Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ Sonic Zeroes ❯ A Date to Die for? ( Chapter 3 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Author's Note: Hey hey hey! Once again, I apologize for the ridiculous delay. Now that I truly on summer vacation I can finish this fic by the end of the week. Yay me!! I guess that's all I have to say. You know where to look for the disclaimer. Right here *shakes fist* Or it's in chapter one. You decide!! But how can we possibly start the show without having a Moment with Sera? We can't. It's part of our contract.


Sera: ^o^ Hello my stalkers! It's the pretty, pretty Princess Sera! Although I'm not really a princess, I should still be treated as one. I am quite good looking and I am unofficially Sonic's official girlfriend. Unofficially.


Vector: @_@ What is this girl talking about?


Espio: Miss, could you please hurry this up. We have missions to complete, such as..*looks at the list* separate the dark clothes from the light clothes. *sighs*


Sera: Sorry! Okay folks, I'm here with two not-furries, I guess we'll call them insects, and they're the only ones to break out of the closet of forgotten characters and then were horribly shoved back in after Shadow's game. So tragic.


Vector: For your information, I am a crocodile. *checks his biography* Yeah, I'm a crocodile! And I'm not really sure what you are, Espio. A wasp? Swine flu?


Espio: Are you serious?!


Sera: Hey! This is my moment!! Stop trying to steal my thunder!


Espio/Vector: Sorry.


Sera: That's more like it. There's a rumor going around that you two are dating.


Vector: *walks over to a soda machine, buys a drink, slurps it down and then spits it all over Espio* WHAT?!


Espio: Was that really necessary?!


Sera: I think you two are a weird couple. First of all, you can't combine your names into one cute couple name. Vespio? Espitor? It doesn't work!! Furthermore, Vector is so tall and Espio is sooo not tall. How do you guys kiss? It's like Espio's head can fit into your mouth.


Vector: It's all true!! *bites Espio's head* His head does fit into my gigantic mouth.


Espio: -.- Let me go.


Sera: Vector, you gotta date someone your own height! Leave this poor snail alone. Can't you see that he needs to be with other snails?


Vector: T-T You're right, miss. He needs a snail that will treat him right.


Sera: T-T You're so brave and tall, Vector! *hugs the idiotic crocodile*


Vector: I know I am. *sobs and hugs Sera*


Espio: Do you guys honestly think I'm a snail?! And we were never dating!!! Are you even listening to me?!


Leave it to Sera to make things awkward between Team Chaotix. Anymoo, on with the ficcie!!



Sonic Zeroes


Chapter 3: A Date to Die for?
****************************************************************** *********


*Ha ha! You're not catching me off guard this time, suckers! When we last left out heroes, Ash and Pikachu lost yet another Pokemon tournament and Brock just doesn't understand that no woman wants to date him. Wait a sec...who switched my scripts?! I swear I'm gonna rip someone's head off!! Team Rose are in the casino-looking level. No, I don't know why they're gambling!*


Amy: Ew. I can't believe I kissed Knuckles. Why didn't you guys say something?


Cream: We--


Amy: I don't want to hear your excuses, but mark my words. Mark my words.


*Long pause*


Cream/Cheese: ......?


Amy: Anyways! This level reminds me of Casinopolis, except it's way lame and has annoying music.


Big: Froggy likes to buy fish with rings!!


Amy: Big, what did I tell you about speaking?!


Big: I'm sorry. *bites his tongue...and it begins to bleed*


Cream: oo Amy, I think he took your words too literally.


Amy: It's the only way he'll learn. Let's go!


*So the trio begins the level by walking up the steps and Amy takes the lead and runs off the platform*


Big: Be careful not to fall, pink lady.


Amy: You guys suck!!!!! *falls to her death, but not really*


*Now they're on a pinball tables!*


Amy: This is making my head spin.


Cream: My head is spinning.


Amy: I just said that, you little freak!


Big: Feels good~!


Amy/Cream: o_o


*The trio splits up and somehow Amy dies while on the pinball table*


Amy: What?! That doesn't even make sense!!


