Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Lyrics to a Love Story ❯ One Last Cry ( Chapter 6 )

ONE LAST CRY

(Or My Ode to Ayeka's fragile heart)

From deep within her lab Washu cackled manically. Tenchi was so silly sometimes. She smiled as she watched Tenchi slip and slide his way through the house only to crash into the wall after having missed the closet door by mere millimeters. Then after gathering himself he nearly repeated the process on the return trip. Loud boisterous laughter boomed through the isolated level of the lab as Washu watched Tenchi look surprised as his hand actually closed around the doorknob. Then she shut down that monitor, giving Tenchi and Ryoko their much-needed privacy. It wasn't until her motion detectors indicated movement at the upper levels of the lab that Washu turned the monitor back on. And what she saw almost made her cheer. Tenchi and Ryoko were leaving the lab hand in hand.

And when the pair arrived at Tenchi's room and he stooped to pick up Ryoko in his arms intending to carry her across the threshold of his bedroom, Washu did cheer. Cheered like a crazed fan during World Cup finals. Washu whooped and shouted waving fans and flags in the air as confetti and paper streamers came from everywhere and littered her lab with their colorful presence. Even the ill-fated Washu puppet A and puppet B made a jubilant appearance after having been released from their confining prison of the subspace beneath Washu's cushion.

The celebration continued unabated until Washu noticed the constant blinking of a monitor and suddenly all jubilation ended. There before her, illuminated in the sorrowful light of the moon, sat a tearfully lamenting Ayeka. And it broke her heart to watch the princess in so much pain. Looking better at the princess's location, she realized that not only would Ayeka have been witness to Tenchi's return but also any shadows that might play across the window of Tenchi's bedroom.

Hating to disturb her daughter's joy with such bad news, but refusing to allow Ayeka more ammunition for her pain, Washu telepathically asked Ryoko to turn the light off in Tenchi's room. After a brief moment of enduring her daughter's anger, Washu's request was answered by Tenchi's humble yes. It took a moment for Ryoko to understand why but once she understood she agreed with a heavily laden heart. And with her request answered Washu pulled away from the connection and watched the grieving princess with a heavy heart.

Ayeka sat alone watching the moon rise in the sky. For eight long days she had managed to avoid pain, avoid the remorse and the grief. Avoid the regret and the loss, avoid the hollow ache in her heart and the need to mourn, but now she had to face reality. Now she was going to be the only one left in this agony. Soon Tenchi would go to Ryoko and explain his feelings. And the second he did that, Ryoko would no longer share in the pain that Ayeka found herself in. It had been a sort of perverse comfort to know that Ryoko suffered the same pain that she did.

But now that was all over. She had seen his ship return, had watched it touch down and watched as his form materialized out of the air within the beam of light that came from the ship. And sitting there silently she watched as Tenchi frantically raced to the house. It had been eight long miserable days in that house. With Ryoko completely unaware for Tenchi's feelings and herself painfully aware of his feelings it had been hopelessly miserable to be in that house. Both women were grieving, feeling the exact same pain for totally different reasons. But now with his return, at least one would stop grieving. But not me, never me……… I am never going to find love or happiness am I? Not with Yosho, not with Tenchi, not with anyone…

So tonight I grieve. I mourn my loss and move on. This will be my one last night I will allow myself this pain. No more after this. But tonight… …… tonight I will mourn……My ………Tenchi………My………darl ing……Tenchi………

Smirking through her raw thoughts Ayeka knew what would happen soon. The pain would come. Then after the pain the tears were soon to follow. Then after the tears would come the broken dreams. She swallowed the pain that was beginning to rise like a tidal wave. Feelings overwhelmed the lamenting princess, as the pain of her broken heart brought the tears. Slowly at first the glittering tears slipped from the corners of her closed eyes. Then as her control finally slipped, in the trusted haven of Funaho's branches and roots, Ayeka began to sobs.

My shattered dreams and broken heart

Somehow she would find the strength to survive this. The pain was not insurmountable. She could get through this pain. Somehow, someway she would get past this. Determination lifted the princess's bowed head and squared her shoulders. She would survive this, all of this… the pain, the loss, all of it. She would move on and become something far greater than she had ever imagined.

Are mending on the shelf

False resolve and pride firmed her back and lifted her eyes to the night sky. And that's when the pain came back to her. Looking up into the darkened celestial vision and turning briefly to look back at the house that had been her home for so many years, her eyes caught the faint shape of distant silhouettes. Their shadows cast upon the blinds and curtains of his bedroom window. She could faintly make out the individual bodies. They were so close that the shadows seemed almost to merge. And as finally the pair of shadows met to form one, Ayeka turned her head. Her heart pounding in her throat as her breath come in rasping gasps.

