Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ Asturia: Love and Duty ❯ ch 4 ( Chapter 4 )

We will own Escaflowne when someone gives us Escaflowne.

Hello dear readers. I know some of you must be wondering, gee whiz these people certainly are depressing. Well, just so you know, this is going to be the last depressing chapter for a while. Sorry about all the depression, but it was necessary in order to set things up (how Eries and Allen's relationship was going to develop). After you get through chapter 4, you are going to go on to a bit of fun , followed by quite a bit of romantic angst.

Eternity-san: Thanks so much for your review! No, we're not from the UK; actually, we're from the USA :)

***

Having visited the Schezars so often, Eries made her way over to their estate quite easily even under the soggy and dark conditions. The Schezar mansion was pretty much the only thing of substantial value left of the once enormous family fortune. Although it had fallen into neglect during Allen's teenage years, once Serena returned, brother and sister had restored most of it to its former glory.

Eries walked up the main steps to the front doors and rang the bell. It was only the first watch, but the house was dark.

Eries waited a few minutes and rang again. Was he home? The door was locked. Perhaps he was at Lady Alexandra's? She turned and was about to leave when she heard the pad of paws. It was Oski, rounding the corner of the house.

Despite the damp, Eries sat down on the top step and gestured for Oski to hop on to her lap. She cuddled the creature to her. "Poor Oski, you miss your mistress don't you?" Oski whined. For a few minutes, human and beast mourned together for a common loss.

As Eries dried her eyes, she realized that if Oski was out, Allen couldn't be far off. After putting Oski next to her, she kneeled beside him and , feeling more than a little ridiculous, said, "Oski, where's Allen? Can you show me where Allen is?"

Oski hopped down the steps and went around the house again. Eries followed him to the back where the sitting room was. Oski pushed through some shrubbery and squeezed through a partially open window. Feeling somewhat like an intruder, Eries pushed the opening a little wider. She squeezed in and closed the window behind her. Oski waited for her.

Oski then led her down the hallway into the drawing room. The door was closed.

[Soundtrack 2, track seven, Cradle Song]

Eries opened it.

"Oh, Princess Eries, it's you."

A single candle illuminated the room. Allen was dressed in a rather rumpled linen shirt and dark breeches. He was seated at an armchair with his owl on a perch beside him. A small table stood before him. Eries' eyes widened. Several empty vino bottles occupied the tabletop . Surely he hadn't consumed all that on his own-?!

"I was just having a chat with my father here--about Serena." He gestured toward the empty armchair across from him.

So maybe he DID drink all that alcohol on his own if he was having a conversation with his father's ghost in the drawing room. Considering the number of bottles on the table, Eries was amazed that Allen was still conscious, let alone speaking clearly. It wasn't like Allen to get drunk. Though these were extenuating circumstances, she had to admit.

"Serena came home on a night like this one," Allen continued. "For a moment, I was rather hoping that it was her coming home again. I apologize if I seem a little disappointed."

"As I was telling Father, it seems as if I've been haunted for most of my life with the unresolved issues of my childhood. Father's departure and Serena's disappearance and all that. But that's all over now. Completely closed. Out of my hands."

Allen's tone grew wistful. "I loved having Serena back with me. Sometimes I did feel more like a single parent than her brother, but I always treasured the time we had together. She completed something that had been missing in my life, you know." Eries did know. And the pain of that knowledge was now cutting her like a knife.

" But now that's lost to me. For good."

"This life wasn't very good to her. Part of me is relieved that she is free now. I hope that she and Mother are together now. But still..."

Allen got his feet and walked over to the cabinet for another bottle of vino. Eries, who had been silent and motionless in the doorway, hastened to his side and gently pulled the bottle away from his grasp. She could smell the alcohol on him and fervently hoped that he had not inadvertently given himself alcohol poisoning.

"You don't need that," she said gently as she replaced the bottle on the shelf. After closing the cabinet door, she pressed her back against it and looked at Allen concernedly.

