Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ I Deserve ❯ Feelings ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Weiss Kreuz characters. Not even Youji *sobs*

I Deserve

*Me like Youji, never in a million years Ken."

"But Aya I think he likes you, he keeps glancing at you when you are not looking."

"So what has that got to do with anything? He is not even remotely my type, he is lazy, he smokes, he whores around and drinks too much…"

"I get the picture Aya…"

"Fine now get out!"*

Youji paled, pushing the emotion that threatened to crush him deeper inside of him. Deeper…into that place where he did not have to face things. The dark oblivion of his emotions that dared him to feel, think…too cry. His heart sinking he moved with feline grace to his room, his door closing quietly. Sitting down he quickly lit a cigarette his hands shaking.

*Aya hates me.*

Aya hated him and a light inside of Youji died. He swallowed hard and blinked back the tears, he would not waste them, no he promised himself never to cry again. Tears were useless and they only made him hurt more.

He called me a whore…who the fuck does he think he is too call me a whore. At least I am not a cold bastard with a heart made out of stone Aya.

Standing Youji opened his window to look at the full moon, a single tear making its way down a golden cheek. No more tears after tonight Youji, no more tears. The pain will eat your insides like acid, but the pain you can deal with, it just the tears…no more tears.

He heard the gentle knock. Ken why are you doing this to me, the last thing I need is your company. Don't waste it on me, I am not worth it. "Yeah!"

Youji listened as the door opened then closed softly. Ken walking across the room towards him. Don't come near me Ken, you betrayed me, you told Aya my secret. "What do you want Ken?" Surprisingly his voice was calm; no hint of hurt no hint of pain, just flat, lifeless.

Ken hesitated, how did he know…shaking his head, of course Youji would know he used to be a detective. "I-I just wanted to see how you were."

Youji shrugged still looking out the window. "I am fine Ken, why wouldn't I be?" No Ken, I am not going to make it easy for you, you told Aya how I felt about him. What did you hope to accomplish Ken? He watched as the white smoke twirled upward reaching out like skeletal talons towards the moon.

"No reason Youji, I was…I was just asking that is all."

Youji flicked his cigarette and watched as it landed on the street below, as it was swallowed into nothing. Things will change after tonight; no more will I pine for that crimson headed beauty. I should have known better anyway, I should have known that he would think that I was not good enough for him, but to call me a whore. Youji shivered saying quietly, "I am tired Ken, I will see you in the morning. I am on the morning shift with you?"

Ken wanted to say something else, needed to say something else, he felt so guilty for slipping to Aya about what he had suspected of Youji's feelings towards the red head. He had no idea how it slipped out in the first place.

*Yes you do Ken, you were afraid…afraid that Youji would get to Aya first.*

Not that it did any good; Aya looked at Ken with scorn anyway. "Yes…um if you like I will wake you?"

Shut up Ken, don't give me your pity, I don't need it. You have nothing to give me that I want. "No need, I will be there on time." He was surprised at the bitterness in his tone, but Youji did not give a damn about Ken's feelings.

"Leave me, I am tired." Youji approached his closet and began to undress, his mind closed off from feeling or seeing. He hated this numbness that was now entering his body. He frowned as he realised that Ken was still in his room. He turned around angrily, "Goodnight Ken!" He almost screamed at him to Get Out! It was what he really wanted to say. He watched with cool detachment as Ken flinched at his words, but no guilt did he feel towards the younger assassin, no guilt at all.

Ken clenched his fists, hurt from the way Youji was talking to him. What the hell was the matter with him tonight? His anger slowly building up as Youji turned his back on him again, like he was nothing.

Striding to the door he opened it and slammed it. I am sorry that I wasted my breath worrying about him, he doesn't deserve it, and Aya was right he is a whore. But deep down Ken knew he was being unfair but his anger made him refuse to see it at the moment. He just wished he had not said anything to Aya. Now he was going to be colder than ever, if that was at all possible, towards Youji. "Maybe I should tell Youji."

