Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ Of No Help to You... ❯ One-Shot

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. How sad. ;-;

Vash: Woah…A Trigun fic written by you that doesn't involve me making out with Wolfwood…o.o;;

Rachel: yes…Sad, isn't it?

Wolfwood: I'll say. Well…to make these people happy…*makes out with Vash*

Rachel: YAY! ^-^

Now…onto the fic!!!!

~Of No Help to You…~

I couldn't let him see me cry.

During the time when he was unconscious and lying in bed, I would cry.

As I dressed his wounds and changed his bandages, I would cry.

While he was asleep and in another universe and when I ran my hands over his countless scars, like stretched silk they felt underneath my fingers, I would cry.

But that was only because he couldn't see my tears. My tears shed for Milly. For Wolfwood. For myself. And most importantly...

For Vash.

This man...It was horrible to imagine all that he had been through. And I didn't even know the half of it. I know from what I've seen...But there is almost certainly more. I have no idea how old the man lying on the bed was. He looked about 25 or so...

But that was until you looked in his eyes.

His eyes...aquamarine oceans of pain and wisdom. Staring straight into them was like being pulled under a strong current, and the only was to escape was to look away. But sometimes...I didn't want to look away. I wanted to fight that current. To calm those waters...Recently though, the prospect of doing so seemed impossible.

I don't think I'll ever be able to help him heal. Physically, maybe. I could clean his cuts and wounds...but his emotional pain...I have no idea what to do for something like that. Antiseptic was useless. Bandages futile. All I know is...

I can NOT let him see me cry.

My only salvation is that, when he wakes up, he'll remember nothing that happened. That would probably be for the best. The realization of it alone was enough to tear apart his insides. So...I have to be strong. Maybe if I'm strong, he'll be strong and I won't have to see HIM cry! That is something even more painful than letting myself cry in front of him...Him crying in front of ME. It made me feel so....powerless. What was I supposed to do, anyway? I have no idea how to comfort someone with wounds as deep as his...I couldn't empathize with him...Not even close.

What can I do?

I walked in the room where Vash was resting. I had just spoken with the owner of the house. He's such a nice man, letting us stay here like this, especially with Vash in the condition he is, and...

I felt something. Eyes staring at me...

Vash was awake.

I was shocked...he looks so hurt...So lost. Like a child without his mother. Already I felt tears, but I sucked it up and put on the cheerful act. Make him feel a little better, maybe...

"Well you're awake! Already that's an improvement! I was worried about you!"

I shakily set down the bags that I had just picked up from the grocers. Must..NOT...cry...

"You must be hungry! I'll fix you some soup!" I walked to the stove and, with trembling hands, poured him a hearty bowl of my famous get-well soup. I kept my back to him. His eyes we so wide and confused...shocked, it seemed. I couldn't bear them.

I heard from behind me, softly "Where are we?"

Ah...He DOES feel lost. How silly of me. He has no idea where he is...whose bed he's been sleeping in for the past week or so. He must feel overwhelmed.

"It's a small village. About 200 iles from the town of LR. There's alot of very kind people in this town. They let us stay in this house so we could care for your wounds."

A small moan, more like a sigh of pain, came from him. I don't want to look into his face...

"Do you remember anything? You've been asleep since we arrived. Almost 10 days straight now!" I meant about arriving here...Not before that! Me and my stupid mouth!

I walked with the bowl over to the, now it would seem, dormant Humanoid Typhoon.

"Here! It's my own recipe!" That's it, Meryl...Keep that smile going. The tears were burning at my eyes...It was damn near unbearable. "Drink up! It's good for healing!" But not the healing you need, Vash...

"I remember...."

Oh no, please don't...

"I remember...all of it..."

My eyes widened. No, he can't be thinking about that so soon after he's just woken up! I can't...I mean, HE can't...take this now! The tears were pricking my eyes, only one way out...

"Oh, hey! I just remembered I have to be somewhere! I'll be back later, kay? See ya!!" I had to get out of there...I was suffocating...I'm sorry Vash, there's nothing I can do for you now...well...

"Make sure you drink all your soup, okay?"

Please don't look at me with those eyes, Vash...

Please don't make me feel like I'm abandoning you...

But I knew that was exactly what I was doing.

I shut the door with a creak. I leaned against it and sighed heavily. I was free. Now, he wouldn't see my tears and I, most certainly, would not see his.

"Oh, Vash..."

Then I heard a sound.

A sob.

Coming from the room that I had just hastily left. I gasped in spite of myself. Sure, I couldn't see him...But I DID hear him.

That is the worst sound I have ever heard. The sound of the person you love in pain. In absolute anguish, while you sit outside and do NOTHING.

Vash wasn't just crying. I'm not sure there is a word that properly fits what Vash was doing. He was releasing all of his sadness, frustration, all of his hurt, in the most violent way imaginable. Screaming. Sobbing angrily, spitefully. It could almost be labeled as a tantrum of sorts...

Vash....my Vash was....Dying.

Dying painfully on the inside. And I...I felt responsible for it all.

I left him. I KNEW he needed me. He needed me to comfort him, to tell him everything was going to be alright...

But I didn't know if it would be alright.

Vash...I'm trying to be strong for you when, in fact, I am weak. I am the weakest thing alive. There is NOTHING I can do for you...I'm so sorry...

I covered my ears and gritted my teeth, but the sound of Vash's painful awakening still entered my ears.

I cried then.

But Vash will never know that.

Because…

…I have to be...

...Strong.