"I suppose not." Allen lowered his gaze from her face to the floor. "But what I need, I can't have."

In the dim light of the room, Eries could see the tears coursing down his cheeks."Without Serena, I feel so lost. I feel like I've lost all reason for living. As if there's no point to anything anymore. I know how painful and difficult this life was for her. But there's a very selfish part of me that wants her back. Despite all that." His voice which had been quiet and steady, shook at those last three words.

"Why is it that I lose everyone I love..."

Eries stepped forward just in time to catch Allen as he passed out. As he was taller and heavier than her, she lowered them gently if rather ungracefully onto the floor. She lay him down and checked him over. He seemed to be breathing normally.

His last words echoed in her mind. The self same words she had spoken half a year ago when he had comforted her. Though she wished she could stay and keep watch over him, she knew it would be social hari kari if it were found out that she had spent the night alone with a man, even under the given circumstances.

She resolved to do what she could. She cleared away the empty bottles and disposed of them in the kitchen. She then returned to the drawing room with a blanket and pillow. She arranged it as best she could around Allen, who was sleeping heavily. She hoped he would not have too severe of a hangover for Serena's burial tomorrow morning.

As she brushed the few errant strands of hair from his face, she found herself resisting a sudden temptation to press a kiss onto his forehead. (Where did that come from? It must be that he reminds me so much of Sid right now) Despite his Caeli title and swordsmanship, despite his playboy reputation and charming good looks, Allen Schezar was sometimes just an 11-year-old boy who wanted his family back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Allen's head throbbed. But he was rather thankful for the pain. Yesterday, he had moved in a haze, swimming in a fog of events. And today, of all days, he had to be completely aware of everything. Sleepwalking through this day would have been something Serena would have admonished him for and something he would not have been able to forgive himself for. So he was grateful his headache kept him firmly grounded in reality.

Even if that meant the heart wrenching sorrow he had felt when he finally truly put Serena to rest. He had run his fingers through her hair, and pressed a final kiss on her forehead. He had allowed the undertaker to close the coffin and lower it into the grave. As Allen put the first spade of soil into the gaping hole, he had felt his blood turn into ice. It was an emotion only matched by the grief he had felt when he had buried his mother.

But being subject to the full brunt of those emotions also meant that he was completely aware of those around him as well. In his haze yesterday, he had made the decision to put Serena to rest and end things as quickly as possible. Despite the short notice, about 50 mourners had come: neighbors, members from court, Allen's colleagues from the Academy. It was only after he had looked around him at the burial that he remembered Serena's words, "...let others take care of you."

So though the pain of grief was still fresh, he found some comfort--for two reasons. As Serena had insisted, he was not as alone as he imagined himself to be. More importantly, the crowd gathered at the funeral was a testament to the fact that Serena had managed to turn her life around. Her legacy was to be that of a beloved friend and a devoted citizen AND NOT one of a demented, destructive pyromaniac.

Allen looked at the faces around him as he considered these thoughts towards the close of the small reception following the burial.

Lady Alexandra. She had been the one to reach out to him when he failed to pass on the shovel, as per custom, for the next mourner to put in the next spade of dirt into the grave. She had held him in a matronly embrace until the moment passed, the icy grip of grief had loosened, and he was able to get himself under control again.

At the moment, she was asking a servant to clear some items from the dining room. Yesterday, when Reina and Nell had fretted over how the two of them could possibly put together a funeral reception at the Schezar estate, Lady Alexandra had interceded and graciously offered to have the reception at her (better staffed) estate. Alexandra was the closest thing Serena and Allen had ever had to an aunt, and he knew that she considered Serena more than just a neighbor.

Allen's gaze wandered over to a dark, lanky teenager, who looked just like a younger version of Teo: Kevin. He was asleep on a sofa. Little wonder. Kevin had ridden yesterday to Luxor to fetch Gaddes and both had ridden all night to make it to the funeral that morning.