*Go ahead if you want your head bitten of, the mood Youji was in. His date must have been a disaster then.*

Brushing his hand through his chocolate locks, he sighed heavily, "Fuck what a mess. What a mess." Tomorrow was going to be hell with those two; I can just feel it. Aya could be such a prick sometimes and Ken wondered what the hell he saw in the guy, what they both saw in him. But it did not change the way he felt about him. At least he knew he was not interested in Youji. Youji the blonde beauty who had females drooling all over him and males that he secretly met at the clubs. Youji who could have anyone he wanted. Well Youji you will never have Aya, and though it is a cruel thought to think I am glad that you will never have Aya. Aya is right, you are not his type, you are not even in his league… nor are you Ken.

Frowning from his thoughts, Ken shrugged his shoulders and walked towards his own room. He will need all his strength for tomorrow.

**************************************************

Youji poured his coffee, the look from Omi getting on his nerves. Don't take it out on the little Chibi, he has done nothing wrong. He does not deserve your scorn. He forced a smile on his face and winked at the little blonde. "Shocked to see me up so early Omi?" With lazy grace he sat down by the window and lit up a cigarette, a ritual that he goes through every day.

"Well…yes Youji-kun, but I am glad to have your company."

Dear sweet Omi, always honest and always caring. This is one kid he could never hate or be angry at. Inwardly he stiffened as he heard Aya coming down the stairs and struggled to maintain his control, forcing his mask to stay in place. Looking out the window he dragged on his cigarette. Making himself remember the words Aya had said about him, re-enforcing his mask even more.

Omi watched Youji carefully, he was different but he did not know in what way. Smiling he turned to Aya who had paused in the doorway looking uncomfortable, his eyes squinting towards Youji. Omi nearly laughed but knew Aya would get angry, "Morning Aya."

"Omi…Youji." Shit I wished Ken had not told me about Youji and his feelings, keeping his face free from any kind of emotion as he walked stiffly towards the kitchen. And what the hell was Youji doing by being up this early. He frowned giving Youji a hasty glance. Shit this was going to be a pain in the arse. Damn Ken and his big mouth!

Youji just waved his hand without looking at the redhead. If he did not see him, it would make things easier for him. Dragging deeper and swallowing his coffee, he stood up. "Time to go to work. Later." Ah Youji you should be proud with yourself, your performance was great. He walked passed Omi and ruffled his hair. His heart was beating wildly. How does one turn of there feelings for someone? Time and practice. Yes time and practice and he would drown his sorrows in young men and women. Become the whore he has been accused of.

Closing the door behind him, he walked down the stairs casually, blocking his thoughts for now. He pushed his sunglasses into place as he unlocked the shop smiling, today was a new day and his feelings towards the redhead will be buried deep, because Youji knew that you just cannot switch of these feelings like a tap. He sighed and set to work. At least this will help keep things of my mind.

He was miles away when an attractive young girl with black hair and bright blue eyes walked into the shop, she looked about fifteen, definitely too young for you Kudoh. He smiled at her and looked at Ken, cocking his head towards her. But it seems the young girl only had eyes for Youji.

"Excuse me I would like a special arrangement made for my mother." She may have been young, but she was confident and knew what she wanted. Youji liked this about her.

"You have any particular flowers in mind." He gave her his fifty-watt smile. He would not flirt with her, way too young. Wonder if she has an older sister…brother. He smiled to himself at this, forcing Aya's image out of his head. Damn redhead kept plaguing his mind and all bloody day. Prick!

"Yes I would like the Calla Lily to be the main theme and maybe a red carnation here and there but I leave it up to you to choose any other flowers." She hesitated and moved closer to Youji her eyes fixed on him intently. It was right about this time that Aya entered the shop. Youji kept his attention on the female, her eyes fascinated him.

"Would you promise me that you will do the arrangement, I-I don't want anyone else to do it but you." Her look so serious for one so young.

He could only nod. Why does she affect me so? It was nothing sexual or fanciful but he felt like he should know her. I feel sorry for her…buy why? She had a deep sadness about her like she had the world on her shoulders. This perturbed him. He smiled warmly, "I will make sure that no one else but me touches it…I promise." He hated making promises but for some reason he knew that this was one promise that he would keep.

