Vampire Hunter D Fan Fiction ❯ Split Personality ❯ What a Dickhead! ( Chapter 3 )

Legal Disclaimer - You all suck for making me say this: I don't own Vampire Hunter D.

Author's Note - Updating because one person actually reviewed! Thank you so much!!!

Chapter 3 - What a Dickhead!

"Like, dude. Where's, like, the parTAY?!" Dude asked, seeing this big ol' crowd of people head in the same direction as them, only in a greater hurry.

"It's not a party, it's a group of people headed towards a bar to get drunk," Left Hand clarified for the unwise.

"First of all dude, it's, like: parTAY and . . . I WANNA GET A BUZZ!" Dude shouted loudly.

D just walked away, not wanted to be seen in the company of a tripped out due like Dude. Well, Dude followed because he's like a shadow or something close to it.

They approached the Saloon where a crowd of lovely young ladies in skimpy outfits and some gay men were huddled around a figure on horseback. Both Dude and D made themselves known. The man atop a raven cyborg peered down at them; it looked like he was peering into a reflection pool.

"And who are you?!" The guy asked, his voice somewhat reserved and calm.

"LIKE, DUDE! WE'RE TRIPLETS!" Dude yelled out and D sweatdropped.

The guy looked at them, probably the same way D looked at Dude that morning. Then he laughed. And that sounded so wrong because, D doesn't laugh. It's like a rule written somewhere or something.

"You think that I could be related to YOU two?" he said, gasping for air.

"Like, dude. What is, like, so outrageously funny?" Dude asked.

D looked at him. If he ever showed emotions ((I mean REAL emotions)) it would have been one of shock because he had no idea that Dude knew such big words, besides "like" and "dude."

The guy stopped laughing and looked down at Dude like he was a pest ((he sorta IS but . . .)) or something gross on his shoes. Dude glared. The guy glared back. The people backed away. D stood there and glared at both of them glaring.

The guy dismounted and walked up to Dude. He was wearing a grey shirt that read: Your Girlfriend Thinks I'm Hot and a pair of skin-tight blue jeans with rips and tears in them. His long raven hair was pulled back into a short ponytail and his jean jacket had gang signs and shit all over it. The man glared harshly and then he . . . POKED Dude?! They continued glaring. Even the horse glared. Dude poked him back. And at the same time they screamed . . .

"OMIGAWD!!"

The people decided it was boring now that death glaring contest was over, and they went into the bar to get drunk. Dude ran and cowered behind D, who just stood there like it happened everyday.

"LIKE, DUDE! YOU'RE ME!" Dude screamed, and pointed at the guy.

"Correction. YOU are me. I am not YOU," he pointed out, not wanting to be roped with a character as dumb as Dude.

"Wait a minute . . . dude . . . I'm, like . . . confused," Dude admitted, still hiding behind D.

"You always are," Left Hand muttered.

"And, like, you never shut up, dude," Dude snapped back at him.

"Here we go with the slang again!" Left Hand said.

"Are you, like, making fun of my language, dude?" Dude asked, disgusted.

"Are you picking a fight with a hand?" the guy asked, confused.

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" Left Hand and Dude shouted at him.

"Um . . . okay . . ." the guy replied, and started to inch away from the fight.

And D just stood there and LET them argue?! The guy looked scared. And then there was this little ringing sound, making everyone shut up and look around. Dude even took off his hat to look inside. The guy reached under his cape and pulled out a . . . CELL PHONE?! D blinked and Dude got all glassy-eyed because it was the phone that could send pictures and junk like that.

"Yo!" the guy said into the phone.

Then, everyone was knocked over because whoever was on the other line was cursing their little lungs out. The voice sounded familiar . . .

"SOME DUMBASS ENTERED *MY* FOREST AND BROKE MY SWORD AND HE SCREWED WITH MY SIGNS AND HE-"

*Click*

Everyone stared at the guy. He smiled at them (which still looks wrong by the way . . .) and said, "Wrong number." And then it rang again.

"Yo!" he said again.

"Can you hear me now?"

The guy looked at the phone and said, "Yeah."

"Good!" And then the person hung up.

The guy blinked.

"That was weird." he said.

And then there was an awkward silence.

"Can I, like, get a buzz now dude?" Dude asked, making everyone look at him like he had just sprouted another head.

"First of all, it's Dick." The guy said, pocketing the phone and shaking hands with Dude.

"I'm Dude." he said.

"I figured." Dick replied. "And you?"

"D."

"Nice name. Real original. Now let's go!" Dick said.

"Go where?" Left Hand asked.

"To get a buzz of course!" Dick replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the universe.

"Like, alright Dickhead!" Dude said.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"

#####

I finally updated and I'm happy. I have only 4 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL and then I can update this more often!!!! I can't wait!!!

Snippet:

When they walked into the bar, a woman ran up to them in a VERY revealing outfit. Dick's eyes fell out of his head and Dude's tongue was hanging on the ground, creating a little puddle of drool.

"I'm Dee Dee and I'll be your waitress this fine day!" she said, like she had just eaten a whole bag of pixy sticks . . . straight.

"Ain't this a bar?" Dick asked.

"It is, but it's also something else . . ." she said.

Dick looked like the happiest man alive right about then. Dude was confused and D was somewhat apalled. Left Hand sneezed.

"Like, dudette . . . you look familiar . . ." Dude pointed out.

**

OOoooooh! So who's Dee Dee? I DON'T KNOW! And neither do you so I can't ask. ^^;;

I hoped you enjoyed.

now review . . . please?