Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Find A Way Back To Your Heart ❯ I Want To Go Back ( Chapter 1 )

Find A Way Back To Your Heart

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : They're not mine, let's just leave it at that shall we? I do however own Aslan, not that I'm so sure that's something to be proud of…. And the lyrics is from Back to your heart/Backstreet Boys.

Warnings : OCC, yaoi, angst, supernatural stuff.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts or that little voice inside your head.

Chapter 1. I Want To Go Back

I turn back time
To make you mine
And find a way back to your heart
I beg and plead
Fall to my knees
To find a way back to your heart

He frowned and wondered if he was awake. It felt like a dream but there was something strange about it. In his mind he saw the car. The car? What car? he asked himself and the frowned deepened. It sped towards a man that was frozen, standing in the middle of the road. He screamed a name and rushed forward.

With all his strenght he pushed the other man out of the way and turned just in time to be blinded by a sharp light. A loud crash echoed through the night and he went flying through the air. His head hit the pavement first and then his body followed with a sickening thud while the car disappeared. For a moment everything was silent, numb, then the pain came. He screamed but the sound he let out was choked.

The man he had rescued was lying on the other side of the street and he didn't move. He had to go to him, he loved him. So he started moving towards the body that had kept him warm during so many cold nights. It went slowly and the pain just kept on increasing. It didn't take long before he had forgotten where he was going and why he wanted to go there.

His whole body was nothing but an inferno of agony and blood was trickling down his face, into his eyes blurring his vision along with the tears he cried. The man he knew he loved rose to his feet and came running towards him, behind him was two other men. They exchanged words that he couldn't hear nor remember and then everything went black and empty.

Was it a dream? No, it didn't exactly feel like a dream, not a normal dream at least. So what was it then? A memory, his mind suggested and he pondered that for a moment. But if that was true then he was… dead? Scared he snapped his eyes opened and looked around. The place where he was was black and still he could clearly see everything which was nothing really. It was so confusing, so strange and he just didn't understand.

"Welcome," a very soft voice suddenly said. It startled him. "You need not fear me my friend, I will not harm you in any way."

"Where am I?" he asked and glanced over his shoulder to where the voice came from. Whoever it was he wasn't human that much he understood.

"You are Inbetween my friend." Slowly he turned around to look at the 'creature'. It was a man, or at least male, and he was tall, slender, pale, beautiful but there was something very wrong with him. Wings, he realized. The stranger had wings. It must be a dream then. "This is not a dream my friend."

"Where am I?" he asked again since he didn't understand the answer he had gotten.

"Inbetween." He was getting annoyed now so he glared at the stranger.

"Inbetween what?" he demanded to know and rose to his feet. His body felt strange, like it wasn't his own anymore.

"Inbetween life and what lies after," the creature answered softly.

"What kind of messed up dream is this? And what the hell are you suppose to be?"

"An angel my friend, did the wings not give me away?" The tone was slightly amused now. "You can call me Aslan."

"Aslan?" The angel smiled a little and came closer.

"A strange name I know but it was given to me so long ago. I know all of this is very confusing and scary but you will get used to it. Soon enough you will move on."

"Why am I here?!" he barked and backed away.

"Do you not remember? There was an accident and you died," Aslan answered softly. Dead? No he couldn't be dead! He refused to be dead! What about… Damn he couldn't remember. There was someone he should go to, someone he loved. The images from the accident came back to him and he whimpered.

"NO! I can't leave him, he'll blame himself. I need to go back!" Aslan gave him a sad, sad smile.

"I am sorry my friend but I can not send you back. Your life is no more and he will be alright with time."

"What the hell do you know about that?!"

"More than you know my friend, much more than you know. You saved his life, gave yours to protect the one you love, you should be proud," Aslan mumbled quietly.

"Proud?! I'm dead and he'll think it's his fault! What's there to be proud of?" The angel tilted his head slightly and sighed.

"Death of a loved one is never easy but it is what fate deals us sometimes. He will learn to accept it."

"Is that how angels see human love? Like something you just get over with a shrug?! Fuck you! I need to go to him, I need to comfort him!" he yelled and glared at the winged man.