Kevin was a student of Allen's at the Academy. Allen had taken him under his wing after observing his behavior and learning of his circumstances. His father had walked out on the family years earlier, and the rest of his family had been wiped out when Naria and Eriya had attacked on Millerna's ill-fated wedding day. As a result, Kevin harbored a great deal of anger. In him, Allen saw the bitter 11-year-old he had once been. He had resolved to be the mentor to Kevin that Vargas had once been for him. Once Allen took on that role, Allen wondered how Vargas ever managed with him as a teenager. Though Kevin, like all of Allen's students, was justifiably in awe of Allen's skills, it did not necessarily make it any easier for Allen to influence Kevin's character, especially when Kevin learned that Serena was once a Zaibach warrior. Gradually, however, Allen had helped Kevin to let go of most of his bitterness towards Zaibach (and his other personal demons) and onto the road of healing and forgiveness. In the process, he had become quite devoted to Allen, although he never completely felt at ease around Serena. Nevertheless, he treated her with the dignity and respect a knight shows to a lady. A marked improvement over the sneers and sullen looks he had originally bestowed upon her. In any case, the fact that Kevin not only rode to fetch Gaddes, but came back for the funeral himself spoke volumes to Allen.

Gaddes had not spoken much since his arrival. His presence was comforting to Allen nonetheless. The two men had been through numerous adventures and misadventures in their months of service in the periphery. Now, to have that familiar reassuring presence there meant more to Allen then he had expected. Allen had always felt that he could always rely upon him, whether it was guarding his back or guarding his sister. When Allen had first asked Gaddes to help with Serena, he could tell by the expression on his face that Gaddes would have preferred taking on an enemy leviship rather than watch over her. He had agreed to it, treating it partially as an order from his commander, and partially as a favor to a good friend. Eventually, Gaddes grew fond of Serena, and the somber expression on his face as he had approached Serena's coffin showed how much he had cared for her. Allen knew that Gaddes was there as much to mourn Serena's passing as he was there to help out a comrade.

Allen located Gaddes in the sitting room near a small group made up mostly of members of Eries' court. Gaddes was sitting quietly with a sad smile on his face listening to them reminisce about Serena. George was retelling the story of the first time he had convinced Serena to go to the marketplace with him and Annette--in disguise. How Serena had been so timid and apprehensive about pulling off such a stunt effectively. However, it had come naturally to her and she enjoyed it so much that SHE was the one pressing George to go out the next time. "And she wanted to go as a BARMAID. Of all things!!! I told her to dress as a lady's maid again. But she showed up anyway, just to prove she could do it!"

"Well, it was partially your fault for playing a chimney sweep," interrupted Annette.

"But what an accent! And her tongue! If I didn't know any better, I would have thought she was from the Katapod Tavern!" The group laughed at the memory.

Their laughter was cut abruptly when Allen stepped into the room. He could see that all of them, especially George, were embarrassed, and not without reason. It did hurt to hear about Serena and all the things she had once done, and know that she would never do them again. But Allen did want them to remember her that way, with fondness and smiles. He willed his blood not to freeze in his veins. He would save his tears for later. For now, he would force himself to reminisce with them.

Before the group could apologize, Allen gave them a gentle, reassuring look, and launched into the story of how a disguised Serena had nearly fooled him at a gala event at the palace. The tension in the room eased, and they continued trading stories about the friend they had just lost.

Reina was in the middle of telling the story of a faux pas with a Daedalus delegation that had been neatly avoided by Serena and herself when Allen noticed Eries standing alone by herself in the sun room adjoining the sitting room. Arms crossed and apparently deep in thought, she was staring out the window.

