why else would he continue to be suffocated by the memories he could not handle? Why wouldn't the memories just fade? Why couldn't he be granted an ounce of peace?

Koumyou was speaking, but Sanzo...Kouryuu, wasn't listening. He didn't have to. He could never forget their last conversation. The granting of the title he had come to wish he had never been given. Instead, he was waiting.

As if on cue, the door banged open and splintered, a great, snarling beast with mad eyes leaping into the room. He felt himself being knocked back and was blinded by the swirl of cloth that was Koumyou Sanzo putting himself between demon and child. Wide violet eyes stared, horrified and unable to look away as claws swung down an a deadly arc, a brilliant shower of crimson painting the room and Kouryuu's small body.

Suddenly, everything changed. A great dead weight fell back onto him, knocking the wind out of him as a warm, wet consistency seeped through his clothing and on his skin. Gasping for breath, he struggled up, the weight shifting down onto his legs. He blinked through what he now discerned to be blood and had a brief glance of the stuff coating him until his gaze fell upon a very familiar fall of red hair.

His stomach clenched painfully as he rolled Gojyo over and gazed into dead, crimson eyes. This wasn't happening. Gojyo wasn't dead. This wasn't real. His heart was bursting. This wasn't real, Gojyo wasn't--

-------------------------------------------------

Sanzo jolted awake with a start, his eyes flying open in a panic to find himself in a heap on the floor, tangled in a blanket, the Maten Scripture pooled docilely around him on the floorboards. Not fully processing his immediate surroundings nor the signifigance Sanzo looked wildly around, breathing hard and very close to terrified, "Gojyo!"

"Sanzo--" Gojyo leaned over the bed, wide-eyed with worry and shaking as he took Sanzo's hand, holding it tightly. "Sanzo, it was a dream,"

The blonde scrabbled over to him clumsily, still caught in the blanket, and grabbed the sides of Gojyo's face to stare into his eyes, still panicking. "You're--"

"I'm here," Gojyo said as he put his hands over Sanzo's, his eyes frightened. He'd never seen Sanzo this upset before, not even earlier that day. "I'm here, it was a bad dream."

The monk took a great shuddering breath, still staring hard at Gojyo's face and starting to shake quite badly. "A dream..."

"Yes, a dream. Nothing bad happened,"

Both Sanzo and Gojyo turned sharply as Hakkai and Goku came running into the room, Goku with nyoibo in hand. "What happened?" Hakkai asked, on edge as he took in the room, his hands glowing green and prepared to send an attack. "Did something attack you?"

"Sanzo?" Goku asked, worried when he saw no immediate danger and noticed the state the monk and the room was in.

Sanzo blinked in confusion at them until his hand brushed against something soft. The sutra. He frowned down at it and it's appearance on the floor with him before he took in the tendrils curling across the room and the carnage it had instilled. Almost all the furniture was broken. Horror crept upon him as he realized what had happened.

"Gojyo, what happened?" Hakkai asked, flustered to a high degree.

"I don't know! He started tossing in his sleep and mumbling, and then that damn piece of paper came to life and started tearing up the place. I had to push him off the bed just to wake him up!"

Goku took a few uncertain steps towards the blonde. "You...summoned it in your sleep...? I didn't know you could do that,"

Gojyo looked back down at the still form of Sanzo, who was still shaking and staring at the room, horrified.

"Are you all right?" Hakkai knelt next to the blonde, who appeared much, much younger without a scowl on his face.

He was dumbstruck. "How is...how is this even possible?" Sanzo eyed the sutra once more, continuing to stammer, "I've never lost control...this can't..."

Hakkai stood, understanding dawning on him. "Goku, let's go."

"What?" Goku asked, "But, Sanzo..."

"I think Sanzo needs to figure this out on his own," The healer replied quietly. Goku cast a last worried glance over his shoulder before allowing Hakkai to lead him out.

"...Sanzo?" Gojyo asked cautiously.

Very pale and shaking badly once more, Sanzo put a hand to his head. "I-I could have--" he suddenly felt very ill and his breath started to come in panicked gasps.

