Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction ❯ Longing2: The Silent Path ❯ X. ( Chapter 10 )

Chapter X. Ruby/Amethyst

 

 

Trial By Fury

 

 

I can hardly believe I've come this far

I've put myself back together

I've healed my broken heart

I've restored my dignity

and regained my self-respect

I'm no longer living a lie.

 

But if there is one thing I have learned

It is that I love him.

I loved him in my innocence

I loved him in my pain

I loved him in my healing

And I love him still in my freedom.

 

I've grown

I've matured

I've moved forward

I have found myself again.

 

But I love him still.

And I know now

I will love him

Even when I am dust on the ground.

 

I don't expect anyone

to understand or believe me.

It is what I know to be true,

and for what it's worth,

it sustains me.

 

But I do so hate to be misjudged.

I am labeled a martyr

I am accused of weakness

Just because

I would rather hurt myself

than cause him pain.

I am scorned and ridiculed

for caring

more for his happiness

than my own.

 

I don't get it -

Where is my selflessness?

Where is the strength

I had to find

To say goodbye

Even though it tore me apart

to let him go?

Where is the courage

I had to fight for

To give him his freedom

With no guarantee that he'll ever return?

Where is the will

I had to create

To pick up the pieces

And start over again?

 

So don't limit your judgment

to the pride that I swallowed

and swallowed so quietly

in order to save him

the burden of guilt.

 

Don't condemn me.

Don't make a mockery of the

sacrifice I made.

Don't turn it into my sin.

 

I have no regrets.

None.

`To thine own self be true.'

I am.

That is all anyone can ask of me.

And it shouldn't be a crime.

For if it is,

then everything is a lie

nothing is what it is

and all of sense is a travesty.

 

So hate me if you will.

But don't pity me,

Just because I happen

to love him

more than myself.

Am I supposed to feel shame

that my love is that pure?

Bullshit.

You don't know.

You have no idea.

You have no right

to make something filthy

out of my sincerity.

 

I am in earnest.

I suffer without complaint,

and I suffer alone.

I don't want your sympathy.

I don't need your approval.

 

No one can take from me

nor mar what is in my innermost heart;

And it is there that he lies,

Forever safe and secure

Deep within my soul.

 

My love is unconditional.

No greater love

has anyone than this.

 

(Gojyo:) I loved him from the beginning.

 

(Sanzo:) And I'll love him till the end.

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

-owari-

 

 

A/N: Please take note that these poems were written 8 years ago (when I first had my heart broken, *sniff*); they were *not* written specifically for Longing. So some parts of some poems might not necessarily fit. But as mentioned above, I just remembered them all of a sudden, being in the same mood as the Longing thread which I'm working on, and they fit amazingly well if you overlook the occasional ill-fitting line…. Oh, ALL RIGHT, then, I was too damn LAZY to revise, okay??? XP Harharhar… Ja!