Eries. Allen felt greatly indebted to her. When he had awakened that morning, he had found himself in the drawing room with no memory of how he got there or what had passed the night before or why on Gaia he had such a terrible headache. As he staggered out of the drawing room, he vaguely remembered Nell telling him she would meet him that morning at the Cemetery Chapel. Consequently, he was surprised to hear someone in the kitchen. He was even more surprised to find not Nell, but Eries in there brewing a pot of nag's mane tea, an Asturian remedy for hangover. He had no idea of how she had gotten into the house or how she had known that he needed the tea. She had given no explanation, but had simply told him that he had better get dressed soon for the burial and that his clothes were already laid out for him in his room. She had departed for the Chapel a few minutes later, leaving Allen alone to sip his tea and pull himself together.

Allen also knew that she had had a hand in other things as well. It was obvious that she had sent Reina to help yesterday. But it was also apparent from those who had shown up at the funeral that she had gone out of her way to let them know about the funeral and to make it possible for certain people to show up. Allen had not anticipated for Gaddes to attend the funeral. But he had made it, and apparently, he also had been given permission to take ten day's worth of leave. Made possible by a note signed by the Crown Princess herself.

Allen was about to go up to Eries and speak to her. But then he thought better of it. He knew her well enough at this point to know that if he approached her, she would probably try to start taking care of him, as she usually did with those in similar circumstances. He had noticed her comforting Reina and a few of the younger members from court at the funeral. No, she needed to be alone--she needed to have a chance to mourn as well, and she would not get a chance to do it if she kept on looking out for him and everyone else. Allen also noticed that Eries' court members were also allowing the princess to keep her distance--perhaps they knew that about her as well?

At any rate, whether or not she accepted it, she had his gratitude.

------------------------------------

Gaddes stayed with Allen over the next week. It was good to have his company, especially after Nell left at the end of the day. Allen did not remember much from the first night following Serena's passing, but he did remember how unbearably lonely that huge house had seemed.

During the day, they would receive visitors who had not been able to make it to the funeral, and usually take them to visit Serena's grave. The evenings, the two men would dine at Lady Alexandra's with her and one or two of her children. She had insisted on it and provided yet another comforting presence for Allen.

Missing among the visitors were Van and Hitomi. About a week after the funeral, Allen received a missive from Hitomi. They sent their deepest condolences, she wrote. However, they would not be able to leave Fanelia for some time. Hitomi had been violently ill for the past several days, but for the happiest of reasons: she was pregnant. She wrote that Van was thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father, but that she was becoming somewhat annoyed with his heightened concern for her well-being. She knew it was all out of love but still--

At present, Van was loath for her to leave the palace. Traveling out of the country was out of the question. Allen had to chuckle at that. Van was inclined to be overprotective under normal circumstances. Allen could hardly imagine what he was like now.

Hitomi, soon to be a mother. It was a little hard to believe. Life goes on, he thought. But Serena would have loved to have seen Hitomi's baby...

The afternoon before Gaddes was to leave for Luxor, the two men were standing side-by-side before Serena's grave

[Soundtrack 3, track 14, Hikari no Naka e]

After several minutes of silence, Gaddes spoke. "I loved her."

Allen nodded. He was glad that his friend had developed a friendship with his sister--

"No, you don't understand. I loved--I was in love with her."

Allen's eyes flew open in surprise, and he stared at his friend. So maybe there HAD been some truth to the teasings. During the time that Allen's friends helped him take care of Serena at the palace, Millerna, Hitomi, and especially Merle had teased Gaddes about having affectionate feelings toward Serena. Their remarks caused Gaddes to redden and fluster, which only fueled their intensity. Eries and Serena had never commented, while Allen and Van tried to ignore it all.

Allen was at a loss for words. "Why...why-?"

"Why didn't I say anything about it?" Gaddes let out a long sigh. "To be honest, I didn't know what to make of Serena at first. Then, those last couple of weeks before I was transferred, I found myself falling for her. But there was always something in the back of my mind. Wondering if she was truly back or if she would turn into what she was before again. Also, she was YOUR sister. I knew how protective you were of her. And," he added, turning to face Allen, "I KNOW what you can do with a sword."