Cream: When you're in a ball, you can roll around like you're in a ball. Cheese, why am I saying useless instructions stating the obvious? Do I have the Omochao disease?


Cheese: Chao chao chao chao. (Translation: Bitch, I don't care about your life.)


*And somehow Big finishes the stage by collecting 100 rings. Okay, he got trapped in the slot machines*


Big: Feels gooooooood!


*o-o Cut to: Bingo Highway*


Dr. Egg: This is the mission that separates the boys from the robots.


Charmy: What's this loser talking about?


Vector: I tune him out with these headphones.


Charmy: Hey! Those aren't even plugged into anything. Are you listening for any signs that you might have a brain? *laughs forever*


Vector: CHARMY!!!!! *strangles the hyperactive bee*


Espio: u-u; Just tell us the mission, Dr. Egg.


Dr. Egg: Right. This Dr. Eggman fellow, whom I've never met but I hear he's extremely handsome, has a base located in the next level. The only way to get into this base is by collecting ten casino chips.


Espio: Casino chips will get us into Dr. Eggman's base? That's absurd.


Dr. Egg: It's genius! No one would ever think of using casino chips at a casino. All hail the great scientific mind of Dr. Eggman!


Espio: Hmm. My ninja senses are telling me that something isn't right. Oh well.


*Five minutes of strangling Charmy later, the team finally begins the level*


Vector: It'll be a real pain if that robot with the searchlight spots us. Espio, can you use your ninja technique, invisible no jutsu, and sneak pass the robot?


Charmy: You loser, we already destroyed the robot.


Vector: Well ya could've said something!


Charmy: It's more entertaining watching you make a fool out of yourself.


Espio: Would the two of you please focus on our mission? My ninja senses are telling me that enemies are up ahead.


*The Eggman robots are in plain sight*


Vector: Leave it to me, boys!


*Vector gets attacked by the robots*


Espio: -.-;; Or not.


*Espio destroys the robots that were guarding the casino chip*


Charmy: We got it! Chippity chip chip!


Espio: This must be a VIP chip.


Vector: Reeeeeally? What gives you that idea?


Espio: I'm a ninja. I know these things.


Vector: Oh brother.


*9 casino chips later*


Eggman: Ho ho ho! Welcome to my casino-themed battle, Robot Carnival.


Charmy: That name isn't very casino-like.


Eggman: You try coming up with names for levels. It's not as easy as it looks!! Get them, my egg-shaped robots!


Espio: We won't go easy on you because you're our client's enemy. If we had met each other under different circumstances, then I'm sure we would've been great friends!


Charmy: We're here to fight the bad guys!!


Vector: No duh!! What's with you two today?


*Team Chaotix destroys six robots. Whoa, what a challenge. The robots being destroyed triggers Dr. Eggman to laugh forever*


Vector: Uh is it normal for someone who's losing to laugh like that?


Espio/Charmy: *shrugs*


Eggman: Crush them all!!


*This time seven robots appear*


Vector: Let's end this with a team blast, boys!


*Team Chaotix attempts to play their instruments and sing, which causes the entire casino level to explode*


Eggman: Don't get too excited. I wasn't even really trying to kill you. Now if you'll excuse me, I need some aspirin. And you fools call yourselves musicians! *flies away*


*Time for a group pose*


Charmy: Wow. There were a lot of them!


Vector: Charmy, have you been sniffing glue again?


Charmy: Is it my fault that it smells as good as it taste?


Espio: What did I do to deserve being stuck with these two fools?


*Maybe someone at Sega hates you. Anyways, let's see what's going down with Team Dark. Seems like they're having a picnic in that Rail Canyon level. How bizarre.*


Rouge: And then the little girl tries to tell me some sob story about how that necklace is the only reminder of her great grandmother and I just laughed in her face and snatched the necklace from her.


Shadow: ....all I asked was for you to pass the ketchup.


Rouge: Oh. My bad. Should we really be eating from this random picnic basket anyways? It could be a trap.