I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else

The once suppressed tears raced to the surface as the bitter biting pain stung her heart and pulled at her soul. There it was, played out in shadows and light, the truth before her. Tenchi was Ryoko's and Ryoko was Tenchi's. She had known for so long that eventually they would end up together, but the summons had given her a false hope. And now, along side the rest of her dying dreams and false hopes her heart was breaking. It was one thing to be strong for the one you love; it was entirely another thing to remain unaffected by the pain. Inhaling a bitter and ragged breath and exhaling on a tearfully stuttering sigh, Ayeka allowed the tears of loss and regret slide down her face freely. I love you so much, my darling Tenchi. So very much. I just wish this pain would end. I want to be happy for you, but how can I be happy for you when I am in so much pain?

Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone

Ayeka smiled acrimoniously at the now darkened window. She had done her best to win his heart. Found peace with the woman he now held in his arms, did everything she could possibly think of to make him return a fraction of her affections. She did everything; she learned to cook, to clean, and to be common for him. She learned to appreciate this commoner's life for him. Shaking her head, Ayeka's smile turned to a thoughtful frown. No, that wasn't the truth; she hadn't done all those things strictly for him. She had done all those things for herself as well. No, she had enjoyed the escape from duties and expectations that the life of a commoner provided. But now it was time to face the music. She had pushed aside all her responsibilities in hopes of becoming what he wanted and still she had not been enough.

I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do

Ayeka looked up at the heavens, and sat back down, leaned against the trunk of Funaho and wrapped her arms around her legs. Placing her head down between the hollow of her arms Ayeka allowed herself one last cry. One last time to truly mourn her heart's pain. One last and final … … … Thoughts failed her as the tears came in torrents.

But have one last cry

Tears fat and glistening like brilliant diamantes, traced shimmering trails of radiant dew in their wake as they slipped across quivering cheeks and tremulous lips. The tears flowed continuously, feeling unending. Finally a great sob of pain tore from her lips, escaping her rigid control and flinging itself to freedom on the night zephyrs. And with this first sob freed, its wayward brethren soon followed. Before long, Ayeka found herself unable to contain the loud gasping sobs that filled the air around her.

She could put her love for Tenchi behind her and move on, but not before she gave into this horrendous pain one last time. Suddenly feeling the pain subside into self-righteous anger, Ayeka rose to her feet in a sudden burst of rage and inner strength. And with words that she never thought she would speak, Ayeka allowed the emotions of resentment and hatred, feelings she had never truly felt until just then rise like a nauseating wave of bile to mouth.

Then with anger and pain clenching her throat and cracking her voice, Ayeka screamed her anguish to the night's sky. "I hate you Tenchi. I hate you and that bitch. I hate you for making me love you. And I hate her for making me love her also. I hate you both!! How could you do this to me!?!" Ayeka railed at the now darkened window. She no longer cared if they could hear her. She no longer cared if they could see her. What did it matter anyway? If they saw? It would not change his heart, thus it would not mend hers. So what did she care if they were hurt by her words? What did she care if they felt guilty? They should! They were happy while she was miserable. Panting as she took a break from her screaming, Ayeka glared menacingly at the dark window.

"How can you leave me like this!?! I love you! I love you so much!! You were supposed to make me happy! You were supposed to love me! You were supposed to be with me!! Not her, just me! Why could you not love me!?!" Then as doubt wormed its way past the pride, anger and pain, Ayeka fell to her knees. Weeping quietly as the tears and the heartache returned Ayeka curled into as tight a ball as possible. Trying to shield her heart with her body, hoping to somehow block the pain that, that window represented.

One last cry, before I leave it all behind

Curling even tighter into a ball, Ayeka cried harder. Sobs came in torn gasps through trembling lips. It hurt so very much to let go. She was unsure what hurt more, the pain of letting go and giving up or the pain of actually losing his heart. Which was worse? To have to relinquish the hopes and dreams that had been such a part of her life for so long or to accept the reality of his choice? Then as another great sob tore from her heart and throat and into the startled night sky, Ayeka decided that letting go was harder. Acceptance had happened that night when she had told him to go. But letting go? Letting go of all her dreams and hopes? Now that was hard. Even now, despite her acceptance of her fate to remain as nothing more than a friend, it was still so hard to relinquish the faint hope that he would come to her and answer her prayers. No it was the hope and the dreams that were breaking her heart now. Not what he had done, but her inability to let go.

I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie

Swallowing the last of her tears Ayeka stiffened her back and lifted her gaze to the dreaded window. The summation of all her pain and the reason for all her pain, somehow she would put all this behind her. Somehow she would accept the reality of her new role and get beyond her destroyed dreams for the future. Those dreams were nothing but lies, pretty, girlish lies that she spun for herself; lies that would never change the reality that was hidden within the dark recesses of the bedroom behind that distant window. Lies that felt like a cruel and harsh death sentence for her heart.

I guess I'm down to my last cry
Cry......