Ignoring his pain and dizziness, Gojyo climbed off of the bed onto the floor and pulled Sanzo into his arms wordlessly. "Shh, calm down."

Sanzo pushed away, still sensible enough to mind the wound on Gojyo's chest, and stared at the damage to the room at large. "I-"

Gojyo peered him, incredibly worried. "What happened?"

Feeling the bile rising in his throat, Sanzo stumbled to the bathroom and retched into the toilet. "Sanzo!" Gojyo pulled himself to his feet wincing and having to take a moment to steady himself. Sanzo slumped over the toilet for the second time that night, drained. Gojyo walked slowly towards the bathroom, supporting himself against the wall, more concerned than he could even say. "Sanzo, what the hell is going on?"

Sanzo looked up sharply at Gojyo's voice and felt panic flare once more at the sight of him struggling towards him, leaning heavily on the wall. He hurriedly pushed to his feet and ran to him, helping him sit down on the floor. "Gojyo, you shouldn't--"

"I'm fine, Sanzo, what's going on?

"Just...just go back to bed,"

"Stop ordering me around and talk to me!" He pressed, worried as all hell.

"Please, Gojyo," the blonde pleaded.

"You cast the sutra in your sleep, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that that isn't normal!"

Sanzo moved away a little, resisting the urge to lock himself in the bathroom.

"You say I worry you," Gojyo continued, "But what do you think you're doing to me right now?! It's tearing me up inside!" Wincing, Gojyo pushed himself back onto his feet as he talked to the monk. "You mean more to me than anyone, ever! I've said things, done things, that I would never do for anyone else!"

Sanzo winced at Gojyo's harsh voice and put his head in his hands again, gripping his hair tight enough to pull it out. "How could I--I didn't--I could have killed the both of us!"

Gojyo grabbed Sanzo's shoulders and gripped them tightly. "You should know by now, Genjo Sanzo, that death is not the thing that scares me the most in this world!" Sanzo looked up at him, frightened, and the kappa softened his tone. "What scares me most is losing you."

"If anything after today you should know I can't bear to lose you!" the monk said hysterically, "I just came this close to destroying you myself! Do you not understand that?!"

"I don't even understand why though! You never talk to me!" Sanzo pulled away from Gojyo's grasp and backed himself against the wall, trying very hard not to get sick again. "Sanzo!" Gojyo said, aggravated that Sanzo was closing off. "I want to understand you! How many times have we been close to death but still lived? This is no different,"

"You still don't get it...I did this, I lost control. I didn't know summoning the sutra in my sleep was even possible and I did it without even knowing! What if you hadn't woken me up in time?!"

"Why did you summon it though?! And 'what ifs' are bullshit!"

"I don't even know what I'm capable of anymore!"

"Are you even listening to yourself?!"

"How can I be with you if I'm a threat to myself and others?! It's not safe!"

"Fuck safe!" Gojyo yelled, feeling as if his heart was being ripped to shreds. Again. "If you can give this up so easily, then maybe you're right," Gojyo said unsteadily, real tears welling up in his eyes for the first time in years.

"Do you think I could live with myself for killing you in your sleep?" Sanzo asked in a quaking voice as he started to break down.

"You're afraid of yourself so you're pushing me away. That make's so much sense." Gojyo said, his voice hardening as he swallowed his emotions and locked away his tears.

"Fine," Sanzo said, his voice a little stronger now in spite of the tears that began falling from his eyes, "You want to know why I lost it?"

"That's what I've been asking you and you keep pushing me away!"

"I held you dead in my arms!" Sanzo shouted, paying no attention to Gojyo's dumbstruck face as he turned on his heel and walked out the door, not looking back. He didn't have the strength to.

Gojyo clenched his teeth and hissed in a fierce whisper, "And you run away again," before limping back to the bed and burying his face in the pillow, screaming loudly into it. It still smelled like Sanzo's hair.


TBC

(holy crap, it's a cliffhanger! Please don't hate me ^_^; )

COMMENTS PLEASE!!!