Vampire Hunter D Fan Fiction ❯ Split Personality ❯ DUDE! ( Chapter 2 )

Legal Disclaimer - I swear to God. I don't own Vampire Hunter D. If I did then there would be a couple of hot tub scenes in the movies/mangas.

Author's Note - Wow. No one reviewed this fic. Oh well. I like it and that's important, so I'm gonna take up space on this site and post the next chapter. For some of the people who are too lazy to review (I'm one of those people by the way) thanks for reading anyways!

WARNING: You are now under the influence of a messed up fic. Run while you can, or enjoy the fic!

Chapter 2 - DUDE!

When D awoke, it was morning. Have you ever had a REALLY bad hangover? That's sort of what it felt like. Everything was a blur of green and blue. Then there was something . . . reddish. A figure, D could make out, was approaching him. Whoever it was, they were dressed in some pretty loud colors.

When D's eyes focused, it was like he was looking in a mirror. It was himself but, not him. The other him gave this really big, really gay looking smile (which looks WAY wrong on D . . .)

"Like DUDE! This is wicked awesome! It's like, looking into a mirror!"

D sat there for a moment, wondering if he was on drugs. Well, ONE of them had to be on drugs. The other him just sat there and . . . smiled at him?! It looked so wrong. Not to mention the fact that his twin was wearing a red Hawaiian print shirt with a pair of tan cutoffs on and socks (one was yellow, one was blue) with sandals. That's why D NEVER smiled or dressed in more than one color. It was just so . . . annoying to look at.

"Er . . . dude? Like, are you wiggin' man?"

D stared at him like he was a nut. The other him stared back. It was . . . creepy.

"Hey, dude. Like, what's your name? Mine's Dude," the . . . Dude said, holding out his hand to shake D's.

"D," he replied, not taking the hand in fear that stupidity was contagious.

There was such a different volume of pitch in their voices. D's was very reserved and calm while Dude's was really giddy and hyper sounding. Then, there was a long, awkward silence.

"Like dude, are you like, okay?" Dude asked, tilting his head; his face portraying worry.

By now, D was wondering just how hard he hit his head when he fell on the ground. And then, he deduced that it had to be real because he had no imagination whatsoever. Therefore, this whole thing was actually happening. D stopped and sighed when he realized what he had just told himself. And to top off finding out that you have a screwed up clone of yourself running around WASN'T bad enough . . .

"YES WE ARE! THANK GOD YOU FOUND US I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA DIE!" Left Hand shouted.

"Like, dude. You have a taking hand," Dude pointed out, as if D didn't know.

"Yes," D replied, fighting the urge to roll his dark violet eyes.

"That's WICKED AWESOME!" Dude said.

"Not necessarily," D replied truthfully.

"Why not dude?" Dude asked, quizzical expression back on his face.

To D . . . it looked so wrong . . .

"He's never quiet," D answered honestly.

"If you had your way D, the whole damn world would be quiet," Left Hand said dryly.

"Like, dude. How does he like, talk?" Dude asked, totally lost.

"He doesn't care. He's just looking for a way to SHUT ME UP!" Left Hand replied, a little agitated.

"I would too. Like, dude, you're annoying," Dude commented, squatting down on the ground because he was tired of standing.

"That's really nice. FIRST IMPRESSIONS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD ONES, DUDE!" Left Hand shouted.

D sighed as he felt his right eye twitch in annoyance.

"Like, DUDE! Don't steal my slang!" Dude said.

"I wasn't, Dude," Left Hand replied.

"You're doing it dude," Dude pointed out.

"No I'm not, Dude," Left Hand argued.

"Like DUDE! Yes you are!"

"Am not."

"Are too dude."

"Am not."

"Are TOO dude!"

"Am NOT!"

"Are not dude!"

"Am too!"

"At least you admitted it," Dude said with a triumphant smirk.

"Huh? Wait . . . I'm confused!" Left Hand whined.

****

So, the annoying Left Hand, Dude, and D cleared The Forest of No Return in 20 minutes. As the group walked through the woods they saw a couple of signs that read as follows:

Melfina's Forest. Turn Back Now.

Melfina's Scary Forest. Turn Back Now.

Melfina's REALLY Scary Forest. I Would Turn Back Now.

Daxter's Awesome Forest! For only the REALLY cool!

"Maybe we should heed the signs D. THIS TIME!" Left Hand suggested, scared.

No answer.

"Like dude. We're cool. We can be here," Dude said, pulling out a pair of sunglasses to put them on and do a little dance.

"You're right. We ARE cool. DID YA HEAR THAT D?! WE'RE COOL!" Left Hand shouted, all happy like he had just eaten Willy Wonka's whole friggin' factory.

"I never said YOU were cool, dude," Dude muttered, just as annoyed as D was with the both of them.

"Then how come you call me 'dude'?" Left Hand asked, confused.

"Like, dude . . . you have a lot to learn," Dude sighed, and then he remembered something important he wanted to ask. "Hey, like, D?"

D didn't answer, but Dude had a feeling it was one of those: "Leave a message at the tone of the beep" things.

"How come we two dudes, like, look the same?" Dude asked.

No answer. That meant one of 3 things: 1) He wasn't listening 2) He didn't know 3) Both 1 and 2.

"I don't know either," Dude admitted with a sigh, putting his hands into his pockets.

So they walked in silence to the next town.

*****

That was short. I'm sorry, but I have to leave it there because . . . you'll see.

Snippet Time:

^_^

They approached the Saloon where a crowd of lovely young ladies and some gay men were huddled around a figure on horseback. Both Dude and D made themselves known. The man atop a raven cyborg looked down at them; it seemed like he was peering into a reflection pool.

"And who are you?!" The guy asked snootily.

"LIKE, DUDE! WE'RE TRIPLETS!" Dude yelled out and D sweat dropped.

^_^

That's it till next time.

(August 24, 2004: I hope you enjoyed the revised version of this chapter!)

Review!!!!