Omega: I do not comprehend why our team would rather have leisure time than killing Dr. Eggman. Furthermore, why must you choose activities that involve food consumption?


Rouge: Are those Eggman robots I see hiding at the bottom of this cliff?


Omega: KILL!!!!!! *jumps off the cliff*


Shadow: You really enjoy messing with him.


Rouge: What can I say? I enjoy pushing his buttons.


*bad joke #82*


Shadow: Hey Rouge, can I ask you something?


Rouge: You just did.


Shadow: *glare no jutsu*


Rouge: *chuckles..like Knuckles?!* What is it?


Shadow: Do you ever get the feeling that...you're a robot?


Rouge: No, not really.


Shadow: *sigh* I thought so. You would tell me if I was a robot, wouldn't you?


Rouge: *laughs nervously* Of course I would, silly. Heh heh. Why would I keep something like that from you? And why would you even think that? You're the one and ONLY Shadow the Hedgehog and don't you forget it!


*An Eggman aircraft passes by and drops hundreds of Shadow androids fall from the sky*


Shadow: ....


Rouge: Shadow?


Shadow: Excuse me, I have to go cut myself. *runs away*


Rouge: Shadow, come back here! Cutting yourself won't do anything if you're a robot!! *chases after him*


*The picnic basket transforms into a metallic hedgehog robot. Just who is this robot that looks a lot like Sonic? Not Metal Sonic, that's for sure*


???: Ultimate life form data and bitchiness data has been copied.


*Meanwhile, a battle is taking place in the skies. It's Team Rose vs the Egg Albatross*


Amy: Big, how the hell did you get your fishing line stuck on to this air blimp thing?


Big: This ride is making my tummy upset. *laughs like an idiot*


Amy: Good grief. Looks like it's up to me and you, Cream.


Cream: Cheese and I won't let you down! *gets tackled by robots*


Amy: I should've known I'd have to do this by myself! Chaos Prism Power Make up!!


*Amy transforms into Super Sailor Chaos! Yeah, I don't understand it either*


Amy: Hey, you big dumb...dumb-head! I won't forgive you for flying around in your blimp and...eep!!!


*Dr. Eggman fires missiles at the pink one*


Amy: I'm trying to make a speech here! Stop firing at me!!!


Eggman: Request denied! MWAHAHAHA!! *continues to fire at Amy*


*As the eggy doctor flies closer to Amy, she grabs on to Big and pulls herself onto the aircraft*


Eggman: Damn it!


Amy: Damn it is right! As I was saying before you so rudely shot at me..*ahem* I'm the agent of love and shopping with Knuckles' credit card. I'm the ultra sexy, but slightly delusional Sailor Chaos!! And in the name of my darling, Sonic, I'll totally punish you. For sure! *pose*


Eggman: And I thought I babbled forever. *tosses paper at Amy*


Amy: Oh no you didn't! It's on now! *pulls out her Piko Piko Hammer* Chaos Sparkly Heart Love Love Love Banana Fudge Sundae--


Eggman: Oh would you just attack already? I haven't got all day!


Amy: Fine, we'll do it your way. Chaos Hammer of Justice ATTACK!!!!!


*Amy made the Egg Albatross go boom. I'm 5 years old*


Cream: You did it!


Amy: Of course I did!


Big: *hugs/breaks Amy's ribs* My friend~!


Amy: x-x


*Eggman crawls out from the rubble of his flying Eggman machine*


Amy: Give us back the chao and frog, you freak of nature!


Eggman: Ho ho ho! The jokes on you because I'm a Santa robot!! *explodes*


Amy: Damn it to hell!! That's not fair! It was just a stupid robot! Why the hell would Eggman want a chao and a frog anyways? Is he that lonely?


Big: I'll never get to see Froggy!! WAAAAAAH!!! *rolls over Amy*


Amy: WHY?!


Cream: What's the matter, Cheese?


Cheese: Chao chao chao chao chao chaooooo!! (Translation: I was this close to getting my money back from the bitch and ugh! I hate you so much! Sooooooo much!!)


Cream: ....yes.


Cheese: ?


