Sorcerer Hunters Fan Fiction ❯ Slashing Up The Carrot ❯ ZAHA ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

SLASHING UP THE CARROT



HIKARI: Welcome back for another episode of "SLASHING UP THE CARROT!"

CARROT: :: Hanging upside down by Tira's whip :: Do we have to call it that? Someone cut me down! I'm not a piñata!

POTATO: :: Holding a whacking stick :: Cawwot?

CARROT: You're here to?! Don't tell me....

POTATO: :: Glomps Carrot-Pinata :: I wuv you Cawwot!

CARROT: AHHHHHHHHH!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFFFFFFFFF!!!

ZAHA: I won't have this abomination! :: Hits Carrot with magic ::

CARROT: Ouch! :: Turns into big monster thing ::

POTATO: SCAWY!!!!

CARROT-MONSTER: :: Eats Potato and the belches loudly :: Needs salt ...

CHOCOLATE: :: In her other scary form :: Finally got rid of that guy ... I mean ... bad, darling! BAD!

TIRA: :: Also in her other scary form :: Take that! And that!

BOTH MISU SISTERS: :: Whips Carrot Monster :: OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHHOHOO!!!

MALE CAST OF BAKURETSU HUNTERS: We wish we could whip Carrot around :: Drools ::

CARROT: :: Back to normal :: Owww ... can we just get this 'Carrot torture fest' over with?!

HIKARI: Impatient to get laid I see :: Giggle ::

CARROT: Only with a girl

GATEAU: Like that's ever gonna happen. So, who's first? We're going in alphabetical order right? :: Winks at Carrot ::

HIKARI: This time we're going backwards. So, first up is: Zaha Torte!

ZAHA: :: Smirks ::

CARROT: Someone please hit me with magic, please!



HIKARI: Za-chan, I can call you 'Za-chan', can't I?

ZAHA: If you do, I will show you hell.

HIKARI: Uh... so Lord Zaha ...

ZAHA: :: Grins ::

HIKARI: What's your attraction to our Carrot-chan?

CARROT: :: Twitch :: 'Our Carrot-chan'?!

ZAHA: Isn't it obvious? I desire his destructive power ... and after he destroys the world for me, we can have endless S/M sex :: Pulls out shackles Carrot wear in the opening of the TV series ::

CARROT: :: Nosebleeds like a sprinkler ::

HIKARI: Why do you want to destroy the world anyway?

ZAHA: It keeps screwing me over. Also, I hate the fact that we're all named food products. It's annoying! A couple years ago, I walked into Starbucks and ordered a dessert with my coffee. Instead, they gave me this screwed up little girl...

ECLAIR: :: Gasps angrily :: I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! :: Glomps Zaha ::

HIKARI: I see ...

ECLAIR: I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOU! I LOVE YOU!

ZAHA: :: Tosses Eclair to Gateau :: She's you're long lost sister, take her already!

ECLAIR: :: Glomps and strangles Zaha at the same time:: LOVE! HATE! LOVE! HATE! LOVE! HATE!

GATEAU: Heh, you can keep her. I'll just take Carrot from you ...

ZAHA: :: Glares ::

HIKARI: Uh... So how did you two meet... er... again?

ZAHA: :: Blasts Eclair away :: In the TV series ... I was on the mountain sucking up souls ...

HIKARI: Is your name Raziel? You know the guy from Soul Reaver? Was it the endless block puzzles the reason why you turned into a bad guy?

ZAHA: What the hell are you talking about? Anyway, I was almost done sucking up souls ...

CARROT: Eat me! Beat me! Be one with me!

ZAHA: ...Yes, that. Then, that woman :: Points to Big Mama :: tried to kill me and then I passed out. Later on, I woke up naked in bed with him :: Points to Carrot ::

ALL: :: Jaws drop ::

CARROT: :: Turns red :: IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT!!!! You were already naked!

ALL: :: Stares at Carrot ::

CARROT: :: Stammers :: We weren't in bed together! I was wearing my clothes and he was half naked! Nothing happened!

ZAHA: If you say so :: Enigmatic smile ::

ALL: :: Stare at Zaha ::

HIKARI: I'm sure yaoi fanfic writers (like me) will disagree with you, Carrot-chan :: Giggle ::

CARROT: Is this so-called 'fanfic' over yet?!

HIKARI: Behave yourself before I write you naked.

CARROT: What?? You can't do that!

HIKARI: Wanna bet? :: Writes: "...and suddenly, Carrot's clothes were torn away. Leaving him naked..." ::

CARROT: :: Screams :: AHHHH!!!! WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!!! :: Tries to cover himself ::

HIKARI: Told you ... now, let's get on with the questions. So, Zaha ... hey, what are you doing to Carrot-chan?!

ZAHA: :: Looks up at Hikari and the gaping audience :: What? This stupid 'show' is still on? LEAVE THIS PLACE before I ... ah ... I'll get back to you on that death threat.. :: Ties Carrot down ::

CARROT: :: Whimpers as he's tied spread-eagled and pinned to the ground ... oh and let's not forget that he's BUCK NEKKID! :: I HATE YOU, HIKARI!!!

HIKARI: We'll leave you both alone as soon as you finish answering my questions. Don't worry, I'll be quick.

CARROT: TAKE YOUR TIME! :: Continues to struggle in his binds as everyone drools at the sight ::

ZAHA: :: Continues to pin Carrot down :: Go on...

HIKARI: Um ... could you stop molesting Carrot-chan for a few minutes ... it's really ... distracting...

ALL: :: Standing in their drool puddles ::

CARROT: Yeah, listen to the author! She'll write you naked if you don't!

ZAHA: That may be convenient in this position :: Note: he's still on top of Carrot ::

CARROT: :: POUT ::

ZAHA: :: Stops molesting Carrot but doesn't move off him ::

HIKARI: :: Sweat drops :: So um ... how do you plan on using Carrot to destroy the world? In the TV series you brought the old world back to fall on top of the present one ... which was pretty cool by the way.

THE SORCERER HUNTERS: :: Mumbles :: It wasn't 'cool' when we died

ZAHA: Well, :: Still pinning Carrot despite the fact that Carrot is nawing at his wrists :: the key is to draw the God of Destruction out using mortal fear. As all of you know, Carrot is a complete wuss...

ALL: :: NOD ::

CARROT: You all suck! :: Continues with his useless squirming and nawing ::

ZAHA: I kept trying to scare Carrot by pretending to kill him ... but then he just kept getting the hiccups.

HIKARI: I thought frightening a normal person would get rid of the hiccups ... not cause them.

ZAHA: Carrot's not a normal person

ALL: :: NOD ::

CARROT: :: POUT ::

ZAHA: But now I have discovered a sure proof way of bringing out the God of Destruction :: Triumphant smile ::

CARROT: :: Whimper ::

ZAHA: Carrot Glace ... will you marry me?

ALL: :: Fall over ::

GOD-OF-DESTRUCTION (G.O.D): OH, SCREW THIS! :: Destroys the world ::



... A millennia later ...




HIKARI: And we're back!

CARROT: :: Spits out ball gag :: I told you it wouldn't work!

ZAHA: Damn...