Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers Melee ❯ Oh L-sama, when will the insanity end? ( Chapter 4 )

Oi! Hi peoples! My aren't we having fun? I'm dedicated to my story. You see, I have a massive English report on the 'Grapes of Wrath' due tomorrow, but I'm here, working on my story for you! Is that love or what?

Sorry 'bout not updating and stuff. Between getting a massive case of the flu that left me out for a good week and a half, finals, starting new classes and going on vacation (yah, yah, excuses, excuses...). On the bright side I have a lot more Melee!

Well, here's chapter four, written in Science class. This is much more fun than learning about the rate grass grows, isn't it?

*************

Oh L-sama, when will the insanity end?

^.^*^.^^.^*^.^*^.^

*hehe, lil Xellos'*

Morning came far to slow for everyone in the inn that night. Well, except for Melyn, who slept like a ton of bricks. Her vocals kept half the town awake that night. Most of the towns folk believed yet another monster/demon/evil force came to destroy their town, yet again.

"Gourry," Lina moaned "Gimme some more food."

"Eat fast, The snoring stopped. Melyn's awake." The blond swordsman whispered

"Morning!" Melyn bounced into the dinner below the inn and sat at the table with the Slayers cast. "So what's for breakfast?" She picked up the menu. "Hey Rhia! What 'cha want?"

"Coffee..."The neko-jin slugged to the table "And a Tylenol." Zelgadis handed her a cup of coffee. "Melyn, how can you make such noises?"

"What noise?" The girl asked after giving the waiter her order. (Everything on the menu x4, if you were wondering)

"That snoring noise." Gourry pulled his plate away from the drooling girl

"I don't snore!" Melyn laughed, "It must have been Rhia." Everyone sweat dropped at the girls stupidity.

"Gourry dear!" Sylphiel ran in, looking like her usual happy self.

"Gourry dear." Lina mocked. She fumed at the sight of Sylphiel all over Gourry.

"Um...Melyn, let's go." Rhia backed away from the jealous Lina.

"But I'm not finished!" Melyn whined. She shoved a plate full of food down her throat as Rhia grabbed her friends pig-tails and yanked her out of the building.

"Rhia!" Melyn ran up and down the streets, making it obvious she was a tourist. "Looky! Looky!" She grabbed Rhia's arm and pulled her along "Can we go to the Big tree? Huh? Huh?"

"Ok, we'll revive Kopii and Eris there."

"What about Rezo? He's cool!" Melyn pouted

"After we revive Psycho Lady and the Double."

"But I want Rezo!" Melyn's pout increased

"You just like his jingly staff!" Rhia spat

"So?"

"Let's just get to the tree and get them." Rhia grabbed the bag-o-wonder from Melyn and headed for the tree. (If you can't tell, I forget the tree's name ^^;) "Do you need anything to perform this spell?"

Melyn looked in her book. "I need...a loaf of bread, raspberry jam, a cup of hot cocoa and two bishonen."

Rhia sweat dropped "Melyn that sounds like lunch and the thing you want most in life."

"It's what the book says!" Melyn pointed to the page and Rhia snatched it out of her hands.

"Can I have the book back?" Melyn asked when Rhia paled "And will you get the supplies?"

"I'll get your damn supplies." Rhia grumbled and thrust the book back at her companion and sulked off.

Melyn sat on the damp forest ground and read over the spell all the while talking quietly to herself. "Ok," she mumbled. "I do that with the bread...that with the jam...and I do that with the cocoa...and that with the bishonen." (Alright sickos, I know what some of you are thinking --glares at sickos thinking sick things about innocent me-- and this WILL NOT turn into one of those sick fics you sickos read in the dead of night in your sick rooms with your sick friends discussing sick things so... yeah....)

Rhia returned a few minutes later with a bag full of the supplies needed. " Alright!" She seemed much more cheerful than when she left. "I've got your bread. I hope it doesn't matter if it'd white or wheat because I got rye." She put the bread in front of Melyn, who was giving an icky face. "Here's the jam, it's raspberry, I checked." The neko took the jam out too. "And here's the cocoa! This was hard to get. Did you know there are no Starbucks here?" Rhia took out a covered coffee mug with the word 'Bishonen' written on it in lavender righting. "I want my cup back." She glared at Melyn, who obviously wanted it.

"Where's my Bishonen?"

"They're coming, they're coming." Rhia waved it off. "Need anything else?"

"Well, when I was reading it says that since Kopii is Rezo's clone that we can bring him back too!" Melyn put her hand to her chin, like she was thinking. "Actually it said that if two people were related and one died that if we go to the place where that one died we can resurrect the other...are Kopii and Rezo related?"