Her hand reached out and touched Youji softly on his wrist. He was surprised but did not flinch and waited for her to say something.

"I will pick it up tomorrow, my name is Eliza." The look she gave him was one of trust.

He patted her hand affectionately smiling, "Tomorrow then. Have a nice day Eliza." And please keep safe he whispered to himself. He was not sure but he felt danger was surrounding her. Damn you Youji, get a grip, maybe you should take that mission, what harm will it do. Goodness knows you need the distraction.

He watched as she left the shop, his eyes not leaving her back until she was no longer in sight. Youji looked at the time, and he could see his shift was over but he wanted to start on her arrangement. All the other arrangements can go to hell and wait, I will do hers first.

Without saying a word to the other two he moved to the back room, he will do it in there so he won't get in the way of Aya or Ken. They can have each other for all he cared at the moment. Eliza's arrangement was more important to him. She needs me to keep this promise; she needed it so badly it was frightening to him. "Besides Kudoh you need the distraction." Smirking at this he busied himself checking to see that all the flowers she had asked for were available.

He was so wrapped up in the arrangement he had not realised that someone was in the room, his blond hair masking his face, his full concentration on what he was doing. By the time I finish this it will be perfect, and if anyone damages it I will kill them.

"What are you still doing here Youji?"

Youji jumped as Aya's icy tone shook him out of his work. Bet he thinks I am here because of him…prick. Well normally he would have been, but not this time. Besides would he be in the back room. "An order. If you don't mind I would like to finish it today." Now go away, you're the last person I want to see right now.

Youji cocked his head looking at the arrangement; the red carnations nestled between the Calla Lily wings. Youji bit his lip, they looked like blood splashed upon the wings, he shivered at this thought. He was being silly. Then why did he feel it was an omen? Now you really are being silly Youji. He looked up to Aya was still here. "Was there something else?"

Aya gave him the death glare and left him alone…finally.

Bastard! Youji chuckled to himself. That is why you liked him in the first place, because of his attitude. Man do I have a warped sense of what I like in a person. An iceberg with a heart of stone to boot. Well that was over now. Aya thinks I am not good enough for him so what can I do. Nothing.

He put the final touches to the arrangement. Sighing very pleased with his creation. First time you put a lot of care and effort into your work Youji, she really got to you. He smiled to himself. Yes she did. She was a sweet kid who deserved it. Standing he put Eliza's arrangement in a refrigerator.

Humming he took his dirty apron of and hung it on the hook walking pass his team mates. "Later." Youji stopped in his tracks. "Oh and the arrangement is not to be touched by anyone." Smirking he walked out of the shop not looking back once. He will take that mission. Nodding his head he puffed on his cigarette making his way up the stairs.

Aya and Ken watched him walking out then looked at one another. Aya shrugged getting back to his own work. What was so special about the girl and her order? Whatever it was Aya had to concede that it was one of Youji's best, in fact it was damn perfect. Beat even his best creation. That was saying something. Was he interested in her? I thought he was interested in me. Ken must be seeing things, but he knew that Ken was right. He used to feel Youji's eyes on him, but he simply ignored it. Why should you care if he is interested in someone else, even if she was far too young? He thought sourly.

This is all Ken's fault. If he had of kept his big mouth shut; he would not be noticing Youji himself. Banging his fist on the counter he ignored the look Ken gave him.

"Is everything alright Aya?"

Giving Ken a cold look he walked out to the back room. He found what he was looking for and gasped. "Youji this is beautiful." His hand reached out and caressed the Calla lilies that Youji had arranged to look like Angel wings. Frowning Aya abruptly turned from it and made up his mind to concentrate on his own work.

Briskly striding from the back room he completely ignored Ken attending to his own arrangement. His movements swift but graceful. He shook his head as he kept seeing Youji's face. With annoyance he looked at Ken, saying hotly, his violet eyes like ice, "Thanks a lot Ken!" And turned his back on him giving him the cold shoulder.

Ken stood there with his mouth open, if he had not liked Aya he would have told him what to do with himself. "Why…What have I done?"

Aya refused to talk to him let alone look at him; he had other things on his mind.

TBC