Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction / Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Memento Mori ❯ In vino veritas ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
A/n: don't really like this one as much as the others. Oh well -shrugs-
“Sometimes life isn't fair.”
“Afterlife,” Yoji corrected with no hint of malice.
“Yes, yes of course.” Watari waved his hand. “Sometimes you forget you're already dead.” Recently evicted from his computer, Watari stared ruefully at the backs of squealing girls. “My poor experiment! And I was so close too.”
He paused, as if expecting someone to ask what he was experimenting on. No one did.
“It's a sex change potion!” The same unenthusiastic silence greeted this newest proclamation.
“Weiss, got a light?” Schuldig leaned in to light his cigarette. Apparently both he and Yoji were of the opinion that carrying grudges over into the afterlife was far too much work to be worth it.
`It's not the same,' he thought over to the German. `Doesn't feel as good when you're dead.'
`Hope the beer ain't this bad.'
`However bad the beer is, the sex will be worse.'
Schuldig snickered. `Some of us like to remember who it was we went to bed with last night.'
`And the rest of us are smart.'
“No.” It was a second or two before Yoji realized the German wasn't speaking to him.
Watari blinked, startled by the sudden break in the silence. He stared confusedly at the guy whose orange hair out-shined his. “What?”
“We're not gay.”
“I wasn't thinking that!” The scientist protested. Apparently his lie wasn't convincing. Two pairs of disbelieving eyes fastened on him. Quickly he switched tactics. “You were doing that `silent conversation' thing. You must admit, it is suspicious.”
`Schwartz, what's he thinking now?'
`That we'd make good women.'
`I'm gonna kill him.'
`Already dead kitten.'
`I'm gonna kill him again.'
“We really should be getting along. I mean, every one else is!”
Omi struggled for room to breathe in the 'Strangle-hug of DOOM' while Aya played 'Who-can-out-glare-who?' with some kid.
Heads turned back to Watari. “Well Tatsumi and your friend seem to be doing okay...”
“The only way to have revenge on God is to hate him back! Make all of his loved ones suffer!”
Yutaka Watari plowed on, unfazed. “What are some of your interests? Maybe we have something in common! My interests are women, the female mind, the female body, sex-change potions-”
“Why the hell would you want to be a woman anyway? God knows what goes through their heads sometimes.” Schuldig shot a 'don't encourage him' glare, mentally accompanied by several choice words in German and Japanese.
“That's the point! Think about it! You'd finally be able to understand the previously buried mystery that is the female mind! And you could finally have the last word in an argument!” Watari jumped from his seat, not noticing the chair crashing to the ground behind him. “A whole new realm of existence! Everything you ever wanted to know about women! Experimenting all you want with this, that and whatever! You would be famous! Men throughout history will hail you as pioneers! Legends!”
“Not interested.” Schuldig pulled out another cigarette and lit it with his dying one. “Had enough of female mind to last eternity.”
“Why me?” Yoji whined, his head sliding down to thump on the desk. “All I wanted to do was to die with a cigarette in my mouth, a babe on my lap an a beer in my hand. Was that too much to ask?”
“Well,” Watari, somehow managing to still be cheerful, chirped brightly. “There's no helping it then. Gentlemen, let's get drunk.” He reached into Yuki-kun, his cold-air-maker and keep-cold-a-nator, and pulled out something that looked suspiciously like beer. The labels were in French, so they couldn't be sure.
Schuldig wrinkled his nose in distaste when Yoji shrugged, took one of the offered cans and knocked back half. “You're drinking something from a man who's trying to make a sex-change potion?”
“An'... an' he's so stingy! An' he never has any fun an' he says my 'speriments are... are stupid! An' he hoards money like...like...”
Yoji patted his back, torn between sympathy for a familiar plight and mirth at a guy who couldn't hold his beer. “I know all about Ice-princess teammates.”
The German snorted. “Acting all damn superior.”
All three agreed heartily, each supplying his own off-color descriptions of anatomies, sexual statuses and possible cures.
“Bloody buzz-killer!” Leave it to Crawford to not even be in earshot and still manage to ruin Shuldig's nice little procession towards inebriation. “More beer!”
In a few minutes, under direction from Schuldig and his ability to pick out secret stash locations from heads of departments, the trio managed to round themselves enough liquor to keep them happily plastered for the next few hours.