"I guess we can call them that. They are like identical twins...psychotic, killing, power hunger identical twins..."

"Ok!" Melyn beamed. "I need something that belonged to Rezo, you know...a hat, a teddy bear (snickers at Rezo's pink teddy bear), his...stuff...that's what will bring him back"

"Zelgadis has to have something."

As if, right on cue, Zelgadis and Gourry leapt out of the bushes at top speeds, their swords were drawn and they looked ready for battle.

"Where is the energy Mazoku who is intensifying Melyn's powers to the point where the world will collapse on itself due to the amount of positive energy that much resembles the evil powers of Care Bears!" Zelgadis yelled

"To tell you the truth, Stony, there is no Mazoku. We needed you here to resurrect Eris, Kopii and Rezo. Sorry about lying, but, we needed you."

"What?!" Zel roared at the thought of bringing the one person he hated more than life itself back to life. "I'm not helping." He turned and started to walk away.

"Hold it!" Rhia leapt threw the air and, by some miracle, tackled the man made out of stone to the ground. She quickly bound and gagged him with magic ropes that can only be removed by saying a secret password.

"Well," Melyn commented, keeping her distance from the chimera that looked like he would seriously beat them once he got free. "That is a way to keep him here."

"He won't be going anywhere." Rhia glared at Gourry, who was petrified on the spot "Are you going to go?"

"N...no...Miss...Rhikat... I...I'm not going." The blond forced on a smile. "I...I'm n...not that...dumb."

"Good."

"May I please start the spell." Melyn picked up the bread and cut a hole in the top.

She then proceeded to filled the hole with the jam. "First part of the spell I must do this," she held up the oozing bread to show Rhia, "And then smash it against the place the dead died!" Melyn chucked bread and it splattered against the tree, some bits and pieces hitting Zel and Gourry.

"Now I must do the Mexican hat dance around the hot cocoa while singing 'La Cucaracha'" Melyn started to dance while singing the words to a song she didn't know. "LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA! GET IT WHILE IT'S GOOD AND HOT! LA CUCARACHA! LA CUCARACHA! IT'S SO TASTY WHILE GOOD AND HOT!!"

"Isn't 'La Cucaracha' mean the cockroach?" Gourry asked

"Just...don't ask." Rhia sweat dropped "Melyn! Hey! What about the bishonen?"

"They sit there and look pretty." Melyn looked down at the spell book. "Does Mr. Zelga-bunny have anything of the great R. Man?"

Rhia looked over at Zelgadis. The look he gave told her exactly what she needed to know. "If I go near Mr. Zelga-bunny, I will be decapitated in the most unholy way imaginable and then he will proceed to have my bloodied head shoved down what's left of my throat and then light my corpse on fire just to piss on the ashes, am I right?"

Zel nodded in amazement. Rhia had the best was of knowing the brutal ways in which someone wanted to kill her. It was a gift, in some twisted sense.

"Can we just use Zel himself?" Rhia asked. "He is Rezo's creation."

"I think he prefers the term 'great grandson/grandson'."

"I meant Stone Boy's physical form, not genetics. But either way works"

"Now for the oral spell of gibberish!"

"Gibberish?"

"If it's in another language, it's Gibberish." Once again Melyn's logic makes no scene what-so-ever but does answer the question at hand.

"Efil ot kcab gnirb

Daed ecno erew taht thes

Ot kcab meht gnirb

Doolb dna hself,"

A bright blue light surrounded Melyn as she chanted out the rest of the spell.

"Htaerb meht ekam,

Evom meht ekam,

Keab meht gnirb

Won dna erch!

Eris, Kopii and Rezo!"

The ground began to shake after Melyn finished her spell. The tree's roots unearthed and sent Gourry flying threw the air and out of the forest.

"What did you do?!" Rhia throttled Melyn's throat, "Moron!! You did something wrong!!"

"I did it right!" I did it right! Just like the book said!" Melyn flipped threw the book quickly. "See! Right there..." Melyn suddenly passed out

Rhia looked quizzically at her friends blue face and realized her hands were wound too tightly around Melyn's neck. "Ah...sorry." Rhia let go.

"As I was saying...this is support to happen!!"

The ground underneath the girls gave way and both tumbled into the darkness below the gigantic tree...ah...Flagoon. (is this correct?)

"Rhia!" Melyn clung to the body in the darkness. "Rhia I'm scared! It's dark!" Melyn wailed.