Somewhat sheepishly, Allen had to admit that point. But he hated to think that his concern for his sister might have resulted in her losing a chance at love.

"I think that part of Serena knew all along," continued Gaddes. "But I did finally tell her when I visited Palas about two years ago. She had just started getting sick then."

This was the first Allen had heard of this. And all the time, Serena had accused him of being the secretive one. "And-?"

"And she refused me. She said she didn't know what was going to happen to her, but she was fairly certain she wasn't going to live very long. So she didn't want me getting more attached to her that I already was. Disease or no, I would have loved her all the same. But in the end I had to honor her decision. We still kept in touch, exchanged letters, as we had before. But it wasn't what I truly wanted."

"The thing is," he said sadly, "is that part of me is certain that she would have given me a different answer had I asked her sooner."

"I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Maybe it's because I never really got over her refusal. Maybe it's because it's really over now. Maybe, maybe, I... oh blast it all, I don't know..."

Gaddes began to sniffle. Allen reached out to put a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder, as Gaddes had done for him several times during those last few days. It was the closest thing to an embrace that comrades-in-arms shared. At his touch, Gaddes began to sob in earnest, wiping away the tears awkwardly with his sleeve.

Poor Gaddes. In some ways, thought Allen, it was worse for Gaddes it was for him.

"Take your chances when you have them, Commander. Because when you lose them, all you have left is regret. And regret is an awful burden to live with."

----------------------

Life goes on. Two weeks later, Allen was back to full duty at the Academy. It was somewhat difficult to get back into a routine without Serena. But the support of his students, colleagues, and friends made the situation somewhat bearable.

During his weeks off duty, he had made an observation. He had divided his time between sending and responding to letters about Serena, going through her material possessions and putting them in order, and receiving visitors. But by far, he had spent most of his time at her grave. Sometimes remembering, sometimes wondering about where life would take him, sometimes having one-sided conversations with her. On most days, the cemetery was empty, save for the groundskeepers that looked after it and a handful of aged widows and widowers that came whenever the weather permitted their old bones to make the visit.

And Princess Eries

Most Asturians would come to pay their respects after chapel prayers. Those had been the days Allen and Serena would visit their mother's grave together. Every week, they would see Princess Eries, regular as clockwork, laying flowers on the graves of her relatives. Allen had thought that this was the extent of her visits to the cemetery.

He was wrong.

Surprisingly, Princess Eries would also go to the cemetery on the morning of Market Days. Commerce took place in Palas nearly every day. However, on Market Days, which took place twice a week, all of the farmers, fishermen, merchants, and artisans from the area surrounding Palas would take their wares to the marketplace. Because of the large congregation of people, entertainers, musicians, philosophers, and politicians also made it a point to be at the marketplace as well. As a result, just about the entire population of Palas and the surrounding area would be at the marketplace all day on those days.

Allen had been surprised to see Eries there on Market Day the first time. Unlike Prayer Days where Princess Eries would pay her respects somewhat conspicuously in her royal garments, she was dressed in plain garments, looking for all the world like an artisan's wife. She had been so quiet and blended in so neatly with the background that Allen had nearly overlooked her. Then he had nearly not recognized her.

He had not thought much of it until he saw her again the next Market Day, and then a third time. In addition to those mornings, she would also sometimes appear in the late afternoon. Allen guessed that those visits were contingent upon her busy schedule at the palace. Sometimes he would see her reading, leaning against a relative's headstone. Sometimes she sat on a bench beneath the cypress trees and penned away into a notebook of some sort. Other times she just contemplated the view of the ocean. But she always dressed and behaved as to not attract any attention to herself.

Remembering her state of mind and emotions at the time that he had approached her at Millerna's grave at Serena's insistence , he decided to respect the princess' privacy and did not approached her. However, after about the seventh time their paths crossed there, Princess Eries approached him. After that, whenever they would see each other there, they would always acknowledge each other. Most of the time, they would converse, sometimes at length, sometimes briefly, and then the princess would return to whatever her previous occupation had been.

