Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Find A Way Back To Your Heart ❯ Living In Reality ( Chapter 3 )

Find A Way Back To Your Heart

By: Atsureki

Disclaimers : They're not mine, let's just leave it at that shall we?

Warnings : OCC, yaoi, angst, supernatural stuff.

Notes : Stuff written in Italic are thoughts or that little voice inside your head.

Yoji is acting very strange here but please remember that he's lost someone he loves and he is actually dead. His mind is completely focused on Omi so some of the stuff he used to do is gone. Besides, I think we all know that it's more to him than his flirting playboy-ways ne?

Chapter 3. Living In Reality

Omi was avoiding him and it hurt. The deal he had made with Aslan said that he needed to show that the little blonde wasn't going to be fine without him but it was starting to feel like a bad idea. Yoji rubbed his tired eyes and hid them behind his shades like always. Omi was suffering, hurting so much and it felt like it was his fault.

Aslan had told him that as long as he clinged to their love the shorter blonde wouldn't be able to let go either. Did that mean that he was the one who made his lover hurt so much? He felt like a selfish bastard. A month ago he had had Omi in his arms and he had ruined it all by babbling about how sorry he was, how he never had meant to hurt him so much.

"Baka," he snarled to himself and got a weird look from Ken. Why had he said those things? Omi didn't remember him, or rather he didn't know that he was Yoji, so his babbling had freaked the little blonde out completely.

"You okay?" Yoji turned to the brunette and managed a weak smile.

"No not really, but thanks for asking Ken."

Even if Ken would have known that he was Yoji, Yotan, Balinese he would probably not have recognized his former team-mate. The lankly blonde acted nothing like the playboy he had used to be. He didn't flirt with the girls, he didn't smile or grin at everything and everybody and there was no playfullness in his green eyes. The only things he still kept up was his smoking and his obsession with his shades.

Those shades kept the others from seeing the pain in his eyes just as they kept the black bags underneath them hidden. He slept badly, if he slept at all and even though he tried to ignore it Yoji knew that he was falling apart. His body and mind didn't care if he was dead, all they knew and cared about was that he was separated from the one he loved, Omi.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ken asked softly and tilted his head slightly. Good old Kenken, Yoji almost smiled inside, always worrying about others.

"I… it's real complicated and I don't know if I can even explain it so you'd understand." The brunette frowned slightly.

"Try me." Yoji sighed. He really needed someone to talk to and Ken had always been a good listener.

"Okay…" He would have to change the story slightly but he decided to give it a try. "I was in an accident a while back and I… I was badly hurt. I… It…" Yoji wrecked his brain to come up with somehow to explain and lit a cigarette. "The person I love thinks I'm dead and he's suffering so much," the lanky blonde finally blurted out. Ken stared at him for a moment.

"What do you mean he thinks your dead? Haven't you seen him?" Yoji swallowed and was thankful that Ken hadn't questioned the fact that he had referred to the person as a he instead of a she. Sure he knew that the brunette had had no problems with accepting his and Omi's relationship but they had been good friends, brothers while now he was a stranger.

"Yeah I've seen him, several times actually," Yoji sighed before he could stop himself. Damn! How was he suppose to explain that?

"So you have seen him? Then why does he still think you're dead?" And people think you're dense Hidaka, the blonde almost chuckled inside.

"He doesn't remember me. I mean he knows that he had a lover but he doesn't understand, remember, that his lover is me. Am I making any sense at all?" Ken chewed on his lip for a while as he thought it through.

"Okay I think I understand. But that's not all is it?" the brunette asked and tilted his head.

"About a month ago I saw him and he was hurting so badly it just broke my heart. So I hugged him and tried to comfort him and… he started crying so hard. I couldn't help it, I said some things and it freaked him out and now he won't even look at me anymore," Yoji explained and fought against the urge to weep.

"You really love him don't you?" The soft question made the blonde wince slightly.

"I… Yeah. I don't know how it happened or exactly when but… I've never loved anyone like I love him. He always knew what I felt just by looking at me. He is or at least was my soulmate. Ken I don't know what to do without him, I'm not sure I can live without him." I don't think I can't be dead without him either, Yoji added in his head.

He felt a little embarrassed for telling Ken all about his problems. Before he died he would never even have considered it since he had been so focused on hiding behind his playboy-mask. But now he needed all the help he could get and he needed his friends more than ever. The brunette patted his shoulder and smiled slightly.