Cream: ^^; I don't know why I pretend like I can understand you.


*Anyways!! Cut to: Lost Jungle*


Sonic: It's about time we made an appearance in this chapter! It's called SONIC Heroes, not Everybody else Heroes!


Knuckles: Are you finished throwing your hissy fit?


Sonic: Who uses hissy fit anymore?


Knuckles: I live alone with a giant rock! What do you expect from me?!


Tails: ^^; Anyways, what exactly are we doing here?


Sonic: *checks the player's guide* It says our mission is to venture through the deepest part of the jungle for kicks and giggles. *tosses player's guide* Lame. Nothing to it, but to do it.


Knuckles: Are you sure it's safe around here?


Sonic: Did I ever say it was safe? Stop putting words in my mouth.


Knuckles: How's about I put my fist in your mouth!


Sonic: You would like that.


Knuckles: Why you--


Tails: You guys, we're suppose to be a team!! ;-; Stop fighting already!


SonKnux: He started it!


Tails: Well I'm finishing it! *walks away...into quicksand* ;o; SONIC!!!!!


*A few minutes after rescuing Tails, the trio of zeroes see a huge robot carrying a hammer. Or something*


Sonic: Holy hell, that thing is big!


Knuckles: That's an oxymoron.


Sonic: You're an oxymoron.


Tails: You guys! We gotta beat that robot in order to progress through the level!


Knuckles: But that thing is huge! How are we going to stop it? I mean it's not like the robot loses it's balance after it swings it's giant hammer.


SonTails: ..........


Knuckles: What?


*As the robot loses it's balance, Sonic and Tails beat it to the ground*


Knuckles: Good job! I wish I thought of that..


Sonic: -.-; Knucklehead...


*Cut to: the part with the vine swing*


Tails: When the vine swing reaches the top, you have to jump.


Sonic: Seriously Tails, not all of us in this group are as dumb as Knuckles!


Tails: I'm sorry! Maybe I have the Omochao disease...


*So the trio uses the vine swing to progress through the level*


Knuckles: Hey, I'm not dumb!!


Sonic: That wasn't delayed at all. You really are a knucklehead.


Tails: You guys! We have to be careful of the rain that the frog summons.


Knuckles: Why do you know so much about this jungle that is supposedly lost?


Tails: Leave me alone! Ah!! There's a frog!!


Frog: :D *summons rain and destroys...things*


Knuckles: That was definitely rain.


Sonic: No shit!


Knuckles: No it was rain!


Sonic: Enough is enough. *punches Knuckles*


*Sonic and Knuckles beat the crap out of each other*


Tails: ;-; The rain...everything is dead. *sobs*


*Why is Tails being so emotional? Anyways, deep in the jungle a certain team that is dark is standing around doing nothing of importance*


Rouge: Look at us standing around doing nothing of importance.


*The trio sees Team Sonic run by*


Shadow: It's that blue hedgehog!


Rouge: You act like you've never seen a hedgehog before. And why is it that you had no trouble remembering him, but you couldn't remember me?


Shadow: I remembered who you were.


Rouge: Anyways, we should smack them around. They'll probably end up getting in my way and making trouble.


Shadow: Why are you so obsessed with people making trouble?


*Team Sonic stop in their tracks and look up*


Knuckles: Hey, isn't that--


Tails: *points to Shadow* Sonic!


Knuckles: No, you idiot. That's Shadow, not Sonic. I think you do have the Omochao disease..


Sonic: Well, well, well. And I thought I was the only one who dies hard.


Shadow: What the hell is that suppose to mean?


Sonic: I don't know. What's up?


Shadow: Oh nothing. I'm a robot. Anything new with you?


Sonic: Eh not really.


Rouge: Aren't you the chatty one when a certain blue hedgehog is around.


Shadow: Shut up.


Rouge: Long time, no see, boys. Looks like you came all this way for nothing. We'll take it from here.


Knuckles: What'd you say?!


Omega: *replays Rouge's last sentence* We'll take it from here.


Knuckles: Oh. Just making sure.


