Slayers Fan Fiction ❯ Slayers Melee ❯ Under the Sea ( Chapter 13 )

*Melyn the Otaku walks out onto a well lit stage. "Thank you! Thank you!" Listens to all the anime-fans applause of happiness. "I have a feeling this might be the longest chapter yet!" The applause turns into a roar of happy people. "And the reason for this is not because of my writing skills!"

Audience:...huh?

Melyn smiles evilly "That's right. You heard me correctly. Why do I say this? Because. That's why.

"Ok, the real reason is because...you have to read and find out!"

*****

Under the Sea

*****

"So..." Dolphin smirked as she sat high on her throne made of red coral...actually it was more of an orangey-pink, but that's beside the point. "You say you want the map to Wolf Pack Island?" Her smirk grew as she chuckled.

"Basically, yes." Rhia answered and looked more confident than she felt. In fact, she was near pissing her pants. Sane demons were weird enough. Who know what insane demons were like. "It would greatly help us out if we had that map."

"Give me one good reason to give you that map. I know that if I give you said map you will use it to help out the one that...did...something to me...can't remember what..."

"Drove you off the edge of sanity?"

"Yeah! That was it! She drove me insane." Dolphin smiled in Melyn's direction. "Thanks Pig-tails!"

"No problem!" Melyn looked around the massive coral throne room. Pretty drawings that appeared to have been done by Dolphin lined the walls. Little fishies swam outside the windows and the room had very nice lighting which gave it a spooky appearance, perfect for any mazoku lord.

Melyn continued to gape as something shiny caught her eye. "What's that..." She walked in the direction of the shiny object in question as no one noticed (or cared) that Melyn had gone off.

"I won't give you that map. There is no force on this earth that will ever get me to give you that map."

"Miss Deep Sea!" Rhia put on her 'please help us' face. "We are not out to help Zelas! I swear to you...ok, maybe Xellos is...but he has his reasons. The rest of us are going to--"

"Finished it!" Melyn held a small cube in her hand. "I finished it!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. "That's great Melyn...Finished what?" Rhia eyed her buddy.

"Duh, the rubix cube!" Melyn smiled proudly as she held the glittery rubix cube up. "Remember our buddy, Kristen? She can do it much faster than I can, but she taught me the secret art to rubix-ing."

"That's amazing..." Dolphin's eyes widened at the sight in front of her. "How did you do it?"

Melyn shrugged. "Ask Kristen. She's the smart one when it comes to these things...I think it also says what to do on the instructions..."

"Really?" Dolphin got off her throne and walked over to Melyn "Zelas gave me that for my ten thousandth birthday!"

"That's a nice gift!"

"I thought so." Dolphin's smile faded. "After about six centuries of trying to figure it out..."

"You fell off your rocker!" Melyn smiled.

"Is there anything I can give you? You're the first person to ever figure that thing out!"

"Well...I've always wanted a pony..."

"A pony?" Dolphin and the rest of the world sweat-dropped. "Uh...I don't have a pony. How about that map you wanted!"

Melyn smiled lightly. "Ok...I guess."

Dolphin wiggled her finger. "But I want one more thing from you before I will give it to you..."

*****

"Yay!" Dolphin cheered as she sat front row center in the huge auditorium.

The red curtain drew back, reveling Melyn and Rhia standing there. Both had a microphone.

"Testing...Testing..." Melyn spoke into her mike. "Hello Demon Sea! I love you guys!"

Dolphin cheered again.

"Welcome to the first ever Slayers concert! Featuring every one from the main characters to the ig bad guys and even that annoying toady, Eris!" Rhia called out. It appeared they were getting far to into the whole concert thing...

"Yay!"

"A special thanks goes out to the one and only, Deep Sea Dolphin, who made this all possible by forcing us to sing! We also wish to thank her for the costume closet! Thant just made it all the more humiliating for everyone!"

"Yay Dolphin!"

"First on the floor tonight is that loud mouthed red head everyone fears! Give it up for Lina Inverse!"

Lina blushed as she walked center stage and Rhia and Melyn exited stage left. "Uh...hi..."

She wore black leather pants and a leather jacket that was left unbuttoned. Under that she wore a hot pink tank top. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

After Lina got center stage, Melyn cued up the music, which was Pink Floyds, Money.