"Can't you just tell him the truth?" he asked quietly. Like I haven't thought about that, Yoji sighed inside. But Aslan had said that if he did that the deal was off so it was out of the quiestion.

"How? To him I'm just a stranger, he doesn't know me anymore." No one knows me anymore.

"I see. I'm sorry I can't help you Yoji but have faith. Love always finds a way, ne?"

"Hai but the question is can I find a way back to his heart. You know… A year and a half ago I would have laughed at or killed anyone who even suggested that I was anything but straight," the blonde sighed and pulled his hair back into a pony-tail. Why the hell had he said that? Yoji frowned at himself.

"Since when did love have anything to do with genders?" Ken wondered and smiled a little. "And besides, you can't help who you fall in love with."

"True, true. Sometimes I do wish that he'd never fallen in love with me though. It would have saved him a lot of pain. I was never suppose to love anyone! Hell I managed to not fall in love for years until it just smacked me straight in the face." The brunette laughed softly and again patted his shoulder.

"Love's like that. You can try to hide from it but sooner or later it'll find you."

"Yeah but love is dangerous Ken, very dangerous," Yoji said solemly. "Too much love is dangerous, it'll kill you, one way or another."

A loud crash caused them both to jump. Behind them stood Omi with a shocked expression on his young face. The taller blonde swallowed. He had said that to Omi once, he had been half joking at the time but he had said exactly those words to him. And obviously the smaller blonde remembered that.

"Omi?" Ken asked with concern.

"You… How…"

"Are you okay Omi?" The brunette took his friend by the arm and observed his face.

"He… That's…" With a sob the little blonde ran away. Ken sighed and sadly shook his head.

"Omi isn't doing so well, he's had a very difficult time these last few months," the brunette explained when he saw the look on Yoji's face. "Actually you might understand how he feels. His lover was killed in a car-accident about 5 months ago."

"I know," the blonde mumbled and closed his eyes. "I know."

"Excuse me? I didn't hear what you said." Yoji swallowed and forced a small smile.

"Nothing, Ken, nothing."

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Omi ran into his room and slammed the door shut. With another sob he sat down with his back against the wall. How could that man have said the exact same thing that Yoji once had told him? It was so strange. For some reason he reminded Omi so much about his dead lover. The cigarettes he smoked were the same brand, the shades looked the same and he felt the same. He shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

"Why did you have to leave me Yotan?" the little blonde sobbed and closed his eyes. Was the pain in his heart ever going to fade? Again he wished that Yoji hadn't saved him, that the car would have killed him instead. But then if it had then the his lover would be where he was now. No, it was better this way, wasn't it?

"Omi," a deep quiet voice suddenly said. The little blonde looked up and found Aya standing infront of him. His older friend looked concerned and sad.

"Why won't it go away?" Omi asked with misery and tried to wipe away the tears. "Why won't it stop hurting?" The tall redhead pulled him to his feet and sighed.

"I don't know Omi, I don't know." Aya was always there for him and it had been a surprise that he found so much comfort in the silent stoic man. Omi fell forward and pressed himself against the redhead.

"Just make it stop Aya-kun, please make the pain stop!" Aya hugged the petit body and sighed deeply.

"I wish I could Omi, I really do but you have to believe that it'll get better with time," the redhead said softly and patted his back. Omi let out something between a huff and a chuckle.

Time heals all wounds? Well he wasn't so sure time could heal this one. Even if Aya held him, talked to him he didn't understand him, know him the way Yoji had. His lover might have been very different, his opposite but they knew each other so well. They could tell what the other one was thinking or feeling almost before the other knew himself but that was gone now. He was alone and he hated it.

Yoji had become his family, his security and now he was without that again. Sure Ken and Aya were his friends but he needed something more, something else. He needed his lover back. In his fantasy that might happen but Omi was living in reality. A reality where Yoji would forever be gone and he would always be alone, left behind. It was killing him inside and it made everything look so hopeless.

~TBC~

Poor little Omi *hugs him* And poor Yoji for having to watch it all without being able to do anything about it. Aslan is a mean angel is he not? I'm not so sure Yoji would actually tell Ken all that stuff but I think he needs to talk to someone and well he can't talk to Omi, and Aya strikes me as very unlikely, ne?

And just how is Yoji suppose to prove to Aslan that Omi can't live without him? Isn't it already pretty evident? Maybe Yoji needs to have another little talk with that angel? Ja/Atsureki