Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Blood Reign ❯ Coping ( Chapter 1 )

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Trigun or any of the characters *sighs wistfully*

First fic so please be gentle! Also, please, please, please review so I know whether or not I'm doin a good job…thanks!

~Coping~

Light filtered through a dirty curtain, falling on a figure curled tightly in a ball on a wooden floor. The figure twitched occasionally, trapped in a dream world he seemed unable to escape.

*dream*

The figure approached him slowly, darkness surrounding him. The eyes were accusing, burning with an intense fire. He trembled, trying desperately to look away from the figure, but knew all at once that it was impossible.

Why did you fail me? The voice seemed to surround him, coming from every direction all at once. He shook his head, wanting the figure to disappear.

Answer me! The voice shouted, causing him to wince. He opened his mouth to say he didn't mean it, to deny that he'd failed him, to say anything but what he knew to be the truth. No words came forth. Only silence. A silenced that seemed to echo what they both knew.

You will pay, dear brother….. The voice trailed off into the darkness, leaving him with his anguish and guilt.

*end dream*

Vash abruptly woke from his dream, sweat glistening on his face. He was breathing heavily, the dream fresh in his mind. He sat up and buried his face in his hands, feeling that familiar pressure build in the pit of his stomach. That feeling had been with him since…..

He sighed, not wanting to think the words, that would only be admitting something he wasn't ready to admit. `Will I ever be able to admit it?' He wondered, his turquoise eyes glistening with unshed tears. He shook his head, not wanting to dwell on such thoughts. He slowly rose to his feet, his body groaning in protest. He missed the comfort of a real bed, but he was short on money and couldn't afford a room. He'd been sleeping in an abandoned house a few iles outside of Sandburg, the town he'd taken up residence in.

He walked over to the one tiny window in the entire house and looked out, his eyes sad despite the brilliant sunshine and the cloudless sky.

Why did you fail me? The question flitted through his mind. He closed his eyes tightly, knowing the memories would come as they always did. "No, no, no!" He whispered, holding his head in his hands.

*flashback*

"You don't look so good, brother." Vash sat by Knives' still body, waiting for any sign of life. After their showdown, Vash had decided to start over with Knives, hoping to mend the damage that had been done to their relationship. He'd carried his unconscious brother to Sandburg and found the abandoned house. That had been two months ago and Knives still showed no sign of improvement.

"I only did what I had to, Knives." Still no response. Vash looked away from the body that lay next to him. "Can't you see that you couldn't continue the life that you were leading? I only wanted to do what was best for you…..I missed you…."

Vash could feel the moisture build in his eyes, a tear escaping down his cheek. He hadn't wanted to seriously injure Knives, had he? The thought horrified him, but he had to wonder. Did he secretly wish for Knives to die?

"No!" He vehemently denied. "I never wanted you to die! I don't want you to die!" Vash's words echoed throughout the empty house, sounding hollow to his own ears. Knives slept on, unaffected by the words.

"No matter what you did in the past, I never gave up on you, Knives." Vash thought about all the lives Knives had directly or indirectly destroyed. Wolfwood, the Seeds crew, Rem. Hundreds of years had gone by and it still hurt to think about Rem, his Rem. Vash sighed heavily. Not to mention all the other countless lives Knives had ended.

"Why, Knives?" Vash muttered, gazing at his brother. He looked so peaceful, saintly in his coma-induced slumber. Why would someone devote their entire lives to destroying the lives of others? How could one being harbor so much evil and hatred? He couldn't possibly be happy living like that, could he?

"Can you change? Can you let go of all the hate you hold on to?" Vash pictured Knives' sneering face, doubt clouding his mind. He closed his eyes. Is there another way? Was there some other resolution?

Vash's eyes opened slowly, resolve clear in their turquoise depths.

*end flashback*

"I never failed you, Knives. You did that yourself." Vash whispered, pressing his forehead to the glass window. "You caused so much pain to so many people….was there any other way?"

"WAS THERE?!?" He screamed. He slid to his knees, tears falling freely down his face. It always came down to him; it was always him in the end. Just him.

~end~

please leave reviews, good or bad…if all goes well, more to come!