When Allen returned to his duties at the Academy, he resumed his routine of the early evening stroll (now minus his sister), with the slight modification that he would detour to visit Serena and his mother at the cemetery. As such, he found himself meeting with Princess Eries there at least two times a week at the cemetery.

He found it rather odd that she would spend so much of her precious leisure time in such a place. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him one day as they were both standing in front of Serena's grave.

[Soundtrack one, track 12, "Eyes"]

Eries smiled sadly. "I was wondering when you are going to ask. But since we share so many secrets between us now, I suppose I don't mind telling you this."

"It must seem odd to you, the Crown Princess of Asturia spending so much of her time here amongst the dead. But the truth of the matter is that I love it here. This is a safe place for me."

She paused to collect her thoughts and continued, "You have no idea what is like to be a princess.Yes, there is wealth, privilege, and rank. But it comes at the expense of always being in the spotlight of a merciless political and social rabble. They are constantly watching for you to make that mistake that they can use to tear you down or turn to their advantage. And then there is responsibility. Whenever I say, whatever I do, I have to remember that I represent Asturia and all of her people's interests."

"The first time I came here was after my mother died. At first it was a place to come to visit and remember. But then it became something more."

"It's beautiful here. It's also peaceful here. When I'm at the palace or in town, there's always someone wanting something. Even if they don't ask, I'm always wondering if there's something I'm obliged to do for them anyway." Allen, remembering all that Eries had done for him and his family, felt a pang of guilt at those words. "Here," she gestured towards the rows of graves, "no one demands anything of me. I'm not required to act a certain way, perform any duties, remember any debts or favors. Everyone here is beyond my help. Sometimes it's sad, but it also a relief."

"The other thing about this place," said Eries, "is that no one questioned my coming here. If it weren't for this place, I would have spent quite a bit of time closeted in my rooms. Even so, people knew where I was, and were always asking after me. Growing up, there were very few places I could frequent or people (other than my mother, sisters, or cousins) I could visit without someone noticing and questioning my motives.' Is Lady so-and-so trying to curry favor with the Astons?' ' Is such a place appropriate for the princess?' ' Is the princess jeopardizing this relationship by being in such a place?' Marlene and I tried to teach Millerna the dangers of flaunting the 'rules', but she was so willful, she did as she pleased anyway. In the end, she's had to suffer the consequences, even though I've done quite a bit to mollify the fallout."

"But for a princess to visit her mother, her aunt, her uncle, her cousins, and now her sister at the cemetery--no one ever questions that. After all, who is here to try to exert any influence over me? No one really visits here regularly except for a handful of people. Most of them are so aged and absent-minded that they don't recognize me anyway--on a regular basis at least. And what else can one do here except for pay her respects? Perhaps people may find me odd for visiting so frequently, but considering all the other restraints placed upon me, it's not as if it affects my social life and status to a large extent.

"Here I have the freedom to indulge in my leisures under the Asturian sky. I can write what I want to whom I wish without fear of anyone looking over my shoulder." She closed her eyes and added in the voice so low Allen had to concentrate to hear her words, "This is my escape."

"How sad," thought Allen. Although Eries seemed content with her lot, Allen felt sorry for the princess whose restrictive life made her view a cemetery as her escape.

He wanted to do something for her. So many people had been taking care of him lately, he wanted to be the one helping someone for a change. He wanted to repay her for the many times she had helped him and his sister. He wanted to reach out to her as a friend. But he also wanted to do it to bring some freedom to a woman who seemed to have been denied so many liberties in her life. A plan started to form in his mind...

He looked at Princess Eries, her eyes closed, lost in her own thoughts. He wondered if he should be so bold as to put his plan into motion. Which she even consent to taking a step of her well-established boundaries?

"Take your chances when you have them…"

Gaddes' words echoed in Allen's mind. Words to live by, he thought. He would convince Eries of that.