Hanging her head once more Ayeka's tears began the cycle again. At first slowly the tears glistened silent tracks down her cheeks. This would be the last night she would allow herself to wallow in the pain. The last night she would allow herself the comfort of misery. One last night to feel sorry for herself and to shroud herself in her sorrow, and so there underneath the beautiful night surrounded by the romance and beauty of the evening's moonlight, Ayeka cried.

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree

After several moments of quiet sobbing Ayeka lifted her head again, and through her tears she thought about him, them, everything. All the little details she missed or hadn't wanted to see. All the little clues that should have told her so long ago where his heart was, but blind hope had obscured. In her mind's eye she could she him, as he had been all those years ago… a boy that stood between a princess and a pirate. A boy torn by duty and love… torn by the need to comfort and please everyone and the need to take his own happiness… the triangle had always seemed to be equilateral but now with eyes opened to the reality she could see. See the subtle glances he gave to Ryoko, the gentle blushes that stole across his cheeks when she was around, always around her. And there it was, Ryoko and Tenchi closer to each other, nearly standing next to each other. Even back then they drifted to each other, drawn to each other.

Ayeka gave a bittersweet chuckle through her tears. Even back then the pair had been close, maybe closer than either one realized. And in her mind's eye she watched the pair, floating constantly just out of reach of each other. The triangle was so skewed now. She was so far away from them and they were so close to each other. And yet, they were separate. Separated by her wants and desires, as long as there was a triangle the pair would remain separated. And with tears in her eyes Ayeka took one last step back, and with that one last step she fell outside of the triangle.

While the sun shines on you

Ayeka watched with a sad smile on her face as her best friend and the man she loved more than her own life finally joined to kiss each other. Lowering her eyes from the happiness and light before her, Ayeka tried to ignore the pain that was radiating in waves from her heart. But it hurt, it hurt so terribly much, it hurt to watch them glow with the light of their love while she remained in the darkness and cold. It hurt so very much to watch them in their happiness.

I need some love to rain on me

Sighing through her tears, Ayeka opened her eyes and pulled out of her daydream. She wanted to be loved. Loved like the way she had seen Tenchi love Ryoko. She wanted someone to look at her with that same look of devotion. To touch her with that same gentle caress, with hands trembling in need to feel as well as to be felt. She wanted to have someone treat her the way Tenchi treated Ryoko. She wanted to be someone's precious angel. She wanted to be someone's greatest love and most wondrous gift.

Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone

Ayeka's back stiffened as the pain subsided behind anger again. NO! She didn't want someone… She wanted Tenchi. Only Tenchi. She wanted to be Tenchi's precious angel. She wanted to be the one that he touched, the one he looked at with such reverence and love. She wanted to be the one that he loved, that he adored, that he was willing to fight for. She wanted to be all of that and more. And just for a moment, Ayeka wanted to truly be Ryoko. Then she would be loved by Tenchi… the she would be his precious angel… then she would be with him instead of out here, under the night sky hidden within Funaho's roots and branches crying her eyes out. Looking up at the sky Ayeka cursed her heart… her treacherous, deceiving, cruel heart.

Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do

Pulling her knees to her chest and resting her head on her knees Ayeka began to cry. She would get over all this pain tonight. Would shed all her tears for her broken heart tonight and then never again. She would get over Tenchi and Ryoko, the pain and the anger, all of it. She would forgive them, like they had forgiven her. She would forgive their love, like they had forgiven her interference.

But have one last cry

But before she could do all that she would cry. And with that thought Ayeka's head bowed and her shoulders shook. The force of her tears and sobs shaking her delicate frame. Finally unable to contain the pain, Ayeka lifted her head and opened her mouth to allow a long wailing, mournful sob to free itself from the tight reigns of her control. The tears came faster, as she now sobbed loudly. Lifting shaking hands Ayeka covered her face. Royal conditioning forcing her from allowing even the moon to see her face twist into the mask of heartbroken pain.

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie

Somehow she would push all of this behind. She would put her love for Tenchi out of her mind and out of her heart. She would stop living in the dream world of lies that she had created so long ago. She would get past all of it, the pain, the heartache, the sorrow, the longing and the anger. She would push on and be the friend that she knew they needed. Be the sister that Sasami needed and the devoted daughter that her father needed. She would be everything that everyone wanted, everything that everyone needed once she got past the pain.

I know I gotta be strong Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

Lowering her hands and placing her head down again Ayeka felt her unbound hair cascaded around her shielding her from the outside world. And within her hiding place behind the cocoon of her hair, Ayeka felt the gentle fingers of time brush past her. Where had the time gone? When had she become the person she was now? When had Tenchi become so very important to her? When had Ryoko? From behind her hair Ayeka questioned herself. Slowly lifting her head again, Ayeka looked out at the night again with eyes willing to see beyond the pain.

I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Finally summing up her courage Ayeka lifted her head completely to look at the strong and broad branches above her. Standing

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie

I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...