Lina grabbed the mike and began to sing...

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you're okay.
Money, it's a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I'll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I'm all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it's a hit.
Don't give me that do goody good bulls**t
I'm in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a Lear jet.

Money, it's a crime.
Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're
giving none away.

"HuHuh! I was in the right!"
"Yes, absolutely in the right!"
"I certainly was in the right!"
"You was definitely in the right. That geezer was cruising for a
bruising!"
"Yeah!"
"Why does anyone do anything?"
"I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!"
"I was just telling him, he couldn't get into number 2. He was asking
why he wasn't coming up on freely, after I was yelling and
screaming and telling him why he wasn't coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out"

Lina finished "Thank you!" She bowed deeply than took off stage left.

As Dolphin cheered for more, Gourry entered. "Hi!" He waved. "Um...Melyn picked out this song and gave me the lyrics so...yeah!"

Gourry was dressed up like a 1950's jock with the letter sweater and a pair of jeans. He began to sing...

Don't know much about history,
don't know much biology.
Don't know much about a science book,
don't know much about the French I took.
But I do know that I love you,
and I know that if you love me, too,
what a wonderful world this would be.

Don't know much about geography,
don't know much trigonometry.
Don't know much about algebra,
don't know what a slide rule is for.
But I did know that one and one is two,
and if this one could be with you,
what a wonderful world this would be.

Now I don't claim to be an 'A' student,
but I'm tryin' to be.
For maybe be being an 'A' student, baby,
I can win your love for me.

Don't know much about history,
don't know much biology.
Don't know much about a science book,
don't know much about the French I took.
But I do know that I love you,
and I know that if you love me, too,
what a wonderful world this would be.

But I do know that I love you,
and I know that if you love me, too,
what a wonderful world this would be.

Dolphin cheered with Melyn as the song finished. "I love that song!"

"Me too!" Melyn clapped. "Next up is Princess Amelia!"

Amelia walked on stage wearing a tight red dress with a slit up one side that reached up to her hip. A matching blush covered her features. "Uh...hi..."

A slow jazz piano piece started up and Amelia began to sing.

When tearing off

A game of golf

I may make a play for the caddie

But when I do

I don't follow threw

'Cause my heart belongs to Daddy

If I invite

A boy some night

To dine on my fine Finen' Haddie

I just adore

His asking for more

But my heart belongs to Daddy

Yes my heart belongs to Daddy

So I simply couldn't be bad

Yes my heart belongs to Daddy

Dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad dad

So I want to warn you laddie

Though I know your perfectly swell

That my heart belongs to Daddy

So I couldn't be bad

I couldn't be bad.

Amelia winked and walked off the stage, the blush still remained.

Zelgadis was the next one out. He wore a black silk shirt that was left slightly unbuttoned (all thanks goes to Melyn for ripping said buttons off) and a pair of leather pants. He looked very uncomfortable.

It's all or nothing
And nothing's all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out

It's always something
There's always something going wrong
That's the only guarantee
That's what this is all about

It's a never ending attack
Everything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

And all the morons
And all the stooges with their coins
They're the ones who make the rules
It's not a game--it's just a rout

There's desperation
There's desperation in the air
It leaves a stain on all your clothes
And no detergent gets it out

And we're always slipping thru the cracks
Then the movie's over--fade to black
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

I want my money back
I want my money back

What about love?
It's Defective!
It's always breaking in half

What about sex?
It's Defective!
It's never built to really last

What about family?
It's Defective!
All the batteries are shot

What about friends?
They're Defective!
All the parts are out of stock

What about hope?
It's Defective!
It's corroded and decayed

What about faith?
It's Defective!
It's tattered and it's frayed

What about your Gods?
They're Defective!
They forgot the warranty

What about your town?
It's Defective!
It's a dead end street to me

What about your school?
It's Defective!
It's a pack of useless lies

What about your work?
It's Defective!
It's a crock and then you die

What about your childhood?
It's Defective!
It's dead and buried in the past

What about your future?
It's Defective!
And you can shove it up your ass!

I want my money back
I want my money back

It's all or nothing
And nothing's all I ever get
Every time I turn it on
I burn it up and burn it out

It's a never ending attack
Everything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

And we're always slipping thru the cracks
Then the movie's over--fade to black
Life is a lemon and I want my money back!

