Slam Dunk Fan Fiction ❯ Blabberings ❯ Blabbering1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Blubbering 1

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Disclaimer:
Wasn't me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Really, Akira, I'll never listen
to anything you say.

It was stupid really. I never
should have asked you for advice--err;
I never should have listened to your
unsolicited 'words of wisdom.' "He's in
love with you, that's why." Those were
the exact words you told me. Those were
the exact words that made meconfused.
And thinking.

Only you would assume that 'he' is doing
those irksome things, just to get my
attention. It was the
get-him-through-insults maneuver, you
said. And what else did you say about
it? Ah, that he pet-named me because in
doing so, he had made me his. But you did
not consider this: he pet-names
everybody, even the captain. Even you. He
does have a way with naming. Baka Smiley,
how very appropriate. You do remind me of
those round yellow smiley things. But I
hate it.

I hate your smile. I have always hated
happy things. Like him, but his smiles
are real. That's why it was relatively
easy for me to confront him with your
insinuations. He never hides anything,
he always say what he wants to say. He
does what he feels like doing. And I
understood completely his answer. He
told me that if he wanted anybody, he
would show it outright. So, no, Akira,
he's not in love with me. He is
irritating because he likes to be that
way. He is shallow, in that respect. And
in some ways, he is innocent. Unlike me.
Unlike you with your stupid smiles.

The world has tainted us with
shades of black and we are hiding from it-
- I through sleep. And you, your smile is
just a mask. Did you really think that
you can evade reality by smiling at it?
Life is harsh, Akira, it won't be nice
to you just because you face it with a
smile. And I find it infuriating when you
smile.

In a dream, I have defeated your
smile. You looked at me, unsmiling and
the brightness in your eyes dimmed. You
gazed at me with such melancholy that I
couldn't help but let you inside my
darkness, until you could see nothing but
our true selves. Your face was gold and
your touch so lithe I shuddered. In that
dream, I have engulfed you with your
smiles.

When I woke up, it felt like the
summer heat had concentrated on me and
I was lost. I realized then that I could
never truly defeat you, even in my dreams.
Because you have defeated me first, and
there is only one way that I could
somehow overcome this loss. I have to
realize that because of my downfall, I am
different now. I'll try to defeat this
loss. But in the meantime, I won't
listen to you anymore. Because if I do,
I might believe you. And your words
aren't what you really mean. You're as
lost as I am.

I'll wait for you to stop smiling.
Then, I'll listen.

=======================================


--------------------------------sailing-
not really a fan of rukawa. but he's
ok nuff to horse around wuth. especially
with senru.
someone would kill me for writing about
rukawa. and, bnx, if you happen to get
hold of this, and you happen to realize
who i am..... sheez... i really don't
want a war. sendoh is yours... really.
--------------------------------sail---