"Where are you?" Rhia yelled.

"Duh! I'm the one clinging to your waist!"

"...Melyn..." Rhia said after a long silence. "There's...there's no one around my waist..." She sighed. "Hold on, I'm gonna cast a light spell." She held up her hand as a little ball of light appeared.

Across the cave stood Melyn. Her arms were tightly around a man wearing a red dress and had the absolute worst case of bed-head ever.

"M...Melyn..?!"

"Rezzy-chan!" Melyn squealed in delight and held the unhappy priest tighter.

"What in the name of Shabraningdo?!" Rezo screamed and hit Melyn with his staff. "Get off of me!"

"Rhia! Rhia! I found Rezo!"

"Good for you." Sarcasm dripped from the neko's mouth. "Where are the other two?"

"Probably where they died." Melyn dodged the staff "I don't care about Eris, she's kinda bitchy. Maybe we should get back to the surface?"

"Who the hell are you?" Rezo was obviously not the most cheerful when waking up.

"Hello! I'm Rhikat, call me Rhia." She waved, "And this is my partner in crime, Melyn. If she brakes anything, I'm not liable."

Rezo nodded in understanding.

Rhia continued "We need your help to obliterate the faculty member, Mr. Be-a-weenie. There will be pluses and bonuses threw following us. One, you get the unending love of the idiot herself! Two, you get to pick on your grandson/great grandson."

"No." The priest said flatly.

"Too bad!" Rhia grabbed Rezo and Melyn, "Levitation!" The three floated to the surface to find, a still very disgruntled, Zelgadis.

"See Rhia! I told you Zel loves me!" Melyn pranced around the chimera.

"Does she realize Zelgadis is tied to a tree and can't leave?" Rezo whispered

"Let her be." Rhia grunted

Zel spit the gag out of his mouth. "Why you little @#$*%!! Mothers $#@%*!! (See! See! I'm keeping this stories ratings down. I bet you can think of the words he's screaming.) Monkey's %*$@ a Mazoku's %#$!!"

"My, what colorful words." Rezo sighed "I didn't raise you to say such things."

"Bite me." Zelgadis growled threw clenched teeth.

"I think they need a little bit of family counseling." Melyn whispered

"Yeah..." Rhia sighed, "Where the hell is Eris and Kopii-IIIIEEEE!" Rhia screeched as a hand came out of the ground and grasped her ankle. She struggled against the uprooting arm, but the thing was far stronger than her. "MELYN! MELYN!"

"You won't eat my buddy!" Melyn screamed and took Rezo's staff "Go back to hell! I know what your doing! I've seen 'Night of the Living Dead'!" The jingling staff beat back the, now very bloody, hand.

Muffled screams were coming from the body attached to the hand.

"It's coming threw!" Both girls began jumping on the body.

"For...the...love...of...L..!" The creature swore. "Get...off...me...!" The Undead sounded remarkably like Rezo.

Rhia stopped. "Melyn...I think this is Kopii's grave."

"Oh." Melyn got off and watched Kopii dig his way out.

"Why did you do that?!" Rezo's clone spat as he held his bloody hand close to his body.

"You're the one who attacked us!" Melyn spat back. "It was self defense!"

Kopii swung his staff and hit Melyn in the head. "Stupid sorceress!"

Melyn swung back "Crazy, paranoid clone!"

"Grave robbing freak!"

"You were only created 'cause Eris wanted some!"

The two continued to scream lame names and beat each other with their staffs for a good five minutes.

"Grow up!" Rhia screamed and took both staffs in one swoop. She whacked Kopii. "For the love of-!" She hit him again, "L-Sama-!" And again, "Get-!" And again, "A-!" Again, "Life!"

Kopii fell to the ground and groaned in pain. Rhia kicked the clone in the stomach repeatedly.

Melyn yelped and ran behind the two shocked men. "Rhia!" She squeaked "We need him alive!"

"Oh yeah!" Rhia hit herself in the head. "I forgot!" She kicked him one last time and walked over to the other three. "Now we've got to find Eris!" Rhia untied Zelgadis from the tree (but not Zelgadis himself, that would be stupid on Rhia's part) and tugged him along. "Let's go!"

"Ok!" Melyn pulled a rope out of her backpack and tied an end to Kopii's ankle and pulled him along. (Visual Aid: Kopii is bloody and mangled. He had one foot in the air where a rope is tied to it and is being pulled along by a far too cheerful young girl that is skipping. She likes to go off of the beaten path (literally and figuratively), so, Kopii tends to smack into and goes over every; tree root, rock, dead animal, puddle, thorn bush, animal droppings, and whatever else there is on a forest floor.)