Dolphin cheered again and still seemed to be amused by all this. Melyn and Rhia were also amused and they were taking blackmail pictures.

Xellos came on next. He wore a black pair of pants and a black shirt with flames on it. On his head were a set of devil horn that Melyn insisted he wear.

Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too

I'm on the highway to hell

No stop signs, speed limit
Nobody's gonna slow me down
Like a wheel, gonna spin it
Nobody's gonna mess me round
Hey Satan, payin' my dues
Playing in a rocking band
Hey Momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the promised land

I'm on the highway to hell
(Don't stop me)

And I'm going down, all the way down
I'm on the highway to hell

Once Xellos finished Dolphin booed him off stage. It appeared she did not like Beastmasters general as well...

Fillia was the next to come on. She wore a long flowing white gown with a matching shawl. "Hello..." She blushed as well. "Um...I'm going to be doing Celine Dions's My heart will go on."

"Every night in my dreams--" Fillia was cut off as a rotten tomato was thrown at her. "Xellos!"

"What!" The purple haired priest walked out on stage. "I didn't do it!" He turned and left as the music cued up again.

"--I see you I feel--" Fillia was hit with a head of cabbage. "Xellos!"

"I swear it's not me! Look! I will sit in the audience!" Xellos hopped off stage and sat next to Dolphin. "Now sing that nauseating song of yours."

The music started up again "-You-" Fillia was bombarded from all sides with rotten vegetables. None of which Xellos threw.

It appeared massive haters of the Titanic movie were behind the throwing of the vegetables. In other words, Melyn was chucking the vegetables because she still hates that movie.

Sylphiel came on dressed like Enya.

May it be
An evening star
Shines down
Upon you

May it be
When darkness falls
Your heart
Will be true

You walk along a road
Oh how far you are from home

Mornië utúlië [: 'Darkness has come']
Believe and you
Will find your way

Mornië alantië [: 'Darkness has fallen']
A promise lives
Within you now

May it be
The shadow's call
Will fly away

May it be
A journey on
To light the day

When the night is all gone
You may rise
To find the sun

Mornië utúlië ['Darkness has come']
Believe and you
Will find your way

Mornië alantië ['Darkness has fallen']
A promise lives
Within you now

A promise lives
Within you now...

Dolphin and Rhia cheered really loud as Sylphiel exited and Naga entered.

Naga wore a cranberry colored skirt and a cream colored shirt.

Some women like men with Muscle

Some Women like men with dough

Some women like men who write them haiku

Or tattoo your name on their toes

Some women like men with class and smarts and breeding

But the singular trait

That I love in a mate

Is a hairline that's receding...

I want them bald

Tall, dark, handsome and bald

Keep your jock and keep your rock star

What makes me crazy is a lack of lock-star

Bald (she wants them bald)

Shiny brilliantly bald

Flowing curls are so passe

Tell your Romeo to throw the comb away

How I love when he goes for a haircut

and I mean a haircut

And he comes home relaxed

With a satisfied glare

He says "Hun, like the style?"

And I get a soft smile

As I gently run my fingers threw his...air

(He has no hair)

He's bald (he is so bald)

And I love him; So bald

Gourry piped in "My father is bald!"

Who needs tangles?

Who needs gel?

You can tell John Paul Michel

that he can go to hell

And to all young men who are listening

Who do that 'taupe thing'

And make no mistake I assure you

We know who you are

And to all you young men

Who do one piece real long that's wreathing

Go all natural

And believe me you'll shine like a star!

Cause women love bald

My baby will be bald

Now listen here, don't be a fool

Just take a tip from Naga;

What could be more hot?

More cool?

Than Bald!

Who loves you, baby? Purr...

Naga exited and Rezo walked on. He wore a lab coat and looked like a mad doctor.

"I will kill them for this..." Rezo swore under his breath as his song started up.