Sonic: Knuckles... -.-


Knuckles: Oh right. We'll take it from here!!


Rouge: I just said that!


Knuckles: I said it too.


Omega: I will annihilate all obstacles. *starts shooting at Knuckles*


Knuckles: AAAHHHH!!! *does the dodging bullets dance*


Sonic: Didn't you hear? We have a date with Eggman too!


Knuckles: *pauses* That two-timing jerk!


Shadow: Hm. Then it will be a date to DIE for.


Sonic: Hey, that's suppose to be my line.


Tails: ^^; That's not something you should be proud of, Sonic.


*Shadow tackles Sonic to the ground and Rouge and Omega team up on Knuckles*


Tails: EVERYONE STOP FIGHTING!!!!!


Rouge: *kicks Knuckles' head* This better be good.


Tails: You want to fight Eggman, right?


Omega: Affirmative.


Tails: And Sonic, Knuckles, and I want to fight Eggman too, right?


Knuckles: x.x Yes...


Tails: So why are we fighting each other when both of our goals are similar? Why don't we just work together to stop him?


Everyone else: .....


Omega: Logic has no value in this game. Terminate anyone who attempts to use logic. *Targets Tails*


Tails: ;-; Why me?


*Cut to: Somewhere else in the Lost Jungle*


Dr. Egg: Here's your next mission. There are many chao living in this jungle. Like thousands upon thousands of chaos. You must protect ten chao from Dr. Eggman.


Charmy: What about the other million chaos?


Dr. Egg: They had their chance at life and failed! Only save ten!!


Espio: But what would Eggman want with these chaos?


Dr. Egg: That's DOCTOR Eggman!


Vector: You certainly know a lot about Eggman and his plans.


Dr. Egg: I don't have to stand here and be insulted.


Charmy: How do we know you're really standing?


Dr. Egg: ...JUST DO YOUR JOB!!!! *hangs up...or whatever you do on a walkie-talkie*


Charmy: That's too bad about the chaos.


Vector: Life can be so cruel sometimes. Hey look, a frog! I've never seen one of those.


Frog: *implodes*


Team Chaotix: ....


Espio: I think I hear something.


Vector: *looks down at his feet and sees three chao* Nice work, Espio.


Dr. Egg: Good job, guys!


Espio: He yells at us when we're half way finished, but congratulates us when we're no where near finished with the mission.


Charmy: *shrugs* Maybe he's on his period.


Vector: *to Espio* We really need to have that talk with him about the birds and the bees. Ha! Get it?!


Espio: *facepalm*


*Anyways, deep in the jungle...hm this sounds familiar*


Vector: We've saved all but one chao.


Charmy: I'm hungry! My feet hurt!


Vector: Your feet hurt?! You've been flying this whole time!


Espio: Maybe that pink hedgehog up ahead can tell us where we can get a bite to eat.


Charmy: Yeah! Ask her, Vector! *shoves the crocodile*


Vector: Okay, okay. *walks up to Amy* *ahem* Excuse me, miss. I was wondering if I could ask you something.


Amy: *turns to face Vector and stares disapprovingly at his face* If it's about a date, it'll have to wait.


Vector: DATE?! Do you think asking for food is some sort of joke?! It's serious business!


Amy: Ew. I hate it when men beg.


Big: It's not nice to talk mean to my friends!


Amy: And it's also impolite to mess with me.


Espio: I bet they're our client's adversary.


Charmy: Stop using big words!


Cream: I bet you're the ones who took Chocola chao!


Vector: We would never take a chao! Now give us your chao!!


Big: Big smash!! *pounds the ground*


Charmy: Alright! Enough accusing people we don't know of things they never did. Let's just fight!! Yeah!! Random violence!!


*And so the two teams fight until they collapse on the ground. That accomplished nothing*


That really did accomplish nothing. Why must the team fight each other when Dr. Eggman is the real villain? Why must they fight over nothing? Why am I asking you all of these questions? I dunno, but you can find out why the sky is blue in the action packed final chapter entitled...final chapter! No, it doesn't have a title yet. That seems to be the trend here. D: