SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ A cameo, a curse, and an endless stream of noncannon nonsense ❯ In which Grappler Gouf and Zero wish death upon their comrades ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter three: In which Grappler Gouf and Zero wish death upon their comrades in the longest chapter yet
(Congrats to everyone who managed to spot the JTHM reference in chapter two. Here are your imaginary cookies! This chapter will focus a bit more on the Trio, and also introduce the fic's first ever Zako Zako Hour!
PS: The next chapter might take a while to write. My plot bunnies seem to only want to stand around and do Rayman Rabbit impressions.
PS 2: I do not own SD Gundam Force, Legend of Zelda, or any and all related characters that may or may not appear in my fic.)
Meanwhile, somewhere a few kilometers east of Neotopia, a Zakarello Gate opened up and deposited the Trio in a forest.
Zaku: Augh, filthy organics. I don't see why we couldn't bring some Bagubagu.
Gouf: We are only here to find out the identities of the two people who beat the Gundam Force, not to get our asses kicked again. It was hard enough keeping the gate from giving off its usual energy signatures.
Dom: Daaaaahh…
Gouf: *sigh* Gate not act same. Gundams not know what gate is. Get it?
Dom: Oh, yeah, I get it! I think.
Zaku: (Pats Dom on the head) Good for you, Dommie-bozu.
Gouf sighs and brings out three watches.
Zaku: Aw, man! Why'd you have to bring those?
Gouf: We need disguises. And the Gundams would never expect us to disguise ourselves as humans.
Zaku: (pouts) But I don't wanna look like a filthy organic!
Gouf: (hands him the red watch) Too bad. I refuse to let you get caught.
Zaku: :'3 Awww, you really do like me!
Gouf: (Hands Dom the purple watch) Besides, if you get caught, it won't take the Gundams an hour to find out all our secrets.
Zaku: 7_7 … Yeah, I hate your living guts, too.
Gouf: Deal with it.
He puts the watch/holo-disguise generator on and activated it. Almost instantly, Gouf seemed to disappear, replaced with a tall, dark skinned human girl with blue hair tied back in a thick elbow-length braid wearing a white blouse underneath a dark blue vest and a dark blue, modest-length skirt , looking like she just stepped out of the pages of a Shojou Manga.
Dom: Daaaaahh! A human! Whadid ya do with da blue guy?!
Gouf: (sounding like a well-educated young lady) It's me, you complete moron.
Zaku: ….. Why in the name of all things evil did you disguise yourself as a female?!
Gouf: Di'kut... Activate your disguise. Both of you.
Zaku and Dom grumbled a bit, but complied. A moment later, three human teenagers, two guys and a girl, were standing in the forest where the Dark Axis Trio had been only a minute ago. The one standing where Zaku had been had short, blazing red hair, glaring emerald green eyes, a Hispanic complexion, and was wearing black jeans and an open-front burgundy shirt; The one where Dom had stood had neatly cut, lilac-colored hair, innocent blue eyes, and was wearing dark purple, Chinese-styled clothing with an ornate gold trim. All in all, they were pretty good-looking.
Zaku: Who the heck designed this hologram?! A freaking girl?!
Gouf: Suck it up, princess. At least we don't look anything like ourselves, now.
Dom: (sounding like a twelve-year-old) Dah, I look pwetty!
Gouf: Dom, stop talking before you give me a migraine.
Zaku: Well, let's go already! I don't want to be a stupid organic any longer than I have to.
And with that, Zaku ran off towards Neotopia, Gouf and Dom trailing behind him.
Gouf: At least activate the voice-changer, you di'kut!
A few minutes later, in the Neotopia business district, Sayla and two of her friends are walking along the street, window-shopping and chatting merrily.
Sayla: …and mister Zero was so nice to help us that I gave him the cake I made!
Leslie: Oooh, I bet Shute liked that!
Jade: So how long did he chase Zero this time?
Sayla: I don't know! He was still tired the next morning, though!
Jade: Ooooh, girls, check them out!
The disguised Dark Axis Trio was walking slowly, looking around the crowd. The three girls stared at them, giggling softly.
Leslie: I wonder who they are.
Jade: Whoever they are, they sure aren't from around here.
Sayla: `specially not the blue-haired girl.
Jade: Oh my gosh, I think the Chinese guy is checking us out!
Dom had, in fact, stopped to stare at the three girls, blushing furiously as they giggled and waved at him.
Gouf: What are you staring at, moron?
Zaku looked over to where Dom was looking, did a double take, then hit the disguised robot on the head.
Zaku: (now sounding somewhat like Mighty, from Bomberman Jetterz {It wasn't released in America, go look it up on Youtube}) Ooooh, looks like someone's got a crush!
Gouf: We don't have time for this. Lets g- Dom!
Dom had already run off and was now talking avidly with Sayla, Leslie, and Jade.