I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise

He did the mash
He did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
He did the mash
It caught on in a flash
He did the mash
He did the monster mash

From my laboratory in the castle east
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes
To get a jolt from my electrodes

They did the mash
They did the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They did the mash
It caught on in a flash
They did the mash
They did the monster mash

The zombies were having fun
The party had just begun
The guests included Wolf Man
Dracula and his son

The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds
Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five"

They played the mash
They played the monster mash
The monster mash
It was a graveyard smash
They played the mash
It caught on in a flash
They played the mash
They played the monster mash

Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"

It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash
The monster mash
And it's a graveyard smash
It's now the mash
It's caught on in a flash
It's now the mash
It's now the monster mash

Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band
And my monster mash is the hit of the land
For you, the living, this mash was meant too
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you

Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash
The monster mash
And do my graveyard smash
Then you can mash
You'll catch on in a flash
Then you can mash
Then you can monster mash

Rezo growled something about 'no respect' as he exited the stage. Kopii walked on dressed like Rezo and he appeared to be even more pissed.

Isn't it strange
Feels like I'm lookin' in the mirror
What would people say
If only they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist's plan
Born to be a carbon copy man
There in a petri dish late one night
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg and so I say

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Look at the way
We go out walking close together
I guess you could say
I'm really beside myself
I still remember how it began
They produced a carbon copy man
Born in a science lab late one night
Without a mother or a father
Just a test tube and a womb with a view

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a-hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every pair of genes is a hand-me-down

Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon copy man
Livin' in stereo, it's all right
Well I can be my own best friend and I can send myself for pizza, so I say

I think I'm a clone now
Another one of me's always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
I've been on Oprah Winfrey, I'm world renowned
I think I'm a clone now
And every pair of genes is a hand-me-down
I think I'm a clone now
Thats my genetic twin always hangin' around
I think I'm a clone now
'Cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down

Koppi glared daggers at Melyn as he walked off. Eris was the next on. She did not change into costume.

Do you have the time
to listen to me whine
About NOTHING and EVERYTHING
all at once
I am one of those
Melodramatic fools
Neurotic to the bone
No doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Or am I just STONED

I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
SHE says it's lack of sex
that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
HE said my life's a bore
So quit my whining cause
it's bringing HER down

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Uh,yuh,yuh,ya

Grasping to CONTROL
So I BETTER hold on

Sometimes I give myself the CREEPS
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm CRACKING UP
Am I just PARANOID?
Or am I just STONED

Eris left and was followed by Martina.

"I am singing I song I made up for the evil lord Zamelgustar!" Martina cleared her throat. "Oh Zamelgustar you are great! How I love your vengeful ways! I want to be near you always! But my husband accidentally dropped you out the window! So now I pray to the river you fell into!"

Martina continued on and on and on until the entire cast fell asleep. Rhia leaned on a lever, which released a sandbag and that sandbag made all the horrid singing stop and gave Martina a small nap.

Zangulus was the next one out (when everybody woke up.) He wore a white tuxedo and looked as if he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

I'm gettin' married in the morning
Ding dong the bells are gonna chime
Pull out the stopper, let's have a whopper
But get me to the church on time

I gotta be there in the morning
Spruced up and looking in my prime
Girls, come and kiss me, show how you'll miss me
But get me to the church on time

If I am dancing, roll up the floor
If I am whistling, whisk me out the door, for

I'm gettin' married in the morning
Ding dong the bells are gonna chime
Kick up a rumpus but don't lose your compass
And get me to the church, get me to the church
For Pete's sake, get me to the church on time
Zangulus ran off stage as Phibrezzo came on. The ten year old master of hell was dressed up like a little kid.

They cry in dark,
so you can't see their tears.
They hide in the light,
so you can't see their fears.
Forgive and forget,
all the while...
Love and pain become one and the same
in the eyes of a wounded child.
Because--hell, hell is for children!
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell--hell is for children,
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love
with your bones and your flesh...
It's all so confusing,
this brutal abusing...
They blacken your eyes
and then apologize...
"Be daddy's good girl,
and don't tell mommy a thing"...
"Be a good little boy,
and you'll get a new toy--
tell grandma you fell from the swing."
Because--hell, hell is for children!
And you know that their little lives can become such a mess
Hell--hell is for children,
and you shouldn't have to pay for your love
with your bones and your flesh...