Two minutes after the group started off on the search for Eris, Melyn piped up. "How about a sing-along!"

"No!" Zel and Rezo said in unison (Rezo's not dumb. He knows Rhia is dangerous. That's why he followed.)

"Come on, Rezo!" Melyn grabbed the Red Priest's arm, "Sing! I can see clearly now the rain is gone!" She sang horribly off key. "I can see all obstacles in my way!"

"That's not funny." The blind man growled.

"Soooo sorry!" Melyn said sarcastically. "I forgot how sensitive you were to the fact that there is a DEMON in your EYES!"

Rezo's eyebrows crossed, "Well at least I don't get to see your ugly face!" he hissed (Oh yes, very mature.)

"Hey! I'm cute!" She stormed off.

Zelgadis walked over to his kin. "In all truth, she's pretty cute. She's just...a little unhinged."

"Hey! How 'bout this song!" Melyn shouted "I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign--GAAA" Rezo leaped onto Melyn's back and hog-tied and gagged her.

"Thank you!" The entire Slayers cast cheered.

Rhia stood there dumbfounded by the cheer before she shrugged it off and moved on. The Neko-jin was still in the lead, followed by the, now untied Zelgadis (he was let go on god behavior.), then Rezo who held the humming Melyn. Kopii took up the caboose because he was still tied to Melyn's wrist.

"Rezo!" A woman burst out of the woods. Her arms were out stretched, as if to hug someone. She had a classic 'There's Something About Mary' hair going on.

Rhia tripped the crazy woman. "Hello, Eris. I'm Rhikat and this has not nor will ever be a cute 'Rezo/Eris what-a-cute-couple' fic. No, this is a 'Hey, we're the stars so don't take the limelight' fic, got it?"

"What?" Eris looked utterly confused by the cat-girl.

"Zel, do you mind dragging one more?" Rhia asked sweetly?

"No..."

"Good!" Within a minute Eris was also tied up and dragging behind with Kopii. "Let's get back to town."

The gagged Melyn was the only one to cheer.

"So," Rezo slinked up to Rhia "What will happen if I choose not to help with your 'Be-a-weenie' problem?"

"I will blackmail you until you are dead poor."

"And how will you accomplish this blackmailing?"

Rhia held up her digital camera. "With this baby. A girls gotta get threw college somehow."

"Not if I have it!" Rezo lunged for the camera.

"Oh no you don't!" Rhia dashed into the woods. Rezo followed the sound of her voice ad tracks to maneuver around the tree's and keep up.

Rhia ducked behind a tree "NA NA NA NA BOO BOO!" Rhia taunted as if she were in kindergarten.

Rezo fumed as he took off at full speed at Rhia. Rhia barrel-rolled away from the tree just as Rezo's face hit it hard.

"I swear I'll kill you." He groaned and passed out.

"Mree-row!" Eris yelled threw the gag. IT sounded remarkably like 'Rezo'. Rhia hit her over the head with a mallet she got from hammer-space (not to be confused with 'Hammer-time...Can't touch this!)

"Wow Zel! We're the only ones conscious!"

What about--"

"Bubber-fry!" Melyn ran around in circles as she chased after a yellow butterfly.

"--never mind." The Chimera sighed as he tied up Rezo and dragged him along too.

Rhia and Zel chatted happily on the way back to town. Rhia held a fishing pole that had a piece of candy tied to the end of it. Melyn tried to catch the sweet, much like the mule tried to catch the carrot as it pulled the cart along.

Every few minutes they would hear a loud "Thunk" signaling Melyn was trying to leap for the candy.

"So what will we do with these three?" Rhia motioned to the tied up bunch when they finally made it to the inn.

"Leave them in your room."

The Neko-jin just nodded. She was far to tired to argue. She decided to yell at him in the morning. She said her goodnight's to Zelgadis as slumped her way into her room. She tied the bad guy trio up in the corner and hit them all one last time before getting ready for bed.

"G' night, Melyn." she yawned

She got no answer.

"Melyn?" She listened for Melyn's snore.

Nothing.

"Melyn!" Rhia franticly searched the room before it dawned on her. Melyn was missing. She was lost in the Slayers Universe.

***********

Dun dun dun! Ooh! A cliffhanger! I promise to get the next chapter up quicker than this one! I promise! *The Otaku backs away slowly from a mob of loyal readers who are holding torches and pitchforks a death glare is in their eyes.* I'M SORRY!!!