"I am sorry but you can not reach him anymore. He belongs to the living and you do not. Going back is against the rules."

"You can take you damn rules and shove them! I have to go back!" Aslan just shook his head. He felt something, a pull, a whisper or was it perhaps a need? "I… I can feel him," he croaked out and placed his hand over his heart.

"You two were soulmates you could always feel him inside but you can not go back to him now. It is not allowed." He gritted his teeth and fought the tears.

"I will NOT sit here and watch him suffer!"

"No you will not, where you are going you will not be able to see him at all, you will only be able to feel him inside your heart," Aslan said slowly and motioned towards a door. "We must go my friend, we can not linger here."

"I'm not going anywhere! I don't give a shit about your rules, I am not leaving him!" he said firmly and crossed his arms over his chest. "I love him!"

"I know you do but this is not helping him or yourself. Let it go my friend or he will not be able to either. The longer we linger here the more suffering you will bring upon your lover." The angel reached out but he dodge the hand.

"I told you, I'm not going anywhere! I'm willing to make a deal though." Aslan raised a perfect eyebrow and tilted his head slightly.

"A deal?" He nodded.

"Let me see for myself that he's alright, send me back. If he really is going to be okay with this then I'll come quietly, but if he's not you have to send me back as myself again." The winged man closed his eyes and he could hear whispering voices surround him.

"My friend I will make a deal with you. I will send you back as yourself but no one will remember who you are. To him his lover will not be you. If you can prove to me that he can not live without you then I will give you your life back along with the memories your lover is to lose," Aslan said with a frown and met his eyes.

"Deal!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*

He didn't know what to do, where to go anymore. His lover was gone, dead and the pain refused to let him rest even for a second. Sleeping was out of the question since it just gave him nightmares or even worse… nice dreams where he again was happy and safe in those arms. He had cried all the tears he had in him and still drops continued to slide down his cheeks.

At first he had tried to find peace in his lover's room but the memories were even more vivid in there. All the nights he had spent there, secure in his lover's embrace, the distant ghostly sounds of their love-making. It was just too much to bear so he had gone to his own room to hide from reality. A sound made him turn around to looked at his friend.

"I… I'm worried about you," his friend said quietly and came closer. He ran a shaky hand through his hair and swallowed.

"I'm worried about me too," he mumbled and closed his eyes. It felt like someone had ripped his heart out. Not very strange since that was just what had happened.

"I wish I could help you."

"So do I, so do I, but no one can help me now." He wanted to crawl away from life but he was unable to move, unable to do anything at all. "Someone once told me that too much love is dangerous, that it'll kill you." His friend narrowed his eyes and shook his head.

"Don't talk like that, please. He wouldn't want you to." No one mentioned his lover's name around him because they knew he couldn't stand hearing it.

"He left me! He wasn't suppose to leave me, he was suppose to always be here!" The sadness mixed with anger and caused his eyes to burn. "I have nothing left here, he took it all with him, he didn't leave anything for me not even my heart."

"That's not true and you know it. Even if he took your heart with him he left his with you. You are so young don't…"

"Stop! Don't say anything more, please. You make it sound like I'm too young to feel like this!"

"I won't even try to understand your love but I know it was complete. I've never seen anything like it before. The two of you were like night and day, darkness and light, summer and winter. Opposites that complete each other," his friend said softly.

"Yes and we all know that night can't exist without day, darkness can't be without light nor can there be summer without winter. What does that tell you about me?" A strong hand was placed on his shoulder.

"Just cause someone dies it doesn't mean that they're not around anymore. He'll always be with you." A low whimper was heard and he threw himself in his friend's arms, crying hard.

"I want him back! I need him to hold me again, I need him to love me." His tears stung his already swollen eyes.

"He'll always love you, no matter where he might be." He let go and backed away, again angry.

"What does it matter if he loves me when he's not here? What does it matter if I live when I can't love him anymore?" he asked with his voice muffled.

"You give death too much power. Nothing can take away love except yourself and I know you still love him just like I know he still loves you. Give him a chance, a chance to find his way back to your heart."

~TBC~