Phibrezzo smiled and walked off stage as Guav came on in a pink tutu. Why? Because it is funny and Melyn wanted to see Guav in a tutu. But he still wore the rest of his normal cloths, which made him look more ridiculous.
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
Short People got no reason
To live

They got little hands
And little eyes
And they walk around
Tellin' great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet

Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Round here

Short People are just the same
As you and I
(A Fool Such As I)
All men are brothers
Until the day they die
(It's A Wonderful World)

Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
Short People got nobody
To love

They got little baby legs
And they stand so low
You got to pick 'em up
Just to say hello
They got little cars
That got beep, beep, beep
They got little voices
Goin' peep, peep, peep
They got grubby little fingers
And dirty little minds
They're gonna get you every time
Well, I don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
Don't want no Short People
'Round here

Guav walked off stage and Rhia came on.
"Hi!" Rhia waved. She wore a long navy blue dress she bought at the renaissance festival. It had a teal color overdress. On top of her head she had a garland of navy blue and teal flowers.

I sit here by myself
And you know I love it
You know I don't want someone
To come pay a visit

I wanna be by myself
I came in this world alone
Me myself I

I want to go to China
And to see Japan
I'd like to sail the oceans
Before the seas run dry

I wanna go by myself
I've just room enough for one
Me myself I

I wanna be a big shot
And have ninety cars
I wanna have a boyfriend
And a girl for laughs

But only on Saturdays
Six days to be alone
With just me myself I
Me myself and I
Just me myself I

Don't want to be the bad guy
Don't want to make a soul cry
It's not that I love myself
I just don't want company
Except me myself I

Rhia finished her song and Melyn came out. She sat on a stool and pulled out a guitar. She wore a long black skirt and a gray crushed velvet shirt with a renaissance look to it. She began to sing her song which sounded as if it was made for a coffee house.

There is a boy who works at Starbucks

And he is very inspirational

He is very inspirational

Because of many things

I come in at 8:11

And he smiles and says

"How are you?"

When he smiles and says "How are you?"

I swear My heart grows wings.

So today at 8:11

I decided I should meet him

I decided I should meet him

In a proper formal way

So today at 8:11

As he smiled and said "How are you?"

I said "Fine and my names Melyn."

And he softly answered "Hey."

And I said that "My name's Melyn,

And thank you for the extra foam."

And he said His name is Taylor

Which provides the inspiration to this Poem.

Taylor, the latte boy

Bring me java

Bring me joy

Oh! Taylor, the latte boy

I love him, I love him, I love him

And I'd like to get my nerve up

And recite my poem musical

He would like the fact it's musical

Because he plays guitar

And today at 8:11

Taylor told me he was play

With a band down in the village

In the basement of a bar

And he smoothly flipped the lever

To prepare my double latte

And for me he made a triple

And he didn't think I knew

But I saw him flip the lever

And for me he made a triple

And I knew that triple latte meant

That Taylor loved me too

I said "What time are you playing

And thank you for the extra skim."

He said keep the 3.55

because this triple latte was on him

Taylor the latte boy

Bring me java

Bring me joy

Oh Taylor the latte boy!

I love him I love him I love him

I just to be the kind of girl

Who run with a rushed order

But finally a voice whispered

'Love can be yours,

If you step up to the counter and order'

Taylor the latte boy

Bring me java

Bring me joy

Oh Taylor the latte boy!

I love him I love him I love him

So many years my heart has waited

Who'd have thought love would be

So caffeinated?

Taylor the latte boy

I love him I love him I love him

I love him I love him I love him...

Dolphin cheered loudly as Melyn finished. "Yay! That was fun!"

"Can we have the map now..." Rhia held out her hand. "Please?"

Dolphin smiled brightly. "A promise is a promise!" She handed over an old yellow piece of paper. "Have fun! And hit Beastmaster once for me!"

"Will do." The cast bolted out of Dolphins lair as fast as they could and headed in the direction of Wolf pack Island...then turned around as they realized Rezo was the one with the map, so they gave it to Zelgadis, whop then took them to Wolf Pack Island.

*****

Whew...that's over. This chapter took longer than I thought. If you don't agree with any song I have here, I'm sorry. I consulted many an anime fan (mostly Rhia) and found these songs to best fit each character. I really don't care if you dislike it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Slayers. I do not own ANY of these songs, though I do own cd's with the songs on them. Please do not sue.