Gouf: Son of a Bagubagu…
Zaku: Ah, but who art we to fathom the power of love?
Gouf: Cut the Shakespeare crap and go get the imbecile. Now.
Zaku: (salutes) Yes, sir, commander! (Rushes off towards Dom and the girls) Hey, Dom! Who're your friends?
Gouf: Oh, sweet fierfek…
Meanwhile, back at Blanc Base…
Haro: Shute, will you please SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN!!!!
Shute: O.O I am silent.
Haro: Thank you. Now, Kao Lyn, please continue.
Kao Lyn: …. Kay. Well, as I was saying, the Random Spell appears to have placed an extremely odd curse upon Captain.
Zero: Turning into a doll whenever he's hugged or kissed?
Baku: >:3 Things are going to get very interesting around here, methinks.
Haro: Is there anyway to turn him back?
Kao Lyn: Erm, well… the trigger for the curse also seems to be, uh, the reversal for it, as well, but only in one instance.
Baku: Meaning…?
Kao Lyn: Someone has to, er, kiss him to change him back… dun hit me.
Shute: Oh, no way! Captain's my friend, but I don't like him that much!
Haro: I'm not taking off my helmet.
Baku: My honor forbids it!
Kao Lyn: I, uh, have to see Juli about her, uh… scooter! Yeah. Be right back.
Zero: …. Well, uh, I guess the task of awakening our dear friend would, erm, fall to me, then.
Everyone else: Oooooooooh!
Shute: Good thing I have my camcorder with me! (Brings out a small video camera and turns it on)
Zero: T_T Get cancer, Shute. (turns to Captain, whom Kao Lyn had set on the table) *muttering* okay, okay, okay. Breath, Zero, breath. You're just helping a friend.
Baku: Maybe he isn't just a friend! You didn't put up much of an argument about it.
Shute: >:3 Heyyyyy, you may be on to something here, Baku!
Zero: >_<+ Just shut up, already! (sighs heavily) *muttering* Just close your eyes and get it over with, Zero. Kay, here goes nothing…
Zako Zako Hour!!!
The scene changes to the Zako Hour stage, where our three hosts are just rushing onto the stage, mikes in hand.
Zako Red: Hello, and welcome to yet another Zako Zako Hour! Today's meeting is all about…
All Three Zakos: Why the heck is Ganondorf in Neotopia?!
The audience cheered and shouted out random statements of agreement.
Zako Yellow: Wait, I thought Tallgeese said he summoned Ganondorf. What else is there to tell, zako?
Zako Blue: Well, Tallgeese may have made it sound like a simple summon spell, but, in actuality, it was waaay more complicated than that!
Zako Red: You see, since there really isn't a Hyrule dimension, Tallgeese actually had to create the Ganondorf he had with him with Mana, zako!
The Zako with the yellow microphone and most of the audience went “Oooooooohh!”
Zako Yellow: Wait! That still doesn't answer how Tallgeese knew about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time in the first place! It's an old Neotopian dimension game, zako!
Zako Red: Tallgeese was learning about human culture on the internet when he came across the game's page on Wikipedia and thought it was an ancient Neotopian legend, zako.
Zako Blue: Yes, that is something he'd do, zako.
Zako Red: Anyways, that's our show for toda-
Zako Yellow: Aah! Wait! Wait! I have another question!
Zako Red: *sighs* What is it, zako?
Zako Yellow: What was with those watch-thingies our lords used to disguise themselves as humans with, zako?
Zako: Uhhh… I actually have no idea what they are.
Zako Blue: I've never heard mention of anything like them before, zako.
Suddenly, the screen behind them flickers to life and Grappler Gouf in human guise appears on it.
Gouf: Of course you've never heard about them, Professor Gerbera only just invented them!
All Three Zakos: AAAAAAAAH!!!!! A HUMAN!!!!!!!!
Gouf: >_____<+ I'M LORD GRAPPLER GOUF, YOU FLIPPIN' DI'KUTS!!!!!!!!!! (De-activates his disguise to show them)
Zako Blue: Aah! S-sorry, lord Gouf, sir!
Zako Red: Y-your disguise was very convincing, zako!
Zako Yellow: A work of art, z-zako!
Gouf: Morons… Anyway, as I was saying, these disguise watches, or, as Professor Gerbera calls them, Portable Holographic Espionage Devices- PHEDs for short- are a brand new technology developed by the Dark Axis. They project a holographic image around their wearers that enable them to appear as an entirely different person or species. They also come with an in-built voice modifier, and even some limited insubstantiability magic provided by Deathscythe himself.
Zako Blue: That's amazing, Lord Gouf, sir!
Gouf: Now, if that's all, I'm in the middle of a mission. (Disappears from the screen as it turns off.)
Zako Blue: Any other questions?
Zako Yellow: Nope! I'm good, zako!
Zako Red: Right then! For the future of the Dark Axis…
Everyone: Zako soldiers fight!